One Sentence Summary: It’s the end of the Season 2 road for our Beverly Hills Housewives, which brings us a wedding and some sad endings.
Rachel: I usually use the Stickies application (Mac users) when I’m writing notes for these shows & tonight’s is pink in honor of Lisa. Not that you needed to know that… But here we are at the end of the season. It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. I really do. It’s time for a break from these ladies. When do the New Yorkers come back? And yes, I’m fully aware of the fact that I pretty much said the exact same thing about the New York ladies at the end of their season. And I will say it again. It’s just how it goes. So, I think tonight is going to be uncomfortable. I’m going to have a huge dose of Franck Wildenstein because it’s Pandora’s wedding and Russell’s suicide will be addressed. Seriously, someone explain the appeal of this wedding planner. Please… He’s a nightmare. Oh! And I totally forgot about Kim. This is our last hurrah with her crazy before she goes to rehab. I am glad she is getting help, of course, but it has been a fun ride this season. As I was saying to my lovely partner, I just wish they could have done a crossover show with Intervention. You know how I love a crossover.
Melissa: It’s the season finale of our Beverly Hills Housewives, will we go out with a bang or a whimper? Personally, I’m hoping for a bang after the week I’ve been having (yes, the week has barely started)… BUT, just in case there isn’t… I’m bringing a little enthusiasm of my own in the form of some Veuve… I mean it’s only right that I help celebrate the finale and Pandora’s wedding properly!
The Day Before The Big Day
Melissa: Finally, it’s Lisa’s… I mean Pandora’s big day!! Lisa is a bit concerned about the size of the tents for the wedding. Um, what part of her crazy Wedding Planner makes her thing anything from him wouldn’t be over the top B-I-G? Damn, did she just bash Camile about pole dancing? Where did that come from?
Rachel: Oh there is someone watching out for me. It’s Franck’s assistant walking Lisa through the wedding set-up. Turns out Kevin’s out of town. This entire time he didn’t bother to mention that he wasn’t going to be around for the actual wedding. Ha ha… That’s rich… And so is Lisa.
It’s Just An Air Bubble
Rachel: Are we really going to Paul’s colonoscopy with him? There is no part of me that needed to see an enema in any general vicinity of Paul’s ass. Apparently, neither did Adrienne since she just bailed on him. If the wife ain’t interested in looking, you can be sure no one else is. I mean really… there’s a wedding, a death & a trip to rehab in the offing here. Did we need the colonoscopy as well? Although the farting is pretty hilarious combined with the Valium. Farts… almost always funny.
Melissa: OK, hang on now Bravo, since when do we focus so much on the House Spouse? By focus, I’m talking colonoscopies and enemas! I DID NOT sign up for this! I don’t need to be this aware of Paul’s colon. Let’s stick to Housewives shall we? OMG, and just when I thought it couldn’t be worse, we have to full on see and hear about Paul’s procedure? You’re not Katie Couric… FYI I didn’t care to see / hear about her colonoscopy either! WTF Bravo, now his gas?? Clearly Bravo is struggling for material for this finale.
What Not To Wear
Melissa: I’m really struggling with the idea that Mauricio doesn’t own a tuxedo. How does that happen, because you just know he’d fill one out quite nicely.
Rachel: Kyle, you can’t wear a pink dress to a wedding whose colors are pink. And it’s not like you can’t possibly fathom that Lisa might be having a pink wedding. I’m pretty sure she poops pink. Oh and a black tie event in any part of the world means a tuxedo, Kyle. Not just Beverly Hills. Personally, I think if Mauricio wants to wear a black suit, you should let him. He’ll still be the hottest dude there.
Rachel: Does Camille really need someone to pick out a dress with her? Although she gets a tip of the hat for recognizing that she can’t wear pink knowing that Lisa’s wearing pink. Hello, Kyle! And I have to say (again) that it’s so amazing the turn-around from Camille from last year. On the last episode, Camille was publicly being humiliated by Frasier (I can’t even bother to remember his real first name) and we all … OK, I all… snickered behind her back. This season I can’t help but hope that she takes him for every penny he’s worth. Bastard. What a difference a year makes.
Melissa: OK, so here’s a question, I’m all about having someone help pick out an outfit (Ask Rachel she is on the receiving end of many texts when I’m trying to decide on something), but I really don’t understand Camile’s scene of picking out a dress for the wedding. Oh right, Bravo is hurting for material. I’m also surprised she doesn’t have someone there doing her hair and makeup for her.
Melissa: Oh no they didn’t just have Kevin Lee strutting in all Tony Manero – white pants and all!! Thanks for not going completely over the top with “Night Fever” in the background, though that disco-porn track is pretty damn close!
Rachel: Ahhhhh…. He’s back! I just want this wedding to be over so we don’t have to see Asian Franck anymore. He frightens me. He really does. I just don’t understand what’s going on there. I have so many questions but don’t really care enough to get the answers. I would just really like his memory to fade into the dark recesses of my mind… like most of the dates I’ve been on in my life. And while I like the family dynamic here at the Vanderpump’s manse, sometimes it just seems to manufactured. I find her telling Ken to deal with his last-minute speech writing on his own to be the most honest moment of the entire afternoon.
The Big Event
Melissa: Holy Crap, I must be all PMS-y because I’m getting all moved to weepy over Lisa and Ken’s reaction to Pandora… So wonderful. Since I’m already a mush, I might as well say that that’s exactly how a girl should feel on her wedding day. Everything should be wonderful and beautiful and exactly what she wants. Oh, I do love a wedding! Hey, Bravo folks, listen up here, a Winey Bitch suggestion is coming at you. We could have had a full episode of the wedding instead of Paul’s colon as filler. Got it??
Rachel: I do love that she’s wearing that ridiculous tiara for her daughter. I’m sorry but she looks awfully silly in it with the dress & jewels…. But that is love. I am super happy for Lisa & Ken. It’s really a lovely family, I have to say, even if I was just poking fun at it. And that’s the most sentimental I’ll be tonight. I’m more suited for making fun of things like the doily on Pandora’s head. Or the fact that Lisa cannot walk in that dress. She’s literally wobbling down the aisle. Let it out an inch, girl. Have some fun. Twas a lovely wedding. Looked like everyone had fun. And I’ll leave it there… I won’t even poke fun at Pandora & Jason’s overly choreographed awkward first dance.
Wrap It Up & Put A Bow On It
Rachel: Do women really sit around their homes in these outfits in real life? Honestly, if you invite me over for some wine & cheese, I’m coming in jeans if you’re lucky. Most likely something with an elastic waistband. We’re just hanging out right? And Kim is still missing in action. I guess it doesn’t matter that I forgot about her in the opening thoughts since she’s not even on the show tonight. And no one talks about Russell. Really? This is how it’s going out? With a whisper? Lame. LAME!
Melissa: 3 Weeks?? How did we shoot ahead so far? Ah, my bad; Russell’s death. Clearly, I may have had a few too many sips of my champers and forgot all about it since we didn’t have a therapy session this week. What’s up with the Brandi diss? We had Camille’s new man’s abs, why can’t we have Brandi??
Rachel: Hey, no Brandi or Dana either. I mean I guess that’s ok since these are the OG ladies, but why did you make us suffer Dana all season then? I mean this was really a seriously disappointing finale. They had better bring it at the reunion. I’m just sayin…
Melissa: Who knew I’d get all teary-eyed over Pandora’s wedding? Now, I need some crazy to wash all this joy and hope for the future off of me – bring on the reunion!! p.s. – I didn’t even notice the lack of Dana… OK, maybe I’d put up with Paul’s ass end entertainment if it means I don’t need to deal with an ass.