One Sentence Summary: It’s time to catch-up with the genius brigade of Sur after the cameras have been turned off.
A poster for the local performance of Wicked.
Rachel: A friend and blog reader said to me this weekend, over some frozen vodka lemonades, that she was impressed that I admitted to being wrong about Kristen & Jax sleeping together. She figured most bloggers would revise their posts and not look like total fools, kinda like I looked last week. But here’s the thing about the Two Winey Bitches – We are not afraid to put our thoughts out there and make rather large declarative statements at the risk of being completely wrong. Wine is helpful when saying things with certainty like “There’s no way Kristen slept with Jax. Those text messages were fake!” But the good thing is that we also aren’t afraid to eat crow and say we were totally wrong when we say things with certainty like “There’s no way Kristen slept with Jax. Those text messages were fake!” Trust me, I much prefer to be right. It’s so much more fun for me. But part of the fun here is going along for the ride even if I look like a fool in the end. But no one really cares about this because there’s a reunion to get to! Oh how I can’t wait for the shit to fly tonight. Rarely have I been so excited for something so terrible. I think the last time was the premiere of Grease 2… I’m still waiting for my Cool Rider, BTW. I digress, the reunion…
Rachel: Before a word can be uttered, I’d like to applaud Katie’s decision to dye her hair back to brown from that awful orange/blonde mess. I’ll let you know what I think about Stassi’s choice to go platinum later. I think I hate it, but I’m not sure. Oh we’re going to talk about the hair. Sorry, got ahead of myself. Katie agrees that the blonde didn’t work. We’re not sure how that took an entire season to figure out, but Katie’s not really known to be quick on the uptake. Continue reading
One Sentence Summary: Another season comes to an end, as do friendships.
Um, is that Guillermo on the left? Whoever it is is the hottest guy in the pic.
Rachel: So, after talking to a few people over the past week about the Kristen v Jax battle for truth, it seems I’m one of the few that thinks Jax is lying about sleeping with Kristen. The main arguments for this being true are that, a) Kristen is gross and would probably sleep with Jax and b) Jax has the texts to prove it. Both are fair points, but I’m still not buying it. Why? Because a) Kristen, yes, is gross, but Jax is so much grosser that I just can’t see her hooking up with him and his supplemented-out body. But I don’t know how anyone sleeps with him… and b) It’s so easy to fake texts nowadays. A cursory Google search brought up more than enough web apps willing to do your dirty work and send texts from either anonymous sources or fake names… like Kristen. Maybe Jax isn’t smart enough to have created fake proof of a relationship, but Stassi is. No part of me would put it past her to have conspired with Jax to create proof so she could, as she likes to say, take down Kristen. I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong, but they’re all so morally bankrupt that it’s hard to really care about any of it. I just thought I’d share my two cents… Now, let’s end this season already and move on to some other terrible show Bravo has in store for us.
Rachel: Honestly, do we have to go to every one of Stassi’s beauty appointments? It’s ridiculous, but I guess she doesn’t do much of anything else. It’s not like she’s volunteering at a homeless shelter or participating in a book club. So, yeah, Continue reading
One Sentence Summary: Stassi takes her scheming to new lows.
Looks like Tom feels the same way about Jax as the rest of us.
Rachel: You know, I’m starting to think that this show is either an elaborate hoax, like The Hills was. I mean are there really people this terrible existing in the real world? So it’s either a hoax or Lisa Vanderpump has succeeded in finding the 5 worst people in LA (Stassi, Jax, Kristen, Tom & Katie) and hiring them for her show… er, I mean restaurant. I mean I just can’t decide who is the biggest asshole of the group since they are constantly battling for that crown. I wouldn’t have put Tom in here a couple weeks ago, because while he clearly is ball-less, he didn’t seem like a total douchebag. I’ve changed my mind. When you are exposed as a serial cheater that made Kristen almost … ALMOST… seem like a sympathetic character, you have reached complete suckitude and are now added to the worst people ever list. You made me almost …ALMOST… feel sympathy for that lunatic girlfriend of yours and that is not cool. Not cool at all. Here’s a hint to the producers at Bravo, we need someone to root for. You cannot have an entire cast of assholes with zero redeeming qualities and expect us to keep coming back for more. I think Peter & Ariana might be root-able, but they’re not around enough to matter. Work it out while I go and watch these dipshits sink to new levels of suck. It’s amazing how such shallow people can sink so low. Continue reading
One Sentence Summary: Carlton’s naughty and nice are on display tonight, and we’re not just talking about her bits.
Rage against the sunlight.
Rachel: Yeah, so I’m straight up skipping last week’s show. I sincerely doubt I missed much more than Lisa & Brandi sniping and Kyle trying to win back her Most Popular tiara. I prefer to jump straight to Carlton casting spells on people. That sounds like a far better time to me. I’ve got to pick out a big, deep red wine for this event. Feels like a good spicy Zin would match up well with a spell, don’t you? Besides, I’m feeling a little run down after a week with family so I think the antioxidants in the wine will help make me feel better as well. Yep, it’s my medicine people. Don’t judge.
Carlton wishes she had signed up for painted lady duties.
Rachel: Carlton is preparing for her pool party and explaining to her children that they cannot come because the adult behavior will be too… adult. Thankfully, they’re out of the house when the people from the Hustler shop arrive and the um, models, start getting painted gold. She’s ready to shock the other ladies Continue reading