Tag Archives: Jacqueline Laurita

Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 5 Reunion Part 2

One Sentence Summary:  Part 2 leaves us scratching our head trying to figure out how one Housewife changed into her crazy pants without us realizing.

Melissa’s Thoughts:

We're right there with you Andy... we're exhausted too.

Kinda wishing you had a drink right now don’t you Andy?  We’ll have a cocktail for you.

Shhhh… do you hear that?  THAT my friends is the sound of silence in my home.  THAT my friends is the sound of my having NOTHING else to worry about for the rest of the evening, dishes are done, house is clean(ish), day job is wrapped up and there’s nothing else to do.  To celebrate my hushed freedom I’m going to celebrate in my most favorite way ever… BAD TELEVISION!!  That’s right, I’m going to put my feet up and FINALLY catch up on the tilt-o-whirl that is the the Jersey Housewives reunion – part 2 that is.  All aboard, next stop… Crazy Town.  Oh yeah, and THAT was the sound of the cork on my pinot… it’s a happy day!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 5 Reunion Part 1

One Sentence Summary:  Part 1 marks the return of Dr. V because we need more therapy with our NJ ladies.

Melissa’s Thoughts:

The ladies open old wounds for the sake of the Reunion

The ladies open old wounds for the sake of the Reunion

Here I am again chugging away too many weeks behind to even keep up so we’re going to go Jersey Dirty on the plethora of Reunion episodes Bravo will most likely throw at us.  BTW, no clue where Jersey Dirty came from, I’m just rolling with it.  It could be a strange night friends.  I know I’ve said this before (at least once for sure) but I don’t know why we need to have the multiple hours of a reunion.  I mean, what else do we need to say?  Like I want to tell miss Miley lately… Leave a little something to the imagination will ya?  Sorry I really don’t want to start out on a soapbox rant, but something triggered and I can’t control myself sometimes.  I don’t get the reunion episode, and it’s something I guess I’ll have to learn to cope with… much like televised therapy sessions (yeah, I know Dr. V is coming at me again).  OK, so let’s get Jersey up in here and see what happened to the “peace” that settled in Franklin Lakes.  But first, what’s up with this Jersey-ridiculous Venetian?!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 5, Ep 18: Salon, Farewell

One Sentence Summary:  While this bitch was hoping for a table flip, season 5 goes out like a lamb because everyone is “in a better place” – pitty.

Melissa’s Thoughts:

I'll see your deer in headlights Teresa and raise you a dumbstruck open mouth.

I’ll see your deer in headlights Teresa and raise you a dumbstruck open mouth.

Yes, still playing catch up, and thanks to a minor neck injury I’m forgoing my standard precious vino for muscle relaxers – you know it’s bad when I pass up on my wine, because we all know everything is better with wine.  So we’re looking at a “do not operate heavy machinery”, “may cause drowsiness” 500 or less for my Jersey ladies season finale.  Hang on friends, it’s going to be a slurred ride.

NJ Ladies in 500 or less

Teresa goes (exaggerated) deer in headlights at Penny’s allegations – shocking.  BTW, ever notice how high Tre’s voice goes when she’s in denial?  Penny’s hubs arrives to the shit show but of course testosterone arrives shortly after and there’s lots of camera shaking and screaming.  I wonder if Joey’s hair is going to black smudge things again?  Even Caroline is getting into the screaming, but who can blame her, that went all sorts of sideways.  Melissa thinks she needs to make Teresa stand by them and not Kim and the others.

Melissa couldn’t sleep after the event, but hasn’t heard anything new from the encounter and hopes Tre is thinking she needs to stop the BS.  Melissa declares she needs to find forgiveness in her heart and move on (can I get a Thank You Jesus… for old times).  At the Lauritas sweet Nick makes an appearance and puts things into perspective.   The Wakiles visit the Gorgas to question Tre’s involvement and suggest to keep moving things forward.

Caroline spends the day after musing about how blessed she is for her family and how much her house means to her family (bye bye apartment methinks).  Albert reminds her they don’t have to leave – wise man.

Teresa hopes Joey doesn’t believe Penny, and Jacqueline rallies for her her but suggests if there is any truth she needs to own it.  Tre does have regrets about things she’s done, and she should have walked away, but she was in a bad place at the time.  Whoa, what was that??

Blk is expanding to new flavors and pitch to the fam asking for honest opinions.  Teresa seizes the opportunity seeing Joey to have a chat about what all went down.  Wow, it must be the relaxers because I can’t believe Tre just owned her part in the rumors and wants Joey to put his family first.  This is the cryingest bunch of bitches!

Everyone is off to the shore to see the Guidice shore house to celebrate the season and talk about how wonderful it is everyone has rebuilt their lives.

Kathy:  Building her dream house all for a new kitchen

Jacqueline:  Ashley came home but is headed to beauty school later and they’ll remain focused on Nicholas’s recovery.

Caroline:  Bids bye-bye to the apartment and is happily back at home.

Melissa:  The Gorgas moved a half hour away so that should help keep the peace.

Teresa:  Juicy is going to fight and do whatever he has to do to make everything right.  Then comes the incitement news.  A ‘not-guilty” plea was entered, but Juicy could race jail and deportation, and Tre is hoping for another book deal (OK, that was my bit).

Bottom Line:

All is magical loving unicorns and rainbows.  Let’s see how that translates to the Reunion.

Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 5, Ep 17: Hair We Go Again

One Sentence Summary:  Rumors are still flying and fingers are still pointing.

Melissa’s Thoughts:

That's right... I should be a chef what with all the pot-stirring.

That’s right… I should be a chef what with all the pot-stirring I do.

Here we go again my friends, I’m behind on my reviews with nothing to blame but the day job and exhaustion.  I’m now back amongst the loving (sort of) thanks to 2 straight nights of 12+ hours of sleep.  So this week it’s yet another Posche “event”.  Seriously folks, does anyone else think Kim D is like a bad penny?  We just can’t get rid of her!  Haven’t the Housewives learned from last year that nothing good can come of Kim D and her events?  I guess the fact that they don’t learn from history means we’re doomed to be treated to another season-end blow up.  So in an attempt to get myself back on track I’m going to give you my 500 words on the antics this week.

NJ Ladies in 500 or less

Melissa is off to Orlando to prove herself and score a record deal. Teresa went the denial route when confronted about Penny’s story – naturally.  Teresa and Jac are all made up and shopping at Posche like old times.  On a side note, I didn’t need to know that Tre thinks camel toe is sexy.  Kim announces Posche 2 with a grand opening, and surprise, surprise… Penny is invited.  Teresa spins her tale that Penny is lying as Kim tries to hide her knowing smirk.  Melissa arrives at the compound to work for a live radio spot to get some street cred and squash the lip-synching rumors.  It’s birthday time in the Wakile household and looks like Joseph is getting a new Jeep… fully loaded with Dad’s inappropriate comments about enlarging his penis {skeeve}.  Teresa tries to channel her inner Prince for lunch with Victoria Gotti.  But let’s be honest Prince wouldn’t be caught dead in that Muppet jacket and pimp hat combination. Victoria’s advice is to talk to the kids about Juicy’s woes and stand by his side.  Melissa working with her vocal coach sounds about as good as I do in the shower.  Clearly he’s not convinced of her skills.  Little Town is finally opening and the boys are stressing.  The troops arrive to show their support and Albert gives his blessing, so I guess that’s that.  Meanwhile back in Florida it’s Melissa’s show on 106.7 where she pitches her track and is ready to jam… just as Teresa makes sure Juicy puts the radio on to hear.  Plus there’s a listening party at Jac’s house.  Why does she have back up dancers for the radio?  She made the show so I guess she’s a proper singer now?  Next up, Penny’s hubs tried to claim the Lauritas are making up Nic’s autism – uncool douche.  Jac can’t wait to confront them at the Posche event.  It’s Posche night and Joey wants Melissa to get to the bottom of the rumors and he’s going to have some words with the hubs.  Teresa is still claiming Penny is lying.  Flash bulbs burst as the folks arrive to the event and the crew discusses Penny’s hubs.  The lady of the hour arrives and Jac is ready to roll.  Penny claims her hubs didn’t say anything, but then she was asked to do it.  Melissa grabs Penny to talk and guess what?  She still dimed Tre out.

Bottom Line:

Here were go again, not learning from our mistakes and we’re back at a Posche throw down.