Real Housewives of New York, Season 6 – Mega Catch-Up Mode

One Sentence Summary: Carole and Aviva finally agree on something: they don’t like each other.

My Thoughts:

Pretty much my feelings too...

Pretty much my feelings too…

Rachel: Well, it’s been a while since I’ve spent any time with the Housewives. It honestly has gotten so torturous to watch their bad behavior that I needed to take a break.  Seriously, how does Bravo still employ Ramona? She might be one of the worst people on the planet. Zero class, zero respect and zero kindness. She talks so much about being a role model for her daughter that it’s actually comical at this point. She couldn’t be less of a role model for Avery. And then there’s Sonja. I actually think she has some kind of mental disorder. I’m not joking. I really think she needs some serious therapy to reacquaint her with reality; a place she hasn’t visited in years. What would be the clinical diagnosis for a woman who is so desperate to maintain a lifestyle that she no longer can afford that she lives in a constant state of denial, while also channeling the spirit of a horny 25-year-old? I mean I’m all for getting your cougar on, but not when it’s predicated on fulfilling a desperate need for attention and proving you’re still attractive to men. Well, maybe I’m less judge-y on that last part… Ahem, anyway, let’s move on to Aviva. I can’t figure out the decision to bring her back for another season. No one likes her, at least not for long stretches at a time, and she’s terribly annoying. She’s one tall drink of crazy. And her hypochondria is not interesting anymore. Well, it wasn’t interesting to begin with, but there was a little fascination with someone that was that high-maintenance. Then there’s Kristen… Kristen, Kristen, Kristen… Brat, brat, brat. Listen, I’d be pissed too if Ramona split my lip with a wine glass – partially for the pain and partially for wasting wine – but holy holy she doesn’t know when to let something go. Drama queen. I just want to tell her to shut the hell up already. I still like Heather and Carole though… so there’s that…. I guess.  So here’s about 7 episodes all in one thought vomit…

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The Bachelorette Season 10, Episode 8: Hometown Stops


One Sentence Summary: The Hometowns are upon us as the final four pray their families play it sane for a day.

Our Thoughts:

Do not dare speak of things not directly related to me.

Do not dare speak of things not directly related to me.

Rachel:  Oh boy, it’s hometowns. Time to get real with the ‘rents. Yes, it’s the part of this charade where people’s children bring home a stranger that is dating 3 other people and everyone pretends it’s normal. You know, because it’s every parents dream to have their kid pathetically drool over someone they’ve known for less than 2 months and has given nothing more in return than a few rounds of tonsil hockey. It’s actually shocking that there aren’t more parents that call shenanigans on the whole thing. Aside from the fact that I’m pretty sure my parents wouldn’t indulge me this nonsense, I cannot imagine my father remotely thinking it was fantastic that some dude was playing me a like a corner store harmonica. I actually have no idea what that means, but I think it’s allusion to being cheap. Go with it. Yeah, my dad would be the one on the couch in his “Sarcasm Is Just One Of My Many Talents” t-shirt flipping through the channels on TV waiting for everyone to leave. Well, if I ever become the Cougar Bachelorette, I’ll just have to Rent-A-‘Rent. Let’s work on that…

Melissa:  I know… I know… where have I been??  It’s the day job my friends… creates havoc on my romance with “quality” television.  My DVR is a nightmare of shows craving my attention.  Fortunately, I’ve been able to keep up with Miss Andi’s antics through my partner’s genius write-ups.  I’m happy to say Farmer Ted, sorry Farmer Chris is still around. (I’m not really a farmer. I’m a freshman.) I know, just wanted to work in an obscure movie reference. Chris is my favorite, so I’m tickled he’s still around to make my viewing less painful.  I’m also glad I’m back for the Hometown Dates.  You all know how much I love a hometown date.  Yes, it’s the trip that can make or break the relationship depending how much the fam has bought into this pomp and circumstance dating.


Stop It! They sell food... inside???

Stop It! They sell food… inside???

Rachel:  Stop 1 – Milwaukee, WI

We start with Nick and his family. I wonder if they know he’s insane. Or maybe you lose track of sanity when you have 10 kids. It makes me kind of crazy just thinking about 10 children… in one house… at the same time. And why must he always wear the scarf? Is it really that cold everywhere?

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Fabulous Fourth Party Idea – Strawberry Jello Shots

Happy Fourth, everyone! It’s time to celebrate America’s independence with food, booze and fireworks. Seems pretty American to me! Whether you’re attending a bbq today or hosting one, it’s not too late to make these strawberry Jello shots that will have your guests ooh-ing and ahh-ing… and maybe walking a little bit funny. (Make sure their keys get confiscated.) I’m not going to say too much more, because the article speaks for itself… and I need to get started on making mine.  Click here for the recipe.

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The Bachelorette Season 10, Episode 7: Waffling Through Brussels


One Sentence Summary: Hometown dates are on the line, but only one of the bachelors thinks it’s in the bag.

Our Thoughts:

You can never leave me.

You can never leave me. I won’t allow it.

Rachel:  It’s official, Chris is now my number 1 guy. I know how you’ve been waiting with bated breath for that announcement. He’s just the only guy left that seems like an actual grown up to me. That and he’s hot. Like he’d totally pull your hair hot. Wait, did I say that out loud? Ahem, anyway… I find the rest of the guys boring as as hell, minus Nick who is just insane. Sorry, ladies, but the dude is not in his right head. Between the constant smug smile, the “Andi is mine” commentary and the soulless eyes (see photo to the left), I’m telling you, he’s one more group date away from bat shit. Something about that guy makes my skin crawl. I think he actually studied Courtney from Ben’s season and is mimicking her tactics. I’m just waiting for him to show up in a white bikini and go for a swim behind Andi while she’s having one-on-one time with a guy. Oh it could happen. Very easily…

Belgian Boys

This is totally natural! We aren't forcing this at all!

This is totally natural! We aren’t forcing this at all!

Rachel: The boys arrive in Brussels and wander the streets in their scarves and hoodies. And once again, are they forced to dress like J Crew clones?  Oh no, Dylan, no. A ponytail on a boy is never a good idea. A half ponytail is even worse. Hey look, Chris Harrision is working again. Nice of you to show up for a change. He has met them in the next in a series of sick hotels wearing his cashmere blazer to remind them that this is it before hometown dates. Oh right, it’s a hometown visit on the line this week. Shit’s about to get real. Well, real-ish. The only rose is on the group date this week.

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