Category Archives: Dancing With The Stars

Dancing With The Stars 14 – Week 8 & Results

One-Sentence Summary:  Tonight we have Dance Trios ending in a double elimination, which sounds a lot like ballroom porn to us.

Melissa channels Little Laura Ingalls

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  Double elimination with a dance trio… A dance trio?  Are you serious?  OK enough with the ridiculous twists this year.  This isn’t the Bachelor.  We don’t need the most dramatic tango ever.  It’s ballroom dancing for the love of all that is holy.  I swear I’d love to have some of whatever the producers were smoking when they planned out this year’s competition.  Well whatever happens can we please send Melissa home this week?  She bugs the ever living crap out of me.  BTW, anyone see the ads on VH1 for Single Ladies?  Looks like William’s booty shaking moves on the DWTS dance floor have landed him a starring role in VH1’s “Single Ladies”.  That show was so bad last season, but they are smart over there at VH1 because I know I’ll be tuning in at least for one episode.

Melissa:  We’re down to six… With a “dance trio” this week… Whatever that is.  Is it like a ménage but for dancing?  That could be good.  What would make it better is if the audience got to pick who the 3rd partner was!

Donald Driver

Donald & Peta dance the Tango to “Higher Ground” by Stevie Wonder

Rachel’s What Happened:  Donald wants to be pushed because he’s not ready to go home.  However, all the pushing is frustrating him in rehearsals.  He is struggling and it’s hard for him.  He studies other dancers’ Tangos to see proper frames.  We’ll see if it pays off on the dance floor the way it does on the football filed.  It does. He’s doing a great job but I can’t help giggling at how damn serious he looks.  They certainly can’t give him any grief about his frame.  Was spot on.  Len says he’s a first round knockout.  He set the standard high.  Bruno says he thought he was going to have to call a marriage counselor.  Talk about power, disdain and aggression.  He went for it like there was no tomorrow.  Carrie Ann said it was incredible to watch.  His shapes were more dynamic.  She says bring more drama but the guys disagree with her.

Melissa:  OK, again, I love Donald and I hate to see him so frustrated and not his usual fun loving self.  OK, I didn’t care for that frenzied beginning to this where it seemed like they were angry blind bees.  I do love how he finishes each of his dances with that little smile and touch of humor though.  BTW, I don’t think I’ve commented yet that I hate Peta’s body – it’s evil.  Well, evil in the sense that I don’t have it as mine unless I spend 5 hours Photoshopping my head on it.

Score:  27

Maria Menounos

Maria & Derek dance the Viennese Waltz to “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri

Rachel’s What Happened:  Derek says that Maria struggles with the emotion of the dances.  For the second week in a row we see Derek swearing and storming off.  What’s up with the Maks-itude?  She starts crying because she hates whiners.  Uh, you’re being yelled at.  It’s OK.  He says you hurt the ones you love most.  Yeah, well then you must really really love her.  Not liking this side of him.  And the dance is beautiful.  It’s always great.  So he can probably stop swearing at her like they’re at a truck stop.  Bruno says it was heavenly fluidity with seamless transitions.  Combine that with total emotional involvement and it was amazing.  Carrie Ann says sometimes dances speak to you and some sing to you.  This sang to her.  There is a special emotional connection between them that is unique.  Len says this girl in hold is the best but he missed a chance here.  The hold wasn’t quite good enough for him.  He would have liked a little more dancing in hold.  BTW, Derek apologizes for being a jerk this week.  I agree with Brooke, it was great for him to man up and admit that.

Melissa:  Oh, this is a pretty waltz.  I wish I had a little snark up in here, but I just can’t.  I don’t want to like it after their scores last week, but I’m a fan.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still wearing my bedazzled Donald shirt with matching William headband, but I like this dance.

Score:  28

Melissa Gilbert

Melissa & Maks dance the Foxtrot to “Maggie May” by Rod Stewart

Rachel’s What Happened:  Melissa is amazed at how her fan base has kept her in the competition.  Yeah, I’m amazed as well.  That dance last week was horrifyingly bad.  And rehearsals this week aren’t looking promising as Maks has to leave the room because he wants to punch something.  Something being her.  She’s making him look like a terrorist.  Well, that’s slightly dramatic.  She says he’s more than a just a bad guy but he is responsible for his emotions.  She calls it growing pains.  I call it douchebaggery.  Tomato – tomahto.  As usual, Melissa looks behind on the steps when they’re in hold.  She picks it up about halfway through but we’re beyond that point in the competition, no?  Carrie Ann said it was her best dance ever.  Her shoulders were down and she was relaxed.  There were some mess-ups in teh beginning that she has to consider in her score.  Len said potentially it was her best dance but there were one or two incidents where she lost it a little bit.  Bruno it was a much smoother ride.  The presentation was the best she’s done to date.  Maks also makes amends in the sky box for being a jerk.  It won’t happen again.  Who wants to take that bet?

Melissa:  So my husband has just seen Melissa for the first time and is shocked by her… um, appearance.  Oh there’s the Maks we know and love berating his partner and making her feel like shit because they aren’t perfect dancers.  Yeah, I think this is her last week here unless someone full on falls on their ass.  Not that I have anything against half-pint, she’s just not keeping pace with the rest of the pack.

Score:  24

Katherine Jenkins

Katherine & Mark dance the Viennese Waltz to “Kathleen” by David Gray

Rachel’s What Happened:  Katherine says she has to really step it up because she’s the least known person in the competition.  She has to give a stellar performance to stay in the competition.  I like that she actually doesn’t whine or complain when she can’t do something in rehearsals and pushes through.  Love this girl.  And see guys, Mark doesn’t yell or swear at her and they do just fine without the nastiness.  In fact, it’s a really beautiful dance, with lots of dancing in hold for Len.  Len said this had plenty of content, lots in hold and great character.  The only part he didn’t like was the spin.  Bruno said the technique was superb.  Her placement and frame is superb.  Just had one moment where she lost it coming up.  Carrie Ann says her lines were gorgeous.  She lost her balance and wasn’t on her footing.  Couldn’t hear the rest over the booing.

Melissa:  So pretty.  Really, I can’t ding Mark this week.  I mean I can ding that mint green under-dress and shoe color, but the dance itself is just lovely.  A bobble at the lift at the end, but I liked it.

Score:  26

Roshon Fegan

Chelsea & Roshon dance the Foxtrot to “Sweet Pea” by Amos Lee

Rachel’s What Happened:  Two times in the dance duel in a row so he’s feeling the pressure.  He is having problems keeping his feet straight, which is problem if he wants to stay.  There’s no dance duel tomorrow to save him.  He invites his grandmothers to rehearsal to watch him dance because their smiling faces make him want to work harder.  Gram says he needs to steady his feet.  Love it.  OK, we know I rip on this kid mercilessly, but this a great dance for him.  He can be sweet and flirty and not have to try and “man up” against Donald & William.  I enjoyed this dance.  Bruno says what he did in a week was incredible.  No jerkiness.   His holds were superb.  His lines have never been better.  Was like watching a young Mickey Rooney.  Carrie Ann says he made his grannies proud and he made them proud.  Len said it was free.  Good job.

Rachel:  How many times has he been in the bottom?  Twice… in a row.  Come on now.  Man, he’s going to pull the grandma cards on me??  I love grandma making sure to point out how his feed slide and they need to be in place.  Man, I can’t really ding this dance either.  Maybe it’s the lingering grandma juju, but I’m digging it.  I like him best, I think, with the foxtrot.

Score:  29

William Levy

William & Cheryl dance the Foxtrot to “Stray Cut Strut” by Stray Cats

Rachel’s What Happened:  William brings Cheryl flowers to rehearsal for her birthday.  Ah, sweet William, you know how to make a girl’s heart go pitter-patter.  He’s having a hard time with all the rules in ballroom dancing.  He’s not really a rules guy.  Notice how everything he says drips with sexuality even if he doesn’t mean it?  Or is that just me?  Looking fine in that tux, Mr. Levy.  I liked the dance.  Was a great Foxtrot.  I don’t know if it was my favorite dance he did, but I’m not mad at it.  He certainly pulled off the dapper gentleman. Carrie Ann, on the other hand, is meowing.  It was a super hot sexy Pink Panther.  His movements were exquisite.  It’s so much fun to watch him dance.  Len says it was a mix of care and flair.  He liked it.  Bruno says he couldn’t be more debonair and suave if he tried.

Melissa:  OK, granted it’s William, and I think he can do no wrong… I liked it!  I mean, truth be told, I love him most in the Latin numbers, but I liked this a lot.  Consider my headband whipped off and swinging around my head for that one.  Oh and a perfect score for the night – you go on with your bad selves kiddies!!

Score:  30

Trio Round

OK, so the stars are dancing with one eliminated pro or member of the dance troupe along with their normal partner for a trio dance.  Hmm…. Not sure how I feel about this.

Donald Driver with Karina Smirnoff

Donald, Peta & Karina dance the Jive to “Rip It Up” by Little Richard

Rachel’s What Happened:  The Jive is not only a hard dance on its own, but with three people, it’s craziness.  Donald is ready to do what it takes.  Do or die, he says.  He’s not ready to see Jimmy Kimmel.  We’re not ready for you to go either Donald, so bring it!  And boy, he done brung it!  That was fantastic.  OK, if this is how the trio is going to go, then I’m all in.  Loved it!  So much fun.  Too much fun!  Len says fun fun fun!  He liked it!  Bruno says he handled the dancing beautifully keeping up with these two firecrackers.  Carrie Ann says he never missed a step.  He kept it the whole way.  She loved his three-way!

Melissa:  That’s right Donald, I don’t want to see you visit Jmmy!!  Damn, that’s some nice footwork and flicks!  Oh yeah, I’m totally digging this. Then the leap over the girls… HELLS YEAH Donald!  You just kicked the Jive in the business end, my dear!

Score:  28 <— Lame

Total:  55 for the night

Maria Menounos with Henry Byalikov

Maria, Derek & Henry dance the Samba to “Mama Do the Hump” by Rizzle Kicks

Rachel’s What Happened:  Oy, Henry is that kid from the troupe that’s always making those annoying faces.  He’s gonna have to step it up for me.  Yes, for me.  They’re doing Bollywood, which is either going to be super cool or a nightmare.  Maria is giving Henry a little extra love in the rehearsals.  See how your bad attitude can backfire Derek?  This was a really fun dance – amazing choreography – but I’m confused as to how it was a Samba.  Bruno said creatively this dance was incredible.  She was the jewel.  But they lost timing a couple of times.  The intricacy of it all was a bit of a whammy.  But as a piece of choreography it was absolutely fabulous.  Carrie Ann says she agrees with Bruno.  It was an incredible number but there were a few slip-ups.  It was a feast for her Asian senses.  Len says if he were judging a Bollywood number it’s a ten but he’s not.  He’s judging a Samba (see!).  There was no connection for him with a Samba.

Melissa:  An Ab off?  While I’m hating on Peta’s body, I’m going to totally hate on Maria’s abs… That is legit woman!  I’ll have to work on my Photoshop skills for that business too.  OK, I’m loving this Bollywood number!  That was some genius choreography.

Score:  25

Total: 53

Melissa Gilbert with Val Chmerkovskiy

Melissa, Maks & Val dance the Samba to “Hard To Handle” by Otis Redding

Rachel’s What Happened:  Melissa says they chose Val because this dance is very important and they have to get good score.  Um, was there really any doubt that they would choose Val?  She says there’s nothing hotter than dancing with the two Chmerkovskiys.  I’m going to have to agree to disagree on that one.  Shall we dance?  I’d say Melissa held her own on this one.  And it was an actual Samba.  Not bad.  Carrie Ann likes the Chmerkovskiy sandwich.  It was her best dance for miles.  Len said this was her best dance.  Tonight three is not a crowd.  Well done.  Bruno says it obviously takes two to get the best out of her.

Melissa:  OF COURSE they chose Val, because he’s the only dancer who will allow Maks to be a jackass.  OK, so I don’t know for sure what it is, but there’s just something that is… Off… Rhythmically speaking with her.  I just don’t get a smoothness with her.

Score:  27

Total:  51

Katherine Jenkins with Tristan McManus

Katherine, Mark & Tristan dance the Cha Cha to “She’s A Lady” by Tom Jones

Rachel’s What Happened:  Yay!  Tristan’s back!  I do love him.  They’re an adorable trio… if there could be such a thing.  Slight wardrobe malfunction with Katherine (and no, not a nip slip), but it doesn’t trip her up, which was great.  Very fun dance.  Len says she had the little wardrobe thing but she kicked it off and kept going.  It was fun.  Well done.  Bruno says that was sexy & cool.  It was modern but she still captured that Hitchcock blonde coolness.  It was absolutely wonderful.  Carrie Ann says she brought the fire.  She came out like she owned the dance floor.  Having the pant thing happen and not missing a beat is incredible.

Melissa:  Oh man, I’m going to love this!  Mark and Tristan… How much fun is that?!  So had a moment of panic until that pant leg came off.  I thought for sure she was going down with that stuck on her foot.  That was fun.  I wish I had more Tristan time, but I’ll take it.

Score:  29

Total:  55

Roshon Fegan with Sasha Farber

Roshon, Chelsea & Sasha dance the Paso Doble to “Turn Me On” by David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj

Rachel’s What Happened:  Interesting.  The first team to pick a dancer of the same sex as the star.  They’re doing another masculine dance which isn’t Roshon’s strength but maybe having a guy teach him will make a difference.  Looks like it did.  That was fierce.  Bruno said it was a beautiful Spanish line.  He lost synch with Sasha a couple times but there were times where he couldn’t tell them apart, which is a good thing.  Carrie Ann is conflicted because it was a great routine but he went off a few times.  Len says they were two skinny fries chasing the ketchup.  Beautiful lines and tight buttocks (really?).  Great job.  Well done.

Melissa:  Yeah Roshon, you need to be a little more masculine.  Gotta say, there’s a pretty good chance I’m more masculine than Roshon.  Um, is it just me or should there be another person dancing with them?  Oh, finally, there he is.  So that was the idea, keep the other dancer away so you don’t notice if they’re off.

Score:  27

Total:  56

William Levy with Tony Dovolani

William, Cheryl & Tony dance the Paso Doble to “Diablo Rojo” by Rodrigo y Gabriela

Rachel’s What Happened:  Cheryl chose Tony because she wants William to hold his own next to a pro.  They like that there is an extra challenge having another male dancer.  William has to be as good as Tony.  Though William says maybe it’d be better if Tony screwed up when William screwed up.  Ha… I have a feeling it’s going to be fab.  And fab it was.  William certainly held his own with Tony, whom I think is a great dancer.  Carrie Ann says the lines were incredible.  They matched perfectly, but did go out of sync once.  But it was pretty insanely fun to watch.  Len salutes them and thinks they did a brilliant job.  He liked the way it came together.  They did it really really well.  Bruno says it was two raging bulls.  He couldn’t ask for more.   They used Cheryl like a cape beautifully, but they did lose sync.

Melissa:  Oh that was awesome!  I loved this, and I loved Tony with William.  I might need to hook up a Tony wristband after this number.

Score:  27

Total:  57

Bottom Line Part 1:  

Rachel:  OK, I was wrong.  The trio round was really fun.  I’ll let them keep it next season.  I really can’t predict whose going home tomorrow.  I want to say Melissa but I’ve been wrong every week on that.  Maybe Roshon, because apparently he’s not getting the home vote.  But it’s been so crazy this season, it could be anyone.  Well, anyone except William.  Let’s be honest.

Melissa:  This was a fun week.  Color me a fan of the dance off and the ménage dancing!!  I love that they are trying to go big or go home with each additional season.  They have been trying to keep the audience entertained and tuning in.  I’m in babies… I’m in!  Wait, did I also hear there was a DanceCenter tomorrow??

The Results Show

Rachel’s What Happened:  We’re back after having recovered from the fun that was the Trio dances.  Yes, I was poo-pooing them, but I’m woman enough to admit when I’m wrong.  Well woman enough after a few glasses of wine.  But it’s a double elimination tonight, which means two couples are going home.  That’s correct.  Double means two.  That college education my parents paid for is really paying off!

We start tonight with some positivity – the encore dance – which is a no brainer.  Donald, Peta & Karina entertain us again with their Jive.

But the good times are short-lived as we find out one of the couples up for elimination.  The first two to get their results are Katherine & Mark and Donald & Peta.  Neither of these two couples should be up for elimination, quite frankly, but Katherine is in jeopardy tonight.  Shocking.  Donald is safe.  Not shocking.

Jerry Rice, Kenny Mayne & Len Goodman are back for another episode of DanceCenter

Time for some performances.  I’m giddy and disgusted all at the same time.  I’m giddy because DanceCenter is back.  Yay!  This is the funniest bit they do all year.  Love it!  And I love that Jerry is wearing green eyeshadow and the rainbow stars on Kenny’s face are cracking me up.  But I’m also disgusted.  Seems Chris Brown is back too.  WTF?  Really?  This kid just keeps falling up doesn’t he?  Maybe I can make Two Winey Bitches famous if I throw a chair through a TV station window & beat the shit out of someone.  Sadly, I’m watching in real time and can’t fast forward in protest.  So let’s just move on, shall we?

Roshon & Chelsea and William & Cheryl wait to find out which one of them is going home tonight.

It’s time for one of the two couples leaving tonight to get the bad news.  Up for elimination are Roshon & Chelsea and William & Cheryl.  Is there really any chance that it’s William going home?  No.  And the votes are in, Roshon and Chelsea are going home.  He rocked it last night but the votes just haven’t been there for him.  And just when he was starting to grow on me.  Oh well, was his time.

Dick Clark Tribute

Dancing With The Stars and Macy’s Stars on Ice pay tribute to Dick Clark and American Bandstand. They even have original Bandstand dancers in the audience.  Pretty awesome.  Glad to see them acknowledge a legend.

Time to find out who is up for elimination against Katherine & Mark – Maria & Derek or Melissa & Maks.  Not surprisingly, Maria & Derek are safe.  That puts Melissa & Maks in jeopardy.

One of these couples is leaving tonight.

There is no way Katherine is going before Melissa.  Not unless you want riots in the street.  Ok, not unless you want some pissed off TV viewers yelling at their TVs.  And calm will remain in homes across America as Melissa is sent home and Katherine is safe.  Oh snap, it’s Melissa’s birthday too.  Well, if you can send Gladys home during Motown Week, Melissa can get sent home on her birthday.  Seems only fair.

Bottom Line II:

Rachel:  Well, it was only a matter of time for both Roshon & Melissa.  Now, the competition is serious.   The last four dancers are all strong competitors.  It’s going to be hard to see any of them go, but I’m pretty firmly Team Donald at this point.  Or Team William…. Though being Team Katherine wouldn’t be bad either…  Well, I have 6 days to figure that out.

Melissa:  OK, so I had to beg off last night due to a horrible headache that progressed at warp speed.  I woke up and Googled the results (Yes, that is my dedication folks) and I gotta say… I told you it was coming.  Half-Pint’s fan base just couldn’t help keep her there forever.  And well, truth be told, I don’t even know who Roshon’s fan base is, so no big shock there that they were outdone.  I’m kinda cool with the remaining couples so I think we’re in for an awesome showcase showdown (Yeah, I did just pull a Price Is Right) for the mirror ball trophy!


Dancing With The Stars 14 – Week 7 & Results

One-Sentence Summary:  It’s Classical Week, which means we all get to pretend we’re sophisticated for an evening.

Classical night… Music from my generation.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  I don’t remember there being so many theme weeks last season.  I’m not necessarily opposed to them, but I’m wondering what’s with all the new twists & turns off the dance floor this time around; dance duels, dance marathons, theme weeks.  I guess it’s not just the stars they have to keep on their toes.  It’s the audience too.  Well, I do like classical music so I’m looking forward to some pretty dances tonight… though it does not bode well for us getting any ab shots tonight.  Hey, the dances are sophisticated tonight.  Didn’t say I was.

Melissa:  It’s classical night and we have musicians galore… Dare I even say more than you could shake a stick at.

Katherine Jenkins

Katherine & Mark dance the Rumba to “Canon in D Major” by Johann Pachelbel

Rachel’s What Happened:  Well, if anyone should rock Classical Week, it’s Katherine, though that’s what I said about Gladys and Motown Week last week.  she says she’s in her comfort zone but doesn’t think that makes it easy since they have the Rumba which is a sexy dance and they have to keep it classy.  Of course Mark says you can’t spell classical without “ass”.  Well, there you have it.  And so much for the no ab rule, Mark is clad in nothing more than pants & a cape.  Not the abs I was hoping to see, but it’s a good sign of things to come.  I think they managed to create a really pretty dance to music that doesn’t really go with the style of dance.  Katherine was really elegant.  And I’m thinking I must not have ever seen Mark sans shirt because I’d have remembered those tats.  I dig.  And I dig the dance.  Len said it was a classic number.  It could have gotten raunchy but you kept it elegant.  Bruno says Katherine is the embodiment of the power of beauty, toying with her subjects.  She should be at the Getty Villa.  He would have liked it raunchier.  Carrie Ann said she’s unmatched technically in this competition, but tonight her passion wasn’t genuine.  She could have generated more chemistry.  Len disagrees and so do I.

Melissa:  Katherine is in her comfort zone – naturally.  I’m so looking forward to this Rumba because I loves me some Mark.  I’m not however in love with that bizarre hair thing she has going on.  Damn, Mark that’s a nice tat you got going on back there, never noticed it.  That was a pretty dance.  I’m not grooving on the whole set to Classical, but I’ll go with it.  Poor Bruno didn’t get his juices going with it, but he’ll let it go.

Score:  27

Melissa Gilbert

Melissa & Maks dance the Argentine Tango to “Marriage of Figaro” by Wolfgang Mozart

Rachel’s What Happened:  Seems Maks has a cyst in his ankle, which is causing him great pain.  The doctor says they can try and alleviate some of it with extra support.  Maks is worried about being a liability so he brings in Val as his back-up plan should he not be able to dance.  Melissa is scared to have both Chmerkovskiy brothers in the same room with her.  Maks says not to worry, Val’s much nicer.  Ain’t that the truth.  Maks manages to dance, but I’m not loving this at all.  Melissa doesn’t really pull of elegant and some of those lifts, in that outfit she’s got on, came across somewhat vulgar.  Bruno said it was extremely brave to navigate the tempo changes of Mozart but at times it looked like she was riding the side car at Coney Island.  It got messy.  Carrie Ann says it was Cirque du Soleil gone terribly wrong.  Lifts are ambitious and it’s quality vs quantity.  They went for quantity and really sacrificed quality.  Len said she pulled off the crescendos with the lifts but there was so much intensity that it lost a lot of the quality.   Up in the skybox Melissa is unhappy with the comments and lets us know that she did that dance in front of the man that operated on her spine.  Yeah, it’s awesome that you can do it.  But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.  The dance was junk.

Melissa:  OK, really, is this the season of injuries?  Maks is considering pulling out of the dance with Val as his second, like Danny for Kenickie in Grease.  Who will it be??  Oh, Maks makes the triumphant comeback.  OK, really Melissa, how is it you agreed to being in a leotard with a filmy piece of nothing covering you up??  Oh man, you can just see Maks getting all sorts of angry with the comments.  Let’s see if he can hold his tongue… Hold it he does – shocking.

Score – 21

William Levy

William & Cheryl dance the Viennese Waltz to “Ave Maria” by Franz Schubert (performed by Jackie Evancho)

Rachel’s What Happened:  This week William wants to prove he’s more than a pretty face.  That’s correct.  You’re also hot abs and a bangin’ booty.  Cheryl is going to give him more content this week and it’s wreaking havoc on his ankle.  They are dancing to Jackie Evancho singing Ave Maria and I’m still blown away that that voice comes out of that child.  Amazing.  And so was the dance.   OK, maybe “amazing” is overstating it, but they definitely upped the content and executed it beautifully.  Not to mention that William looks quite dashing in that suit.  Carrie Ann says that was true content and true dancing.  He finds the story in the music and it’s always a story of romance which is what ballroom is all about.  He brings the romance to life.  (Can I get an Amen!)  Len says there are three Viennese Waltzes tonight and his transported him to Austria, though not quite to Vienna.  He’s up and down like a fiddler’s elbow and tonight he was up.  Bruno says he captured the beauty and ethereal quality of the song.  He brought a vulnerability to the dance.  He followed the melodic line in a way only a professional dancer can do.  That was so touching.

Melissa:  Again, another injury.  HOLY CRAP who is this little pip with the amazing voice??  I’m also going on record – again, I’m sure – I loves me a man in a suit. Really, there’s something ridiculously sexy about a man in a well-cut jacket and tie.  The judges like the performance, as did I.

Score – 27

Roshon Fegan

Roshon & Chelsea dance the Argentine Tango to “Bad Romance (Instrumental)” by Lady Gaga

Rachel’s What Happened:  Roshon is bummed because he’s giving it his all, but it’s just not connecting for some reason.  Chelsea can only teach him so much about manning up for the Argentine Tango so he pays a visit to Val.  Val says it’s all about how you caress the woman and hold your body – be a little bit arrogant and confrontational.  Let’s see if he can pull this off.  Man, they love to screw with Lady Gaga on this show.  This is a bizarre version of this song and that’s the nicest thing I can say about it.  Uh, what was with the camera shot of the logo in the middle of the dance?  I’m assuming Miss Chelsea had a wardrobe malfunction.  He did a good job with the dance, but it really is hard to buy him as a leading man.  Len said he liked the transitions into the lifts.  They were seamless.  He would have liked to see more tension in the feet, which would have made his legs look stronger & less awkward.  OVerall it was clean and confident.  Bruno said it was very very clean most of the time. He has to work on the strength in his legs.  He has to be able to hold positions.  But he liked it overall.  Carrie Ann gives him a hug and says that was the gravitas and confidence she was looking for.

Melissa:  I’m not really grooving on this tango, but we’ll just let that slide since Chelsie can do a fair bit of the leg work for him.  What the… Clearly someone cut to 2 when they should have cut to 3.  Seems the judges were more impressed than I was.

Score – 25

Donald Driver

Donald & Peta dance the Viennese Waltz to “La Donna è Mobile” by Giuseppe Verdi (performed by Vittorio Grigolo)

Rachel’s What Happened:  Another challenge from Len to up the ante so Peta’s going to push him this week.  That’s good for Donald since he thrives on competition.  That’s probably a good thing being that he’s a football player in real life.  He’s ready to give more.  Well, I’m smiling during this dance, which doesn’t happen much with such serious dances, but Donald makes me happy.  I think he’s rocking the Waltz, if that’s actually possible.  Bruno says he has the sweeping drive and passion of the Verdi music.  He loved it.  Carrie Ann says she missed the lift but she loves the intensity of his dancing.  His determination makes his moves so strong.  She loved the regalness (word?) of this dance.  Len thought he was going to see a dancing Fererro Rocher when he saw the coat.  He though it was terrific.  His footwork was spot-on and overall it was a great job.

Melissa:  Oh man, I loved that waltz!  I adore Donald and how much fun he has every week.  Peta is a choreographic force to be reckoned with.

Score – 27

Maria Menounos

Maria & Derek dance the Paso Doble to “Montagues and Capulets” by Sergei Prokofiev

Rachel’s What Happened:   Tonight, Derek is thinking tragic love story as the theme.  Maria says that’s a lot like their relationship.  He loves her but sometimes he wants to kill her.  Mhmm, I’m telling you there’s a little something something with these two going on… though my grandmother says she heard he’s gay.  Yes, my grandmother is spreading DWTS gossip.  Kinda have to love that.  Derek is riding her like Seabiscuit and wishing she could be feminine & more attractive.  Hey, way to douche out Derek.  Not digging this side of him.  Neither is Maria as it reduces her to tears.  He says he just wants the best out of her because she is a great dance.  Let’s see if it works… And it does.  That was a pretty spectacular dance.  Loved it.  Fun campy vampires with great dancing.  Carrie Ann says that didn’t suck.  She was so on fire.  Katherine had better watch her back because she’s coming at her.  Len says it was sharp as a razor, crisp as a Pringle with more tension than his grandmother’s knickers elastic.  He loved it.  Bruno says the Queen of the Damned is the Queen of the Night.  The structure and storytelling was spellbinding.

Melissa:  Oooh a Paso!!  Did she just hiss at him?  I’m confused, is she a witch or vampire?  I don’t know if I get this.  It’s a little on the strange side with her fangs and what not.  The dance was solid.  I just didn’t get the vampire storyline.  OK, so as crazy as I thought it was, it got them the first perfect score of the season – bravo kids.

Score – 30 – First perfect score of the season.  Meanwhile, I do love that everyone else was jumping up and down for them as well.

Jaleel White

Jaleel & Kym dance the Viennese Waltz to “Did I Make the Most of Loving You?” by Mary-Jess Leaverland

Rachel’s What Happened:  Kym rewards Jaleel for a great dance last week with a gift; a stuffed koala bear that says Australian saying when you squeeze it.  Alrighty then.  Shall we rehearse?  They are doing the same dance as Donald & William so they really have to bring it.  During rehearsal, Jaleel gets a handful of Kym’s goods and says it happened only because he’s so busy concentrating on his frame.  Yeah yeah, nice one, Jaleel.  That’ll get you slapped on any other show. I hate the song they’re dancing to, but the dance itself if really pretty.  Len says he liked it enough not to be cruel, but not enough to be kind.  He said there was no footwork in it.  As a number, he liked it, but he has to look at the details.  It didn’t quite work for him.  Bruno says content-wise he tried everything, but it’s not executed as well as it could be at all time.  He  has to watch his arms.  As a story, it was very nice.  Carrie Ann says not to lose his confidence because he’s definitely back in the game.  Sometimes he’s so engulfed in the dance that his hands get cringy but the storytelling was there.

Melissa:  Yeah Jaleel, way to hit second base during practice… Quick thinking blaming “frame”.  That was rather pretty.  I think not enough to hook them up with a high score, but still nice.

Score – 24

Team Dances

Time for the team dances.  Extra points are awarded for the dances.  In the past, the losing team also ends up being the team where someone is sent home.  So, they really want to win this.

Team Tango

Team Tango (Maria & Derek, Katherine & Mark, Jaleel & Kym and Roshon & Chelsea) dance to “Toccata from Symphony No. 5” by Claudio Monteverdi

Rachel’s What’s Happened:  Team Tango says this dance is all about choreography.  The team with the best choreography is going to win.  I’m digging the team tango.  Let’s see what the judges say… Len said that Maria and Roshon were the stand-out couples.  Jaleel was a bit loose in parts.  Was a mix of the good, the bad and the ugly.  Good as a group.  Technically it was bad.  Some of the lines were ugly.  Bruno thought the choreography was outstanding at the beginning and the end.  Roshon killed it.  Katherine the Argentinian influence was all there.  Overall it was excellent.  Carrie Ann says it was incredible.  She thought Jaleel was nailing it.

Melissa:  Now that is a fun Tango. I don’t care for the outfits, but still very cool.  That kick was petty legit if you ask me.  Mark and Katherine were my favorites, well and Maria and Derek too.  I don’t get the push ups at the end, but whatever.

Score – 27

Team Paso

Team Paso Doble (William & Cheryl, Melissa & Maks and Donald & Peta) dance to “O Fortuna” by Carl Orff (performed by Vittorio Grigolo)


Rachel’s What Happened: Maks thinks it’s an advantage to have less people because it gets less messy.  He also thinks it’s a good idea to rip their shirts off during the dance.  William is not thrilled.  He doesn’t want them to look like they’re showing off.  Take off the shirt, William.  Be a team player.  Their dance was pretty awesome, but I liked Team Tango just slightly more.  Bruno says more power than the Avengers.  The boys dominated this.  They lost some synch but they are superheros.  Carrie Ann says that was ridiculous to watch.  That will go down as a fan favorite.  A little out of synch but it was fun.  Len says the guys undressed to impress.  It was fire and spice.  Great job.

Melissa:  OK, so Team Paso already gets extra points for putting Donald and William in little vests… Smart move Paso folks.  Carmina Burana??  Yeah, that’s it.  I’m all in for Team Paso!!  Sorry Tango folks, better music and better wardrobe.  I’m not feeling Melissa and Maks for their portion.  Man, Donald and Peta nailed their piece.  I think Paso will take it.  Plus, I can’t hate on Donald and William topless.

Score – 26

Team Tango takes it by a point.

Results Show

Rachel’s What Happened:   We start the results show with the encore dance.  Obviously the couple with the perfect score will be dancing again and we are treated to a repeat of the Paso Doble by Derek & Maria.

Now, before we move on.  We all know I love to poke fun at Brooke.  So I’d like to take a moment to say that she actually looks really pretty tonight.

OK, moving on to the first round of results.  The first three couples on the block are William & Cheryl, Donald & Peta and Katherine & Mark.  All three are safe, as they should be.

Next, we meet Richard “Steelo” Vasquez, a hip-hop dancer who has worked on many films and on stage with famous artists like Gwen Stefani.  On June 19th of last year, he was rushed to the hospital with a brain aneurism.  He came close to dying and spent 9 weeks in the ICU.  He was severely impared – he had to relearn how to walk and write – but he knew he wanted to dance again.  Tonight, he is performing for the first time in public since his illness.  What an inspiration.  How great to see someone beat the odds like he is doing.  The audience clearly agrees and starts chanting Steelo.  Awesome.

Gavin DeGraw is back singing “Sweeter”

We also get treated to Gavin DeGraw back in the ballroom singing “Sweeter” from his new album.  I love and miss Gavin, but he’s a much better singer than dancer.

Now we have a Dance Championship to sit through.  Killing me here.  The pros are coaching junior teams to win the Ballroom Battle.  No clue what that means.  Seems Round One happened without us and now Cheryl, Tony & Louie’s teams are going to dance tonight for the title.  After they all dance, the judges are going to decide live who the winner is.  They can’t make up their mind and Tom urges them to get moving.  Len makes some excuses which Tom responds to with, “Life’s a bitch.”  Best part of the whole segment.  Anywho, Louie’s team comes in 3rd place.  Second place goes to Tony’s team making Cheryl’s team the big winner.  Woo…

Finally, the rest of the results.  The bottom two will be among the final four couples left.  Being that Maria & Derek are part of the final four, I’m going to venture a guess that they’re safe.  And I’m right.   So, only Jaleel, Melissa or Roshon are going to be safe.  I’m shocked to say it’s Melissa & Maks that are safe.  Seriously?  Seriously?  Who’s voting out there?  Their dance blew.

Jaleel & Kym and Roshon & Chelsea dance the Rumba to “Set Fire to the Rain” by Adele

That leaves Jaleel and Roshon in the dance duel.  I’m pissed.  Jaleel says Len is the old guy outside of the grocery store that won’t give a kid money for candy.  Ha, that’s hilarious.  But I’m still mad he’s in the Dance Duel again.

Carie Ann – Side by side, you guys are pretty much equal.  You started strong but teh connection got lost.  Roshon had extremely good chemistry.

Len – The duel is cruel because they both gave it their all.

Bruno – Roshon was much stronger & smoother.  connection was spot on.  Jaleel very strong and you corrected your arms.  So much better.  It’s a matter of taste at this point.

Carrie Ann votes for Roshon & Chelsea.  Len votes for Roshon & Chelsea.  And though that means Jaleel is going regardless, we hear Bruno’s vote which was for Roshon & Chelsea as well.

I’m not happy at all.  Melissa should be going home.  Jaleel handles it with class and says that he really only thought he’d last 3 dances.  He wanted to give his mom three good dances.  He’s made incredible friends and the fans have been incredible.  

Melissa:  OK, I’m thinking it’s Melissa and Maks going home this week.  Half-pint’s support crew can only take her but so far.  I can’t wait for the dance off though. How sad is it that I look forward to watching two couples battle it out for that safety vote?  DANCE FOR ME PEOPLE… MWAHAHAHAAAA!!  Let’s just call it the Master P Clause.  Come on folks, you remember how awful he was, but the call in votes kept him there forever much to Len’s annoyance.

Well smack me on the ass, Melissa and Maks made it.  Poor Jaleel & Kym and Roshon & Chelsie are in the spotlight to try to save themselves from elimination.  I think it’s going to be Roshon.  I mean really, who wants to send Urkel home?  Especially since he’s not afraid to bring the 6 pack to the party.

WOW, they sent Urkel home!!  I’m not a fan of that decision… NOT AT ALL judges.  If you could see me know, you’d see that I have a disapproving crooked eyebrow aimed right at the three of you.

Bottom Line:

Melissa:   Plan to amends to me next week, judges, and maybe you’ll be back in my good graces.

Rachel: OK, I’m voting for everyone but Melissa next week.  I know I say this every year.  But I mean it this time.  Kinda.

Dancing With The Stars 14 – Week 6 Results

One-Sentence Summary:  Only seven stars survive Motown Week, which means someone will be left dancing in the streets.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  Well, kiddies, I’m on my own tonight.  Melissa has been summoned by her real-life job to attend a conference and is off somewhere shmoozing with coworkers in a nondescript hotel banquet room.  Poor Melissa.  She’s missing out on the second dance duel that is coming our way tonight.  By the way, is Brooke mandated to wear bejeweled pageant dresses?  Man, she picks some terrible numbers.

And I see we’re back to the house band and Val’s chest with the opening dance number.  Well, I guess this show is nothing if not consistent.  And I guess it’s better that they remake Motown that rock songs.  Hey, I’m a silver lining kind of girl.

Time to find out who’s the first couple on the chopping block.  I do love that they show backstage footage from last night and William says that he doesn’t know what raunchy means.  That’s hot.  Ok it’s not hot, but it’s still hot.  On him it’s hot, people.  Jaleel says he’s bacon on the fryer after the judges calls their dance a “sizzler”.  Awesome.  That goes into the bank for future use.

Anyway, Maria & Derek, Melissa & Maks, Jaleel & Kym and William & Cheryl are up for elimination.  Jaleel & Kym and William & Cheryl are the first couples safe.  Maria & Derek and Melissa & Maks are in the bottom three.  Surprised about Maria & Derek.

Tonight’s featured dancer is a ballerina, Michaela DePrince, with the American Ballet Theater.  Michaela was born in Sierra Leone in Africa during wartime.  Her mother starved to death, after her father was shot while out trading.  Her

Natasha Bedingfield performs her song Wild Horses and Michaela DePrince dances.

uncle took her to the local orphanage where she faced prejudice due to having vitiligo.  They called her the Devil’s Child and everyone stayed away from her.  Thankfully, an American couple adopted her and another girl.  She was sick when she came to the states but all she wanted to do was dance so her parents enrolled her in classes.  Now she is one of the premiere dancers in America and credits her success to having the love & support of her family.  Man, I’m crying like a baby right now and she hasn’t even danced one step.  Damn you, DWTS for making me all weepy on a Tuesday night.  Beautiful dance.  Pretty bad song.

Oh it’s the Macy’s Stars on Ice again.  They’re debuting a new dance company or some such for next week’s Classical Week.  I have no idea what that means, but that’s what Brooke just said… and I rewound that twice.  No joke.  Maybe I’m dense or maybe it’s Brooke’s delivery.  You know how I like to deflect responsibility for my own stupidity.  Well, whatever it its, the dancing is actually really beautiful.

Oh look it’s Boyz II Men performing.  Melissa is going to be mad she missed this.  I, on the other hand, am so distracted with wondering what they’ve been up to for the past 15 years that I don’t actually hear any of the song.  I do know that the one dude is on that show with the a cappella (I have tried spelling that 17 ways and they’re all wrong and there isn’t a consistent way online either) singers, which is actually really good if you haven’t seen it.  So good that I can’t remember the name of it.  Wait!  Yes, I can… The Sing Off!

Anywho, we’re here to find out who’s going home tonight.  The final four couples are up next to find out who is joining Melissa & Maria in the bottom three.  Katherine & Mark and Donald & Peta are all safe.  That puts Gladys & Tristan and Roshon & Chelsea in the bottom… four.  Wait, when did they start doing a bottom four.  OK, they need to stop the shenanigans already.

Roshon & Gladys are the bottom two this week.

Of the four couples, Gladys & Tristan will be facing off in the dance duel with Roshon & Chelsea.  Wow, Roshon is in the bottom two.  OK, we know I’m not a huge Roshon fan but their dance was good last night!  I don’t care what the judges say.

It’s time for the dance off.  They’re dancing a Jive to  “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen, though it sounded nothing like Queen.  I think Roshon was better, but can you really send Gladys home on Motown Week?  Really?  I think you cannot.  Carrie Ann says they had different styles of dancing.  Roshon was super sharp but she saw some weird kicks.  Gladys was so in control and so confident. Len says both of them handled the pressure really well.  Len says she dances like she sings, from her heart.  Roshon always comes out 100%.  Bruno says everything she does she manages to make look cool and gorgeous.  She made a difficult dance look easy.  Roshon’s timing is immaculate as always.  It suited his personality and he sold it.

The judges votes:

Carrie Ann saves Gladys

Len saves Roshon

Bruno saves Roshon

That means they are sending Gladys home during Motown Week…  More like Motown Weak. 


Bottom Line:

Rachel: Shame on you.  Shame.

Dancing With The Stars 14 – Week 6

One-Sentence Summary:  Things are getting soulful up in here with Motown night, which will be even more special with Gladys Knight in the house.

I love William THIS much.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:  Oh yeah, a little Motown in the house.  I love this music and can’t wait to watch the stars get their groove on.  What’s even more fabulous is that the actual Motown stars will be here to sing their own songs, which means a whole night without those tragic remakes that we’re subjected to week after week.  However, I’m already scared for Roshon’s dance.  I mean if we thought his impromptu Michael Jackson moves were annoying before… Yeah, you know where I’m going.  But even Roshon can’t crush the fabulosity that is Motown.  Let’s get it on…

Melissa:  Yeah baby, it’s Motown Week, and I’m ready to get my swerve on.  I adore Motown to this day thanks to Saturdays and Sundays spent hanging out with Dad in his garage listening to Wolfman Jack and Motown on the radio – while rollerskating.  Besides, let’s be honest, I love this season and this cast, so really they could all be dancing the Macarena and I’d still enthusiastically watch, but add in some Motown and really I’m all in baby!

Motown Montage

The show opens with Motown medley featuring Smokey Robinson, The Temptations and Martha Reeves

Rachel’s What Happened:  Dear Lord, what did Smokey do his face?  It’s not moving.  He’s in a permanent state of surprise.  At least he still sounds good… “Take a good look at my face.  You’ll see my smile, it’s out of place.”  Yeah, I’m taking a good look and it’s scaring me a bit as it seems it’s more than your smile that’s out of place.  But the music is fun with Martha Reeves singing “Dancing In The Streets” (which was originally intended to be a ballad … fun fact) and the Temptations singing “Get Ready” (which was produced by Smokey Robinson… more fun facts).

Melissa:  I’m LOVING this Motown montage!!  For real, this is just kick ass!  This is going to be an awesome night!

Gladys Knight

Gladys & Tristan dance the Rhumba to "My Girl" by The Temptations

Rachel’s What Happened:  I love that Gladys is getting the first dance of the night.  It is her night after all.  And I love that her brother Bubba, the original Pip, showed up at rehearsal to teach Tristan the “snap, clap, move and groove”.  They haven’t even danced a step and I’m already cheering for her.  The Temptations get a little song and dance going on to get us warmed up before Gladys & Tristan take the floor.  When they finally do, it’s a sweet dance.  Even if it’s not very complex choreography, you can’t help but enjoy watching Gladys dance.  She’s got great stage presence.  Len says if he could vote purely with his heart, he would be top of the leaderboard.  She’s not the best dancer but she is the most charismatic dancer.  It’s easy like Sunday morning.  Bruno says it’s undeniable that she has star quality.  The Motown moves were spot on but he wants his Rhumba steamier.  Carrie Ann says the night belongs to her.  There were forgetful moments, but the hip action was good.

Melissa:  How awesome is it they get to dance to the Temptations singing live?  Seriously, I wouldn’t be able to dance at all knowing they were there on stage rocking it out.  That was nice, not too flashy, pretty and clean.  I feel like I’m caught in a decadently retro moment in time watching Gladys dancing to the Temptations.

HOLY Oh My Goodness, Berry Gordy in the audience!!

Rachel:  Yes, he is and that’s quite a hot little number he’s got with him.  Go, Berry!

Score – 21

Maria Menounos

Maria & Derek dance the Foxtrot to "Jimmy Mack" by Martha Reeves.

Rachel’s What Happened:  Derek says it’s time to bring out the classy for the Foxtrot.  Maria says it’s bit hard for her because she’s a bit of a tomboy.  I’m liking her more and more each week… I’m starting to not even mind that laugh.  I like that there’s a bit of whimsy incorporated into their Foxtrot.  She messed up and it threw her for a second, but it was still a great dance.  That silver dress looked amazing during that spin at the end.  Bruno said it was sophisticated and elegant.  Her frame is fantastic and her movement is excellent.  Carrie Ann says it wasn’t the slip that was the problem.  It was what came after.  Her shoulders came up and she lost her frame.  Len says in hold it was great and formal.  Out of hold it was fun and free.  Well done.

Melissa:  Oh Jimmy Mack… Awesome!!  DWTS producers, I’m loving you with these amazing songs!!  I’m not a huge fan of their dance, don’t get my wrong, but they seemed kind of off at one point, but it’s still nice – I can imagine it’s not the easiest to Fox Trot to this.

Score – 26

Roshon Fegan

Roshon & Chelsea dance the Rhumba to "Cruisin" by Smokey Robinson

Rachel’s What Happened:  It’s time for Roshon to get sensual, and when he thinks “sensual”, he thinks “huggy”.  Oh boy.  Poor kid is struggling to hold Chelsea up with those little arms of his.  Aw, this is one of my favorite songs of all time.  Well, I gotta give it to him two weeks in a row, the kid found his sexy.  He pulled off a great dance.  Carrie Ann said he definitely had some sexy going on but his movements were over exaggerating and his foot came off the ground on the drag turn. Len says the movement was clipped and jerky.  It was like painting by numbers.  Too much syncopation.  Bruno makes up in fire what he lacks in size.  His body wants to hit the beat naturally but you have to go through it more smoothly.

Uh, did they watch the same dance I did?

Melissa:  OK, does he even know Motown?  Sorry, that was mean.  I’m sure they briefed him before this week.  I’m kidding, he is a fan of MJ, so he has to have some idea… Right?  Really, this music is awesome… Plus, come on, it’s Smokey – live!!  OK Roshon gets bonus points just for the song alone that I know he doesn’t even get to pick.

Score – 23

Katherine Jenkins

Katherine & Mark dance the Samba to "Can't Get Next To You" by The Temptations

Rachel’s What Happened:  It’s hard to hear that she’s doing badly in rehearsals because we all know we’re getting played.  She’s gonna be perfect… again.  She’s so going to be in the finals.  Yep, she’s rocking the Samba and an awesome beehive.  Man, I want to hate her so much, but she’s too damn likable!  It’s impossible to dislike her.  Bitch.  Len says he’s calling her The Midwife because she keeps delivering week after week.  Bruno says she can bounce and funk.  The marriage of Brazil with Funkytown has never been more exhilarating.  Carrie Ann says she let it loose.  That was amazing!

Melissa:  The Temptations are back with one of my favorite songs of theirs.  No joke friends, I will rock the F out to this in the car with all the voice octaves and all.  Oh, this is a great Samba!  The energy, the music, the choreography… I’m smelling 10s again!

Score – 29

Donald Driver

Donald & Peta dance the Foxtrot to "The Way You Do The Things You Do" by the Temptations

Rachel’s What Happened:  I think everyone was as pissed as Donald was about that BS 8 from Len last week.  So, he had better bring it this week and give Len nothing to complain about.  Peta brings a giant cardboard cutout of Len with a 10 into the rehearsal studio as motivation for Donald.  The dance is great and Donald’s huge smile just makes it even better.  One little stumble on the footing, but other than that, it was on point.  Bruno says he is a showman.  Pizazz, confidence, power.  His performances get better and better.  Carrie Ann says he’s so in his zone.  He transitioned from the Motown moves into the formal holds really well which is really difficult.  Len felt he was going to show him some fireworks  but he didn’t… He EXPLODED on this dance floor.  He says that Peta needs to give him more.  The routine wasn’t as big as his talent.

Melissa:  OK, I adored the Foxtrot.  I’ll admit, I completely stopped typing to just watch.  I love that every time the camera catches Donald he’s smiling and genuinely having a fantastic time.

Score – 27

Melissa Gilbert

Melissa & Maks dance the Viennese Waltz to "Ooo Baby Baby" by Smokey Robinson

Rachel’s What Happened:  Hey, cranky, bossy Maks is back!  It was only a matter of time.  She says his methods don’t inspire confidence and he says that maybe he’s not inspired by her.  Nice.  Quite the charmer.  See, even Tom called him a “charm school dropout”.  She still dances with her shoulders up but it’s not a bad dance.  Sorry, I just can’t get excited about her.  She’s the only contestant I’m just totally uninspired by.  Guess it’s not just Maks.  Carrie Ann says she works so hard and it is finally paying off.  Watch the shoulders.  Len saw romance and control but she lost a bit of energy at the end.  Overall, she did it wonderfully well.  Bruno says she had wonderful rotation and she kept her connection with Maks.  She’s going in the right direction.

While waiting for scores with Brooke in the Sky Box, Melissa defends Maks and his attitude saying that that’s only 15% of the time after he says they only like to show his moments.  Whatevs…

Melissa:  OK, I have to give props, that was a genuinely nice waltz.  Clean, I didn’t see any real flubs, just nice.  I assume Maks’s douchiness in the studio is paying off.

Score – 24

Jaleel White

Jaleel & Kym are dancing the Cha-Cha-Cha to "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" by The Temptations

Rachel’s What’s Happened:  My little Urkel hasn’t been doing so well lately and I’m not liking it.  He’s gotta step it up if he’s going to stay on Team Rachel (which is really a big team at this point).  Looks like the stress is getting to him in rehearsals… though he seems to be catching some fire as we go.  Let’s see if he turns it out on the dance floor.  Ok, I can’t hear this song without thinking about Eddie Murphy’s Raw routine when he imitates his father butchering the lyrics.  Still makes me laugh.  Hey now, Jaleel, that’s some fancy footwork you got going on.  He’s definitely dancing for his life tonight and it’s paying off.  Len thought week 1 he was a contender.  Then he went off the rails, but he’s back.  Bruno says he burned that floor.  That was the biggest sizzler of the season.  He’s come back big time!  Carrie Ann says you have to bring your A game every time.  Consider the A game brought!

Melissa:  OK, I have to laughingly agree with Rachel here.  Every time I hear this song I picture Eddie Murphy’s Raw singing “If I have to beg and plead to the symphony”… Ah, every time, makes me giggle.  OK, that was a legit dance, I really liked it.  Jaleel was tight and had some awesome moves.

Score – 29

William Levy

William & Cheryl dance the Rhumba to "Being With You" by Smokey Robinson

Rachel’s What Happened:  In the immortal words of Vanessa Williams:  You went and saved the best for last.  Yeah, I know, I’m Team Jaleel (and sometimes Team Donald with a dash of Team Katherine) but it’s hard to not root for his hotness.  I don’t even think the fire alarms going off are a joke… He’s really that hot.  Calm down people, I know it’s a joke in reality.  But he is that smokin’.  I’m not sure how a dance so hot can give me goose bumps but I’ll be damned if it didn’t do just that.  That was the stuff of late night Cinemax movies.  No, it was hotter.  Bruno says it was absolute and utter filth and he loved every minute of it.  The two of them are wired for sex. (I’m sure his wife loved that.)  Carrie Ann would like to thank him on behalf of all the women out there.  She doesn’t think it was his best dance though as there were moments they were disconnected.  She’d like to see more moments of dancing.  Len says he’s physically impressive and he’s a confident dancer, but for Len it was a bit on the raunchy side.  He wants to see the forward and backward hip motion.  He just can’t get into a frenzy about it like some others.

Melissa:  William… William… <sigh>.  Oh and he’s getting to dance to Smokey, this better be off the charts.  Um, DAYUM.  Methinks William has found his groove with the slower numbers.  Those hips, don’t lie… And I wouldn’t hate them to tell me the truth all day long.

Score – 27 – including a 10 from Bruno for the thrill.

Dance Marathon

All the couples dance in a marathon for extra points.

Rachel’s What Happened:  I’m confused.  Isn’t a dance marathon supposed to be, you know, a marathon?  There are 5 minutes left of the show, how much of a marathon can this be?  And do we need all these new plot devices every week?  Can’t we just dance and go home?  I guess not, so a dance marathon it is… The couples all have to Cha Cha until the judges decide they need to be tapped out.  Whoever lasts longest gets the most points.  Here’s how it netted out:

Gladys & Tristan – 3 points (24 total for the night)

Maria & Derek – 4 points (30 total for the night)

Roshon & Chelsea – 5 points (28 total for the night)

Melissa & Maks – 6 points (30 total for the night)

Donald & Peta – 7 points (34 total for the night)

Jaleel & Kym – 8 points (37 total for the night)

William & Cheryl – 9 points (36 total for the night)

Katherine & Mark – 10 points (39 total for the night)

Melissa:  What’s this all about? Did I miss something last week that I have no idea about this?  OH, got it, the Motown Marathon… An old school dance off!!  I’m totally flashing to Danny, Sandy and Cha-Cha!  I LOVE this dance off!  Hey Producers, can we do this every week please?  Katherine and Mark take it – totally not surprised.  Mark is an awesome choreographer.


Bottom Line:

Melissa:   Sadly, I have a “paying the bills” function Tuesday and Wednesday that are going to keep me from the Dance Duel (insert favorite dance off movie montage here) Results Show.  Yes, I’ll most likely be several glasses into our celebration while the Results are tallied, and I’ll have to frantically search my Blackberry (yes, I haven’t quite moved to this century’s technology yet) for the results while my partner in crime gets to see first hand who is sent packing.

Rachel:  That’s right, it’s all me tomorrow night.  I hope I can do the results show justice on my own.  I hope that Gladys isn’t sent home during Motown Week.  That would be wrong.  So, if the fans save her, my gut says Roshon & Melissa will be part of the dance-off.  That’s my prediction.