One Sentence Summary: Carole and Aviva finally agree on something: they don’t like each other.
Rachel: Well, it’s been a while since I’ve spent any time with the Housewives. It honestly has gotten so torturous to watch their bad behavior that I needed to take a break. Seriously, how does Bravo still employ Ramona? She might be one of the worst people on the planet. Zero class, zero respect and zero kindness. She talks so much about being a role model for her daughter that it’s actually comical at this point. She couldn’t be less of a role model for Avery. And then there’s Sonja. I actually think she has some kind of mental disorder. I’m not joking. I really think she needs some serious therapy to reacquaint her with reality; a place she hasn’t visited in years. What would be the clinical diagnosis for a woman who is so desperate to maintain a lifestyle that she no longer can afford that she lives in a constant state of denial, while also channeling the spirit of a horny 25-year-old? I mean I’m all for getting your cougar on, but not when it’s predicated on fulfilling a desperate need for attention and proving you’re still attractive to men. Well, maybe I’m less judge-y on that last part… Ahem, anyway, let’s move on to Aviva. I can’t figure out the decision to bring her back for another season. No one likes her, at least not for long stretches at a time, and she’s terribly annoying. She’s one tall drink of crazy. And her hypochondria is not interesting anymore. Well, it wasn’t interesting to begin with, but there was a little fascination with someone that was that high-maintenance. Then there’s Kristen… Kristen, Kristen, Kristen… Brat, brat, brat. Listen, I’d be pissed too if Ramona split my lip with a wine glass – partially for the pain and partially for wasting wine – but holy holy she doesn’t know when to let something go. Drama queen. I just want to tell her to shut the hell up already. I still like Heather and Carole though… so there’s that…. I guess. So here’s about 7 episodes all in one thought vomit…
Ramona is making a calendar of her and her dog for Avery to take to college with her. Because that’s what every college kid wants; their mother on their wall. This woman has some ego on her. You know how I know this country is going to hell? Because there is such as thing as a doggy stylist. From doggy style to doggy stylist… that’s a far fall, ‘Merica.
And in news of actual real concern about their children, Heather is having her son Jax’s hearing tested. That’s so sad that her son might lose his hearing. That’s got to be heartbreaking for a parent. Sweet kid just has a shit sandwich of a situation. I hope they’re able to get him surgery.
So, I’m not sure how Kristen thinks telling Aviva she doesn’t want to be involved in her mess and then commenting on the mess is staying out of it? These women are walking talking contradictions. Wait, did Aviva just drop an f-bomb in front of her kids after telling Kristen not to be hostile in front of the children? Well, this is quite the battle of wits.
Admirable that Josh would try and help Sonja with her many, many, many fledgling businesses. Too bad he was trying to give some reality to someone who does not operate in the realm of reality. I mean when you can’t even get a straight answer when you ask someone where they can buy their product, you’re pretty much fighting a losing battle. Again, Sonja doesn’t need a business advisor in the chair across from her. She needs a shrink. Stat.
So, let me get this straight… Ramona has meddled into Sonja’s personal business, which resulted in her being stood up. On camera. Then she doesn’t like being called out for it, so she throws champagne in Kristen’s face? When Kristen returns the favor with water from the hot tub, Ramona goes apoplectic because of her hair. Really? She is such an asshole. I mean completely unlikeable. Listen, I don’t condone Mario cheating, but I’m not surprised he found himself a warm place to land. That can’t be fun to live with… Granted, he should have left in the first place.
Ramona’s behavior with regard to the Berkshires just pushes me over the edge. She doesn’t want to go because the Berkshires aren’t the Hamptons. No one famous goes to the Berkshires… which is probably part of what made it appealing to Heather. PS – If Heather is kind enough to extend an invitation to her home, you either take it graciously and behave accordingly or you decline the invite. You do not order in air conditioning, insult the owner by calling her house the garage and then complain about everything once you show up. Seriously, who the fuck do you think you are? PS – The people you so desperately want to hang with in Hamptons couldn’t give a shit about you. And Sonja, you can’t even afford the shitty Berkshire house you’re complaining about… which, for the record, is lovely.
It’s time to play in the Berkshires, and when Heather knocks over the cameraman while on the rope swing, I realize it’s the first time I’ve smiled in 3 hours. This is why I stopped watching. Next they try some canoeing, which Ramona is also irritated by; especially when her ranting about Kristen’s husband is overheard by
Kristen who isn’t thrilled. But instead of screaming at Ramona, she splashes her and once again gets Ramona wet. Apparently, the only person that hates water more than Ramona is the Wicked Witch of the West. Interestingly, they’re not that far apart in personality. Ramona, the world’s biggest buzz kill, responds by throwing her glass at Kristen’s face and splitting her lip open. Are you kidding me? Someone needs to clock her in her face. Hard. And when no one comes to Ramona’s defense, she devises a plan to bail the next day by using her abusive childhood as a way out. That’s just gross. I really wish that plane that picked her up would have taken off and kept going to a place far far away. But it took her to a wedding in the Hamptons, and the other ladies realize they’ve been had. Duh.
Back in the City, Ramona sincerely apologizes to Kristen for hitting her with a glass. Wow, an actual, if not oddly spastic, apology from Ramona. That never happens… the apology. The spastic behavior we know all too wall. Too bad Kristen just can’t let it go. Seriously, I get the anger, but you didn’t lose an eye… or leg. You either accept the apology or you don’t. It’s that simple. What you don’t do is keep yapping long after the point is made.
Oh no, Aviva’s father is back. I absolutely can’t stand George. He’s disgusting, and it’s not funny. And now he’s disgusting while dating an 25-year-old, who, for all intents and purposes, seems to have her shit together. Well, up to the point where she accepts George’s proposal. I have a hard time justifying a decade age difference in my dating life, so a 60-year difference is just beyond my comprehension. What’s even further beyond my comprehension is Ramona rolling up to said fiancé, at their engagement party, and asking about her dead parents 60 seconds after she was told not to bring up her parents because they just passed away. What goes on in her brain that she thinks that’s okay? No, seriously. How does that happen?
And it doesn’t get any better when, the next day, Ramona decides to tell Aviva that the whole thing is wrong and she should step in. You know you’re a shithead when Aviva seems like the rational person in the conversation. And here comes George, who ain’t happy Ramona pissed off his girl. Needless to say, this meeting of the overblown egos goes downhill quickly with Ramona storming out after George accuses her of being a racist and threatens her vagina. Yes, he actually threatened to assault her vagina. I am not sure I can recover from that comment. Ever.
And because we haven’t had enough Aviva tonight, she’s at LuAnn’s charity event telling everyone that her father and his fiancé had a 3-way with Miss USA, who also happens to be at the event. Who admits that? Of course she’s sharing this while someone is speaking about cancer, because that’s appropriate. I guess she’s got to get her attention somehow. Lord knows she can’t just sit by and let this be about someone else. Not to be outdone in the “any attention is good attention” category, Ramona confronts Ms. USA about the rumor in front of a table full of women. She denies anything happening… as if she’d cop to that story with a TV camera pointed at her. All this in the name of charity. PS – Kelly Bensimon being the surprise model in the show was the least surprising surprise ever.
I have to admit, I do kinda love watching Sonja do the walk of shame, never mind that Kristen is at her house waiting to get a facial. And I mean that literally, not figuratively. Here’s the thing. I’m all for a in-home facial. I am not all-in for it on a New York City terrace where the air isn’t exactly clean. Ah yes, let’s open up our pores and ingest that dirty city air. Counter-intuitive, no? I also have no interest in gossip when I’m getting a facial. It’s a no talk zone; espscially if you’re gossiping about my friends. WAIT, WHAT??? Sonja slept with Carole’s boyfriend??? That’s not right. And when Kristen goes running to tell Carole, she says she doesn’t believe it. Let’s believe that’s the case.
I don’t know why Aviva is still around. Her only purpose is to fight with everyone. No one actually likes her. And now that her phobias have turned into pure hypochondria, I’d like to start a petition to have her not return next season. Actually, I’d like you to do it and I’ll sign it. Thanks.
Oh Montana was just painful. Kirsten is a pain in the ass, though I do want to try
Geocaching. I also love the Kristen says she’s a tomboy and sporty spice, but she cries and freaks out any time she has to to do anything sporty. Just let Heather own that title. And stop fighting with her. Your jealousy is showing. As for Ramona… Her behavior shouldn’t even warrant a response anymore.
Rachel: Okay, caught up. Let’s get back in the swing.