PLAY THE “BACHELORETTE DRINKING GAME: ANDI EDITION” – CLICK HERE FOR THE RULES.
One Sentence Summary: The most awkward dismissal in Bachelorette history.
Rachel: Oh I so don’t have any thoughts to share tonight. I don’t. It’s only been 22 hours since the last rose ceremony, so I really haven’t had much time to process a thought, let alone a paragraph’s worth of thoughts. I don’t even remember who went home last night. Oh right, Brett and Figaro. Neither uttered more than 10 words so that was a non-event. Anyway, let’s just get this over with shall we. Four hours of this in a week is exhausting.
Rachel: This week the crew travels to… New England? Really, New England? Man, I’d be pissed if Emily got Bermuda on Week 4 and I got New England. There would be some hell to pay. I am not trying to have a dreamy walk around town in a scarf and gloves. No, not happening. Not on my watch. Bring on the sunshine. Andi, on the other hand, is all in for deep thoughts in a deep freeze.
So are the guys when they see their penthouse hotel room. Do they know they don’t get to keep it? They’re so busy humping the couches they almost don’t notice a date card has shown up. It’s for Dylan. Alright alright alright… The McConaughey of the group gets a date. Naturally, the guys are already packing his bags, because he’s too shy and reserved… But I think what they really mean is that he’s too hot.
He and Andi head out to the Essex Steam Train and take it up the river. She’s hoping for a charming and cute date. Yeah, I’m already yawning. Are they really just riding a train all day? Looking at Connecticut? Without wine? Way to push the excitement envelope, abc.
Dylan knows this is his chance to talk to Andi, but it’s difficult for him, so their date starts out rather stiff… and not in the good way. The whole thing feels like an interview with Andi asking all the questions. He starts to open up about his brother. Ish. Andi knows he’s holding back, and really wants him to share. Here’s an idea: tell him to talk to you. Tell him it’s okay. Sometimes people just need to hear it. If you sense it, hold out your hand. That’s my Psych 101 for the evening. She doesn’t. He doesn’t. And I’m bored.
Time for dinner and some more really stunted conversation. She tells him that she sees he’s nervous. She wants to see the real him sooner than later (read: you’re about to get sent home) and starts to coax it out of him. She’s good. She doesn’t need my help and advice, which happens a lot. He finally starts to talk to her about what happened to his family. He tells her that he grew up without a father and then tells her about his losing his sister and brother both to drug overdoses. I still can’t even believe that. Now Dylan is crying, and Andi’s crying… not gonna lie, I’m a little misty over here myself. He tells her that he doesn’t want her to keep him there because of pity. She has decided to keep him there because of his honesty. Aw, I want to hug Dylan. I’m not sure he’s the love of her life, but he’s a cutie.
Andi says she has one more surprise for him and takes him to the engine so they can blow the engine whistle. Wait, that’s the surprise? Blowing the whistle on the train? Didn’t they already do that? Would have been a better surprise if there was a different whistle getting blown. Hey, I’m just being honest. The only thing surprising about that surprise is how lame it is.
Ballers Be Ballin’
Rachel: The next date card shows up and it’s the group date: JJ, Chris, Andrew, Eric, Nick, Marquel, Cody, Tasos, Brian, Patrick and Josh. This means Marcus gets the one-on-one, which is good because he’d start pouting again if he didn’t.
The guys roll into a basketball arena to play some hoops. The do a little shooting as they try to impress Andi with their skills… until the WBNA superstars show up for some real game playing. I love that Josh actually knows some of the players by name. As expected, the girls throw down a little whoop ass on the boys, which is AWESOME. Since this is boring for the girls, they decide to have the boys play teams. Winning team gets cocktails with Andi. The losing team gets a bus ride home. The audience pretends this was not planned from the beginning. It truly is an episode full of surprises!
Team Rosebud – Brian, Eric, Andrew, Cody, Marquel, Nick
Team Five Of Hearts – Chris, Josh, JJ, Patrick, Tasos
The game begins and it’s just sloppy. Too much peacocking and not enough game playing. First half ends in a tie. The second half begins and Brian’s coaching prowess takes his team straight down the court and right into Victory Lane. Wait, that’s car racing, right? Well, anyway, they won.
Needless to say the losing team doesn’t take it well. We get to watch as they go through the five stages of loss… denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance… except with not so much of the acceptance. Pobre bebes.
On the other hand, the winning team goes through the five stages of victory… cheering, bro hugging, bragging, chest pounding and champagne spraying. Wait, why more champagne wasting? Why? Not to be Debby Downer here, but you didn’t actually win anything.
Time to cocktail and she starts with Eric, whose relationship she feels is stalling. She asks how he feels. He feels like it’s so formal with them and their time is so short together. She says at times she feels like the can’t keep the flow. He agrees, but thinks it will be different in less formal situations. She says they won’t be in less formal situations. She wants to know more about him the man and not so much him the adventurer. So, he tells her about his family. He was raised Mormon but took himself out of the church at 26, and worried about how his family would take it. This new side of Eric has given her back the spark and she feels like they’re back on track. I don’t feel so much the romance between them, but maybe a good friendship.
Meanwhile, the losing team heads home and complains to Marcus about getting no Andi time. Bitter, bummed boys. I don’t think Marcus is as much interested in their loss as he is his one-on-one date tomorrow. Less connections with other men he has to overcome.
While the losing team washes away the pain, Brian takes Andi back to the basketball court and gives her a lesson on ball handling. Basketballs you sickos! She thinks he’s super sexy when he’s in coach mode. I’m so did not get the sexy memo on this one. And while he nails a half-court shot, he totally misses out on nailing a kiss. Instead she toddles off and makes out with Nick. You snooze you lose, dude. You’re about to become the next Doug Clerget if you don’t make a move soon.
And it’s time for the date rose, which is very special tonight because of the progression of his kindness and confidence. It goes to Brian. Imagine if you had kissed her.
Down We Go
Rachel: Time for Andi’s date with Marcus, who bugs me. Don’t know why, but he does. Anyway, it’s the obligatory “leap of faith” date. This time Andi AND Marcus get to face their fear of heights by rappelling down the side of a building. Gee, we haven’t see this 3,000 times before. Let’s add to the fact that the wind is about to pick her up and carry her off the roof like Dorothy on her way to Oz. Why must we do this? Does it really prove love? Am I single because I’ve never bungee jumped off a bridge, rappelled down a building or jumped into a lagoon from a helicopter with the one I may someday love? No seriously, is it? Marcus takes the first steps over the edge and eventually coaxes Andi over after a lot of whining. I will give Marcus credit for being super patient and a way calming force. Honestly, it felt like 30 minutes before he finally got her down off the roof. He talks to her about her mom’s mah jong playing to distract her, which is hilarious. Okay, Marcus is moving up in my books. And just as they get their confidence up, they rappel right past the bachelors’ hotel room. The guys pound on the window – that seems smart – and make fun of Marcus, which is just guy speak for “I want to do that!”
They survive the adventure, and get to eat dinner at the oldest working inn in America. He wants to cover the date rose, because it’s like the elephant in the room and it’s making him nervous. She thinks he doesn’t know what a catch he is and wonders why. Ah, there it is. His ex left him out of the blue and it shut him down for a long time. Yeah, know how that story goes. Those blindsides will take you down. He says Andi is the first girl that has allowed him to open up in a while. Yes, because the TV cameras and dozen other bachelors definitely will make you feel safe in your relationship. Some of this crap is just so hard to swallow, as is their dinner, I imagine, since nothing has been touched on their plates. There’s a lot of smiley chatter that bores me until she gives him the rose, because he showed the protective instinct she had been wondering if he had. No you weren’t, but okay, I’ll play along.
Oy vey, another concert. This time it’s country music… and more Andi dancing. Yeah, Marcus has about as much rhythm as Andi. He once again uses the word love. She is smitten by it. It’s week 4. FOUR. No no love.
Rachel: The cocktail party is upon us but we still have half an hour, so I’m going to surmise that some shit is about to go down. Well, that and the previews showed us some shit going down. I’m quick like that. We start with Andi in her hotel room when a letter arrives. It’s a love letter from someone that thinks she has all the qualities of her soul mate. It’s signed “Her Secret Admirer”. Um, that seems like a bad strategy in this case. This isn’t really the show for “secret” admiration.
The party starts and Tasos grabs her quickly. He asks how she’s doing. She likes that he is always doing special things for her. Just as Tasos finds his groove, he is interrupted by Brian, who already has a rose. He takes her back to the basketball court, because he regrets not kissing her there. She thinks it’s romantic. I think it’s lame. Clearly, I didn’t take my Brian pill tonight.
Marquel is next and he always lightens her mood. He wants to show her some safety moves for when he’s not around to protect her, so she basically almost chokes him out. Um, why you got that pillow on your lap, Marquel? That works for ya, does it? Information I did not need to know…
Next Eric cuts in and wants to follow-up on their conversation. He says he’s been open and he doesn’t know where she was coming from by saying he hasn’t been. He’s told her so much about himself and perhaps she’s the one not opening up. Come to think of it, she hasn’t really contributed much to the conversations… Oh snap, did he just call her a TV actress? He did. I have a feeling this is going to get awkward for all of us out here in TV-land. He thinks she’s giving poker face and he hasn’t seen the real her. She doesn’t take it well and we can see the anger rising. Pump your brakes, girl. Pump them. She says she respects his openness, but is taken aback by him calling her an actress. She doesn’t want to waste another minute of his time (read: she doesn’t want to hear anymore of his truth), because he’s now insulting her. He says he’s sorry. He just wants her to be comfortable and be open. She’s not okay with that, and thinks they both know it’s not going to work out, because he doesn’t believe in her. He says he did believe in her. He thinks she’s reading this conversation a little heavy (read: she’s being a drama queen), so he’ll let her get back to the other guys. And with that, Eric is dismissed. Well, this is actually far more awkward than I was imagining it would be.
And now the rest of the guys get the blowback and leftover anger as Andi storms in and makes an announcement. This is real to her and she is trying every day. If anyone in the room thinks differently, they can leave right now. It’s the curse of being catered to. You have your ass kissed every day and you start to believe your own bullshit. Suddenly, some guy calls her out – kinda like she called out Juan Pablo – and she doesn’t like it. Quite frankly, Juan Pablo handled it better than she did. And in this case, she’s got a dozen men fighting for her attention, so when one might have the actual balls to bring an issue to her attention… which is actually the REAL LIFE part of this show… it doesn’t go well. But I’m perfect and you are supposed to be fighting FOR me, not WITH me. Yeah, good luck with that. Wonder why these relationships never last long when the cameras stop rolling.
And don’t give me any lip about me only saying this because of the situation. I say this almost anytime someone stands up to the Bachelorette/Bachelor so it’s not just because Eric is not with us anymore. It’s just not real that none of the “contestants” ever go “Yeah, this isn’t for me.”
Anyway, Eric leaves, and as he does, he tells us that the most important thing in life is love. He’s more ready than ever to find it. He’s sad how things ended with Andi. He just wanted her to feel comfortable being open with her, but she misunderstood what he was saying. I’m pretty sick to my stomach right now. I’m also totally in tears. Could someone come over and pick me up off the floor?
Rachel: I guess they know we’re all feeling uncomfortable out here on our couches, because Chris has just cancelled the rose ceremony so we can talk to Andi. She says it’s devastating and tragic. They continue to deal with the sadness of it. He was a central figure even if he was only on the show for 4 weeks. He pushed boundaries in life and he did with her too. They just weren’t open with each other and it stalled. She relied on the excitement of the first date, but knew it wouldn’t work out in the end. The way he left is not ideally the way she’d want a last conversation with him to be. They don’t get the Men Tell All conversation, where they make amends and move on. It’s a tough pill to swallow. Chris says that the accident happened while Andi was on the hometown dates. The news made her realize that she had gotten caught up in the whole drama of the show, and it put everything in perspective for her. He was part of the family. It’s still hard and it’s still shocking. I’d like to buy the deep sincerity here, but it feels so forced & rehearsed. I think we’ll all need a shower after this episode.
FYI, there was a rose ceremony and Tasos was sent home.
Deepest condolences to Eric’s family and friends. I am out loud crying right now. For real.
Rachel: Well, this didn’t feel good. Didn’t feel good at all.