One Sentence Summary: Someone forgot to tell my DVR that the divas were back.
Rachel: Imagine my surprise when I saw that the third episode of Hollywood Exes was on VH1… Third?? Uh, DVR, can you please ‘splain me how you missed this? You know how I love my girl Drea. That’s most uncool. But we’re all straight now and that DVR isn’t gonna mess with me again. Yeah, right. Anyway, I’ve gone back and watched episodes 1 & 2 and am here to share thoughts on episode 3 with you. I will say that I am pretty sure it’s time for Mayte to be voted off the island. Immediately. Her behavior just gets more and more petulant and bratty as the seasons go on. Self-righteous doesn’t even cover it. Be gone, little girl. Speaking of which… where is her little girl? I don’t know how I feel about Shanna yet or about Drea’s engagement. I’ve got a raised eyebrow over here about this wedding business…. I’m happy for Drea, but I need some more intel on this guy before I’m all in.
Rachel: Ah, Drea’s man is another R&B singer. Can we say someone has a type? He does have a nice voice, but is he R. Kelly? Nope, but thankfully for all the teenage girls in the world, there is only one. I just hope he’s not using Drea for some airtime. Yes, eyebrow is still raised. And when he shuts her down for making a joke, the eyebrow goes even higher. Might be at the back of my head before the night is over.
Shanna and Miss Nevada pop by Jessica’s office for some eyebrow work. They chat…. um, yeah. That’s the extent of it. They bond over plastic surgery and eyebrow arches. Thanks for sharing… Could have lived without that scene.
Nicole is on her way to meet Mayte and expects an apology about the sugar bowl incident. Has a sugar bowl ever had so much attention? Good luck. Little Miss Self-Righteous isn’t gonna back down. And she doesn’t. She still says it was an
accident. Girl, how you gonna lie when a camera is following you? And let’s just pretend, for shits and giggles, that the sugar bowl did somehow accidentally fly off the counter, you still broke something and left it there for her to clean up. You should at least be sorry about that. That’s pretty much what Nicole tells her, but Mayte keeps talking in circles and tries to make it about her hating fur. This has nothing to do with fur, bitch. It’s to do with you being psycho. Nicole backs down when she realizes she’s getting nowhere and accepts shopping for a new sugar bowl as an apology. Lame.
Jessica’s daughter is modeling with Ford models and Jessica is on-hand to watch out for nipple slippage. She’s not as annoying a set mom as Yolanda on RHOBH so that’s a good thing. I also like that Jessica is serious about Josie continuing her education.
Oh there’s Mayte’s kid… and boyfriend, Humberto. They talk about marriage and babies. She’s ready to have a baby out of love and not desperation. He thinks adoption is having a baby out of love and he is now the daddy. All this baby talk gets Mayte all hot and bothered, so we have dinner interuptus so they can start making babies before the dishes are even off the table. I might need something a little stronger than pinot noir if I’m going to make it through this episode.
Drea is off looking for wedding dresses with her assistant Tony. The whole
wedding talk is making Tony anxious because he isn’t sure about this whole situation. He feels left out. Sweetie, that’s too damn bad. You’re the assistant, not the boyfriend. Oh she missed his birthday… mmhmm… that changes things a bit. Now, I see where the hurt feelers are coming from. He just wants to know why they’re moving so quickly. What are Brian’s motives? He’d like to ask him directly. Drea’s pretty sure that number isn’t getting handed over. She says she’s got this and he needs to trust her. His trusting you isn’t the issue, my darling, but you already know that. Thankfully the salesperson would like less talking and more buying so she sends over some champagne and saves the day. Crisis averted… for now.
Shanna is hosting a poker night for the girls and their guys. That’s fun. I need to have a poker night. I won’t, but I should. But I won’t. Anyway, Shanna is hoping for no drama… LOL. That’s funny. Sheree shows up with an extra man named Austin, who is, in a word, hawt. Sheree brought him for Jessica. Go, Jessica. Jessica, she likey. Nicole no likey the vest. I gotta agree with her, but he’s still hot so you look past the vest.
Mayte shows up with Humberto and Sheree isn’t getting the warm and fuzzies. Mayte and she haven’t made their peace yet. Humberto is contrite with her. Mayte is less forthcoming, but Sheree lets it go. This is not the time nor place. Shanna thanks you.
Tony and Nicole tuck away in the corner and gossip about Brian. Tony tells her he has concerns and Nicole understands. Sheree asks the same of Tony but very loudly and very publicly. He says he wasn’t happy about it at first. Brian tries to politely excuse himself, but Tony requests that he stay and take it like a man. Damn, you got both my eyebrows raised up now! He wants to have a one-on-one with Brian. Sheree sees through it. She knows Tony is just having a Bitter Betty moment, but also condones “the talk”.
Tony decides this would be the time and the place. I guess Drea’s request to not do this at all, let alone in public fell on deaf ears. Tony lets Brian know he’s the one that’s been there from jump. So, what is Brian’s motive. Yes, Brian, what is it? He says he just wants to make her happy and make her family happy. Tony says she wants a baby. Brian breaks the news that the source is no longer connected to the flow. No babies will be happening as far as he’s concerned… and equipped. He also isn’t concerned about R. Kelly. He will stay in his lane and Mr. Kelly will stay in his. And it seems we have a cautious peace achieved.
Jessica and Austin have a first date… at the gym. Um, never. No, never, no. Things that aren’t sexy… me at the gym. I’m more closely related to a cow in labor than I am to a hot mama getting her work out on. This chick sweats. But Jessica and Austin make the sweat work… along with the sauna. Hate to be the person that has to clean that up.
Another confrontation is upon us and this time it’s Mayte and Sheree with Drea along for mediation. Can we have 3 meetings without shouting? I’m doubting it. Sheree wants to know the motives behind Mayte’s money comment. Mayte says she doesn’t have the money for a nanny and can’t just up and go on vacations
whenever she wants. Sheree says that she told Mayte she could bring Gia. It starts to hit the argument merry-go-round, but thankfully Drea steps in to bring some clarity to the situation. Mayte is scared to do anything wrong that might cause her to lose another baby. It’s fear. And that’s fair. Right, Sheree? Correct. She hears it and they hug it out. Whoa, did Mayte just say “I’m sorry”? She did. Color me shocked. Way to go Drea. Sheree still thinks she got dissed for a boy, but she’ll let Mayte have her moment and let it go. She needed to be a friend at that moment. And that, my peeps, is what we call an adult moment.
Drea and Brian – which I type as Brain every time – get some din din and talk wedding. He hasn’t gotten around to getting his tux or his groomsmen’s tuxes. Tick tock, Clarice. For her bride’s gift, she would like Brian to reverse his vasectomy. Yeah, no. He won’t even entertain the thought. She can’t believe it. She thinks he’s being so selfish. Hold the phone, Drea. How did you get so far down the road that you have a ring on your finger without coming to terms on children? That seems insane to me. And to Brian too, because he thinks he was pretty clear from jump. A guy doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t want kids. Don’t make him have kids. And girl, if you want another baby, maybe you should find a guy that does too. Crazytown, Drea. Get off the train now if it’s not on the right track.
Rachel: Ah, I love that my girls are back.