Real Housewives of Atlanta: Season 6, Final Episode: Final Curtain Call

One Sentence Summary: It’s the curtain call for Kandi’s musical but will it be curtains for the ladies’ relationships?

Melissa’s Thoughts:

She may say she has an inner Beyoncé… but methinks it's more an inner Tony Manero

She may say she has an inner Beyoncé… but methinks it’s more an inner Tony Manero

OK, so let’s pretend I have the time to catch myself back up on RHOA… no travel schedules, work schedules, no house work needing attention, no family crisis, no birthdays to manage. Yeah, while we’re at it, let’s also pretend I’m not hung-over by the aforementioned child’s birthday party followed by some day drinking at the club. Of course this will all be while Disney woodland creatures frolic and sing at my feet. Unfortunately friends we live in reality of schedules and this bitch is going to need to jump back in “we will now return to your regularly scheduled program already in progress” style. Thankfully these RHOA ladies are creatures of habit which means someone will be pissed at someone else, NeNe will roll her eyes, Porsha will treat her role in Kandi’s production like she would treat any form of a J-O-B, Kenya will attempt a twirl of some sort or liken herself to Beyoncé and Mamma Joyce is still going to have the stink eye for Todd. Seems like we’re caught up no?

Oh man, this is the finale? Man I’m in trouble!!

2 Days To Go…

2 days until opening night finds us at Kandi’s while she is rehearsing. Ruh-roh Todd let’s her know ticket sales are slow which Kandi was hoping it would be better so she could shove it in Mamma Joyce’s face. Oh sorry, that was just my interpretation of what I would do. As Todd talks through his conversation with Joyce that she seemed to be going through the motions (read: nary as screech or flailing arm to be had). Kandi thinks once the musical is taken care of they can focus on the wedding… and ah-hem the pre-nup. Todd didn’t realize how simple the pre-nup would / could be. That being said, he wants to make sure they’re going to be fair. Fair, that’s a good word choice for don’t let me get screwed out of this lifestyle.

Lost Loves

Damn, Velvet died being attacked by another dog?! Oh sweet Mary I’m so happy I missed that episode I wouldn’t be able to focus for 3 days. I really feel for Kenya, and you KNOW how hard that is for me. I want to hug you right now Kenya. BTW, when did Cynthia get a dog? More importantly one she can control about as much as she can control Peter. Clearly this was covered in one of my “lost” episodes.

Poor Apollo

Oh, Ayden is just so cute!! I would eat him up right after I ate up some of that cake!! Mmmm… cake. Oh sorry… I’m easily distracted as we all know. Poor Apollo thinks now Phaedra won’t be as “bogged down” now that school is over. Say it with me friends: BAHAHAHAHAHA!! At least Phaedra is about to somewhat keep her eyes from rolling as she thinks if he had a vagina he would understand how stressed life can be for those with a chooch.

On Her Own

Here we go with some Porsha drama, but more importantly how many squirrels did she kill for those boots?? OK, so Mom and sis stop by to celebrate the divorce. Porsha decided she didn’t want anything from Kordell so she didn’t bother going to court. Um, how is she paying for that McManse of hers? Surely a brief run in Kandi’s musical ain’t gonna cut it. However, if she does manage to rock it Mary Tyler Moore style I’m going to need to learn some of those ways to upgrade my surroundings a bit. I wouldn’t mind a little McManse of my own with no real job and no one footing the bills. It’s ok because she’s strong and doesn’t need a man. But lookie here, she does seem to need that man’s ring still perched on her finger. In a statement of her strength and not needing Kordell she rips the ring off and chucks it in her glass. Now see, that would be all sorts of symbolic if she wasn’t going to finish that glass of wine (assumption). Careful you don’t choke on it… wouldn’t that be ironic.

Oh Sexy Girlfriend

So I’m kind of confused from the get go, Cynthia is planning some type of festivity but Mal is there and she’s drinking cranberry juice in a champagne flute pretending it’s wine because she needs to work on things with Peter. Honey, if you want to surprise your man maybe you need a little vino and ditch your sister for the night… just sayin. So she’s running through her sexy greetings for Peter and this woman is the farthest thing from sexy talk. Oh Cynthia, you’re a hush baby don’t speak. You should really work to your strengths.

Peter arrives and just laughs at the sight. I would laugh too Peter. Oh stop, did Peter just call her out asking how she was going to be sexy with spanx on. Just stop it Peter, I can’t focus laughing at you laughing off this silly charade of Cynthia’s. Not one to be distracted from her sexy time she offers him a strawberry that is juicy and wet. Man, this girl needs some lessons, I’m sorry.

Wow, that was a scene that I never needed to witness!!

Coming Down With Something

Aw, NeNe is home and Gregg is happy to see her after all her travels. NeNe is suffering pains in her chest and back and of course Dr. Gregg is convinced it’s trapped gas and all she needs is to drink some alka seltzer and try to push out that gas. Wow, and another scene that was really… um what was that?

Hey Bravo maybe you could reduce the gas-x commercials and save us the extra half an hour you added to the show.

Show Time!

It’s 9 hours until curtain!! It’s finally here! Kandi is hoping for the best but all are fighting the jitters and nerves. Todd arrives as Kandi explains they wouldn’t have been able to pull it off without him. Yes, this is as he’s walking around asking everyone and their mother “how does this work”. Now, the closest I have ever come to producing a musical is producing my Visa to purchase tickets to a musical, but I’m thinking he should have a grasp on the workings of his own production. Or is that just crazy talk? Fair enough… crazy talk it is.

Porsha arrives and doesn’t seem too stressed… at least she’s not going to get gassy like Kandi (thanks for the over share).

It’s the full walk through and the stage director (or whoever she is) can’t find Porsha or anyone who should be on their mark for that matetr. It’s four hours ‘til go time and Todd is still asking how things work as they roll out the red carpet. Seriously dude.

With two hours to go the crew is digging into some grub as Porsha relaxes / naps on a sofa.

Oh here we go! It’s about to get underway as the ladies arrive and hit the step and repeat. Phaedra and Cynthia do a quick catch up and recall the last time Phaedra saw Mamma Joyce she threatened to choke her which of course leads to the old lady gang comments. Here’s the thing about that one. While I was all anti Mamma Joyces gang, I would love it if when we’re old and gray all of my girls would step to a fight form me… “Here, hold my hearing aid, I’m about to bust a bitch’s hip”. For real, that would be awesome!! No, I don’t condone violence, but I totally picture a few of my girlies ready to rumble with canes waving about.

Porsha is reveling in her inner Beyoncé coming out {eye roll}.

Oh and there she is… Mamma herself. Do we think she’ll love the musical and the message? Methinks Mamma isn’t going to be thrilled with some of the “messages”. Oh shit… there’s some straight from the Mamma’s mouth lines happening up in here. And by the looks of her, Mamma is going to be about as thrilled with this production as she is with Todd. Hey now, there are some great voices on that stage.

Back in the post lounge everyone is all happy and smiles, including a cemented smile on Mamma’s face. Say what now? Mamma loved the play? They can agree to disagree? Well if that isn’t coming in like a lion and going out like a lamb I don’t know what is. I’m waiting for the shoe to drop, there has to be a catch.

Post-production

Kandi gets a special moment with her dad telling her basically to forget all the BS and follow her heart which let’s be honest is something every girl wants to hear from her Daddy. Preach it Pappa.

Wrap Up

It’s a group hug with all the ladies oohing and aahing for Kandi’s show and of course Kenya needs to make it about her.

Phaedra – opening a crematorium in Athens and NOT representing Apollo in his fraud case.

Phaedra – opening a crematorium in Athens and NOT representing Apollo in his fraud case.

Porsha – Porsha received no alimony, but is dating an African tycoon. Where do these ladies find their tycoons… is there an online shopping service?

Porsha – Porsha received no alimony, but is dating an African tycoon. Where do these ladies find their tycoons… is there an online shopping service?

Cynthia – committed to being Kenya’s friend but not committing to purchasing the Bar One property to get it out of limbo.

Cynthia – committed to being Kenya’s friend but not committing to purchasing the Bar One property to get it out of limbo.

Kenya – Kenya is planning IVF in June with her “prince”.

Kenya – Kenya is planning IVF in June with her “prince”.

NeNe – NeNe suffered collapsed lungs and needed to take a break and is now shaking what her Mamma gave her on Dancing With The Stars.

NeNe – NeNe suffered blood clots in her lungs and needed to take a break and is now shaking what her Mamma gave her on Dancing With The Stars.

Kandi – it’s rumored to be an April wedding for Kandi and Todd!!

Kandi – it’s rumored to be an April wedding for Kandi and Todd!!

Bottom Line

Oh snap, clearly all isn’t happy in the ATL when the ladies reunite.

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4 responses to “Real Housewives of Atlanta: Season 6, Final Episode: Final Curtain Call

  1. Ne Ne had blood clots in her lungs, not collapsed lungs.

  2. Where the heck are you guys?? I miss you.

    • {sigh}… sorry Gina, the day jobs are getting the best of us at the moment. Watch this space, we’ll rally soon!!

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