Real Housewives of New York, Season 6 Episode 3 – Model Behavior

One Sentence Summary: Carole and Aviva finally agree on something: they don’t like each other.

My Thoughts:

Wait, no one hates me. I'm confused.

Wait, no one hates me. I’m confused.

Rachel: So yeah, it’s happened. I’ve rejoined the real world and gotten myself a day job. Well, I had a day job this whole time, but it was working for myself… at home… with no one paying attention to whether or not I took a Candy Crush break. But now, I have to set an alarm and it’s hard. But you probably already know this. And you probably have very little sympathy for me. OK, no sympathy for me. I don’t blame you. Anyway, the point of me telling you this is not to complain – I’m actually pretty happy – but to explain why it’s been pretty quiet over her at Two Winey Bitches. Once I’m back into the swing of things, I will get back up to speed. But please understand that if I’m behind or miss an episode, it’s because I chose to end the day in a bottle of wine and passed out before I could type anything. Trust me, it’s better that I don’t in that situation. OK, so… the RHONY. I’m still Team Carole and still want to beat Aviva about the head. That much has remained the same. We’ll see how the rest pans out…

 

Ghostly

I am a better writer and pretty soon will have bigger lips!

I am a better writer and now have a bigger mouth too!

And we’re back to the fight between Carole & Aviva. I get why Carole’s angry, but I’m not sure I get why she’s THIS angry. Personally, I just think she can’t stand Aviva and is taking this way too far as a way to just say all the nasty things she thinks… like how Aviva’s never had a job outside the home. Aviva thinks Carole’s pompous and unsupportive. Carole thinks Aviva’s out of line and a liar. I think they both need to stop injecting shit into their lips. But seriously, are they really going this around the bend over a ghost writer? I’m ready for this to be done. Carole just go home. Do like Ramona just did and bail. Granted, Ramona is running for the door before Aviva can get to her and let her know how she feels about tattle tales. I imagine it’s probably about the same as she feels about ghost writers.

Sweet Mary, these two are still screaming at each other all the way down the stairs and calling each other crazy. Neither of you is looking very sane right now. I have a feeling a shrink would put you both on meds after having watched this. Shit, I need meds after having watched this. Meds or some wine… Ah yes, the wine. Come hither, you sexy grape. Anyway, Carole tells Heather that Aviva is a psychopath. I think you mean sociopath, but again, meds. Sonja thinks Carole might be this unhinged because of “The Change”. When do we stop blaming emotional outbursts on hormones? It’s PMS… It’s my period… It’s peri-menopause… It’s the full pause… How about it’s just that you really pissed me off? It’s enough.

Anyway, why is Carole still at Aviva’s? Wait, did Aviva just say no one writes their own book? Uh, how you figure that one? I believe Mark Twain just rolled over in his grave. Do people have editors and proofreaders? Yes. But that is not remotely the same as having a ghost writer… not that Aviva gives a shit about details. Oh right, Aviva just needs to make herself feel better about her ghost writer… who is probably writing their own book about how crazy Aviva is right now. Maybe they can hire Carole to be their ghost writer. Really bring it full circle.

Finally, Carole is leaving, but first she has to tell Aviva’s husband that his wife is insane and her ex-husband that she understands why he divorced her. No, Carole, no. Not behavior becoming a princess. You know better. Please don’t tell me you’ve succumbed to Housewife Head – that terrible ailment that these women get by Season 2 where they think they can behave any way they like while judging everyone else’s behavior. Ack…

Oh and here goes another… Heather tells Aviva that spreading rumors about other people’s careers is not nice and to be careful. While that’s totally true, you didn’t need to go there. But I guess you’re confused what to do when there’s drama and you’re not part of it.

BTW, I am not buying this whole Sonja loves Aviva routine.

Peace Is The Answer

I've found peace at the bottom of a bottle of Pinot. Why is that so hard to believe?

I’ve found peace at the bottom of a bottle of Pinot. Why is that so hard to believe?

Heather pops by Ramona’s to hear about her trip to Africa with Mario and Avery. OK, that’s not why. Let’s not play. Lions, tigers and gossip, oh my!  That’s right, we’re really here to talk about the showdown at Aviva’s. Ramona can’t believe it got so heated. Really? Do you not remember “Take a Xanax!!!!” over how Aviva wasn’t greeted properly? Apparently not, because suddenly Ramona is all about keeping the peace. Yeah, we’ll see how long this lasts. Heather thinks Aviva need not be dissing someone’s career. Ramona doesn’t understand why she is inserting herself in someone else’s business. And I don’t understand this Ramona. Maybe she took her own advice and got some Xanax.

It’s Not You, It’s Me

So I went a little bat shit crazy...

So I went a little bat shit crazy…

Carole is meeting with her Editor – uh oh is she writing the book too?! – to go over her latest edit. She’s a little worked up about someone changing her words after she’s changed them back. She wants it the way she wrote it! Holy panties in a bunch, Wordsworth. We know what this is all about. No one thinks you didn’t write your book. And anyone that believes Aviva needs their head examined. Carole actually admits that she’s on edge because of what Aviva said about her. She is laughing at herself over it, but it’s getting to her at the same time. Her Editor thinks it’s ridiculous to even say there was a ghost writer. Exactly. Aviva is ridiculous.

The Business of Being Sonja

Delusions at Tiffany's

Holly Go Flightly

I would like to suggest that Sonja is not allowed to be on-camera this season unless her hottie boy toy is with her. Can we manage that? Please. We desperately need some eye candy. Oh wait, I already have an amendment to the rule. Sonja is also not allowed to dress like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s ever again. Thank you. Carry on.

So, Sonja has a new intern and she’s being welcomed by her new boss. She learns from Ms. Morgan that she’s there because she’s smart AND beautiful, but what they do is important so she could be fired at any time. And with that, the first very important task of the day is upon her… Burning candles to ward off all the jealousy coming at Sonja these days. I was going to say, “Jealous of what?”, but then… boy toy. Right.

As Sonja babbles on incessantly, her interns try to stay awake. Poor Tyler looks like he’s ready to peel off his skin just to get away from himself. You just might have to friend. You just might.

I’m A Model Too!

No honey, I'm the model here. See!

No honey, I’m the model here. See!

Oh boy… Aviva is doing a photo shoot for the cover of her book. I can’t decide if I’m going to be more angry at people that buy this book than I am at the people who have made Brandi Glanville a best-selling author. Probably gonna stick Brandi.

Aviva takes a few snaps in between her talking. That poor photographer. And as if there weren’t enough distractions, Kristen pops by for a chat. They talk about what went down at the housewarming party. Kristen gets where Carole is coming from since she has a background in writing having been a journalist. Oh just wait a minute there missy, Aviva has a background in writing too! She was an English major. And she went to law school which has a tremendous amount of writing. And, as if that weren’t credential enough, she’s even had one whole essay published! Well, yes, that is the exact same thing as being a journalist on network television. I hereby declare Aviva a writer! Just like me… I even hit the publish button all by myself! This calls for more wine. My version of a pat on the back.

Kristen thinks that scene was a side of Aviva she’s never seen. But she hopes everyone can make peace and get along. Have you not seen how this show works? She also thinks it’s not fair for Aviva to mess with Carole’s career, because her career is everything to her. I guess Aviva has had enough and isn’t interested in continuing a conversation that isn’t all about her awesomeness. Instead she is going to watch a turtle. No way! A turtle in nature! Who could imagine it?

Zzzzz

That's a lot of hair to hold when the puking starts.

That’s a lot of hair to hold when the puking starts.

Avery is going to the prom. Ramona is sad for her to be going away to college. Apparently this is the storyline for the Housewives this year. Daughters going to college and their hysterical mothers. Snooze.

It’s Not My Baby

Repeat after me: I Ramona... promise to never take Aviva's side... over Carole's.

Repeat after me: I Ramona… promise to never take Aviva’s side… over Carole’s.

Carole is hosting a baby shower for a friend in her home. She’s not 100% feeling it though, after being attacked by Aviva. OK, let it go already. We’ve heard enough. The peeps start rolling in, including Heather’s husband. So let me understand… Heather is running around in the mud while her husband and daughter go to a baby shower? Um, how did he get wrangled into going? I don’t like going to baby showers and I have a uterus.

While the girls discuss sperm donation, Ramona arrives ready to have a talk with Carole to make sure she’s not mad at her for stirring the pot. She’s mad at everyone so hold on tight to that halter top, Ramona. They step aside to chat and clear the air. Carole doesn’t know why Ramona was in the middle nor why she’s suddenly Aviva’s town crier. I think it’s more like Ramona just likes to know things… and likes to let people know she knows things. But she doesn’t want to lose Carole’s friendship because of making peace with Aviva. Carole is done with Aviva for defaming her character. Her first book was about her husband – the love of her life –  and her career is her baby, so it’s doubly insulting. Yeah, I get that. For better or worse, I get it.

Not So Tough Mudder

But if I don't cry, how will Josh know I need attention?

But if I don’t cry, how will Josh know I need attention?

Kristen’s husband, Josh, is sponsoring a race… in the rain. I’m not really sure what the point is but there are four of them, including Heather, running around a park. Are more people coming?

Ah, yes. Finally a crowd arrives for the Spartan Race… which I am thinking is Josh’s rip of a tough mudder. Seeing all the people sends Kristen into total panic. This is scary for her… to the point of tears. Really? Tears? Her husband isn’t interested in her being a pussy. Well, yeah, and yet… tears.

Everyone’s at the starting line and there’s a lot of screaming and cheering and bad wanna-be Rocky music happening. It’s hurting my brain. Then everyone starts running and it makes me just want to drink more wine. Jonathan, Heather’s husband – who was apparently allowed to retrieve his balls and join the race – takes off like a man who was just at a baby shower solo. Heather and Josh lag behind but are keeping up. Kristen, well, she gets winded and fakes a leg cramp after about 30 seconds. Her husband keeps on keeping on, which does not please her… at all. It’s the hardest thing she’s ever done in her life and now she has to do it alone. The hardest thing in your life? Damn, quite a nice life you got going there if that’s the worst of it. And now there’s barbed wire, which is very dangerous since she’s a model. Somehow if Heather & Josh were right there with her it would be less dangerous. Sigh, I want to like her but she’s really got to stop complaining about bullshit. That’s one seriously charmed life. Be thankful for it. Heather’s husband took off without her too, and she’s managed to not have a breakdown.

The crew finishes and goes back to find Kristen along the way. The cheer her into the finish line, and she’s all smiles until her husband tries to congratulate her. Then it’s tears again and her yelling at her husband to get the eff off of her. OMG, what a baby! Her husband isn’t having it either. He thinks she should embrace the fact that she did something she didn’t think she could do. Exactly. So utterly ridiculous. She should have stayed home and let the nanny change her diaper.

Bottom Line:

Rachel: I really wanted to like Kristen but it doesn’t look like it’s happening. Granted, I still rather watch her than Aviva any day of the week.

Advertisements

6 responses to “Real Housewives of New York, Season 6 Episode 3 – Model Behavior

  1. OMG Aviva is all kinds of bat shit crazy. And she is over-abusing her talking point of, “it takes a village blah blah blah”. So tragic. So stupid. Such a charmed limited life of not knowing authors can take up to eight years to write a novel, and then rewrite and edit it 13 times before any editor, agent, or publisher ever sees it. All writers know that their own compulsion passion and drive write the book. Agents and editors only help polish the manuscript to sell. Ghost writers come in when a “celeb” cannot formulate a sentence on her own or is just telling a boring story. Aviva is very very strange. I wish she would just hook up with her dad already, make themselves both happy, and go away. They are perfect for each other. Neither of them can say anything appropriate in public. I guess you can tell I’m Team Carole. Better than Team Bat Shit Crazy. And we all know how vapid and unable to think (clearly) for herself Sonja is. Please Bravo, bored to tears with the whole kid off to school thing. Don’t care. Seriously, don’t care. If this whole season is about it taking a village blah blah, I don’t think I can stand it. Please don’t make it as shallow as Miami housewives! Oh that was painful. But I have a feeling this will be worse.

  2. I think the Winey Bitches should conduct a poll. Who’s a bigger crackpot, Aviva Drescher or Danielle Staub?
    Aviva lives on her own planet with her drip of a husband reigning as Vice President. But I have to admit, I love watching her in all her awesome craziness. Some of the s**t that comes out of her mouth is priceless. “At least I’m not fifty”. Lol, Crayviva sure would’ve set the legal world on fire had she made a go of it. And my feeling about this “published essay” involved a grade school project where all the kids wrote a little story and it was made into a book for the parents.

    • Ha ha, too funny, Heidi. I think you may be right about that essay. Who wouldn’t want to watch Aviva in a courtroom?

    • Might be to late for Heidi to get this reply yet it begs saying again just how bat shit crazy Aviva truly is. If you are receiving this, by now we’ve already seen Aviva down on the farm during that staged act. Yet what, no asthma? Only allergic to altitudes, horses, and fresh wide open spaces when invited to Montana? Decided she wasn’t going to go yet still had a wheelchair waiting at the airport in Montana with her name on it? Misuses her inhaler when ever it suits her to “prove” she’s asthmatic? No real asthma patient would risk wasting her medicine like that (even if her doctor was a friend or paid-off schlub). I think Rachel, Melissa, Heidi and I should play a game of counting exactly how many desperate sad cries for attention Aviva has this season alone. Well, you got all our attention Aviva: America thinks you are sociopathic, bat-shit crazy, delusional, and self-absorbed. And yes, Aviva is a genuine victim of covert incest and will be so until the day she dies. Covert incest. Google it girls. It’s disturbing. Paging Dr. Freud!

  3. Fair warning. You’re gonna need a glass of something to read this novella about my experience today, by virtue of length alone. It’s interesting to ME, but not likely anyone else. But I needed to get it OUT. So here I am, and here it is–THANKS for the forum, ladies!

    I am just now catching up on the current Season of RHoNYC.
    I actually swore off watching ALL of the Real Housewives several months ago—West Coast to East Coast, I was DONE. I even announced it here on Two Winey Bitches!! Andy begged me to come back…but I said NO WAY JOSE.

    And I haven’t watched for ages. But I was bat shit bored at 4 am today. Flipped through “TV SERIES” on DEMAND, by Network. BRAVO came up almost instantly, and I randomly clicked on RHoNYC.

    I wasn’t sitting here staring at the TV while the episodes ran; I was working at the same time, so it was more for “white noise”.

    SO 2 or 3 episodes play. I make it past Ramona being the rudest, crudest woman in the world, asking Cody, Aviva’s new MIL-to-be, if she “has parents”–right after she was just advised to not talk about Cody’s parents because they died recently. Unforgivable, Ramona. Totally.

    I also made it past Sonja being a rude and ridiculous drunk at a horse race, doing her usual prancing about, likely commando as she is always so anxious to announce.

    Highlights to be proud of, Andy, nice going. You’ve collected a bang-up group of women, yes? No.

    Now the trip to beautiful Montana. And it is beautiful, I’ve been there many times.

    I catch only the beginning of the episode, and Aviva and Ramona are sitting down with…….oh gawd I can’t even remember the name of the tall blond with short bob that’s always complaining to her husband, basically giving him a repeated, public de-balling… I think you’ll know who I am talking about.

    So Miss De-baller is flat out accusing Aviva of lying about the asthma, and chicken-shit Ramona has checked out of the conversation. A great friend as usual, Ramona.

    Yes, t’s apparent that Aviva is a wee bit of a drama queen. But it’s super selfish, and totally insensitive of Miss De-Baller to be so snide about it. Just crappy behavior, I can’t stand it.

    But the real KICKER of the episode IMO (granted I turned it off after this occurred so additional awful things may well have occurred that I was not privy to) was the girls making fun of the wheelchair with Aviva’s name on it that they see when they land in Montana & head into the airport.

    Wheelchairs and medical escorts & such can be set up for people with disabilities and/or injuries that need help getting through airports and terminals. This one had been set up to be ready upon Aviva’s arrival, obviously before she had to cancel.

    I think that Heather notices it first, but it’s only moments before they are all laughing about it. REALLY laughing. It’s so funny to them that Aviva is not even there and yet she manages to cause drama. Going on and on about the drama queen “thinking she needs a wheelchair because she has asthma”??

    LADIES…..HEADS UP…..AVIVA has a prosthetic LEG. After a LONG FLIGHT, she DARN WELL MIGHT need a wheelchair. I would not find that unusual AT ALL.

    But I DID FIND it MORE than a LITTLE GROSSLY INSENSITIVE to NOT REALIZE this. NOT ONE OF THEM THOUGHT, HEY, if I had to wear a prosthetic leg because one of my legs had been traumatically amputated when I was a child, I MIGHT HAVE A LITTLE TROUBLE WALKING after a very long flight.

    It made me remember that there was a very specific reason I consciously decided to never watch this show again. It’s full of rude, childish, vain, bitchy, selfish and self-centered women that drink more alcohol in one episode than I have in my whole life.

    And it HURTS to watch them. The yelling, the screaming, the back-stabbing, the lying….makes me physically ill to know that these women are revered in some circles and GIRLS and YOUNG WOMEN consider them celebrities….and aspire to be like them.

    It’s such a shame that this is the sort of fodder our world now considers ENTERTAINMENT.

    Enough. Me and my Cartier watches and YSL handbags are going back to NOT watching BRAVO. I feel like I’m soiled now, and need to take an intellectual shower–and go back to my new favorite shows. And not a SINGLE ONE of those new favorite shows is a “reality” show!!

    Ahhh…I feel better after my rant. THANKS LADIES!!

    • I too had decided I was no longer watching any of the Housewives due to the insufferable behavior. They’re no longer fun to watch. Like you, I also decided to catch up on the RHONY this weekend, and well, I couldn’t agree with you more. I basically want to copy and paste your comments and use them as my post. You nailed it. They’re miserable. And anyone that doesn’t think Andy Cohen is a misogynist is kidding themselves. No men ever are made to humiliate themselves this way. The closest is the stupid real estate show, but they’re making multi-million dollar deals so it’s okay. Well, I’m off to write my review of the idiots of New York. Thanks for the thoughts! I’m sorry you won’t be watching. I enjoy hearing someone else is on the same page as I am!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s