Courtney Loves Dallas – Season 1, Episode 7; Courtney Loves Herself

One Sentence Summary – Courtney makes Tori’s birthday about herself.

My Thoughts: 

Courtney's metaphorical tiara becomes literal.

Courtney’s metaphorical tiara becomes literal.

Rachel: So, we’re nearing the end of our 8-episode season with Miss Courtney and I can’t say I’m all that sad. It’s gotten a bit stale already as I’m not sure the story of only one person’s life is enough to carry an entire show. Lord knows she thinks it is, but it’s not like she’s in a third-world country saving starving children. She’s pairing shoes and bags with dresses. I get that we only have half an hour, but Sex & The City managed to engage us with four storylines in that time. Here, we have one. Call me greedy, but one is not enough. Why don’t we get to know what Tori does when she’s not fetching Courtney coffee? Is it because she’s not doing anything besides fetching Courtney coffee? I doubt it. And what about some other people that aren’t the two other friends we’ve already met. The ones with kids. Yeah, not so much interested in them. Anyway, my point – as I’m already yawning – is that if you want to make a Season 2 happen, you’re going to have to give us more. We want more! We want more! Or less… I could go either way.

Clueless

Courtney is awake and ready to talk about herself. She calls Tori to tell her that she’s been given an audition to be the host of a local morning talk show. It will be

No really, I do know who the President is. Just give me a minute.

No really, I do know who the President is. Just give me a minute.

View style and she will be the young, sassy host. She meets with the producers to do an interview and promises she’s witty and can think quickly on her feet. Just not on a bicycle. They like her and want to run a screen test with news anchor Lisa Pineiro who would be one of her co-hosts. Courtney starts talking about the weather, but the producers would like her to talk about trending topics. You mean like clothes? No, they mean like things happening in the world. Unfortunately, if it’s not happening in Courtney’s closet, it’s not happening at all. She manages to talk about the President and then brings it back to fashion. But the producers like her and she gets the job. Of course she does.

Immediately she gets in the car and calls Tori with the news. Tori’s excited for her. She’s also excited for her 30th birthday party that Courtney’s planning. Too bad Courtney has done exactly zero things for said party. You know, she’s too busy with herself. Interesting how Tori always finds time for Courtney’s life… Courtney tries to save face by inviting Tori shopping for a birthday outfit. Tori isn’t moved and would like to know the rest of the plans. Ummmm…. it’s a surprise! Not fooling anyone, Court.

So, instead of going home and planning something for Tori, she goes shopping with her intern to find the perfect outfit for her. Forget the outfit. Plan the fucking party. It’s her 30th. Don’t screw that up. Tori shows up and isn’t impressed that the intern has joined the besties’ day. She’s also not impressed that her POV on what she wears is being ignored. Well, it’s not about you, dear. This is about Courtney doing something for you so that she has fun and feels good. Happy birthday! Oh but wait, there’s more! Tori, you also get to go with Courtney, on your birthday day and watch her do a photo shoot! Can you take it? This is the most fun birthday ever!

The next morning, Courtney takes Tori for her next birthday surprise… BOTOX!!! Because nothing says “Happy 30th” like being told your face needs a lift. I mean I can’t imagine a bigger compliment than that. I hope Tori punches her dead between the eyes. Let the doctor fix that. And again, did Bravo just play clean-up on Big Rich Texas because isn’t this their plastic surgeon too? Pretty sure and I’d be very clear with him that you’re not trying to look like Bonnie. You’re more on the Pam/Heidi tip. Tori is, needless to say, shocked because none of this interests her. Beer interests her. A bar stool interests her. But Courtney’s head is so far up her own ass that she doesn’t get it. Did a Botox needle hit your brain, Courtney? And how dumb do you think Tori is to not know that you are just bringing her along to your appointment because it’s what you have planned for you? Ugh. I can’t believe she actually goes through with it. I would have had so much more respect for Tori if she had walked out.

Next up, a mani/pedi for Tori with her friends Thais and Katie. She shares the fact that Courtney took her for Botox for her birthday with them and they are both appalled. Tori has reached her rope’s end with Courtney and her self-obsession. Katie thinks she needs to confront Courtney with her feelings or it’s going to end up being a nasty fight when she explodes. Sage advice.

It’s the day of Courtney’s photo shoot which is also the day of something else… something less important… what was it?  Oh yeah, Tori’s 30th birthday. But Courtney has planned a sexy, semi-naked photo shoot for herself which is going to just elevate her blog. Is that what this blog is missing? Should I be half-naked in a tub with balloons so more people will read this? Shit… send in the clowns!

Tori shows up at the shoot, which is making me shake my head. Girl, you should have texted a bitch and said, I’ll be at blank bar drinking with my friends. See you later. Instead she comes and is pissed off she’s there. And the explosion happens. Tori is upset that Courtney is spending her birthday at a fashion shoot for herself. Courtney is pissed because it’s work and Tori is being selfish. Say what?

I hear you but I see me and I look amazing! It's a tiara moment.

I hear you but I see me and I look amazing! It’s a tiara moment.

No, dear. You are and have been selfish. It’s your best friend’s 30th birthday. That date has been in your calendar for as long as you’ve known her. You don’t schedule a shoot on that day. Period. One day it can be not about you. But Courtney doesn’t get that. Does Tori want her to come hang out in a bar with her all day and drink beers with no make-up on? Um, it’s her birthday. If that’s what she wants then YES. And I love that Courtney can’t have this conversation without staring at herself in the mirror and wearing a tiara. She’s so out of control full of herself. She can’t take Tori’s accusations and tells her to leave. Tori is happy to do that and tells her to not to bother showing up to her party. You mean the one that Courtney didn’t plan?

Bottom Line: Bad form, Courtney. Really bad form. This has been a record-setting fall from grace. Seven weeks to go from awesome girl to absolute twat. Nice job. 

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