One Sentence Summary: Brandi vs Joyce continues as Team Brandi starts to waver.
Rachel: Is it safe to come out from under my blankets yet or are they still fighting? It’s hard to balance a wine glass under here and it’s getting hot. But it’s certainly far more peaceful. Her’s a thought. Maybe it’s time for a Brandi Intervention. I mean I know she’s sad about her dog, but this behavior was happening before her dog ran away. I partially blame the people that bought and read her book. You gave her money and validated her insanity. Now, look where that’s gotten us. Please don’t buy the next one. I implore you. Don’t. Maybe she’ll go away then. Wishes do come true if you believe hard enough, you know.
Grumble In The Jungle
Rachel: Ack, it’s not over. All I hear is noise. Well, noise and Brandi telling Michael to go fuck himself and to shut the fuck up, because she doesn’t have a husband to defend her. Gee, wonder why. Maybe if you hadn’t shit all over your real estate agent boyfriend, he might be sitting next to you getting your back. Granted, you’d also still be getting laid and not in the mood to start shit at every turn. A win-win really. But that’s not the case, is it? And do you really think you can attack a woman in front of her husband and not have him step in? Have you not figured that one out yet? Exhibit A: Paul Nassif. Exhibit B: Mauricio Umansky. A good man doesn’t let his woman get trashed by some crazy woman on the verge.
Brandi finally realizes she can’t win this battle, so she starts crying about her puppy. She doesn’t understand why are people so mean, when she’s just telling the truth. You say “truth”. Some say “attacking and then becoming unhinged”. And there is Ken to rush to her side and coddle her. Shame on you, Ken, for falling for this act. We’ve seen it before. We’ll see it again. Let her go. This victim routine is old and tired. The more people let her get away with it, the more she’s going to do it. Yolanda says that what you see is what you get with Brandi. Yeah, and I see an asshole. A wildly insecure asshole who is threatened by Joyce. The table continues to get Brandi’s back and I’m done with them all. Come on, your friend was wholly out-of-line. I don’t love Joyce either, but I didn’t invite her to dinner. I wish I could live in a world where morals and social etiquette varied by day and mood.
I’m going to punch myself in the face if I have to watch one more scene with Kim and her poor muzzled dog. But here we are. Kingsley returns home so that Kim can undo all the hard work that her trainer, David, did when he was gone… which she proceeds to do before he’s even out the door. I think David wants to choke Kim. Don’t necessarily blame him.
Brats Need Not Apply
And now we get Carlton and her inappropriate nanny. Carlton is making her kids clean out their life-sized dollhouse… that looks like it hasn’t been used in years seeing as how they’re too big for it. She doesn’t like brats and her kids know the value of hard work. OK, this I agree with, but this feels like it’s for the cameras. I appreciate a parent who doesn’t let their kids do nothing around the house. I used to never understand why my mother made me clean my room for the cleaning lady. I get it now. Thanks, mom. And yes, we had a cleaning lady come once a week. Go ahead and judge me.
Oh Lord, Kyle & Joyce are going to play golf. This ought to be hilarious. The golf club is the same size as Joyce. Um, is Kyle really wearing high-heel sneakers to play golf? Seriously, she should be kicked off the course just for the stupidity of it. But I’m mostly distracted by Joyce’s push-up bra and shirt open to her breastbone. I’ve seen strippers on golf courses with more coverage than that. How did I know they were strippers? Uhhh… Let’s not worry about that. But I will say that is a good bra seeing as how we’ve seen her in a bikini and she wasn’t sporting girls with the same volume as today’s. All hail propaganda!
Conversation, of course, turns to Brandi and the debacle at dinner… Joyce starts to tell Kyle why she agreed to go in the first place, when we jump to Brandi & Yolanda having the same conversation. Brandi says she knows she was bitchy, but you get what you give. Yolanda knows the beauty that is Brandi (cough, cough), but she thinks all the hurt that she’s experienced has created a situation where she’s approaching things in a way that’s not “charming”. Understatement of the year. But thank you, Yolanda, for not letting her get away with thinking she’s faultless because that’s just who she is. I always laugh at bad people when they use the old “what you see if what you get” excuse for their behavior. Yeah? Well, I see a deeply troubled person with a really bad attitude. Yolanda says her behavior is embarrassing and improper.
Back to Joyce, who tells Kyle the comment from Brandi about how her friends don’t have nice things to say about her. Yeah, that was so shitty. I’m sure Joyce’s friends are going to be thrilled to get that phone call.
Brandi isn’t going to change for anyone. Yolanda isn’t asking her to change who she is, just how she communicates. Yes, but the way she communicates is who she is because that’s how she gets attention. Hello! Psych 101! Brandi isn’t trying to hear it because she has too much going on in her life to be careful about what she says. Yeah, because none of the rest of the world has issues.
Joyce tells Kyle that she’s not interested in Brandi’s f-bomb tirade with the poor-me tears after. No one’s interested in her playing the victim and no man is going to want to be around all that negativity. Hey, didn’t I just say all that? Heretoforth, Brandi doesn’t exist to Joyce.
Carlton and her husband – and Carlton’s lace-front shirt – head out to get her a new tattoo. She would like a star – I’m sure there’s an actual term for the one she wants – with her kids’ names around it in their handwriting. That’s pretty cool. She also apparently wants the entire world to see her cans, since you know she’s an openly sexual person, in case you forgot… though I’m not sure how that’s possible. Ouch, she’s getting the tattoo on the back of her neck. That’s going to hurt like a bitch. Oh duh, it’s a pentagram. Wow, way to miss that one, Rach. I was going to go back and change it before you read this, but unlike some people on this show, I own my idiocy. ha ha…
Stand By Your Woman
Lisa & Ken are antique shopping for their new restaurant, Pump. They pick out some relics and then discuss the Brandi debacle. Lisa feels like she should have stopped Trainwreck Brandi in her tracks, but Joyce was wrong to call her a racist. Well, yeah, she’s not a racist but she sure made a racist comment that she refuses to own. Oh sorry, she owned it on social media after the public got wind of it. Ken thinks Michael should have stayed out of it. Lisa says it was admirable and he had to defend his wife. She knows that Ken would have done the same thing if the situation was different. Yep, he would and he has. He’s also jumped into a fight in defense of Brandi when he, by his own estimation, should have stayed out of it. Granted, he probably doesn’t remember though. Honestly, I think he just paces around the house all day when he’s not with Lisa.
It’s time for Kyle’s charity fashion show as Brandi and her friends – Adrienne and Etirsa – make their way to the event. These are her friends that tell her when she screwed up so that’s why she likes them. Like Yolanda? She tells them about her stupid “joke” about black people not being able to swim. Her friend, Etirsa, who is black, sees this as one of those moments to tell her that she screwed up. Suddenly the lightbulb goes off over Brandi’s head and she realizes it was a dumb ass thing to say. So, now you get it? Sigh…
The models file in and I have no idea what the hell Joyce is wearing. It is something she must have found in the reject pile at a Dancing With The Stars taping. Wow, that’s bad, though it also has miraculous padding in the bra area. The young models – Kyle’s daughters and friend – get a quick modeling lesson from Etirsa, but 13-year-old Sophia doesn’t want to do it. She’s shy. Kyle thinks she needs to do it to build her confidence. Imma keep my mouth shut on this one…
Wait, Jamie Lee Curtis is at this event? I love her. I had no idea Kyle was in Halloween with her. I love that movie. Classic horror. So that’s that connection, plus Jamie is very involved in the Children’s Hospital. It is announced that Kyle & Mauricio have joined a very special tier of giving called First Family. Jamie is classy enough to not drop a dollar amount, but Bravo isn’t and lets us know that it’s $100k. While I find that so super tacky to show, it is very impressive and kind of them to do. So it’s a rare moment when I actually admire Kyle for something, and I do.
A Formidable Opponent & A Dictionary
At the fashion show, Lisa invited Joyce to her home to talk about what happened at Sur. Just the two of them. Joyce shows up for tea bearing peace gifts. Lisa apologizes, I think, for the other night. She says she can’t apologize but she can. Um, ok. Joyce is just tired of people making excuses for Brandi attacking everyone. Lisa says she’s just going through a hard time. Joyce calls her out because that’s an excuse. Yes, it is. I think Lisa likes that Joyce is holding her own against her. And this is why I like Lisa. Lisa says she kept quiet partially because she is concerned that she’s constantly chastising Brandi. Joyce doesn’t know that word; chastise. OK, I’ll give her that because she’s a native Spanish speaker. But she also doesn’t know the word “reprimand”. I’m giving her less leeway here. Time’s up for tonight, so we’ll have to wait until next week to hear how this ends and to find out if Joyce needs Lisa to bring her a dictionary.
Rachel: I feel the tide starting to turn for Brandi. Maybe she’ll figure it out and get some help. Probably not.