The Bachelor Season 18 – Juan Pablo Meets The Chicas

REMINDER: The Juan Pablo Drinking Game is here! Click the link for all the fun details: Juan Pablo Drinking Game Rules.

One Sentence Summary: It’s time for Juan Pablo to meet the ladies and start breaking hearts.

Our Thoughts: 

Sean shows Juan Pablo the most important move of all.

Sean shows Juan Pablo the most important move of all.

Rachel: I think the title of every episode this season needs to include the words Juan and Pablo. It’s the sexy way to do it. So, is everyone ready to watch women lose all composure thanks to a dangerous mix of booze and spirited competition for the love of one man? One man whose birthday they couldn’t tell you, but could pick his abs out of a line-up. Yes, true love has been based on less. Well, maybe not less, but probably as little. I mean there have been 17 seasons thus far and a whopping one of the bachelors has made it down the aisle… and not to the woman to whom he proposed on the show, though he did meet her there. So, Juan Pablo’s chance of finding his wife on this show is 6%. If Sean gets married, the odds jump up to 12%. Woot! Anyway, we’re pulling for you JP and if it doesn’t work out, we’ll always have these 10 weeks together.

Melissa:  Yes, here we go, with the next installment in the parade of crazies. Thank you, abc.  No really, I’ve made myself a bowl of popcorn and poured a glass of Pinot. The entire Northeast is bracing for the cold, but me… I’m bracing for the screeches, cattiness and tears that can only be The Bachelor.  Let’s just hope I don’t get too drunk in the first 10 minutes playing our drinking game and pass out.  Maybe I should rotate in some water… make sure I’m hydrated.  This bitch has to get up and go to work in the morning.

So It Begins…

Warning: This might make your heart melt.

Warning: This might make your heart melt.

Rachel: Time for the deep thoughts from Juan Pablo that sound like every deep thought by every bachelor before, including this bachelor… oh right, we heard all of this last night. Come on, abc, if people didn’t pony up and watch last night, that’s on them. Don’t punish us.

So his daughter is a Valentine’s baby… Sharing Valentine’s Day with your stepdaughter for the rest of your life… Oh that should be fun for some of these ladies. OK, this kid is cute. And it’s super nice that his ex is cool with her coming to LA with his parents for two weeks. So far I’m down with the program, but I have to ask if he’s going to draw hearts all season? I literally am not hearing the words coming out of his mouth anymore. I assume it’s all about finding love and all that nonsense.

Side Bar: Can someone let Verizon know that the holidays are over, so they may want to stop playing their holiday spots?

Melissa: I love the photo-shoot montage.  Oh and lookie here, we are only 2 minutes in (the first minute taken up by the season preview) and he’s topless.  Seriously, don’t you think at some point he’s going to start to feel a wee bit degraded?  Hang on… what’s with the flashbacks from last night?  I feel gipped already.  Oh wait, what is he driving this season?  Is he rocking the standard Bentley?  Man, I don’t like these people for that reason alone.  It’s not fair if you ask me.

OK seriously, this little girl… I want to just eat her up, she’s so cute!  Oh no… they’re doing the deep thoughts on the rocks with JP too?  Ah yes… we get a Baywatch run also… awesome.  You know, part of me wants to go back to watch the very first Bachelor episode to see how the cheese factor has developed over the years.

Advice For The Ages

So wait, I can kiss all the girls on the same night as long as no one else sees?

So wait, I can kiss all the girls on the same night as long as no one else sees?

Rachel: Oh look it’s Sean. I’m surprised they aren’t making them talk to each other shirtless.  And by surprised, I mean slightly perturbed. Time to have the “How to survive this” conversation. Juan Pablo is bad with names so he’s nervous. Ha, that makes me laugh. Sean says just man up and admit it. But the most important thing is to make sure that you don’t kiss anyone in front of another girl. Just trust your gut and it will work out. Also don’t latch on to certain girls right away or you will close yourself off to real relationships. Catherine wasn’t on his radar until 3 or 4 weeks in. Juan Pablo is nervous about the real world. Sean says that it is surreal and fantastical on this journey, but scrubbing down his dogs at 2am after they were sprayed by a skunk with Catherine is real world and he’s in real love. That might have made me misty. Clearly, I need to drink more… or less. Can’t tell. We have more deep thoughts and shower shots. Can we get to the girls please?

Melissa:  Here we go, let’s get some advice from Sean… You know, since he found love before.  ZZZZZZ {snort} Huh, what? Oh, I must have nodded off with Sean’s sage advice of making sure he has a cover for not remembering a lady’s name and the appropriate strategy for kissing them all without getting caught. I would have much rather had that replaced with Juan Pablo getting ready with Camila. Sean was a total eye roll for me.

Meet Some Of The Ladies… Again

Oh come on, give me a couple minutes on-screen. Papa needs to earn his paycheck.

Oh come on, give me a couple minutes on-screen. Papa needs to earn his paycheck.

Rachel: Chris is back to explain to us all the things we already know or could figure out because we have IQs higher than 15. He says Juan Pablo is the most popular bachelor ever. Drink. Did he just say Juan Pablo fever has reached epidemic proportions? Drink again. Technically that’s not one of the rules but that is such ridiculous hyperbole that we must all drink.

Oh jeeze, here we go again. Didn’t we do the mini-bios last night? Can’t we just get to the limos? Apparently not. Here we go…

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Chelsie, 24 – Silly goose

Rachel:  She’s very silly. Read: annoying. Her right match hasn’t come along yet. YOU’RE 24!!! He’s not supposed to have come along yet. Call me when you get here, where I am, and then let’s talk about wondering where the fuck he is. Yes, people… newly single bitter girl over here. It’s gonna smart for a while so hold on. Imma try to let it go by week 3. Maybe 4. Definitely by the final rose… I’m already annoyed with Chelsie and we’ve already seen this footage.

Melissa: So, she’s been looking for her right match but he hasn’t come along yet… in her 24 years on this earth.  Oh, and she’s going to learn “all her phrases” to wow JP. Good luck with that.

Renee, 32 - Single mom

Renee, 32 – Single mom

Rachel: A Floridian who is also a mom. A perfect match. Wait, her 8-year-old son plays chess? That’s impressive. And she’s in her 30’s! I think more girls should be in their 30’s on this show. Seriously. I mean I know they’re going to bring way less drama, but they are actual grown-ups. Saying you’re ready for love at 32 makes sense. Saying it at 24 makes me want to bash your head in. {{{ angelic smile }}}

Melissa: Sweetie, I could have done without the fake running out of the surf, but I’ll let is slide, because I think you’re probably the grandma of the group. Oh, and the token mom of the group… Maybe I’m liking you more.

Andi, 26 - Legal eagle

Andi, 26 – Legal eagle

Rachel: Boy I hope Andi is a better lawyer than she is actor. And there’s no part of the “gang member” that has ever even seen a gang member. I like that she’s a lawyer. I hate that they’re making her look like Legally Blonde .. or brunette in her case. I like her much better when they just let her be her.

Melissa:  Oh, she’s an ADA… good on you girlie. We like smart girls.

Amy, 31 - Moaning masseuse

Amy, 31 – Moaning masseuse

Rachel: Another 30-something, though she looks more like 37 than 31. Sorry. I calls ’em likes I see ’em. And what is with her giving a massage like she’s starring in a porn? If someone were massaging me like that, I’d be out of there. OK, I can’t stand her and she has crazy eyes.

Melissa: Ah, Amy the massage therapist who sees herself as an artist as she rubs herself all over her male client.  Oh girl, that airplane approach with “breakfast for JP”… No. Just no.

BTW, I feel it is important to mention I might be a little buzzed at this point and need to lay off the drinking game. I’m worried my grammar will start to suffer… thank heaven for spellcheck!

Nikki, 26 - Roller Girl doppelganger

Nikki, 26 – Roller Girl doppelganger

Rachel: She’s a pediatric nurse who actually seems like a good girl. A good girl with bad hair. I hate that dark roots and eyebrows on a blonde look. Sorry.

Melissa: Oh I like this Nikki. I hope she sticks around.

Lauren H, 25 - Desperate girl.

Lauren H, 25 – Desperate girl.

Rachel: Lauren again – The rich girl who coordinates minerals. What does that mean? And, here’s our story of heartbreak. She was engaged and then she wasn’t, thanks to a short and not sweet phone call from the fiancé. She says it’s something you never get over. Well, I’m thinking you might need to get over it being that you’re going on a dating show. I mean I feel you on how hard it is, but maybe some therapy would be a better next step vs competing with 24 other women for love.

Melissa: She gets props for admitting her love life sucks. Oh snap, got dumped by her fiancée over the phone? That’s harsh. I’d give her a decent bottle of wine to get her over her breakup… It’s what any good Winey Bitch would do.

Valerie, 26 - Bitch

Valerie, 26 – Bitch

Rachel: She’s from a farm town and is a trainer. Within 30 seconds of her interview she says that ugly people need love too and that she’s a pretty girl. Looks like we have our vixen for the season who’s ready to scratch out some eyeballs. Lovely.

Melissa: Oh no, she thinks she’s a pretty girl.  I have no patience for this one. Let’s turn the lights off and hopefully she’ll go away thinking we aren’t here.  Shhhhh.

Lacy, 25 - Angel

Lacy, 25 – Angel

Rachel: She comes from a family of 13; nine of whom are special needs. That’s impressive… Huge props to mom & dad. Her dream is to do the same thing and she has started her own elderly care facility. Part of me wants to punch her Pollyanna-ness right in the face, but she actually is kind of awesome. Yeah, I like her lots.

Melissa: She’s 25 and owns a nursing home? How’s that? I owned shoes at 25. OK, I like her. She gets some serious points with me.

Clare, 32 - La Latina

Clare, 32 – La Latina

Rachel: Another 30+! Go team! She’s part Mexican and the youngest of 6 girls. She was a daddy’s girl, but lost him to brain cancer. You know how I usually feel about sob stories, but I’m a daddy’s girl so this is punching me right in the feelers. There may even be some tears happening. Oh man, her dad left behind a DVD for her future husband to watch… Killing me here. I’m kinda all-in on Team Clare here.

Can we limo it now? Please! I mean is there anyone left to meet?

Melissa: Wow, another “grandma” for the group and she will always have good hair. Damn, her dad passed away from brain cancer. I raise my glass to you, girl.

Juan Pablo Arrives

Ready to make some girls cry?

Ready to make some girls cry?

Rachel: The response to Juan Pablo was so huge that the producers had to open up casting and include more women. So there are going to be… wait for it… wait for it… 27 women this season! Wait, the response was so overwhelming that you added 2 more women? I think you guys need to invest in a dictionary and look up overwhelming. I was expecting him to say 30 women at least. But no, the HUGE news is 2 women. Pretty sure there were that many for Sean… Well, 26 at least with Kacey. Or Kacie. Or whatever her name was. Anyway, bring on the flood of women already.

Melissa: He’s here!!  He’s here!!  He’s here!!  Sorry, I was channeling my inner bachelorette for a second.  You know, here’s the thing… He looks damn FYNE in a suit. See, I’m a sucker for a man in a suit. I’d much rather see a man swagger around in a suit than shirtless… just saying. So the devious producers at abc decided to give him 27 ladies to choose from? How lovely.

The Limos Are Here! 

So, we Winey Bitches like to use a little ranking system for the girls coming in. Helps us know who to root for. Here it is….

  • We’d Open A Bottle of Bubbly – The highest of honors
  • We’d Grab A Decent Bottle– You don’t quite rank in the land of the bubbly, but we’d share something nice with you.
  • We’d See What We Already Had Open – Hey, you might get lucky and something fab is on the counter, but you’re not getting a fresh bottle.
  • We’d Offer You Boone’s Farm – Listen, you’re lucky we didn’t shut the lights off and pretend we weren’t home.
  • Sorry, No One’s Home – Look, even we can’t just let anyone into our homes. You have to be a special kind of suck though to get here.

Here we go! And the squealing commences…

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Amy L, 27

Rachel – Oy vey. That pageant smile that never moves even when she talks scares me. She’s not awful, so she gets what’s open.

Melissa: Well girlie, you aren’t going to get yourself a first impression rose with that approach.  You’ll get what’s open, which currently is Educated Guess Cab… It’s your lucky day that I decided on something decent to compliment my popcorn.

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Cassandra, 21

Rachel: Former NBA Dancer… What does she do now? This is awfully awkward. And she’s a whopping 21. Meh… Boone’s. However, Juan is dazzled by her… personality… ha no, her tits.

Melissa: Hey now, I think we have the baby of the group at 21. She must have been looking for love FOREVER!  Oh the stories I’m sure she could tell!  Oh… crickets, that’s not good.  Someone needs to take another 4-5 years to work on her game.  You’ll get what’s open, after I check your ID.

Christy, 24

Christy, 24

Rachel: What’s with the hairband? She’s very excited it’s him. Yeah, well, we’ll see if he’s as excited it’s you. She gets what’s open.

Melissa: Well hello, someone decided to introduce her girls first. Did we meet her last night?  The one with all the roommates right? What’s open, I guess.

Christine, 23

Christine, 23

Rachel – A miami girl, and I like the dress. I also think she has a real job, even though I think it’s just a fancy way to say 911 operator. She also brought a gift for the kid. Smooth. I’d grab a decent bottle for her, I think.

Melissa: She’s OK. Way to go with a gift for the daughter. You get something decent from the cellar, because you didn’t annoy me. Well done.

Nikki, 26

Nikki, 26

Rachel: Cool dress and she has a tat. I also like the sly way she gets herself a little feel with the stethoscope. Yep, still like her. You get a nice bottle, girl.

Melissa: Hey, girlfriend managed to almost get herself to second base there. That’s some chutzpa. You just got upgraded to bubbly!

Kat, 29

Kat, 29

Rachel: She asks him to show her how to salsa. She gets credit for making her entrance memorable, but I’m not sure how I feel about her yet. What’s open.

Melissa: Now rumor has it this chickie here is a friend of a friend of a Bitch. Let’s see what she’s bringing.  Hey now, getting him to salsa… way to go, my dear.  And he likes how you smell. So, clearly you showered today. That’s a bonus for you too.  You get something decent.

Chantel, 27

Chantel, 27

Rachel:  Our Token Person Of Color has arrived. They still don’t get it, do they? Anyway, she helps him pronounce her name in what she thinks is a sexy way. She rocks his name in Spanish, and that means we all drink. But she only gets what’s open.

Melissa: Just when I was about to comment that all the ladies look fairly the same with the long hair and long dresses, who we lose when they turn sideways because they are so tiny, we get a little diversity in the mix right down the short dress.  You get something decent opened.

Victoria, 24

Victoria, 24

Rachel: Another Florida girl. She speaks Portuguese and he speaks Spanish and together they may speak some French if you know what I mean. She only gets what’s open though, for the baby talk voice.

Melissa: I don’t hate her and I’m in a generous mood (aka: tipsy). She gets the good stuff, too.

Lucy, 24

Lucy, 24

Rachel: Oh Jesus, the free spirit is here and wearing a flower wreath on her head. She didn’t wear shoes because she didn’t want to be too tall. And what happened to her age since yesterday? Guess it was too free-spirited to stick around. I can’t stand her. No one’s home.

Melissa: Sweet Mary, the free sprite… I mean spirit arrives and WTF is with the garden on her head?  Sweetie, that right there has me turning off all the lights and crawling around ninja style to make sure you don’t catch me at home. Oh no she didn’t just skip away!!

Danielle, 25

Danielle, 25

Rachel: Another TPOC, I like it. She seems cool and is smart to say she has a gift that she’ll give him inside. Way to guarantee some one-on-one time. I like smart. I’m going to open a nice bottle.

Melissa: Damn, she’s gorgeous. That earns her a demerit, right there. You’ll get what’s open, because you’re too pretty for me, and I can be a spiteful bitch at times.

Lauren S, 26

Lauren S, 26

Rachel: Is she actually pushing a piano? Well, this is awkward. And the playing isn’t great either. But the dress is pretty. Not sure about her… Maybe if something nice is already open. He runs after her because she forgot to say her name. That was cute.

Melissa: Hang on now, she pushed a piano up the driveway?  Too bad she flubbed her solo. But wait now, did she actually tell him her name?  I guess not since he’s chasing her down for it.  Oh JP, you earned your bubbly when you showed up looking so dapper in that suit.  Lauren, however, gets what’s open.

Chelsie, 24

Chelsie, 24

Rachel – Still don’t like her. Can’t take that fake bubbly bullshit. And the chemistry experiment is also annoying. Boone’s.

Melissa: She brought a science experiment? Oh, this one is a little too bubbly for me. She gets what’s open… The 3rd bottle, maybe, when I don’t really care.

Valerie, 26

Valerie, 26

Rachel: Oh this bitch. She’s wearing boots, so he knows she’s not always fancy. Still don’t like her. Don’t bother knocking, ’cause ain’t a bitch up in here.

Melissa: Yeah, she’s here. I don’t know how she’s going to redeem herself at this point with me. Honey, you want to see a pretty girl, you go in the house and ask to talk to Danielle.  She’s a lights out.

Elise, 27

Elise, 27

Rachel: Bad bad dress. Um… What’s open.

Melissa: So, I just checked her bio. She’s 27 and her longest relationship was 8 years.  So, again I’ve been drinking a bit this evening, but that math on that… she’s been in a relationship since she was 19?  Hmmm, you get what’s open.

Ashley, 25

Ashley, 25

Rachel: Why is she whispering? She gives him a gold star. I seriously can’t listen to her all season. Boone’s.

Melissa: Another teacher… She gets what’s open.

Clare, 32

Clare, 32

Rachel: No Clare, no! You were my fave! What are you doing with the fake bump? It’s going to be a soccer ball, right? Please? She tells him it’s a joke. Ack… She was so in my bubbly category for a minute but is getting dropped all the way to what’s open. I hope she’ll make up for it and I can promote her.

Melissa: WTF girl??  Do you need to be demoted to what’s open?  I guess your little belly worked and he thought you looked good with child. I’ll open a bottle of something nice, but I give you a sideways suspect glance for that attempt at humor.

Alli, 26

Alli, 26

Rachel: And we have the soccer ball! Who’s drinking? I like her. She’s cute and I love that she actually wore soccer sneaks. I may give her bubbly. Yep, bubbly.

Melissa: Finally, a soccer ball approach.  I was seriously beginning to doubt the ladies. Meh, you get what’s open.

Amy J, 31

Amy J, 31

Rachel: Here comes crazy. She’s here for him because it’s him. Crazy eyes! I was going to give her Boone’s but I think she might be dangerous. So, the lights are getting flipped and no one’s home.

Melissa: Let’s see if she can redeem herself from the airplane food fiasco earlier.  I guess her Spanish won him over.  Me, not so much, she gets the Boone’s.

Renee, 32

Renee, 32

Rachel: Single mommy girl. I like her. I’m going to open some bubbly.

Melissa: Let’s see what you got sweetie. That dress sure has his attention.  Hey now, if I could get Juan Pablo to say, “Bye, Mama” to me, I’d be kicking up my heels. Props and bubbly for you my dear.

Lauren H., 25

Lauren H., 25

Rachel: Oh boy, broken heart girl. And she must stop with the nose squint. Yes, she squints her nose. It’s terrible. And the head hug move is bad too. Boone’s all the way.

Melissa: She’s been demoted to what’s open because of the face scrunchy thing she keeps doing.

Maggie, 24

Maggie, 24

Rachel: There she is; our requisite Southern Belle. There’s always one. She brought him a fishin’ hook. She enjoys it and hopes he’ll be the big catch. Meh… What’s open.

Melissa: Aw, cute little southern belle with her fishing hook.  She’ll get what’s open.

Kelly, 27

Kelly, 27

Rachel:  Someone brought their dog. And it’s Kelly whose job is “dog lover”. How is that an occupation? And yes, we’re all about snap judgements here. So with that, I say she sounds about as smart as that bag of hair on her head. Boone’s.

Melissa: Um, can one have a profession that is “dog lover”?  I’m curious what that entails. Is there dental with that job?  Um, you get the Boone’s, but Molly, the dog, gets a few treats.

Lacy, 25

Lacy, 25

Rachel: My girl Lacy. She brought him a prescription bottle of Red Hots because 25 girls can give you a headache. Cute. I’m going to give her bubbly.

Melissa: I still like Lacy. She’s drinking the decent stuff with me.

Alexis, 24

Alexis, 24

Rachel: Another Florida girl. They’re stacked this year. Zero impression from her. What’s open.

Melissa: Meh… she’ll get what’s open.

Kylie, 23

Kylie, 23

Rachel: What are you wearing, girl? It looks like Pepto Bismol puked on you. Awkward meeting, so she gets what’s open.

Melissa: Also, meh. What’s open.

Sharleen, 29

Sharleen, 29

Rachel: Gorgeous dress. He likes it too. She flew in from Germany and is an opera singer. He’s intrigued. She seems… grown up. I’ll open a nice bottle for her.

Melissa: That dress alone scores her bubbly.  She’s pretty too, so I’m torn with knocking her down a peg.  But she’ll keep her bubbly.

Andi, 26

Andi, 26

Rachel: Wow, the lawyer cleans up pretty nice. He’s speechless. She’s so getting a rose and I’ll open a nice bottle for her. She seems cool.

Melissa: Last to arrive is our ADA, who gets a decent glass.

Rachel: Are we done? I can’t take anymore. Neither can he. He’s already nervous about sending people home. Well, they’re getting their booze on, which means some are going to make it really easy for you.  Just give it some time. Beer tears are near.

Cocktail Time

The madness menagerie

The madness menagerie

Rachel: The girls are already mooning over the cuteness and the accent and the abs… He isn’t even in the room yet. Wow, they seriously started cheering for him when he walked in. He should be very scared. He just wants them to be themselves. I love that he doesn’t even pretend to play it cool. He feels like meat… Well, you are, my friend. You are.

He puts on some music and makes it a dance party to break the ice. And there’s a photo booth which must mean he’s wild and crazy. Or it means the producers came up with a genius idea for the new season. One or the other.

Time for some one-on-one chats. Nikki’s first. They have a nice chemistry. I mean it ain’t deep but it’s cute. Single mom is next. They talk baby mamas and daddies and have a connection but we’ll see if it transcends kids. Ruh-roh, here comes crazy Lucy. He says she’s a happy camper as we Americans call it. She says she’s a gypsy and proceeds to put her bare feet on his lap. He thinks it’s strange. Yes, it is. Send her home. Speaking of strange, crazy massage therapist is up next with her essential oils. She massages him and she tells him he’s a beautiful person. She is scary. Really scary. All the weird moaning freaks him out. Freaks us all out. She must go home as well. I’m thinking that won’t be a problem.

The first impression rose appears, but Juan Pablo needs some more time. This sets the girls off and panic fills the room. This is when the women start to go off the rails. Bad dress Elise gets him on the couch. Her mom passed away a year ago, so she’s trying to find her prince and her mom has guided her here. Really?

Lauren H. is starting to feel insecure and second guess herself because she hasn’t gotten time. GET UP AND GO GET TIME. And now she’s crying. Yep, therapy. She knows she’s ready for this. I’m thinking you’re not. But she gets her time and tells him that this process is making her feel insecure. God damn girl, not the broken engagement story. Yep she tells him the whole deal including the guy’s son that she didn’t get to see him again. She’s just punched her ticket home. Talk about scaring the hell out of a guy.

Danielle gives him a teddy bear for Camila. And then we have puzzles… Finally, Andi gets her time. There’s definitely a connection and I still like her. Wait, she just said she doesn’t like to read that much. Down a notch.

Melissa: That’s right Sharleen, you get in there with the cocktail for Juan Pablo.  That’s my kind of girl!  I knew I liked you.  Oh JP, they DO want to eat you sweetie.  Every one of them wants a piece of you.

So the first alone time goes to Nikki and she takes into stride his not remembering her name.  I still like Renee the single mom.  Oy the free spirit… she’s already stomping on my last nerve and I want to weed her head.  UGH, Amy you’re stomping as well… it’s like the Rockettes with you and the free spirit.  Gee Amy, you saw something in him you could look at for the rest of your life?  Ya don’t say?  Wonder what that is…

I love all these girls who get obsessed about the rose and not getting any time with him.  Um, walk your ass over to him and ask him to talk.  Unless there’s a deli ticker, it’s a free for all.  OK, Lauren is our first official crier of the night.  Sweet Mary woman, just get yourself up and walk over there… don’t be that girl.  Too late.  Come on sweetie, unless this is an angle you’re playing, you need to just move on here.  Whew, at least she got some time, but your insecurities aren’t sexy.

First Impression Rose

It's a rose. You're supposed to take it.

It’s a rose. You’re supposed to take it.

Rachel: Sharleen gets time too and she is pretty damn cool. I like her; sophisticated, cultured and smart. I also like that he likes that about her. Depth finally wins the first impression rose! Rack one up for the smart girls! However, she thinks the connection feels a bit forced, and she begrudgingly accepts the rose with a “sure”, which is probably making him second guess his decision. What’s that all about, Sharleen? He takes it as surprise. She takes it as she needs time to decide if there are real feelings. Well, yeah, but don’t be a pill about it. And FYI, you now have a target on your back. Godspeed.

Melissa: AW YEAH, my girl Sharleen is getting the rose!!  Hang on now, you aren’t feeling the chemistry when he’s fetching a first impression rose for you?  Damn, I really didn’t think she was going to accept that rose for a second.  And bring on the Bitter Betties.

Rose Ceremony

The most embarrassing rose ceremony ever... and that's not an exaggeration.

The most embarrassing rose ceremony ever… and that’s not an exaggeration.

Finally, the rose ceremony! I swear I started watching this yesterday. I think Lucy, Lauren and Amy J. are getting ushered out the door tonight along with a couple girls we never really met. Maybe pink dress too. Let’s see if guru Rachel is correct…

Has a rose: Sharleen

Gets a rose: Clare, Nikki, Renee, Andi, Alli, Chantel, Lauren S, Kelly, Cassandra, Danielle, Chelsea…

Kat is called but Kylie starts to walk up… Holy awkward!!! She gets to go back in line and pray that won’t be made worse by getting sent home the first night.

…Victoria, Christy, Lucy (ugh, no), Elise, and Amy L.

Going home: Amy J, Kylie, Lauren H, Alexis, Ashley, Christine, Kelly, Lacy, Maggie, and Valerie. 

Wait, my girl Lacy didn’t make it??? I’m pissed. Well, I was right about 3 out of 4. Amy is hurt because her heart capacity is ready to devote herself to a man. Yeah, I don’t know either. Lauren feels like this is one more thing for people to pity her for. Well… At least “Miss Ugly People Deserve Love Too” didn’t make it past the first round. 

Melissa: Good bye ladies, I feel like we didn’t get the chance to get to know your crazy. Amy is the second crier.  Now Kylie brings the tears because she could picture her life with him.  But could she picture it with Mike from the docks?  I mean really ladies, you’re buying the dream, I get it, but let’s have a little side of reality shall we?

Bottom Line:

Rachel: Well, so far I like how this is going (minus sending Lacy home) and I like Juan Pablo. I may have misjudged this season.

Melissa: So, this should be interesting. I’m still on the JP wagon. I’m not gonna lie, I’m happy a few of my drinking buddies have made the cut.


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