It’s the time again… Time for 25 hysterical women to fight for the love of a man they’ve never met, but know to their core is the one. The one that will take their love to the next level because they are there for the right reasons. The one that will cure them of the heartbreak they’ve experienced at the ripe old age of 24, which is why this love is the most important one and probably their last chance to find it before their eggs shrivel up and die.
Oh yes, it’s time once again for the Bachelor. But this isn’t like any other Bachelor we’ve ever seen. (Yes, it is) This time we have a Latin Lover handing out roses, which means we’re in for the hottest season in Bachelor history. (No, we’re not)
Your faithful Winey Bitches will be at the helm as always to snarkily walk you through all the drama, tears and drunken confessions of love. But we won’t be sober, and neither should you be. So, we’ve put together this season’s preliminary drinking game rules. As you know, the rules change as we go based on how the show plays out, suggestions from our dear readers and mostly on a mere whim.
Here are our Top Ten Rules for The Juan Pablo Drinking Game:
Take a sip every time…
- Juan Pablo mispronounces an English word.
- He’s shirtless or working out (which we assume will mostly be on a soccer field this season).
- Someone mentions the seriousness/importance of finding a mother for his daughter.
- A bachelorette cries. Drink twice for the girls that cry the first night.
- A bachelorette wears a bad dress to the rose ceremony. This is subjective, clearly, but if you’re not drunk by the end of the scene then you might want to consult a stylist, stat.
- Chris Harrison says “most ___ season/episode ever/in Bachelor history.”
- Someone says “take it to the next level.”
- A bachelorette tells us how hot Juan Pablo is or asks him to speak Spanish to her.
- A bachelorette claims someone’s not there for the right reasons
- A bachelorette uses a past trauma to justify why finding love is more important to her than the other girls. Think: Emily’s dead fiancé, Tenley’s divorce, Tierra’s everything…
- Juan Pablo has to reassure a girl who is feeling insecure.
- Juan Pablo sings or dances.
- A bachelorette talks about being hopeful or her feelings about her future with Juan Pablo.
These are the updated rules. Get us your ideas via Facebook, Twitter or here in the comments section, and if we like ’em, we’ll include them and give you credit. Don’t forget to share this with your viewing buddies so you’re not drinking alone.
Most importantly, know your limits, drink responsibly and do not, under any circumstance, drink and drive! This game is intended for only those 21-and-older in the United States. If you cannot control your drinking, please seek help.