One Sentence Summary: Looks like the ladies are dealing with ghosts AND their personal demons in Savannah.
So the ladies torture Savannah for a few days to our benefit. Anyone want to lay bets on the first to flip? I mean once they get there, we know temps boiled over before they even pulled out of NeNe’s neighborhood. I’m going with Kandi. She’s got mad shit happening at home and I don’t think she’s going to be able to keep from losing patience with the shit show of this trip. Let’s also not forget NeNe’s new buddy Mynique… newbie might want to stake a claim on becoming a Housewife so she has to prove herself in a verbal knife fight.
Meanwhile Back on the Bus
Whew, they aren’t giving us a break at all are they? Let’s just pick up where we left off with the screeching. Seriously, I might need to pop a migraine pill just to be safe. You know I can’t believe Kenya is taking credit for getting the ladies off and rolling.
Phaedra is sad to be leaving her baby behind, but you know what they say… Have breast pump will travel. Um, what’s up there Phaedra? You have a cooler stashed with you as well? At least the ladies are having a sense of humor about it.
Hang on now… Mynique has had sex every other day for 13 years? Let me just digest that for a second while turning the volume down as low as possible as I worry somewhere in my house my husband’s ears have perked up and will listen in to determine how to finally win his case for the same. Yeah, whoops Kandi, that’s your ex’s wife… don’tcha just hate when that happens? Oh hang on now Porsha… are you really trying to say your man’s cheating is partially your fault? Sweet Mary, does he also hit you because he loves you? I’m sorry; this is the most delusional Housewife I’ve ever seen. I may almost feel bad for her that she bought into that whole line of BS. And now I have 2 things in common with Kenya and I’m starting to get pissed off. “All wives should be submissive to the right person” – Yes Porsha, and look where that got you. I can no longer tolerate this conversation. I’m sorry, take my cards… I’m out.
So the ladies arrive at the Wedding Cake Mansion and I’m already a little spooked by all the heads staring back at me and even more so about the guests commenting about the ghosts. You all know I’m completely freaked out by that stuff so this isn’t cool.
Kandi is the first upstairs to score her room… but since it’s the Master Suite Kenya gets her back up that Kandi shouldn’t get it, and I agree, that room goes to your hostess. Damn it, 3rd time I’m agreeing with Kenya! Seriously, I think that’s one of the signs of the apocalypse no? Kenya decides to run ahead and “haunt” the other rooms as the ladies search for their beds. Poor Porsha doesn’t want to stay in the basement on top of the ghosts… you know because ghosts are in the ground under the foundation. The rest of the ladies rally around NeNe telling her she should get the master suite while Phaedra and Kandi try to hide all the awesomeness of her “stolen” room.
As the ladies begin sipping drinks NeNe is off to the side (sulking) wanting none of the nonsense happening in the kitchen until she gets the master suite back from Kandi (well that’s my interpretation). NeNe decides she’d rather turn in because of “others” being ungrateful. But she thinks the trip is about bonding so she wants to take the high road.
Meanwhile the ladies are downstairs discussing the ghosts of the house.
NeNe is fine with the room but Kenya keeps pushing the buttons to make sure NeNe sets the ground rules for her trip. It goes down like this… those who were late get a little verbal lashing, Kandi got the master which she should have and they all need to be on time for everything because NeNe doesn’t want to kill anyone. Mynique tries to crack wise with Phaedra upon her return that she needs to be on-time to which Phaedra reminds her that she has a newborn and jobs so that affords her the ability to be late and she’s offended by the joke. Um, but you’re on a trip without your baby or work… so no sympathy from this bitch over here. I do however see that Mynique has already made it to Phaedra’s list.
Walk About to Talk About
Kandi and Phaedra decide to take a walk to dish on the ladies and how they all were late just last week to the Kandi’s cardio class.
Meanwhile the other ladies grab their glasses to dish on Phaedra’s attack on Mynique who doesn’t feel read by Phaedra. Um, what does that mean? I’m so not hip with the lingo.
On a bench Kandi tells Phaedra she knew Mynique’s hubs Chuck back in the day, but Phaedra is too distracted by the random hearse rolling by. Man, it’s like deadly shake a shiny object with Phaedra.
Seriously Phaedra, no need to chase the hearse down to met Peg Leg Ron… her new BFF. I wonder if she’s going to try to incorporate a one-legged man into her new business. What do you think, is that a sacrifice Apollo would be willing to make?
Hit The Trail
So here’s the thing… I would love to travel with a friend who would hook me up with “my eyes”. I love that Mynique just thinks she can just go running to Cynthia for some help. Cynthia is happy to help as long as she can discuss Mynique getting read by Phaedra… again, WTF does that mean? Getting her ass handed to her verbally? That’s what I’m going to go with. Anyone out there in the know, if you want to shoot me the proper definition I would appreciate it. Thanks, you rock! Anywho, so when you look better you read better according to Cynthia. So it’s all about the exit or how you look because no matter if you get read as long as you look good you’re cool… I guess. So wait, Mynique “thinks” she has gay friends? Honey, if you have to think about it… you don’t. At least not in the sense of telling you flat out… “No, you will not wear those shoes as long as you are with me”. OK, no offense, this is turning into the dumbest conversation about how to present yourself to the ladies so they don’t attack. How about this ladies… don’t be friends with people who throw shade or read you. It’s pretty simple… run the negativity from your life and you’ll be much happier. For real.
So NeNe enters all cheerful until she gets to point out Mynique is running late.
Get out the Door
So a floor down Kandi is chatting with Todd back home and she worries they aren’t on track but still shares the details of the trip. Phaedra arrives to remind Kandi they need to be on time. At least hopefully they won’t be the last ones out the door otherwise NeNe is going to throw a fit.
History Lesson – for some
NeNe is taking everyone to see the first African American church and as they convene in the kitchen Kenya points out the only straggler is Mynique who arrives with a fill face and a pleasant smile for Phaedra who reluctantly gives her a high-five. Oh and extra points are earned when Mynique remembers Phaedra’s breast pump so her “titties don’t blow up”. Yeah, it’s strange how Phaedra forgot that…
They board the Freedom Trail bus for their tour and Phaedra points out you can’t know where you’re going if you don’t know where you came from. How right you are my dear, that’s the philosopher Hitch is it not? HA, I jest!
At the church the ladies are informed the church was part of the Underground Railroad. Seriously, how beautiful is this place? Their tour guide goes on to point out the holes in the floor that were used to provide air for the Underground Railroad. Porsha feels a sense of loss because she can’t go back and find exactly where she came from, and while I can completely appreciate that sentiment and the struggles faced by ancestors and the importance of education and helping the youth appreciate where they are from, it happens… “There has to be an opening at some point for the railroad because somebody’s driving the train”. And with that all thoughts of ancestry and the struggles of the generations who came before are quickly driven away by the palm to the forehead. Oh Porsha!! I swear, sometimes I just want to sit you down, pat you on the head and give you a cookie. I love the look on NeNe’s face as she tries to hold in the laughter.
Drinks Turn Sour
So the ladies are back on the bus and how they aren’t still chuckling about Porsha is beyond me. I know I am. Phaedra’s boobies need a break so the ladies turn up for a drink to cool themselves in the heat. Mynique uses the opportunity to bring up Momma Joyce ooh-ing and aah-ing over Chuck at NeNe’s wedding (hello awkward). Mynique says it’s ok since it was only about 2 weeks, but Kandi seems to have a different story to share. Oh, grab your popcorn kiddies it’s about to get fun. Kandi tells the ladies she dated Chuck once when she was 19 and again when she was 21. Oh that’s right Mynique you didn’t hear it was a two-fer relationship. Oh yeah, and while we’re at it, Kandi is the one who did the dumping, not your man. Ruh-roh, looks like someone didn’t quite get the story straight. Upon telling Mynique the run down of the family members she knows Porsha interjects that means it’s serious. Thanks sweetie, now go back to eating your cookie. So of course Kenya wants to pounce with her shit stirring stick… damn thing is like a light saber… shoum… there it is. Ready with her own saber to deflect, Kandi proclaims she’s not the only one who dated Chuck. Oh boy, Phaedra dated him too. NeNe TRIES to smooth things over by saying NFL players have slept with A LOT of women. Yeah I don’t think that’s what Mynique wants to hear, but nice try. Oh but of course there’s Kenya again trying to go in for the final blow. That’s right Kandi, you tell your side of this story so you look like the better end of it before they light in on Phaedra. Are you kidding me Kenya asking what the sex was like? Who does that? Yes, let’s switch gears to Phaedra and make poor Mynique feel even worse.
I’m so feeling uncomfortable about this whole conversation at this point and really think I need to top off my wine if it’s going to continue. Oh, so Chuck came back again with Phaedra too? Well, according to her it wasn’t so serious. Of course Phaedra doesn’t want Mynique to be uncomfortable (too late I think) because it was 20+ years ago. It’s about now I want to shove a bar towel in Porsha’s mouth because you know if the shoe was on the other foot she’d be crying her eyes out talking about how she was a good wife and put out every time her got a glimmer in his eye. Pipe down little one. That’s right NeNe is the queen of being able to switch gears and bring on the laughs.
Still uncertain what “getting read” is all about… but this bitch is going to start wearing my lashes again just in case it’s like Cynthia says… as long as you look good it’s all good.