One Sentence Summary – It’s not a lot of good times for Courtney, but at least she has a new intern to bring her skinny vanilla lattes.
Rachel: Wow, the holidays are exhausting. I feel like I went through a war. Well, a war filled with brownies, pizza and salted caramel ice cream. Oh, and booze, but that goes without saying. Thankfully, that’s all come to an end and I can get back to eating healthy. And by get back, I mean start. Soon. Very soon. Solidly by Monday… I hope. Much like my pants, my DVR is bulging at the seams, as I have forsaken my trashy TV in lieu of indulging myself in the name of holiday cheer (and emotional post-break-up eating). But have no fear, I am ready to hunker down in my elastic waistband pjs for a day of catch-up. This might call for some day drinking… A nice rosé should work well…
Quick Recap of Episode 4
Courtney tells us that her mom has cancer. Ugh. Terrible news. So she & Tori are going home to visit. Everyone’s concerned, including Matt who suddenly wants to be supportive. Too late. Dick. Manipulative fuckface dickhead. Yes, there will be a lot of man-hate coming from this Winey Bitch for a while. Brace yourselves.
Breaking up is hard to do… I curse and drink. Courtney picks an outfit. There’s an outfit for everything, including battling cancer: camo with a pop of color. Everyone’s got their something. It’s a good thing she’s got her camo on when she tells us about her parents’ break-up. Dad had an affair… with a 19-year-old. Courtney was 25. Classy. We meet mom & Mimi, Courtney’s gram, who is just fabulous and sassy, and has a closet to die for. Kinda reminds me of my gram. I covet her clothes, but the fun of playing in there ended when I shot past her by about 6 inches. Court gives mom some pre-surgery gifts to lift her spirits. I love happy family time with reminiscing. That’s the best gift. Mom has surgery and they had to take way less skin than anticipated. Good news. Mom is also high as a kite and feeling no pain. Better news. And we end with positivity and good wishes for mom. Yay.
Episode 5 – The Return of The Matt
It’s a girls’ brunch kind of morning and Courtney is late. Seems Courtney is always late, which annoys Thais. I would be annoyed too, but Thais annoys me more. I realize she’s been on the show a total of two minutes the entire season, but she bugs me. OK wait, showing up an hour late with uncooked food may actually trump Thais. This time. What happened to manners? I know I ask this every week, but seriously, where did they go? When did it become acceptable to be an hour late? And why are they waiting on her to eat? My family would be clearing the table by now singing a lovely refrain of “You snooze, you lose.” to the straggler. We take our food very seriously in my household.
But never mind the hunger, Courtney has great news. She’s designing a line for Bauble Bar. The girls are happy for her and manage a weak high-five due to starvation. They finally eat and plan, I think, Courtney’s 30th birthday. No one’s mouth is moving. I’m so confused. How do they speak without moving their mouths? We all know my hearing is for shit, and now I have to read lips that don’t move? Awesome. But birthday talk turns quickly to talk of Courtney hiring an intern. That is also boring so Thais would like to change the subject to men. Courtney brings up Matt and shares that she is going to dinner with him because he has things he needs to say. Disapproving looks and words from the table froth forth. This is why I tell my friends after the fact. I’ll make my decisions my way and if I want your opinion I’ll ask for it. OK, really I’ll call you crying after my bad decision with the understanding that you’ll read me the riot act before you make me feel better. Hey, that’s what friendship is for. The girls are worried she’ll go back to him. Courtney just wants closure. I get closure. I do. I got it, and though it still feels like my guts were ripped out, there is nothing left that I feel I need to say. And that’s a good thing. It’d be one thing if they broke up after a conversation. It’s another thing when someone goes AWOL with no explanation. She deserves to tell him how that felt and he deserves to hear it. Dr. Dunn has spoken… and subsequently justified her own past behavior.
Intern interview time. Eager beaver is first in the door. She may skin Courtney
and wear her like a coat. Pass. A parade of girls comes next with lots of talk about vibing. Blah blah blah… and then we have Matt. He’s a cutie and makes Courtney rather nervous. I love her tirade about why she can’t hire a cute guy and all the things that could happen, including him taking her to dinner with the paycheck she wrote him. I may have actually chuckled out loud. Alas, he too is a pass. Last but not least, a candidate Courtney likes. But first, she has to pick the perfect “I’m going to see my ex” outfit. She rocks it and gets the job. She also gets to tell the last four candidates not to bother showing up. Um, congrats on the gig?
Courtney’s friend Annie shows up pre-meet-with-Matt with low-carb beer and hugs. Turns out she’s also friends with Matt. She thinks it’s time for Courtney to get closure so her next relationship can work. Hint hint. Time to move on. Get your answers and get to stepping. And while Annie is there for support, Tori calls with her negativity – is it just me or is she never happy? Courtney assures her that she’s going tonight for closure and to get that eff you moment that all girls dream of… You know, the girls that take the “high road” and just walk away. Then spend the next 6 months choking down the anger with scotch until the next guy comes along and pays for the sins of the one that came before. That’s just my guess… Tori, you have any experience with this?
And here we are. The date. Er, meeting. Remember, closure. Closure. CLOSURE. And wow, this is awkward. Matt starts reminiscing about the good times. Don’t let him go there. Don’t. Just say your peace and bolt. Ack, she’s letting him go first. He says he was with one woman all year – who would not have been Courtney which is part of the issue, dumb ass – and now he’s single. He’s never had a connection with someone the way he did with her. He’s never been able to talk to anyone the way he did with her. Stay strong, woman. He’s just lonely and baiting you. He misses his go-to surrogate girlfriend. He doesn’t deserve you. Wow, he’s laying it on thick. When she confronts him about tossing her aside, he denies ever doing it. He says they were never officially together so he didn’t owe her the courtesy of not dating other women. Um, she was your friend and you took advantage of that by acting like her boyfriend. Then you disappeared without a word. There were cameras filming the whole thing, remember? Did he just say there was nothing going on between them? I just audibly gasped. What a monumental asshole! Throw a drink in his face and bail, Courtney. NOW. She tells him that he knows something happened and to deny it is not cool. He just keeps disrespecting her but pretending that nothing happened. Thankfully, she walks out on him. Well, that would be closure, as painful as it may be. I wish he had been nicer, but he showed his true colors and she won’t (hopefully) spend another moment wondering “what if…”
Bottom Line: Well, so that happened. Man, dating sucks.