One Sentence Summary: You all know that a road trip can mean only one thing in Housewives world… DRAMA!!
Yep, still at it burning the (not quite) midnight oil and spending time with my ATL ladies trying to play catch up so my partner doesn’t make me give up my lovely wine as punishment for my slacking. No, she really wouldn’t do that… she might make me drink Chardonnay, or room temperaturePinot but never full cutting off – at least I hope not. Note to self, let’s not test that line, just to be safe. I’m coming off of last week’s Momma Joyce craziness added to holiday craziness so hopefully the ladies can manage a short trip to Savannah without a detour to crazy town. Buckle up friends; I think it’s going to be a long ride.
Pack it Up, Pack it In, Let me Begin
You know, I don’t mean to sound bitchy, but I hate these sneak peaks into Housewives closets that are larger than my first 3 apartments – combined. OK, I’m done being cranky mostly because I love that scarf NeNe is rocking. Gregg checks in to determine the progress of her packing and he reminds her it’s going to be warm in Savannah. Hang on now… isn’t that in the same state and she should know the temperature?
NeNe reminds Gregg of her ‘house rules” while she’s gone which include making sure her son doesn’t take his phone or laptop to bed with him and Gregg has an 8pm curfew. Oh hang on… a curfew NeNe? Wow!
That’s What Friends Are For
Kandi pays a visit to Cynthia’s to talk about what happened with her mom at the bridal salon and seek some friendly advice on how to handle it. I’m with you Cynthia I want to jump too with this craziness from the Old Lady Gang. I think this is outside anyone’s scope of reference to help her talk through this situation. I hate to see Kandi crying like this because her mom is too selfish to recognize what she’s doing. Cynthia thinks there will be a breaking point with Todd based on what she and Peter had to go through with their wedding and her crazy family. I hope not, but I think the tipping point is going to be reached very soon.
Puff, Puff Give
Looks like cutie Ayden is hanging with Mommy at her office. That kid is so stinking cute. Joyce stops to visit Phaedra and poor Ayden looks completely terrified of Momma Joyce (as he should be) and not even a treat is going to get him to say hello to Crazy Town. Joyce seeks out Phaedra for legal advice, but not for herself, she wants to know about pre-nups and throws Todd under the bus for not wanting to sign one. Excuse me a minute, who the hell does Joyce think she is having this conversation? For real, this woman has lost it. Phaedra tries to remind Joyce that Kandi is smart with her money. Well at least Joyce hears that she’ll be taken care of, so that should make her happy. Apparently not, she wants to know why Phaedra introduced them… with all the lawyers she knows why would she introduce her to a “worker”. I swear, I don’t know what is wrong with Joyce. And what is this rant about short people with big heads?! This is complete gibberish. Here she goes again… she gets a lot of smoke in Atlanta. I’m about to start thinking she’s inhaling all that smoke and she’s high as a kite right now.
Is Joyce really telling Phaedra she’s not going to come to the wedding? You know what, I’d tell her fine, don’t come to my wedding, spend that time packing your shit up and getting out of my house you mean bitch. I don’t care if she’s marrying someone broker than my dog, if she’s happy that should be good enough. Seriously did she really just tell Phaedra she could choke her because she thinks Todd is “the one”? That woman clearly is inhaling “smoke”… from a crack pipe!
Armed and Gone With The Wind
What is with all the drama about what to wear to Savannah? I went to Paris for a week (fashion haven) and I wasn’t this stressed. Also, why must everything turn into song and dance with Kenya? It’s like she wants her life to be High School Musical. I’m so distracted that I miss half the conversation about the sexy thongs she wants to pack – you know, because why wouldn’t you pack lingerie for a ladies trip and I end up checking out her firearms. Now you know I likes me some shooting and I don’t have anything against guns, but Kenya armed is a completely terrifying thought.
These Booties Are Made For Walking
Out shopping with her sister Porsha is trying to decide what she should buy for her Savannah trip. She needs just the right things because she needs downtime to relax and take care of her. So back in her old stomping ground the store associate pulls out a to die for, must have shoe for Porsha. Looks like the store didn’t get the memo that her account is a little less than before. Seems that 7K price tag might be a bit much and she decides on the $3500 booties. Oh what a smart sales associate to remind her it shouldn’t be about the cost.
Clearing The Air
Oh no… not Joyce again. This woman is like a bad penny. Kandi asked her to come to talk and clear the air but I thikn we all know how this is going to end. I truly feel bad that Kandi has to put up with this behavior.
Did she really just say she was really only joking? That was no joke lady, you were balls out rude, you hopped up shoe in hand ready to do battle… no one “jokes” like that. Joyce tries to lay out that Kandi has picked Carmon over her. Man this woman is a stone-faced liar trying to claim Carmon was the one picking the fight. Bitch you took off your SHOE! Now you’re going to tell Kandi you’re going to be done with her if she doesn’t start acting right? You’re through with it?
OK, I can’t do this any longer. I need to preach a bit here, and Joyce needs a little come to Jesus as far as I’m concerned. Listen up woman, your daughter has not chosen sides, nor is she your bank account… stop treating her like one. I kind of hope she cuts you because of this shitty attitude of yours. You keep throwing around this “in the style you have become accustomed” because I’m starting to think it’s YOUR worry. You don’t care about Todd and how he feels, you care about hanging onto your golden ticket. How can you be so completely disrespectful to your child? I almost wish Kim was back on the show and I had to watch her caterwauling about in her word of the day track pants.
Rolling Out… Eventually
At the St. Marlo Country Club NeNe has some nosh set up to kick off the trip to Savannah and introduce Mynique to the ladies. Gregg stops by with a little care package for the trip and I officially love him with that basket of goods.
Kenya is the first to arrive and introductions are made while they complain about the missing girls. Naturally Kenya’s back is already up because she was there first and shouldn’t have to wait on anyone. Kenya thinks they should just leave without the others and wants to wind NeNe up while poor Gregg is waiting at the curb with his arrival flowers for the ladies.
NeNe is trying to stay calm as Cynthia shows up an hour late but NeNe is calm again and it’s excited greetings all around. Wait; do I have something in common with Kenya? I too hate waiting on people… your time isn’t more valuable than mine.
Porsha arrives and retells the tale of fainting on the stairs while Kenya rolls her eyes and keeps putting food in her mouth. Kandi arrives an hour and 45 late while Cynthia makes introductions questions Kandi’s lateness. Kenya is irritated with the ladies as NeNe complains she’s ready to go and no longer wants to wait. 2 hours in Phaedra is the last to arrive while NeNe has gone home to pout – or pray as she tries to tell us. Without NeNe Kenya decides it’s her responsibility drag everyone along to the bus… clearly she’ll be the self-appointed cruise director for the trip.
On the bus NeNe tries to speak to everyone however Kenya decides to lecture the ladies on their punctuality and the seeming lack of respect. Eventually Kandi can’t stand the lecture or the yelling and flat out tells her everyone is blocking her out and nobody gives a fuck about what she’s saying and sit down. I’m shocked there weren’t high fives from the other ladies. Oh yeah… this is going to be an AWESOME trip!
Someone had better start singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall for distraction because I don’t think anything is going to save this bus ride. Then again, this drama might be more bearable than Joyce’s shenanigans.