One Sentence Summary: The wheels of the Mamma Joyce sanity bus finally come flying off.
Do you hear that friends? That’s the sound of a silent house and vacation. It’s the sound of being able to watch television without people walking in asking what you’re watching and then talking to each other over said show. It’s the peace of not having random construction crews working on my house. Finally it’s the down time of the holidays and I couldn’t be more ready to sit back and relax… and quickly try to catch up with my ATL ladies. I hope Mamma Joyce doesn’t go completely off the rails, but sadly I think it’s coming – unless Bravo is doctoring the previews. Maybe we’ll get a little hint of sanity before Mamma goes all Jerry Springer show… then again, that woman swaggered in wearing her crazy pants weeks ago, and there’s nowhere to go but coo-coo for cocoa puffs at this point.
Going To The Chapel (Maybe)
Oh here we go… it’s the beginning of the meltdown. No, sorry it’s the calm before the storm. Carmon stops by Kandi’s to catch her looking through bridal magazines and starting to make her plans. Yeah, again it’s the beginning of the end my friends… the wheels on that bus aren’t going to be going round and round much longer. Carmon wants to know if Mamma Joyce is so concerned about what people think why she’s the one talking dirt on Todd and Kandi’s relationship. I completely agree that it seems Mamma Joyce won’t be happy until Kandi doesn’t have anyone in her life but god old Mamma Joyce.
Thankfully Todd tries to talk sense to Kandi that she needs to stand up to her mom. Maybe the fact that she can’t talk to her mom like that and set the record straight is why she’s in this mess. Let’s call it the way it is.
Archeological Digs of Another Type
So here are new NeNe friends we haven’t seen yet? Where did Mynique and her family come from all of a sudden? Hey now, why don’t we hang out with these peeps more often. What a normal couple!! Oh, so is that why we’re hanging out with them so NeNe can call out Chuck on “hanging out” with Kandi? Oh I see how this is going to go down. NeNe is digging for dirt! Ah, so it was a “one hit wonder” with Kandi… and he apparently never had sexual intercourse with Phaedra – who according to NeNe was known as the “head doctor”… make up your own mind on that one friends.
Speaking of the doctor feel-good, Phaedra is back home from school and can now embalm dead folks in Alabama. But… but… but… she’s in Georgia (head scratch)? Anyway, Apollo tells her he wants to apologize and clear things up. Phaedra thinks he needs to own up to his behavior and he thinks she was mad about the wrong things. He’s not going to go out of his way to be angry with someone. She still isn’t over the texting … or his attempt at this apology it seems. OK, she finally gives in and will give him a remixed Phaedra when she’s done with schooling. Oh… OH!! I don’t need to know about Phaedra getting bent over in the bathroom. Oh Bravo why must you do these things to me?
Kandi Factory Fitness
What’s this cardio cabaret class? OK, I also like the idea of a cardio class when some bubbly as a reward. All the ladies start to arrive for class and even Cynthia with her own trainer. Porsha can’t make the class because she’s in the hospital and the ladies think maybe it’s anemia that made her faint. Sheesh, that’s not good fainting on the stairs.
NeNe decides now is the perfect opportunity to ask the ladies if they want to take a trip to Savanna to bond. I love when Bravo makes the ladies travel together – such pot stirrers they are!
OK, is this really a cardio class? Wait, is Kenya wearing a dress for a workout? Oh here we go with the twirly whirly from Kenya(eye roll). We get it, the more you mention Beyoncé and yourself the more you think people will start to believe it.
Oh look it’s Leon! Aw, that’s nice bonding with Noelle. See, now all I can think about is wanting to watch band of the hand. I know it won’t be nearly as riveting as it was when I was 16-ish. Oh that just made me feel old… real old! I digress, I love this conversation they are having, and I love they all get along. Cynthia breaks down the meeting Arthur and his mom. Yes, it’s the shocking moment Cynthia realizes they need to brace themselves for the sex talk. HA, she went with sex is like going to the dentist. Cynthia thinks Noelle is going to naturally want to talk to her about sex, but Leon thinks it should be with him. Yeah, that’s totally the conversation a 13 year old wants to have with her father!
It’s A Condition
Porsha has been having headaches and she thinks that’s what caused the fainting. Her doctor tells her she has a condition where the blood stops flowing to her brain and it shuts off (oh… that one was just too damn easy – I’ll let it slide). Yes, I’m sure you were laying cute after you passed out. NeNe calls to check up on her and make sure she’s OK and invite her to Savannah. Oh, this conversation about death, wedding and a funeral is complete nonsense. Oh, I spoke too soon… this blood pressure test conversation is even better and that Kordell is putting some voodoo juju on her. Yes, he took your hair and made a little doll to get back at you.
Aunt Lori is out for a stroll with Kenya and her pup and stop off for a quick bite to eat and chat about Auntie’s trips when she was young. Hang on, Kenya is thinking of having a baby with her African sweetheart? When are we going to meet sweetie pie? She doesn’t want to rush things or put any pressure on him, but her fertility tests (say what now??) didn’t come back with very positive results. For Kenya she’s not sure which is more important to her: getting married or having a child. She can’t understand why she makes the bad choices she does, but it might step from not resolving her issues with her mother giving her to her grandmother and pretending she was never born. Ouch, that’s harsh! I sorta feel for you girl. Sort of, you’re still a drama queen pain in the ass.
Say Yes to the… Crazy Pants
Here we go friends, strap yourselves in!! I really hope Mamma Joyce doesn’t completely ruin this for Kandi. Carmon dishes on the Mamma Joyce situation with Kwame and he can’t understand Mamma Joyce’s issues either especially with a pre-nup in place. Yes Kwame, we’re all scratching our heads. Oh here we go… Mamma has arrived and with her entourage! Already she’s starting in not wanting Kandi to get a wedding dress? What the hell are you doing there woman if you aren’t going to be supportive?? I swear! Look, this isn’t your day… it’s not about you. Just shut up, put the dress on she wants you to wear and smile pretty for pictures… THAT’S YOUR ROLE HERE! Keep your opinions and exhaustion inducing negativity to yourself. I really used to like you Mamma Joyce, but you are beyond ridiculous!!
For real, what the hell is this foolishness? Really! You are a grown ass woman jumping up like she’s about to throw down? You look completely insane Mamma. I’m not kidding… you really do. You look like you’ve gone off the deep end and there’s nothing but medication in your future. I’m not going to even discuss the taking off of the shoe… what were you going to do with that you hot mess?
Wait a minute now, Auntie is going to spin the tale that Carmon jumped up and got into Mamma Joyce’s face? That ain’t cool lady. You’re going to find yourself up there with Joyce on my list. Now see here friends, I was raised to respect my elders without hesitation, but this mockery right here? This changing the story to suit your twisted needs… that isn’t cool. Antics like that really sacrifice any and all respect I may have had. At yeast they can pretend to be nice with Kandi in the room – oh damn, that was short lived. Come on now Joyce, what the hell are you on crazy woman? I’ll tell you something, Carmon has some serious control over herself because I would have shoved a Mamma or Auntie getting in my face like that. I’m sorry, but you are so disrespectful Joyce, and I hope you cringe when you see yourself like this.
Sweet Mary what is with these ladies giving Kandi shit? Why the hell would you tell her to try on another dress if you’re just going to attack her like that? What is wrong with all of you? This is some twisted shit happening here.
At least Kandi has Carmon waiting off on the side for a little sense of normalcy. Yes Carmon, Joyce did come there to be negative and ruin everything – you have my 100% agreement on that one. I have to side with Carmon on this one, Kandi really needs to take a stand with Joyce or that woman will run everyone out of her life with her childish shit.
Again, I was raised to respect my elders and anyone around me, but that Mamma Joyce is about a breath away from a shove as far as I’m concerned… that behavior is SO disrespectful I can’t tolerate it. Hopefully Kandi can get herself straight and put Joyce in her place.