One Sentence Summary – Reza apologizes to Sasha but cuts the head off three more friendships.
Rachel: So, I’m pretty sure we have a limited number of episodes with left with Lilly. She has zero storyline now that she’s been ostracized by King Reza in favor of his OG groupie. There’s only so many times we can watch her fawn all over Coconut or learn about the art of designing a bikini. While I can’t say I’d exactly miss Lilly next season if she does get the boot, I do feel like she got dicked over pretty hard. I’m thinking Reza ought to make his next therapy appointment about how he changes friends more often than a lot of men I know change their underwear. Hey, I never claimed to run with the classiest crowd. But seriously, I’ve always wondered about people who constantly have a new bestie. Seems to me they have to change people out before they see their true colors. Keep the crowds adoring. Too bad they don’t realize that real best friends see your vulnerable side and love your more for it. OK, enough of the psycho babble. I’ve clearly not been sleeping enough…
Cash Money Brothers
Oh dear, what are those things on Reza’s feet. So bad. He looks like one of those terrible billboards for Bijan. Anyway, he and Adam are going shopping for their housewarming party. Well, Reza’s shopping. Adam’s watching. At the mall, they come across a caviar vending machine. Only in LA. Reza is enthralled and wants to buy some, but the machine only takes cash. Thankfully, he carries tons of cash because apparently that’s an immigrant thing. Boy, I hope you don’t find yourself in a dark alley with no TV cameras anytime soon. I’d keep that information to myself if I were you. So, yeah, they spend $3500 on caviar from a machine in cash. I think that might be more obnoxious than Reza’s shoes.
Asa takes GG for some tai chi in the park. She’s hoping this will help GG find a calmer path. Yeah, I’m not sure tai chi is the answer. Intense therapy might be a better choice. I’m a huge fan of tai chi, and it is powerful, but it ain’t that powerful. After class, Asa tells GG to remember tai chi the next time she feels herself starting to lose control. Can’t wait to see that. “Put down the knife, GG! Remember your chi! Wardoff! Wardoff!” GG admits that she exploded when she saw MJ and feels used by her. She also feels used by her sister who comes to her now that her husband is gone. I think both those statements are fair, though her response to those statements probably less fair. Asa explains that yelling doesn’t get you heard. GG gets that but we’ll see if it resonates loudly enough to stop the madness. My guess is no.
Lease It Or Lose It
MJ is ready to show Leila’s house so she can get it leased. She’s pretty desperate for some business since she took the entire summer off. Must be nice. Her potential client arrives with her brother and likes the house so it might actually put a few bucks in MJ’s pocket. Well, bucks that she actually earned. Also it will piss off GG that she helped Leila so that will put a few bucks in her FU pocket, which she likes too. Sweet pea.
Hard To Say I’m Sorry
We finally arrive at the day where Reza will apologize to Sasha. Took long enough, but at least he’s doing it. Sasha arrives, and after a lot of awkward silence, Reza says he owes Sasha & his brother an apology. Sasha accepts with no attitude or ridicule. Tip ‘o the hat, Sasha. Reza should have had compassion for Sasha even though they have very different ways of living their lives. Sasha isn’t here for apologies. He’s here to understand what caused Reza to react the way he did. Reza explains a bit, but really wants to know what life was like for Sasha in Iran. Sasha says he remembers the war and he embraces the freedom he has now. I have to give both of them credit, this was a really nice moment. No one was angry or defensive. No one raised their voice. Both came open and ready to listen. And it ended with gratitude, graciousness and a hug. I have nothing snarky to say. Who knew that was possible. Hurry, bring me some drama! Stat!
Mike takes his brothers to look at some diamonds for Jessica. Well, he says it’s for Jessica and to show that he’s powerful and wealthy. Hmm, I missed that part where it’s about love and commitment. You wanna try that again? This time he tells his brother that the ring goes on the girl to show that she’s his. This guy’s a real romantic. But all his posturing and chest-puffery gets knocked down a few pegs when the jeweler tells Mike that the ring he picked is $340k. Yowza. That’s a little more powerful than you were thinking, eh Mike? The brothers front for Mike by saying that it’s too big and it wouldn’t be Jessica’s favorite. Yeah, I’m sure she’s just hate that. The jeweler isn’t dumb and shows Mike a ring that’s less powerful at $45k. He’s still sweating. Didn’t do much research before you left the house, did you? The jeweler leaves to get more reasonably priced rings – and by reasonably, I mean $30k – and his brothers take the opportunity to remind him that he’s marrying an American girl. Clearly there’s less pressure to go crazy with spending on a non-Persian. Mike says yeah, but they’re still in LA which is pressure. Notice that love has not come up once in the conversation? I feel dirty. Oh and by the way, not being able to afford the ring he wants is Reza’s fault for not stepping up and showing him the business like he promised. Probably partially true. But what is also partially true is spending $30k on a bus ad that did zero things for your business. That was your ring rolling down Sunset Blvd. Too bad you’re not a Housewife or you could have wrangled yourself a ring AND a wedding on the Bravo tab. Oh well…
You’re Not On The List
So it’s the night of Reza’s housewarming and not everyone made the cut. Mike isn’t on the list, nor is Lilly. That’s such a dick move. He might be mad at Mike – we can debate right or wrong later – but he has no beef with Lilly. No legitimate one at least. That’s just jive. Yeah, I said jive. And I was feeling so good about Reza’s progress tonight. Two steps forward and one step back. Tis life with Reza. GG is also not on the list because she has drama with MJ. So, basically MJ is the list. Plus Asa. Might be time for another session with the shrink.
I wonder if Adam gets to invite anyone… Do pets get guests? Sorry, he’s not a pet. Do playthings get guests?
Shh Baby, Don’t Talk
Wow, Beso is cleaning up with the Bravo shows. After Jax does dating at Beso, GG and Sean show up for some dinner. GG is feeling inspired by tai chi with Asa and thinks it’s time to come clean with Sean about “the kiss” at Lilly’s birthday. She tells him that she wants to open up to him and wants him to want to be in a relationship with her. He replies but I am not sure what the hell he’s talking about. Neither does GG, so she just keeps talking… and talking. She hems and haws and hems some more. Finally, she admits that she kissed a guy at Lilly’s birthday. I think she might have gotten away with that except that she is still talking to him. In her mind, the fact that she only responds to every fifth or sixth text, means she’s not doing anything wrong. Is that how it works? Sean would like to see the messages, because then he’ll know it’s no big deal. I don’t have to tell you that she doesn’t want him to see them, do I?
Needless to say, Sean is not pleased with the news that she’s been lying to him. He’s even less pleased that she’s been letting him insult MJ when she was being truthful the whole time. Well, yeah she was, but it was still none of her business. Sean feels played and thinks GG is really immature. Um, yeah. Not sure how that’s new news. He respects himself enough to say that they’re no longer. I need more of that in my life, but we’re not here to talk about my sad dating life. We’re here to talk about GG’s dating life… or impending absence of one. And with that, Sean is done.
You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling
The guests are arriving to Reza’s party. Oh sorry, Reza AND Adam’s party. Look, Adam does have a friend! Everyone is enjoying some bubbles and noshes when Reza thinks it would be a good time to tell everyone that the caviar cost $3500. Did no one ever explain to him that announcing what things cost isn’t classy? It’s the opposite actually. But yes, the caviar was $3500 so each bite is $80. Nothing like making your guests feel comfortable.
Asa asks about Mike and Reza says he’s not been in touch. Mike never called him after they left Club Nur. Um, did you forget that there was a camera filming him as he spoke to you the day after Club Nur? Granted he was telling you that you weren’t welcome on the float, but you also hung up on him. Neither of you is exactly planting a flag in righteousness. FYI, Reza, you also were so disrespectful to him that night when all he was trying to do was be nice and take you somewhere he thought you’d like. Get your head out of your ass. It’s getting old. No, it’s gotten old.
Meanwhile, Mike is off playing poker with some of his boys from back in his Vegas days. As we’re introduced to them, we get told via subtitle that they’re “big ballers”. Really, Bravo? Oh and Sammy’s there. I guess he’s not a baller. He’s just Mike’s friend. But apparently, playing poker is Mike’s brilliant idea on how to make money since it’s not working with Reza and he’s done with him. Seems foolproof. I mean his buddy just won $15k in one hand. What could possibly go wrong?
Mike looks up to these guys because they have their hands in a lot of things and pull tons of hot chicks. Yeah, I’m sure they do, but methinks the women at this party were paid for in advance. Kinda like shooting fish in a barrel. And let me just say if these chicks aren’t hired help, then shame on every one of them for just sitting there as these dickheads disrespect women. These are the women that ruin it for the rest of us. Thank you, Mike, for speaking up about loving one woman being cool. What happened to women having self-respect? I refuse to dumb it down for any man… which is probably part of why I’m still single.
Talk turns to Reza and Mike goes off on how he was screwed over. He feels betrayed and disappointed that he trusted someone so untrustworthy. What say you, Reza?
Yep, we bounce back to Reza’s where he is saying that he is working from home on his deals so he doesn’t have to see Mike at the office. Mike has no deals because Mike is lazy. He doesn’t want to pay his dues, and he hasn’t brought anything to the table. Does he know how? Weren’t you supposed to show him? MJ says she wants Reza to fix things with Mike. Everyone thinks he should call Mike and say his peace. Reza listens but doesn’t have anything to say. Reza tells people what to do, not the other way around.
Back at the poker game, the “ballers” are telling Mike that he has to stop working with a sheep and come back to working with the lions. Mike says it’s time, that he has to take care of himself and walk away from Reza. It’s a sad day. Yes, it is. But the question is really who invited Punjab to the poker game? Do you hear that laugh?
Bounce back to Reza’s… He justifies not speaking to Lilly, Mike & GG by saying they were the reasons his friendship with MJ suffered. So it wasn’t you? You weren’t the one outing her as a drug addict on national TV? That was Lilly’s hand up your ass making your mouth move? Come on, dude. You were at the front of the anti-MJ parade banging your drum and twirling your baton. I guess taking responsibility twice in one episode would be too much. So it’s time to reassess life at 40 and let’s cheers to that.
Rachel: And we’re back to thinking Reza is an egotistical ass.