From The WTF Files: Vaginal Knitting *NSFW

In case you needed a crafting activity on your lazy Sunday afternoon, we bring you Vaginal Knitting. And yes, it’s exactly what you think it is. Well, I don’t know what you think so I’ll tell you that it’s knitting from wool stored up in the lady parts. Oh, and it’s also art. Yes, this woman, an “artist”, is vagina knitting to show us all that the vagina is not threatening. She also is doing this while on her period. Of course she is.

Just in time for Christmas.

Just in time for Christmas: scarves knitted from wool stored in a real vagina!

Rachel:  So that happened. Yep, I made the giant mistake of clicking play on the video. As if the article wasn’t informative enough about what was happening here, I had to go and actually watch a video to further illustrate “vaginal knitting” to me. Quite frankly, the term was illustrative enough. So, I guess this one falls under the “shame on me” category because that imagery is now forever scarred in my memory. Look, I am secure enough in my own shortcomings to admit that there’s a lot of art in this world that I just don’t get. I’ve been that person that walked through a modern art museum and thought, “Hmm… pretty sure I could have done that.” So, clearly I’m just not deep enough to understand that blue paint on a canvas is a metaphor for life and the complexities of it all.

That being said, I’m going to go out on a limb here and just call straight up shenanigans on this whole thing. Yeah, I said it. Shenanigans. First of all, she calls herself a craftivist. I’m sorry, crafting needs activism? Why come? I’m pretty sure that the knitting group I saw at Starbucks yesterday morning looked pretty damn content. So, right there, I’m calling bullshit on you. Craftivist, my ass. If you can be a craftivist, then I’m calling myself a wine-ivist. I’m going to drink wine all day and call it performance art. And no, I will not be storing the bottle in my hoo-ha. It’s the wrong temperature.

I am also calling shenanigans on the artist telling me that this is important because people are afraid of the vulva. Really? I missed that page on Facebook. Who are these people exactly? She seems to think that they’re scared that something is going to run out of it and eat us.  I’m scared that she thinks we think that. But let’s just play along here for a minute and pretend there is a segment of the population that is scared. Is this really going to make them feel safer? My guess is no. My guess is that bloodied wool being knit into a mile-long scarf is not going to serve to calm any nerves in such an obviously skittish group.

This brings me to my third and final shenanigan. (Let’s be honest I could go on for days, but Melissa has few points of her own.) I call shenanigans on her doing this while on her period. In fact, it makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. There’s no part of me that buys that there is some artistic integrity to that call. That’s just shock value… toxic shock value? And wouldn’t cotton then make more sense than wool? It’s also just plain gross. Yeah, here comes lunch again. I think I need some wine…

Anyway, look for my wine-ivist performance art piece coming soon to a bar stool near you.

Melissa:  So here’s the thing… I really should know better when I see an email from my girl with WTF in the subject line.  I really should, but there I sat… on a completely booked train home from DC when I decide to click the link… a link about “Vaginal Knitting”.  That’s right friends, I sat next to a buttoned up businessman reading an article about chooch art on my ipad.  Listen, I don’t judge what anyone perceives as art… beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but really… we’re calling shoving yarn into your business end art?  Where did that idea come from?  I mean I read the article, and I’m all for women expressing themselves and their sexuality but let’s be honest… there are some serious snarky comments that must be shared on cooter art. I’ll start:

1. How big is this skein of wool?  I mean the hoo-hoo isn’t (typically) a cavernous place to store objects. (We’re going to let that go for now… we’ve all heard tales of strippers and ping pong balls.) It’s not a pocketbook or a gym bag! BTW, best line in a movie ever from Boys on the Side:

“What’s a hoo-hoo?”

“It’s a cunt, dear.”

2. So is she going to do with the muff yarn?  I mean should I be wary of a bearded clam sweater as a gift?  Tunnel of Love mittens?  A beaver scarf for the winter? Camel Toe leggings?  It’s just terrifying, plus what will they smell like if they get wet?

3. The menstrual cycle… I’m sorry, that’s just too foul for me to address.  Hopefully whatever it is she’s made will get washed before the gift giving portion of events.

4. Should we really be considering this part of feminine activism?  Oh wait, I see it now, hoo-hah socks will be the calling card of feminists around the world?  Yeah, I’m SURE that’s EXACTLY what Gloria Steinem was hoping for.  Let’s all come together and use our tacos to raise awareness of women, our sexuality and our bodies.

Again, I’m all for sisters doing it for themselves, and I think the woman’s body is an amazing and beautiful thing. I just don’t understand torturing your vajayjay and calling it art as a way to “arouse” people… it’s just not right. Treat cupid’s cupboard with respect and kindness and she’ll be your best friend for life.

Photo from: ow.ly/ryUFl 

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2 responses to “From The WTF Files: Vaginal Knitting *NSFW

  1. What makes this more interesting to me is that a friend of mine shared this with me recently and this chick, (I swear) came in and got that horrid hair fixed in my salon a few weeks ago. She said she was an artist doing something in the area and she’s been all over the world. And the kicker- she was originally from somewhere in the US and -get this!- had no accent whatsoever. Seemed perfectly stable. Well, for an artist. I remember looking at her website and seeing her art and being unimpressed. THIS was not on there.
    She did say her boyfriend or whatever was an artist as well, one who makes video art and YouTube stuff.
    I’m wondering if this is some type of weird experiment…,

    • Ha ha… That’s great and so bizarre. The whole thing is bizarre, but you have to be missing a few cards from the deck to even come up with this in the first place. The rest – the hair, the fake accent, etc – is just gravy. But honestly, that video hurt my head.

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