One Sentence Summary: Kenya tries to get “Gone With The Wind Fabulous” but no one is interested… including the Police.
So here I am once again horribly behind with nothing to blame but the day job. Fortunately I find myself cozied in bed with a cup of lemon and honey tea (and by honey I mean a little Honey Jack Bourbon – don’t judge me folks, it’s brunch time and I’m sick… it’s what Grandma would suggest) and a remote control all to myself. Time to catch up with my favorite ATL ladies before I head off for another business trip. This week the spotlight is still on Kandi and Todd and Kenya’s landlord drama. There’s some other stuff too, but let’s face it friends, I have a short attention span and I really only care about Kandi’s happiness and Kenya’s misery. I’m a little twisted like that.
We’re off to Kandi’s new studio and a tour of the new space with Don Juan. It’s really just a segue for Kandi to mention her the chat with Mamma Joyce. Again, I feel for Kandi and her struggles defending Todd to her mom. Hang on now; Don Juan has the same concerns that he’s going to be kicked off the gravy train? He’s worried Todd is going to affect his paycheck. I’m as socked as you are Kandi. Is it all about the Benjamins with your people? How sad is that? I can’t believe this lady needs to defend herself and her work ethic. Guess what, if she wants to walk away from everything it IS her choice.
Oh look it’s Gregg channeling his inner Mr. Mom and cleaning up the house. Come on sweetie, you’re not going to convince NeNe to scrub a toilet… clearly that is beneath her. So while fussing over the broom and sweeping a floor NeNe gets a call from her agent Steven to update her on Glee. They are going to push back production in the wake of Cory’s death. The change isn’t sitting well with NeNe since her other show was cancelled and she’s not sure what she’ll do next. She likes to work and doesn’t want to be a housewife again. I don’t know NeNe, you might want to rethink those gloves.
It’s time for the knife for Cynthia and I feel your worry girl, surgery is a big deal. So tensions run high in the waiting room while Cynthia runs through pre-op. Interesting, seems Cynthia should have gone and gotten herself a Brazilian for the procedure. No matter, they’ll do a quality check to make sure her chooch isn’t looking like Sasquatch with a winter pelt – also known as a squatch in our house… wait, TMI? Maybe it’s the Bourbon, but I thought we were at that place in our friendship. In a shocking display of support, Peter will stay with her in the hospital, but stupidly tells her he’s nervous for her. Really dude, Cynthia is right… YOU LIE AND SAY EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!! I swear, I could turn my annoyance with Peter into a drinking game but I fear my liver would completely disintegrate in just one season.
All Boxed Up & Nowhere To Go
What’s with the 2 puppies in matching outfits Porsha? OK, here’s a question, how many episodes is Porsha going to use the “I’m going through a divorce” excuse? I swear, I’m sick of hearing about it already. I’m also sorta sick of her spoiled brat attitude this season. You’re not the first woman to get divorced, pick yourself up by the bootstraps cash your checks and move on. Hang on now… so that is all her priceless possessions she NEEDED to pack up on her own? No really, that’s it? I think I had more boxes when I moved from my freshman dorm. Seriously WTF was all that drama of “I need to pack my things”. Are you worried he missed a pair of shoes? Here I was thinking she had family antiques she was worried about losing or being destroyed. Now you’re going to get upset about your wedding dress shoved into a box? Are you going to wear it again? I get you might feel disrespected, but why would you want it to begin with? That would be the first thing at the pawn shop along with my rings if it were me in that situation. And did you think he was going to keep your wedding album? Just toss it into the garbage sweetie and be done.
Oh here we go… MOVING DAY! So Kenya headed on out because her lease is up, not because her landlord is refusing to let her stay. I like the way she spins the story. How soon until she works Walter into the conversation? OK, for real, is this woman insane? I mean yes we all know she is, but what’s up with the extra dose of crazy? She tweaks when she needs a pick me up? I grab a glass of pinot myself… to each their own. Now Che her cousin is a smart one stopping by when the work is almost done – I like how you roll, show up with cocktails when the heavy lifting is done. Kenya is going to move into a hotel until she finds a place? What, no one will let you move in with him or her? Shocking. I feel sorry for the poor hotel staff who will have to deal with her diva delusions.
Ready For The Close-up
HA, another baby photo shoot for Phaedra to introduce Mr. President into the family photo collection. I’m so glad this isn’t over the top… just converting the family room into a photo studio. Don’t we all do that when we want to snap a pic? Wait a minute, trouble in paradise? Did she not tell Apollo about the shoot? I mean don’t you think he would expect one? I guess not, I’m curious to see how all this bickering plays out this season. HA, oh I love it when the little ones refuse to cooperate with anything Phaedra wants to do.
Man I agree with you Kandi, Riley IS growing up fast. I swear just last season she was a wee little girl. Poor girl though no thrilled about the wedding, that’s tough for a kid. Wait, so Mamma Joyce is talking out of school about Riley not being happy with Todd? That’s not cool Mamma! Yes Kandi, your mom wants to be the boss, that’s what it seems like to the rest of us watching from the comfort of our sofas… or beds in this case. I like Riley’s perspective on all of this… that’s right, leave it to a kid to see through all the BS adults create in their lives.
The Sex Talk
Oh good, the surgery is over and Cynthia has survived. Plus, now we all know her business end is as clean as a whistle. Peter hopes the surgery will get her back on track and not being mean anymore… and by not being mean he means having sex when he wants. UGH Peter you are a train wreck. I can’t believe this conversation about how many days a week are acceptable to have sex is happening. That’s never a good conversation, even more so not on the heels of your lady’s surgery. That’s just stupidity right there. Cynthia’s thought is once a week. HA, good luck with that one Peter!! Guess she’s going to continue “being mean”.
Look at Kandi rallying for her girl with a visit to Porsha. I think she’s doing well hanging out at Mom’s and being spoiled. Porsha finally admits the approach she and Kordell had was a fake it ‘til you make it. Now all of a sudden it’s a news flash that she can’t believe it’s all happened? I’m with Kandi that the pause about him hitting her meant something… now if it meant he did in fact hit her, or she wants people to think he did is another story. Like Kandi said, you’re young and pretty… you’ll be fine, just stop wallowing in the self-pity, it’s not attractive. She’s equating her divorce to death? I mean I get an element of that, but come on, you’re complaining every episode about him… take it for what it is and get yourself something better. HA, now that’s funny that the Bedroom Kandi balls are missing. That’s priceless.
Gone With The Wind… Without the Fabulous
Hang on, Kenya’s landlord Conya’s wedding dress was in the basement? What the hell kind of joke is that thing? Oh Kenya, you are not right. I can’t imagine why she thought she should put that on and dance and sing in the foyer.
Oh boy, Conya rolled up with the Police to get Kenya out. What’s with that description? For real… you’re going to go with “medium build with a weave, contacts and implants”. Really Conya? You just described half of the Housewives… from every city. I mean I hear you wanting to get crazy pants out of your house, but come on. You know that’s just going to make her spin another rant.
We’re only 3 episodes in and the crazy is moving at a snail’s pace? What’s up ladies?