One Sentence Summary: The ladies bring their own three-ring circus to Cirque school.
Rachel: God, tonight looks like it’s going to be so bitchy if the previews are to be believed. I mean we’re only 4 weeks in and we’re already at each others throats? I can only imagine what it’s going to be like by week 12. I think I might have to start planning my drinks now. Wine might not be strong enough. But I suppose I should take the Zen approach and take it one episode at a time. So tonight, I’ll take my medicine in the form of a yummy bottle of Meiomi Pinot Noir. Seriously, I love this wine. And for $20 a bottle, it’s easy to do so. But all that said, we have some Housewives to attend to.
Rachel: Carlton and Brandi head out to Trashy Lingerie for, I assume, trashy lingerie. Seems Carlton is quite taken with Brandi and just loves everything about her. We’ll see how long that lasts. I’m assuming until she’s in the line of fire of one of her nasty tirades. But right now, it’s love and BFF-ness. Carlton is giving Brandi a spell to bring a man into her life. Are you writing this down, my single ladies? Hey, I’m totally open to the hocus-pocus stuff and think it can’t hurt to try, right? After the lesson, Carlton tries on an, um, outfit that is very glittery and very red. Brandi gives it a thumbs up and Carlton hints to us in her confessional that perhaps the girls enjoyed the dress up more than what we’re seeing.
The Tables Have Turned
In less thong-tastic news, Kyle & Mauricio meet Joyce & her husband, Michael, for lunch. Ah yes, recruiting new blood to the Richardson Team seeing as how she’s a few women down. While they are discussing being busy and juggling balls – seriously Joyce needs to stop with the sexual innuendo – a new story about Paris Hilton possibly getting married comes on the TV. Wait, we’re still talking about Paris Hilton? Why? Kyle says that the rumor mill about her family only serves to make them stronger. Mauricio says he would do a lie detector test with any of the girls who said he cheated. Joyce says he doesn’t have to because Kyle believes him. Aw come on, let’s do it for shits & giggles. Kyle just can’t believe people are that disgusting to spread rumors. So you’ve never watched your own show, eh? But I have to say that I don’t think Mauricio cheated. I actually think that he’s still Team Richardson. Am I naive to think that?
Leaving The Nest… Again
Holy closet, Yolanda! It’s almost as amazing as her veggie fridge. She and her girls, Gigi and Bella, are rummaging through to see what Gigi can take to London. Man, how nice must it be to go shopping in that closet? And we talk more about Gigi modeling and moving to New York. Yeah, we get it. We really get it. It’s not that difficult of a message to interpret, I swear. Daughter’s leaving and mom is going to miss her. Did I miss anything? And then there’s Bella who I guess is just around…
Pump That Rump
Ken has a surprise for Lisa but she has a meeting so she’s feeling rather impatient. That is until she sees her present; a new dog. By her reaction, you’d think he’d given her a diamond tiara delivered in a new Rolls Royce. But it’s sweet that Ken loves to treat Lisa like a queen. Makes me have a glimmer of hope that true love exists. Oh and in case you were wondering, she named the dog Rumpy Pumpy. Apparently, she didn’t think to check what that meant online first. Whoops.
We head off to Cirque School for some acrobatics that Kim has arranged for the ladies. Brandi & Yolanda are first to show. Were they told that they had to wear full spandex outfits? Yolanda looks like giant scoop of pistachio ice cream. Brandi tells Kim that she’s upset with Kyle. Kim says there’s no drama today. It’s a fun day. Oh, like that’s possible. So Kim asks what happened – can open, here come the worms – and Brandi says that the paparazzi chased her down when she was with her kids and said that Kyle called her a bully. Kim says it’s a day of bonding so no discussion of this going forward. Yolanda thinks that’s not reality. Things need to be discussed. Not today. Does Kim really think she has any chance of this going down without a confrontation?
Once all the women have arrived, Kim starts to give her lecture about today being about no drama. It’s about fun and enjoying each other. It’s about support and friendship. Wrap it up, Kim. The other women have had enough lecturing and start to pipe up about just getting to it, Yolanda says they’re grown women and they should just go for it. Kim thinks she’s rude, even though everyone else was talking and making fun. So much for no drama. SMH.
PS – Anyone catch Kyle try and pull Carlton into the circle and Carlton recoil like she was being touched by a leper? ha ha!
Acrobatics start and the girls are actually seemingly having fun. But the good times can only last so long as Brandi starts telling Lisa about the paparazzi incident. She says she’s done helping Kyle and giving her heads up when the media is going to run a bad story. I wish someone would have given Brandi a heads up about that camel toe she’s rocking. TMI, Brandi. TMI. But Kyle overhears what Brandi is saying and tells her that she never called her a bully. Brandi doesn’t seem to be buying what she’s selling, so Kyle thinks they should get back to the circus act. I think the whole thing is a circus act. The final exercise is a trust exercise. Problem is no one trusts anyone.
The Circus Continues
Time for the ladies – minus Yolanda – to have a post-trapeze dinner. They’re talking about their fun day when Kyle brings up Yolanda to Kim. Sigh… Gotta make sure you’re digging at Yolanda so you can keep your sister on your side, eh? Jesus, I can’t stand her. Carlton says that she felt the day got heavy and tense, but didn’t think Yolanda was being rude. Maybe she doesn’t know the history, but on the surface, it didn’t seem rude. Oh honey, there’s nothing but surface here. Lisa just thinks Yolanda’s very direct. Joyce takes up for Kim. Brandi would like them to stop and not talk about Yolanda behind her back. She thinks they can discuss it when she’s around next time. Well, that’s a solid position. Color me impressed.
Kyle disagrees, naturally, because Brandi was talking about her behind her back. Brandi says she was just telling Lisa that Kim wanted a calm day but Brandi was upset with Kyle. And we’re back to Brandi being mad about being called a bully in front of her kids. Look, even if Kyle did say it, it’s not her fault that the paparazzi have no boundaries in this country and will say nasty shit in front of kids. Blame them. And you know I’m seriously because it pains me to stick-up for Kyle. Kyle agrees with me about the paparazzi, which makes me feel dirty. Brandi thinks if it didn’t come from Kyle directly then it came from her camp – aka Faye. Kyle insists that she doesn’t have a camp (anymore) and didn’t say it. Brandi says fine, she believes her (no she doesn’t) but they need to find out who did say it. Good luck.
Lisa thinks it would be simple for Kyle to just Tweet that she never said it and clear up the subject publicly. Kyle thinks that’s insane since she has no time because of the drama happening in her life. I guess they said Lisa was a bully too. But no Kyle isn’t dealing with it. She’s not addressing anything. You’re so stupid, Kyle. You could have pulled out your phone and dropped a Tweet faster than it took for you to argue about it and quashed the whole thing. Wouldn’t this be a really easy way to get Lisa’s back and show her that you do have some loyalty? I mean that’s the fight, right? Sometimes we just do what we need to do to make peace. No wonder you have no friends left. And now, Kyle decides to further dig her hole by telling Brandi that what she did at Carlton’s lunch was mean. Lisa says it wasn’t mean; inappropriate, yes. Mean, no. Kyle, not yet satisfied, further seals her fate by snapping at Lisa for interrupting the conversation. She was talking to Brandi. You gotta love Lisa for defining what the term “conversation” means to Kyle.
And now, Joyce would like to speak to Lisa alone. Oh boy… Yes, it seems that Joyce feels Lisa was very rude to her at Carlton’s lunch. She was just trying to fix an out of place hair when Lisa slapped her hand away and snottily said “I don’t care.” to her. Is she being serious right now? This is worth bringing up? These women are so petty. Please find something to do with your life so that you will no longer have time for minutiae like this. Lisa says she’s sorry and she didn’t mean to upset her. But Joyce keeps going on about how everyone else was talking about it. You got an apology, woman. Go sit your skinny ass back down. When someone says they’re sorry, it’s the end. Lisa thinks this is creating drama where none existed. Yup. And the argument now follows them back to the group where now Joyce is throwing Brandi under the bus for saying that Lisa can give criticism but she can’t take it. Holy new pot stirrer! Are you for real? God love Carlton for telling Joyce that she’s being dramatic. But Joyce is a bitch when she’s on her period. That’s one long rag…
Rachel: Oh, karma she is a bitch. All of Kyle’s pot stirring and trouble starting is blowing up in her face in a big way. How the mighty do fall.