Real Housewives of Miami, Season 3, Season 13 – Blame It On The Alcohol

One Sentence Summary:  All the women head to Vegas to celebrate Joanna and behave badly.

My Thoughts: 

Rachel:  We’re down to the last two episodes of this nonsense and I’m ready to fly through them the way these women fly through their husband’s bank accounts.  Yeah yeah, some of the have jobs… But right now they’re just one conglomeration of money-sucking annoyance to me.  So, here’s what went down in Vegas in 500 words or less…

Vegas, Baby

Before we can get wheels up, we have to pay a visit to the Hochstein manor where there is clearly tension. Lisa needs more attention from her husband and her husband needs to be in another room with a drink. She’s upset he’s not rescheduling surgery for Joanna’s wedding. He’s over the conversation. Don’t blame him. The girls head west, Adriana included, for some Vegas fun in a sick suite at the Palms. Thank you, Adrienne Maloof. Before the partying begins, the requisite fight over rooms begins with Lisa being the brattiest of the brats. She’s such a little shit. Couldn’t be more over a person… though I’ll keep you posted on that when the drinking starts. Once the beds are chosen, the girls head to the pool for some day drinking. Lisa goes warp speed on the shots, Lea dances with a mini-CeeLo and Adriana relives Spring Break. After enough sun, there’s topless

Lisa loses the plot while the ladies just watch her implode.

Lisa loses the plot while the ladies just watch her implode.

swimming in the suite pool for everyone but Lea, who prefers to save her sexy for the craps table. They head off for some more fun in a limo Lisa chartered that comes stocked with strippers. Yep, a meat cooler on wheels. Some of the girls definitely enjoyed it more than others… looking at you Lisa & Adriana. After some good old-fashioned clubbing they head back to the limo just in time for Joanna to make a snide comment about Lisa not working and saying that she could get a job with the limo company so Lenny doesn’t have to support her anymore. Yeah, we all have our opinions about that, but is now really the time to make the dig? Apparently, as Lea joins in the fun making jokes about the tips. Lisa responds with a “suck my dick” and accuses Joanna of being a whore. Um, does she understand the definition of a whore? It goes back & forth with Lisa becoming more and more aggressive. Shockingly, Joanna, cocktail in hand, manages to stay calm for the most part. And then it just goes from bad to worse with Alexia jumping in to tell Lisa to STFU already  because it’s Joanna’s night. Thank you, Alexia. Lisa is less appreciative as she goes off the ledge telling Alexia that she needs to get a personality. Alexia would just like Lisa to butt out of everyone’s business. Amen to that! But Miss Lisa is much better at dishing it than taking it and storms off the limo. Peace out. In the words of one Miss Nene Leakes: don’t let the door hit ya, where the good lord split ya.

Bottom Line

Rachel:  Well, that was fun. Not. And it looks like next week will be just as fun. But then it’s peace out Miami. Woot!

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3 responses to “Real Housewives of Miami, Season 3, Season 13 – Blame It On The Alcohol

  1. …But Lisa threw Joanna that party and she was stressed. according to the script. why so mean?

    • Stressed?! I admire your generous heart towards Lisa. But would you appreciate being called a whore and ambushed at your bachelorette party? I thought Joanna, as much as I want to puke when she speaks, held it together very well in spite of Lisa’s drunken tirade. What I really heard coming from Lisa was her inevitable mental breakdown clock ticking louder and louder. The other girls shouldn’t waste their time talking to or reasoning with Lisa anymore. She’ll go to the gutter all by herself. That’s not being mean, that’s just pointing out the obvious. And even if a surrogate has a baby for Lisa, I truly doubt that hubby wants someone as clearly unfit to raise a baby, as Lisa is proving herself to be, anywhere near his child. He stated that he’s tired of being jealous of his friends who have children. And since Lisa is nothing more than an empty-headed alcoholic child herself I see him either divorcing her or two people staying married, childless and utterly miserable. I think Lisa is terrified of her comfy lifestyle ending when hubby cuts the purse strings. I bet she’s terrified that she will be divorced, workin’ for her Birkin, having to find a job and purpose in life. She flipped out when Joanna spoke reality to her; bull’s eye! So Lisa lashed out and called Joanna a whore, which was almost funny if it wasn’t hurtful since didn’t we have to suffer several episodes and earfuls of Lisa condemning Adrianna for doing just that!? Your not the connector, Lisa. You are about as connected now as my childhood Barbie doll was after my dog chewed it up.

      • Lisa was stressed? Because she had to make a few phone calls and plan a bachelorette party? The hotel was handled by Bravo. We can all sort that one out, yes? And she’s been a nightmare for about the entire season. So, sorry if you think I’m mean, but we call ’em like we see ’em on this blog. And Lisa has lost the plot.

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