Ex-Wives Of Rock – Season 2, Episode 8; Rock You Like A Hurricane

One-Sentence Summary:  Athena gets two new boobs and one old one.

My Thoughts:  

Pre-order yours today! I'm sure I'll still have insomnia when the time comes.

Pre-order yours today! I’m sure I’ll still have insomnia when the time comes.

Rachel:  Thanks to some stressful stuff happening in my life right now, I have entered into a lovely phase of insomnia. (I have one of those brains that never shuts off and just thinks… and thinks… and thinks… Thanks, mom & dad!) Trying not to make Ambien my new best friend, I thought I’d take advantage of my “extra hours” of productivity and download Bobbie’s book, “Dirty Rocker Boys”.  Yes! What an amazing idea… Off to Amazon I go and… it’s not out yet! Dammit dammit dammit. I have to wait until Thanksgiving week before it comes out. Sigh… Quelle bummer. So another night was spent watching stories about murder on Discovery ID. Methinks the book would have been way more fun. But alas, we are not here to hear my stories, so let’s get on with tonight’s adventures.


We return to our ladies and their string of bad choices when it comes to men. Yeah, I know all about that one. The line is long and it’s not very distinguished. But these girls likey their bad boys. I don’t blame them, but you do have to be prepared for all the bullshit that comes with it. And there’s a lot of it. And by a lot, I mean nothing but. So, whose bad boy are we starting off with tonight? Ah, Athena’s. James pops by her apartment, because he just happened to be in the neighborhood with a peace offering for her.  I hope the offering is more than his

A cupful of apologies.

A cupful of apologies.

haircut, though I will admit it does go a long way to making him look less… homeless. But before he can give her his gift, Athena tells him that Bobbie is buying her new boobs. Top that one, James. Go on… whatcha got in your bag? Measuring cups and a tire pump. Really? I guess she needs them since she’s thrilled, though I’m pretty sure this does not make up for him being an asshole for… oh, forever. I’m also pretty sure you can get that stuff at Target for under $10. And no, money isn’t the important thing, but boobs vs. kitchen gadgets. You decide. Oh and he also brought batteries for her “devices”. {{{massive eye roll}}} BUT, I will grudgingly give him a half a point for offering to help take care of her post-surgery. I’ll give him the full point if he actually shows up. Athena’s not convinced his intentions are true. She’s pretty sure he’s there because his girlfriend bailed. And there’s the fact that he’s the least calming person she could possibly have in her presence while she’s trying to heal. Yeah, think long and hard on this one, Athena. It’d be like having a chihuahua during a fireworks show running around your house.

Sharise takes Blue to meet the cutter who is making her shorts, which should be ready when they get back from Miami. Blue wants to know if Sharise is stoked about going. She says that she would be except that Bobbie still hasn’t addressed the stripper issue in her book. She hopes Bobbie isn’t just trying to butter her up (she is) and if she doesn’t get it taken care of then she’s going to have a stick up her butt on the trip.  OMG, I’m about to put my foot up your butt! If you are pissed about the book, do not take Bobbie’s money and go on the trip. That is gross. And I’m not sure if you realize what those cameras in the room are doing, but they are recording you every time that you say you were never a stripper, which the whole world – or the people watching the show – are seeing every week. We get it. We will read that line in the book with a grain of salt. Stripper = mud wrestler.  Duly noted. Blue really just wants to bring the group back together. And then there’s the issue of Brandon, who isn’t exactly happy about the trip. That’s another wrinkle in the plan for Sharise. So don’t go. For real, just don’t go. But we all know you’re going.

Oh boy, today’s the day of Athena’s breast surgery. Very excited and nervous for her. She’s thrilled and can’t wait to wear sexy clothes and flash people again. Whatever gets you out of bed in the morning. Terry, cracking bad jokes as usual, is ready to get to work. Athena gets some anesthesia going and tells everyone that she wants to meet the angry cat. (Click here if you don’t know grumpy – aka angry – cat) HA… that’s hilarious. And off she goes for new boobies!  Woot!

Joy, it’s Kirk and his pleasant attitude. God, he’s a dick. I’m sorry, but he really is. So, not only do he & Sharise have a clothing business and a kid in common, they

What? You don't find this sexy?

What? You don’t find this sexy?

also have a rental property together with a tenant who is 3 months behind in rent. It’s Kirk’s job to take care of that… he has not. I guess the tenant has lots of good excuses why he can’t pay his rent, which Kirk accepts instead of a check. Uh, no. Sharise wants him out, but Kirk is pretty sure that he doesn’t have the right to throw the guy out. Well, you may not physically be able to throw him out, but I’m pretty sure you can legally throw him out with this crazy newfangled thing called an eviction. Look it up. But Kirk and his creepy mustache would rather just yell at Sharise. I seriously want to beat him about the head with his oversized trucker hat.

Athena’s surgery went well and Terry goes to give the news to Tobi and will you look at that… James. Wow, he showed up. I’m faceplant surprised. Wonders never cease. And now the two men have a conversation about her boobs pre and post mastectomy. Uh, mildly inappropriate. Let’s go see how Athena’s doing, shall we? She’s pretty out of it, but doing well. Yay! And she manages to slap James in the face as he puts her in the car.  Bravo.

Sharise returns home in time for a cocktail, but not before Kirk calls and annoys her (and everyone in the viewing audience) further. Seems he forgot it was his turn to pick up his kid. I’m running out of names for this asshole. Sharise reiterates that she wants the tenant out and she wants someone to go over there to scare him out. Brandon tells her that she can’t legally do that. For once, Brandon and I agree. GET AN EVICTION NOTICE! Good Lord, have you never seen an ad for legalzoom.com? It’s on every 5 minutes. And because Brandon doesn’t agree with her, Sharise is annoyed with him too. I know how you feel, Sharise. No really, I do.

Does James really have a tattoo across his chest that says Kottak? Is that so they can identify the body? Sorry, too much Discovery ID. But really? Your own name? More importantly, our girl Athena is doing well, even with James in her house. He’s even cooking for her. This guy is freaking me out right now. How long before the other shoe drops? Sharise stops by to check on her girl and is shocked when James answers the door. She visits with Athena and they make a plan to buy her some sexy new clothes once she’s healed.

Now let’s address the elephant in the room… James… in Athena’s house. She tells Sharise that he’s trying to make it up to her for being a royal dickbag for two decades. Sharise is in shock. Athena is open. And James is still cooking. Sharise is

You're not Athena.

You’re not Athena.

going to be supportive and be there to help Athena pick up the pieces when James disappoints her again. Man, I wish I could say that I believe that won’t happen, but he doesn’t exactly have a great track record. On her way out and as this week comes to a close, Sharise stops in the kitchen to ask James about his intentions. He says he wants to help Athena, and it’s totally over with his ex who was a huge mistake in the first place. Ya think? But Sharise is only half buying his story and lets him know that he had better not let her down again. She may be small, but she hits hard. Can you hit Kirk then please while you’re at it?  Thanks.

Bottom Line:  OK, so I’m happy for Athena that the surgery went well. I’m cautiously happy for her that James is stepping up. (Has anyone asked if he’s sober?) And I’m pissed there were exactly zero moments of Bobbie in tonight’s episode. WTF?  And are they ever actually going to Miami?


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