One-Sentence Summary: Boobies and cougars and shankings, oh my!
Rachel: Alright, alright, alright! Another glorious half hour of fun is waiting for me on my DVR. I’ve been too busy being too busy that I’m just getting to it now. Ah the joys of trying to live a productive and rewarding life. Seriously, someone (aka – my parents) should have been a lot more vocal about the whole trophy wife career path when I was growing up. But no, I HAD to go to college, get a degree and learn how to be an independent woman. Yeah, thanks for that…. Where’s my wine?
Wait, why are they talking about Athena’s breast cancer in the previews? There had better not be bad news on the horizon. I’m not mentally prepared for more bad news right now. What’s that you say? It’s not about me? Clearly, you haven’t been paying attention. But I guess we’ll have to wait and find out.
And we’re back to Bobbie working out with her trainer so she can get in shape for the Cougar music video. Her workout schedule looks a lot like mine; every day
for a month before an event and then not at all until another event is on the horizon. Hey, whatever works. Oh and guess what else works? That’s right, Pickle. Seems Bobbie can’t stop at just one bite. I don’t blame her. At all. Well, Bobbie’s had about enough of this working out crap and thinks she’d rather just get lipo. No, don’t do that. You’re an Ex-Wife of Rock, not a Beverly Hills Housewife. You guys cannot become that cliche, please!
And speaking of flawless thighs, Sharise is doing a photo shoot for her bathing suit line. Thankfully, Kirk likes to date young hotties who will model for free. Really? Pay a model. Oh sorry, she is getting paid in the form of a new set of tits. Jesus, girls have zero self-respect anymore. Get paid for working or modeling or whatever it is you do and buy your own damn boobs. Sorry, I’m on an “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar Because Men Can’t Be Trusted” rant tonight. And it’s not going to get better. You’ve been warned.
Athena pops into the photo shoot to steal Sharise away for lunch, but not before their own conversation about boobies. Athena misses hers and feels deformed after having a mastectomy. She also has pain which prevents her from getting a good night’s sleep… ever. She hopes to have surgery some day but can’t afford it right now. You see, insurance won’t pay for it because it’s considered cosmetic. Assholes. Seriously? Dipshit bikini model gets free tits because she has a nice ass, but Athena, who actually is out on her own doing her thing and who had something shitty happen to her, gets a big FU? I need more wine.
Bobbie is still convinced she needs lipo and goes to see a doctor about it. Blue, for reasons unknown, wants to go with her. She thinks she can kick Bobbie’s booty into high gear if she lets her train her for two weeks. Blue’s cray cray, but she does have an ass that won’t quit. Pisses me off, really. Seems a lot of this body insecurity from Bobbie comes from her last relationship – relationshit, really – and the jackass telling her she’s fat, ugly and old. Douchetard. Clearly, he needs glasses and a lobotomy. But I know how easy it is to let the bad messages get in and how hard it is to get them out. I left my last relationship with my self-esteem around my ankles. It’s a deep hole to crawl out of. And I know all about eating your feelings too. There’s a piece of peanut butter pie that paid the price for my bad day today. Anywho, Dr. Sucksomefat finds about 100 things wrong with Bobbie – because that’s how he gets paid – but thankfully Blue is there to talk her out of this insanity.
After Bobbie backs away from the scalpel, she goes to see Athena who is still feeling a bit bad after the bathing suit shoot. She wonders if her mastectomy had anything to do with James cheating on her. Girl, if it did, there is a special place reserved in hell for him. Athena just wants to be able to feel good about her body again and wear sexy, feminine clothes. Fair enough. This surgery for Athena needs to happen and Bobbie is going to figure how to get it done. Now this is plastic surgery I can get down for. And I’m also glad this is why we’re bringing up Athena’s cancer. Whew, scared me for a minute there.
Oh boy, it’s the day of the Cougar video shoot and Bobbie is bringing Athena with her to play drums on-set. But first, a surprise… Bobbie is buying Athena new boobs! She realized that she could spend her money on lipo or she could help her friend feel better about herself. Aw, that’s really cool. I’m a little misty
over here. HEY! It’s a reality show crossover! Athena is getting her boobies from RHOC hubby, Terry Dubrow! Sweet! Hold the phone… How is it at all possible that it has never come up on RHOC that Terry’s brother was the lead singer of Quiet Riot? I mean this is information a girl needs to know! Crazy how much they look alike and how much they’re so not alike. OK, where were we… Right, boobs. Both Terry & Bobbie are shocked by what is going on under Athena’s robe. Terry says this would be about as high-risk a breast surgery as you can get, but he’s in it to win it with Athena. And with that, he gives her a basket of boobs to take home with her so she can decide what size she wants to be. So, the net-net here is that she’s getting new boobs from a great surgeon thanks to an awesome friend and scoring a giant basket of silicon while she’s at it. What else could a girl want? Well, besides wine.
Meanwhile, Blue & Sharise are getting manis while Blue tells Sharise about her vocal lesson with Ron. Blue seemed to miss the memo on that meeting since she still thinks she has potential. And she’s even been writing some songs so when she’s vocally ready, there’ll be songs to be sung, including a lovely little ditty called “Shankin’ Some Bitches.” See, if she can’t be a little bit country, she’ll be a little bit gangsta. Uh, no. You won’t. Oh and she has some moves to go with the song, much to the amusement of the other people in the salon. And me.
Athena has called a meeting of the women at Sharise’s house so they can go through her basket of boobs and choose a size. But wait, there’s more! Bobbie
also has a copy of the Cougar video! Ah yes, the video. Having watched last week already, I can tell you that you should be thankful we only saw snippets. Bobbie
looks great, but that song… Oh that song. Yikes. As for what the other girls think… Blue says she looks hot, but Sharise has nothing nice to say about it. She thinks the cherry boots are tacky. Apparently, she doesn’t have to hold her tongue because Bobbie is still calling her a stripper in her book. That’s mature. That’s also all for tonight…
Bottom Line: Seriously, there was so much talk about breasts in this episode, that I spelled Bobbie as Boobie at least 5 times tonight. But besides that, weren’t they supposed to go to Miami this week and then on a cruise? These editors and I need to talk.