Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 5 Reunion Part 1

One Sentence Summary:  Part 1 marks the return of Dr. V because we need more therapy with our NJ ladies.

Melissa’s Thoughts:

The ladies open old wounds for the sake of the Reunion

The ladies open old wounds for the sake of the Reunion

Here I am again chugging away too many weeks behind to even keep up so we’re going to go Jersey Dirty on the plethora of Reunion episodes Bravo will most likely throw at us.  BTW, no clue where Jersey Dirty came from, I’m just rolling with it.  It could be a strange night friends.  I know I’ve said this before (at least once for sure) but I don’t know why we need to have the multiple hours of a reunion.  I mean, what else do we need to say?  Like I want to tell miss Miley lately… Leave a little something to the imagination will ya?  Sorry I really don’t want to start out on a soapbox rant, but something triggered and I can’t control myself sometimes.  I don’t get the reunion episode, and it’s something I guess I’ll have to learn to cope with… much like televised therapy sessions (yeah, I know Dr. V is coming at me again).  OK, so let’s get Jersey up in here and see what happened to the “peace” that settled in Franklin Lakes.  But first, what’s up with this Jersey-ridiculous Venetian?!

Reunion Part 1 in 500 or less

Apparently everyone is too polite to say they thought Teresa and Juicy would get caught with all their illegal activities.  Let’s all pretend we’re shocked – way to support Housewives.  We’re treated to such an odd conversation about wandering spouses, but Caroline has a good attitude about it… I think… maybe.  Melissa feels she and Teresa are very different, and doesn’t seem to care for Caroline suggesting otherwise.  She’s also still plugging away at her song trying to get airplay.  Teresa was shocked to hear about Melissa’s father on TV instead of in person, because they’re besties I guess.  Clearly the peace was fleeting for these two, if it was ever really there to begin.

Melissa knows Jan’s rumors are false because she just wants to be on Housewives and planned that as her “in”.  Fair enough, we’ve seen dumber attempts.  Teresa has a crisis PR person?  Makes sense I suppose.

Poor Kathy gets to relive the nightmare of Rich’s mouth running rampant this season, but I love Jac’s joke about the montage.  Wait, Rich is tweeting?  Totally going to check that foolishness.

Ashlee is back and Jac but doesn’t stress about it.  You know what I stress about??  Having to see Jacqueline’s skin chunks again – DAMN YOU BRAVO!!   AND AGAIN!  WTF… W.T.F!!

So they dredge back up the season long Trelissa fight (I should trade mark that).  The gals didn’t really work on the “peace” thing in the off-season it seems.  Color me not shocked.  I guess they need something for Season 6.

Love a Rosie montage, and I love Rosie and Juicy the new… Ethel and Lucy?  Nick and Jessica?  Well, at least that montage is better than the Juicy / Joey brawl to end it all.  Oy.  I’m not sure how the conversation segued to Rosie grabbing and Joey’s junk – I’ll totally back you on that eye popping look Caroline!  I mean a feel-y family is one thing, but grabbing at the business end of your cousin?  That’s just not right.  Move along please.

I don’t understand the logic about Penny turning on Teresa just to ruin a family.  Doesn’t even make sense.  Well, truth be told I don’t understand much of Tre’s logic.  It’s not the same as her 15 minutes of fame or an “in” as a Housewife.  Try again Tre.

Man, Dr. V got herself a big old head of hair.  Is that from the Milania spring line?  Why is it common sense makes sense from a stranger?  Or when a “doctor” says it?  Zzzzzzzzz… sorry, I nodded off with the therapy session but thanks for the wake-up Kathy I forgot you were.  BTW Bravo, don’t think I didn’t catch on that you’re pretending there are only 2 parts when each is 90 minutes… that’s 3 damn hours if this baloney… and this Winey Bitch doesn’t stand for baloney.

Bottom Line:

Here’s what I don’t get… if you don’t get along with someone, why not just remove yourself from being around them?  No, seriously all these people ever do is fight, maybe just leave the damn show and be done with it.  Auntie Dina did.

*Side Bar:

  • Um, that’s NOT blonde Melissa.
  • Teresa, potential jail time couldn’t  just “happen to anyone” Teresa, you need to actually commit a crime… do something illegal and get caught.  Sally down the street unless she’s shady isn’t going to end up doing a nickel in the Pen just ‘cause (channeling my inner Orange is the New Black – man I love that show)
  • So glad Joey embraced his baldness (sorry… graying) and shaved his head, but those pants… you get a free bowl of soup with those pats?
  • Trelissa… you heard it here first friends!
  • “Feminier”… really Juice?
  • Is it just me or are these Housewives louder and quicker to fight that others?  I mean really, there could be a whole season of shoving and yelling.

*side bar comments don’t count, because sometimes I just need to rant 🙂

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