Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 5, Ep 18: Salon, Farewell

One Sentence Summary:  While this bitch was hoping for a table flip, season 5 goes out like a lamb because everyone is “in a better place” – pitty.

Melissa’s Thoughts:

I'll see your deer in headlights Teresa and raise you a dumbstruck open mouth.

I’ll see your deer in headlights Teresa and raise you a dumbstruck open mouth.

Yes, still playing catch up, and thanks to a minor neck injury I’m forgoing my standard precious vino for muscle relaxers – you know it’s bad when I pass up on my wine, because we all know everything is better with wine.  So we’re looking at a “do not operate heavy machinery”, “may cause drowsiness” 500 or less for my Jersey ladies season finale.  Hang on friends, it’s going to be a slurred ride.

NJ Ladies in 500 or less

Teresa goes (exaggerated) deer in headlights at Penny’s allegations – shocking.  BTW, ever notice how high Tre’s voice goes when she’s in denial?  Penny’s hubs arrives to the shit show but of course testosterone arrives shortly after and there’s lots of camera shaking and screaming.  I wonder if Joey’s hair is going to black smudge things again?  Even Caroline is getting into the screaming, but who can blame her, that went all sorts of sideways.  Melissa thinks she needs to make Teresa stand by them and not Kim and the others.

Melissa couldn’t sleep after the event, but hasn’t heard anything new from the encounter and hopes Tre is thinking she needs to stop the BS.  Melissa declares she needs to find forgiveness in her heart and move on (can I get a Thank You Jesus… for old times).  At the Lauritas sweet Nick makes an appearance and puts things into perspective.   The Wakiles visit the Gorgas to question Tre’s involvement and suggest to keep moving things forward.

Caroline spends the day after musing about how blessed she is for her family and how much her house means to her family (bye bye apartment methinks).  Albert reminds her they don’t have to leave – wise man.

Teresa hopes Joey doesn’t believe Penny, and Jacqueline rallies for her her but suggests if there is any truth she needs to own it.  Tre does have regrets about things she’s done, and she should have walked away, but she was in a bad place at the time.  Whoa, what was that??

Blk is expanding to new flavors and pitch to the fam asking for honest opinions.  Teresa seizes the opportunity seeing Joey to have a chat about what all went down.  Wow, it must be the relaxers because I can’t believe Tre just owned her part in the rumors and wants Joey to put his family first.  This is the cryingest bunch of bitches!

Everyone is off to the shore to see the Guidice shore house to celebrate the season and talk about how wonderful it is everyone has rebuilt their lives.

Kathy:  Building her dream house all for a new kitchen

Jacqueline:  Ashley came home but is headed to beauty school later and they’ll remain focused on Nicholas’s recovery.

Caroline:  Bids bye-bye to the apartment and is happily back at home.

Melissa:  The Gorgas moved a half hour away so that should help keep the peace.

Teresa:  Juicy is going to fight and do whatever he has to do to make everything right.  Then comes the incitement news.  A ‘not-guilty” plea was entered, but Juicy could race jail and deportation, and Tre is hoping for another book deal (OK, that was my bit).

Bottom Line:

All is magical loving unicorns and rainbows.  Let’s see how that translates to the Reunion.

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