Real Housewives of Orange County, Season 8 – Reunion Part 1

Two Sentence Summary: Part one of three of these ladies justifying their bad behavior… loudly.

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It’s a Double D rainbow!

Rachel: So here we go. I’m already cringing.  Are these reunions really necessary?  Like really really necessary? And three parts?  What did we ever do to deserve this kind of torture?  I mean besides turn on the TV and voluntarily tune in… But I’m not going to go on about this because it’s just delaying in the inevitable, and, beyond that, I have nothing of worth to contribute. So, let’s get on with it.  I can hardly wait to watch Gretchen get slaughtered. Yes, it’s her turn, yet again, to play the sacrificial lamb. Oh, how Alexis must be bursting with joy that the heat is off her and her Jesus jugs.  Let’s breeze through shall we?  Personally, I think rosé is the perfect accompaniment for breezy reunion overviews.  What are you drinking?

Reunion

Wow, it’s like the rainbow coalition up there.  And Lydia is wearing that stupid hairband again.  Why ladies, why?  It’s not cute.  It’s really not.

Anywhere here we go… Vicki and Donn are still not officially divorced. Neither is feeling a sense of urgency, mostly because Vicki will have to pay spousal support when they sign the papers. Tamra wants them back together. Donn says when monkeys fly out of his ass.  Smart man, that Donn.

Cue Mexico montage… Tamra says that right now she doesn’t trust Gretchen as a friend due to her inconsistencies, but she does miss her.  It’s just not good right now. Gretchen hates that there’s weirdness and is sad about it, but it’s obvious that Vicki was determined to put a wedge between them and it worked. And now we have to talk about Andale’s again.  Vicki says she didn’t have a plan. It just worked out that way and she made the comment in the heat of the moment. Yeah, no one believes you… except Tamra. Andy says that Tamra comes across as two-faced since she says one thing and then does another.  She says that was planted by Gretchen. Uh, no. It’s pretty much understood that you’re all two-faced at this point… and again, cameras.

BTW, Vicki’s face looks pretty good. That’s a nice surprise.

Oh Lord, now we’re talking about Gretchen cheating on Jeff again.  What season is this?  I seriously can’t even believe this topic is still up for debate.  Does anyone actually care at this point? Lydia wants to know what Alexis has to say on the subject since she was tight with Gretchen when this all went down.  Alexis will

Pretty sure I don't kiss my friends like that.

Pretty sure I don’t kiss my friends like that.

speak to Gretchen privately because she isn’t going to do the gang-up thing.  Hmmm… guessing you’re not on Team Gretchen for this one. Duly noted. After Heather pushes her, Alexis says that she saw them together and Gretchen was on his lap. She did not see her kiss him. Tamra is mad that she had to take the heat for years for being a liar because Gretchen won’t admit the truth.  Vicki says she doesn’t hate Gretchen and only wants the best for her.  She has nothing but love for her and respects her as a “business woman”.  Vicki’s quotes, not mine.  And then says they should compare 1099s. Seriously, Vicki? Did you really just insinuate that by making more money, you’re a bigger, better person? You did. You have to stop pretending to be so pure when you really do and say vile things. A lot. Tamra actually tells Vicki to own the fact that she doesn’t like Gretchen. Yes, let’s just call a spade a spade already. And now there is screaming again about Jeff.  Can we please move on? Seriously, NO ONE CARES!  In fact, I’m not typing another word about it.

Lydia says she’s brighter than people think she is. That’s not saying much, lady. She is actually a genius… in her own opinion. That’s hilarious. No, serious, that’s funny shit right there. Now we have our Lydia montage. First question for her is why is she such a pot stirrer? Good question. She says she’s not a pot stirrer. She’s authentic. Ha. Now, that’s genius. Alexis says she was hurt that Lydia didn’t stick up for her and their friendship at the beginning of the season. Lydia says they weren’t that good of friends, like they are now. Apparently, going out a couple of times means more to Alexis than Lydia. Guess they should have had that “Where does our relationship stand?” conversation.

And now the A-List conversation about Heather being in Lydia’s magazine.  Ah, yes.  I forgot about this. Lydia says that they have a team of people at the

Does this girl hear the words coming out of her mouth?

Does this girl hear the words coming out of her mouth?

magazine and that they were putting Marilyn Monroe on the cover that month. Even Heather should be able to realize that they’re not quite on the same level. Heather does, amazingly, recognize that, but was more insulted by Lydia and Doug laughing about it. BTW, Lydia had a 10-page spread in the same magazine, which Heather finds amusing. Lydia finds no humor. Oh, I think it’s hysterical that she would put herself in the magazine. And make it 10 pages. Andy wants to know why Lisa Vanderpump can be on the cover, but Heather can’t? Well, Lisa’s a bigger star. Yeah, that’s kinda true. Heather thinks that’s rude. Can we go back to Lydia doing a 10-page spread in her own magazine? I mean does anyone else think that’s hysterical?

Now, stripper-gate. Lydia thinks dancing on a bar and watching men get naked are very different things. Vicki agrees. Heather has no issue with that, but she does think it’s unfair of Lydia to call them “sort of classy” for having a different belief system. Well, Lydia is mad at Heather for a nasty blog she wrote. Heather said she was wrong and apologized already. Clearly, Lydia isn’t over it. And so she continues to harangue Heather about it and then calls her “princess”.  Jesus, Lydia, take a breath. She said she’s sorry… something you haven’t yet managed to do once.

Oh gawd, Lauri is here. Andy goes over the cause of the rift between Lauri & Vicki. Vicki says that she regrets how it went down, but she never had any malicious intent when she showed Jeanna the letter George’s ex mother-in-law sent her. Tamra says that Lauri basically did to Vicki what she’s accusing Vicki of doing to George, but on a much bigger scale. True dat. Vicki lost accounts because of it. Lauri laughs it off (which makes me want to punch her in the throat), and says that George was on this show too.  Oh come on, Lauri. Hardly the same thing. Now, Gretchen is screaming about herself. Who was talking to you, Minty?

But how was I going to get revenge if I didn't come on the show?

But how was I going to get revenge if I didn’t come on the show?

Let’s just rid of Lauri, please. And the screaming… I can’t take it.

Now, we get to talk about Brooks and the stripper/porn star. I have no idea what just went down but there was a lot of screaming at each other and accusing each other of cheating. Vicki says she hasn’t bothered with Lauri in 7 years and couldn’t care less about her. Leave her alone and she’ll leave Lauri alone. Yes, please.

And that concludes Part 1…

Bottom Line: Just so I’m clear… I just spent an hour of my life rehashing stories that happened years ago? Awesome.

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12 responses to “Real Housewives of Orange County, Season 8 – Reunion Part 1

  1. “What did we ever do to deserve this kind of torture?”

    I’m still trying to figure out why people watch these “un-reality” shows. I know a guy who worked behind the scenes on several of these reality shows, and he told me how things really are, behind the scenes. In short, most of what you see is not real. The people that make these shows, do many hours of preparations, and script writing. Yes, script writing, but not word for word. They come up with themes…controversies, etc… These are injected into the real story. For instance, somebody’s daughter is getting married…OK, they aren’t just going to have a normal wedding and leave it at that. No, there has to be something extra to make it memorable. So they do all manner of things to accomplish that. Mostly, made up controversies.

    But how can I expect women to care that a significant portion of it…the real juicy stuff, is almost entirely made up? After all, we are talking about the gender that used to get totally into SOAPs, which were completely made up. LOL

    OK, we men have ESPN…but the drama that goes on there is 100% real. The games are real. The interviews are real, even if a bit generic, when a coach/player doesn’t want to give the opposition anything to feed off of.

    Now this stuff? OK, for instance, The Bachelor/Bachelorette. What is there track record? How many marriages came from that? The truth is, very few, not because of anything other than the fact that most people are going there in hopes of making It big…hoping to get discovered. Those who are real are far and few between. For instance, Chantal O’Brien was real…really wanted to get married…really fell in love. But, she was rare. And as such, she has now completely avoided the public eye.

    • Oh where to start with this…

      First, this blog is dripping with sarcasm so take most of what I say with a grain of salt. I know this stuff isn’t “real” and most of it’s scripted to a large degree. But it’s fun. Yes, it’s stupid fun, but fun, nonetheless. So, I watch and poke fun all in the name of some laughs.

      Second, as a woman, I probably watch more ESPN and NFL Network than most men and am the commissioner of my Fantasy Football league 10 years running. You know, just in case you thought there was a block on my cable box that won’t allow me to experience all the joy that is Mark Schlereth, Stephen A. Smith, Rich Eisen, etc. Hell, I even know that Keith Olberman is coming back to sports.

      But maybe I should explain this all in the context of sports… Watching reality TV is like being a Browns fan. You know a lot of what you see is going to painful, you won’t often walk away feeling satisfied and the players don’t work well together. But you’re a fan so you go back for more and more and more and after a while it’s just part of your life.

      Oh, and have I mentioned, I’m really sarcastic?

  2. “Second, as a woman, I probably watch more ESPN and NFL Network than most men and am the commissioner of my Fantasy Football league 10 years running. You know, just in case you thought there was a block on my cable box that won’t allow me to experience all the joy that is Mark Schlereth, Stephen A. Smith, Rich Eisen, etc. Hell, I even know that Keith Olberman is coming back to sports.”

    When are we getting married? 🙂

    “But maybe I should explain this all in the context of sports… Watching reality TV is like being a Browns fan. You know a lot of what you see is going to painful, you won’t often walk away feeling satisfied and the players don’t work well together. But you’re a fan so you go back for more and more and more and after a while it’s just part of your life.”

    Ouch! I’m a Brown’s fan. But yeah, that’s pretty much how it is. We came close a couple of years, but it just wasn’t meant to be. The fumble on the 2 yard line against Denver has to be the most painful memory of mine as a Brown’s fan. Now you know why we love our Buckeyes so much. I think Meyer is going to do great things with the team. If they can get the NCAA to do away with over-signing, the Big Ten will start being relevant again. Hard to compete with the SEC when the B10 teams average 86 players recruited, per 4 years, which is only one over the total you can actually award scholarships to in that same time period, while the SEC averages 104, per team per 4 years, and that’s with some of the teams not participating in over-signing…which means that some of those teams, *cough* Albama*cough* recruiting about 120 players in 4 years. I can explain in detail just how this works, but imagine OSU and Bama both needing 2 linebackers. Both have a 5 star, 4 star and two 3 stars interested in coming. OSU isn’t allowed to over-sign so they bring in the 5 and 4 stars. Bama will bring in all 4. Now, imagine that the players are identical. Both teams find that the 5 star is really a 4 star, and the 4 star is a bust. But Bama finds that one of the 3 stars is a legit 4 or 5 star talent that just needed to be developed. And the other 3 star shows promise as a solid player. So they keep all 3 and send a Junior packing…one that isn’t developing the way they had hoped. This why Bama is better. It’s like allowing the NFC East to have extra draft picks in each round. Would you be surprised if the NFC East started winning a lot of Super Bowls?

    Anyway, back to the important question…when are we getting married? 😉

  3. Meh…my best friend is a Steelers fan. I’m OK with that. We can’t all be perfect. So I get to rub it in when my Buckeyes whoop that PSU booty, and you get payback twice, when the Steelers return the favor against the Browns. 😉 So do you prefer long engagements, or short ones. 😉 hehe

  4. You are wonderfully sarcastic and spot on with your analysis of this guilty pleasure called Real Housewives….but the icing on the cake is the fact that you’re a Penn State grad.
    Awesome.

  5. That’s not icing. 😉

  6. aorry…always.

  7. How many people are #ickivicki aka @vgunvlson fans???? I swear I can’t stand the old wench.
    The way she treated Gretchan and Slade ia vile.
    Ohhh is ok for brokes or crooks ayers to not pay child support but Slade got a lil behind n he is the world’s worst dad. Huh giv me a break #ickivicki.
    At least Slade DIDN’T go jail for it.
    Omg n if my boyfriend had said to my daughters husband ohh giv her a slap when needed he’d be the one getting a smack right out of my life ohhhh but not #ickivicki the slag bag tramp she just wants her c*** n I guess brooks is giving it too her.
    I swear that horrid PIG ahuh ahum!!!! Makes me sick how can anyone with anything about them like her. Urgh #ickivicki @vgunvlson #evil #vile #nasty #PIG

    • I think Brooks and Slade are pretty much in competition for terrible fathers. But yes, Vicki is such a hypocrite for going after Slade and then excusing Brooks. The hitting your woman comment doesn’t even deserve discussion it’s so disgusting.

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