Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 5, Ep 11: Children of the Scorned

One Sentence Summary:  It’s a sad evening in Jersey as we bid farewell to a close friend.

Melissa’s Thoughts: 

What if I'm not able to read Two Winey Bitches blogs in San Fran?!

What if I’m not able to read the Two Winey Bitches blog in San Fran?!

Here we are with me still frantically playing catch up before the next episode of the Teresa is destroying everyone’s life show… and by everyone I mean me.  Let’s face it friends, it’s not the waiting for the work week to start that ruins my Sundays it’s knowing that face and voice are going to be the last thing I see before going to sleep.  I’m so tired of Teresa’s antics lately I dread what used to be my favorite group of Housewives.  Teresa makes the Miami ladies seem more fun, and we all know I continuously scratch my head as to how they keep coming back into my life.

It Continues…

Cheers to going a whole day without attacking each other.

Cheers to going a whole day without attacking each other.

So we join Teresa and Jacqueline for more of the sit down and Teresa reminds Jac they are different and Jac hits below the belt.  Oh I guess trying to pin an affair and career as a stripper is on the the up and up.  Good to know.  When confronted with how Teresa hurt Jacqueline and we get to the truth.  Teresa implied that because Jac was on twitter that was her focus and not on Nicholas.

Chris and Juicy are off in their own conversation talking about Nicholas and his progress.  I will admit, I am jealous of how men can just let things roll of their backs and a conflict is handled over a drink.

Bringing up the problems with Nicholas gets Jac to thinking and the tears come, but Teresa reminds her not to cry because now she’ll be upset.  That’s right Tre, all about you.  Tre reminds her they were friends for over 10 years and she thought of her as a sister and she would never want to hurt Jac or her family but she was upset over things with her brother.  The ladies agree to be civil and not doing anything to hurt the other.  They are at a good place – or so they say.

They join the boys and share their peace treaty and they all toast.


Sadly Christopher realizes he'll have a wife and a mistress and still not get any.

Sadly Christopher realizes he’ll have a wife and a mistress and still not get any.

Wow, anyone else see the tumbleweeds rolling though the blk offices?  I hope it’s 5am and that’s why no one is there.  The Manzo boys with their fresh off the vine news of the Giudice / Laurita sit down can’t wait to hear Chris’s side.  Chris thinks it was a good thing they didn’t go on the retreat because it would have gotten nasty if there was a brawl while he was there.

So blk has a contract with a gym’s spin class that the water on the bikes will be blk.  That’s good right?  All I’m saying is if I’m drinking something that dark it better be made of fermented grapes and give me a lovely buzz after 2 glasses.  They are making progress but there’s still so much to do to keep it moving.  Chris is concerned that Little Town is right downstairs from their apartment and they are going to be living there and not keeping up with their blk responsibilities.  In proper Italian fashion Albie notes that blk is their wife, and Little Town is their gumad.  Way to break it down Albie.  Yes, Little Town is where they’ll spend their nights while their days are focused at blk.

Date Prep

UGH, already with screeching!!  I can’t take these visits to Teresa’s house.  Poor Gia is trying to hang out with her friends and put on makeup while trying to shelter them from her dysfunctional family.  As a good mother should, Teresa eavesdrops from the doorway as Gia tells her friends the latest family drama and her plans for time with Uncle Joey.  They’re going go-carting and hanging she tells them, happy to have her uncle back in her life since she hasn’t really spent a lot of time with him.

Mummy Tummies

While bra shopping with Jacqueline Kathy can’t help but be happy she is invited to Teresa’s Zumba event.  AW LAWD I didn’t know that was happening tonight!!  This has the makings for some comedy now.  Jac shares she’s decided to get a tummy tuck in Beverly Hills and Kathy is happy for her doing something for herself.  Wait a minute, does anyone else seem confused why she needs to go to the opposite coast?  Chris doesn’t think she needs it, but if it’s what she wants to do he’ll support her.  Jac wants to fix everything she struggles with… like her neck that she thinks hangs when she rides her husband.  OH JAC… TMI… T. M. I.


Not seeing much action at home Joey attempts to hump his sister's front door... or is he trying to mark his territory?

Not seeing much action at home Joey attempts to hump his sister’s front door… or is he trying to mark his territory?

Still with the Giudice screeching!  I swear, that house must be like a 3 ring circus at all times.  How do they function?  How do they all not have migraines 24/7??  Thankfully Joey arrives to pick up Gia for their date.  I’m glad he is excited to spend time with Gia and learn who she is.  OMG, is that Milania climbing up the outside of the stairs while Teresa is worried about the chandelier?  What about your kids head when she falls Tre??


OMG Greg is back!!  I have no idea where he’s been but I have missed him and little Deloris!  Where are you going Greggy?  Why must you leave us for the West Coast?!  Everyone wants to hang out with Greg before he goes, but he doesn’t want it to turn into a cancer hang.  Oh that’s not cool Greg.  That being said, should I cover the mirrors?

Heart To Heart

The wisest person in this conversation isn't legal to drive a real car.

The wisest person in this conversation isn’t legal to drive a real car.

Oh how cute are these two racing.  Wow… what is that strange expression on her face?  I swear I didn’t think Gia’s face was capable of a smile.  Joey wants her to be normal with him but can’t have her “whatever” attitude.  She wants to know why it was different when she was little and he used to come over every day.  He reminds her that people change and she asks if he knew when he and Teresa were fighting it went down to the kids.  Unfortunately he wouldn’t have imagined it would have gotten to be that way.  Gia knew what was going on because Teresa would tell her what was happening and she was frustrated by her mom being upset.  Joey sees this for what it is and tells Gia he wants her to make her own assumptions, but she throws back at him the Christening.  Damn, when did this little girl grow up and start to hold her own in a conversation about morality?  She tells him about the things that would happen school and what kids would say to her about her uncle.  Joey doesn’t want his nieces to know their uncle the way he sometimes behaves and wants to do right by them.  He doesn’t want this to be the last they see of them, he wants all the kids to get together and spend time.

The Pole on the Bus goes up and Down

Teresa rallies the kids for her Zumba event for her charity.  All the ladies are supposed to be there to head to the event before the bus arrives, shocking that no one is on time.  The Wakiles arrive first and all the Giudice kids get reacquainted with their family and the kids all roll their eyes at the adults.  Kathy sees the patterns repeating from their childhood being separated from each other by the parents but is hoping to stop the cycle with them.  So apparently the idea is to drink before Zumba… you know because that isn’t a recipe for vomit.  The Gorgas arrive along with Joey’s goals of keeping the relationships with the family alive.  The Lauritas make their entrance because it’s for charity and are shocked with how much the girls have grown and Jac feels like she’s missed out on so much.  Teresa thinks it’s weird to have Jac in her house, but it’s also normal.

In the bus Teresa tells the group Jac called her a sociopath and wants to know what it means.  Jac suggests she google it to find out what it means.  Upon reading it ladies exchange looks like “yes, that’s it”.  Trying to change the subject Joey asks if anyone gets upset being called a name and Melissa decides to rap sticks and stones.  In a lovely example of being a jackass Juicy asks Melissa if she’ll do the pole on the bus.  Never one to have a filter Milania heads up the pole and claims herself as Melissa.  Wow… look at her go.  Well, at least we know she has something to fall back on.

Zumba for a Cause

Oh the damage that an be done with this cluster of Zumba bodies!!

Oh the damage that an be done with this cluster of Zumba bodies!!

It’s time to Zumba and I have to laugh because Zumba is for real no joke.  I’ve tried and still apologize to those around me who got punched by my flailing arms.  If you ever need a good laugh my friends, sign me up for a Zumba class, then make sure you are out of reach.  So, here’s our little plug for The NephCure Foundation (we actually aren’t the soulless drunkards we appear to be):

The NephCure Foundation is made up of patients, their families and friends, researchers, and physicians. This public charity is committed exclusively to supporting research to identify the cause, improve the treatment, and find the cure of the two potentially debilitating kidney diseases, Nephrotic Syndrome and Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis (FSGS).

After their work out, Teresa and Jac step to the side and of course Teresa always the one to let things go brings up Jac calling her a sociopath (again, you know because it’s only been 2 hours).  Thankfully Jac fires back with well you think I’m evil… Touché my dear!  Teresa tells her she never did anything to hurt her and hopes she knows that.  Jacqueline is glad they are where they are now, but there’s still a part tht doesn’t know if she should trust it.

Bye Bye Bennett

I’m not sure why everyone is at the Brownstone, but they all seem to be happy and in good spirits.  It’s Greg’s going away party and with a princessed up chair of tulle and ribbons too.  Caroline wants to wish him well, but doesn’t want him to go while I think the kids are looking at her wondering if she would have the same reaction if any of them thought to leave.  She decided to give him a little something to remember them.  It’s a photo he took of graffiti that said ‘take care of each other’ which is what Caroline said to them when they moved in together.  Oh wow… that’s a fantastic picture!  I think there’s something in my eye right now… it’s watering a bit.  Greg, just like your second family the Winey Bitches will miss you and your antics so much (not to mention sweet Deloris)!

Chris and Jacqueline arrive and she tells the rest of the group she’s leaving for BH the next day for her tummy tuck.  You know, because there isn’t a single plastic surgeon in the tri-state area or the East cost for that matter who can handle a tuck job.  Wait, don’t we have 2 resident makers of body magic on staff?  Lisa’s Husband from RHOM and Adrienne’s ex Paul from RHOBH.  Hey, maybe she’s off to have Paul fix her up.  The family is worried about her decision to go to California for her procedure.  Wait, Ashlee is out there so that makes sense – um, not.  Conversation turns back to the man of the hour to toast him off to Cali.

She’s Baaaaack

At the Neo Surgery Center Jacqueline is reunited with Ashlee who looks shockingly normal and… wait for it folks… pretty without all that craziness of hers.  Jac and Ashlee have a better relationship now than before now that she’s grown up… Girlfriend has a real job now blogging.  While meeting with the good doctor (not one of our on-calls) he tells her of the risks, but she’s still all in and even suggest he take a crack at her eyelids… since she’s there.

Poor Chris is back home with a sick CJ while Jac is gone.  Thankfully Caroline swings by to help out and confirms CJ is warm and tries to mother him a bit while Chris runs off after Nic.

At te’kila for dinner, Jacqueline wants to order tequilas as the rest of the group opts for water.  Even against doc’s advice Jac orders up a shot for herself.  Since when is Ashlee the voice of reason that it’s not a good idea?  I mean I agree with Juicy 2 weeks in a row, and now Ashlee is questioning Jacqueline’s behavior?  It’s coming folks… the end is surely near!!  Ashlee is contradicting the Ashlee of old saying she understands her parents better now.  Seriously, this is starting to freak me out!!  Make it stop.

As Jac’s dad shares his worry about his little girl going under the knife Ashlee chimes in as well that she doesn’t need the surgery.  Really, I don’t understand what I’m watching here and keep glancing outside for the zombie apocalypse to start.  Jac is more excited about the outcome than the procedure.  Way to live in your delusion Jac… enjoy it while it lasts.

Knife Time

Be happy I didn't search for the screen shot of her "removed tat". - such is my love for all of your eyes.

Be happy I didn’t search for the screen shot of her “removed tat” – such is my love for all of your eyes.

So we’re treated to a rare site of the plastic surgeons dishing on their patients.  Jac’s doc says he hopes she doesn’t expect ALL the fat to be gone (um, yes she does) and doesn’t think Jac comparing her belly to Ashlee is a good idea as one is 22 and one is 42.  Doc thinks Ashlee is 22, hot and knows it.  Oh right you are there my friend… she’s thought that for several years now.

Ashlee shares with her grand parents that cried in the car last night worried about her mother and complications that could happen.

Man, this is a long ass surgery and OMFG I DID NOT NEED TO SEE HER BELLY PARTS!!!  Sweet Lord I’m going to be sick.  WTF is that for I demand.  I don’t think I can watch any more of this.  the yellow things… WTF was that??  Hang on, I need to compose myself and fight the bile rising.

Chris calls to check in and is concerned the amount of time taking for the procedure.  As if on cue the doc pops his head in to get the family to visit Jac.  While in recovery they call Chris to confirm she’s ok, but I’m thinking her telling him she looks like a turtle or a q-tip isn’t really reassuring.  Oh well, at least she’s stoned and feels no pain… Today.

Bottom Line:  

Still reeling from the site of Jacqueline’s ‘parts’ that I can’t even think how to close this post.


One response to “Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 5, Ep 11: Children of the Scorned

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