One Sentence Summary: It’s time for these princesses to turn in their crowns.
Rachel: Well I totally shit the bed on this show. I’m not sure anyone noticed or cared, but I feel guilty. That’s what happens when you put a Jewish girl in charge of watching a show about Jewish girls. Guilt. So, I’m gonna pound through these last two episodes to assuage said guilt, even if I’m alone. And I might be. Seriously, is anyone actually still watching this show? I can’t imagine there are enough people out there that this will get picked up for a second season.
Rachel: Amanda has the world’s most annoying voice. It’s official. A worldwide poll was taken (consisting of me) and it was a unanimous vote (of one). Just the
way she says fro-yo makes me not want to eat it ever again. And I love a fro-yo. But first they have to look at some engagement rings. Apparently, she & Jeff are ready to get married. OMG, shoot me. No, shoot them. Mom isn’t down with them rushing into marriage, but Amanda says when you know, you know. Time means nothing to her. Clearly, neither does the person. Sorry, I just cannot stand her boyfriend. At all. Apparently, if mom isn’t on board, Amanda is ready to ban her from her life.
Erica pops by Ashlee’s for a chit-chat. Ashlee says she heard, via Joey, that Erica showed her text messages from Ashlee saying not to be friends with her. Erica says she never said that. Again, how dumb do you have to be to not realize that you’re being filmed and you will get busted? Ashlee is mad about the whole thing, but she’s really mad at Joey for hurting poor innocent Erica. Seriously? But Ashlee is willing to throw herself under the bus to protect her friends. Ladies & gentlemen, the Jewish Mother Teresa. And with that, they make plans to go wine tasting on Erica’s boat… with Joey.
Jeff and his parents are coming to have dinner with Amanda & her family. Ack. By the way, who wears booty shorts to dinner with their boyfriend’s family? Holy crap, Jeff’s mother talks just like Amanda. Nails on a chalkboard. And are we really talking about dad’s visit to the dermatologist? Jeff then announces that he’s in this relationship for the long haul. Amanda’s mom’s not all on board and she’s super not on board with Amanda living with Jeff. Yeah, I’m on the same page as mom, though I think it’s for different reasons.
Casey & her friend Leila hit the City for a night out. Casey thinks the whole Long Island attitude of having to be married at 26 is crazy. She also isn’t down with the high school behavior of the girls so she’s not feeling the vineyard trip. Then why are you hanging out with them at all?
The girls head off to the winery and Joey thinks Ashlee is giving her the cold shoulder and Ashlee is pretty sure it’s Joey being cold. Lord. This is not going to end well. They arrive at Sparkling Pointe and have some champers. Next the cellar and more champers. Man, I love some sparkling wine. Nothing should be wrong ever if you’re surrounded by the bubbly. But then there’s Ashlee… who starts drama because she’s scared of heights (they’re on a gangway over the tanks) but won’t take her shoes off to walk down the stairs. Idiot. They then get to eat lunch in the actual vineyard. And when the bottle of bubbles is opened with a sword, they start singing Mazel Tov. No. Please no. Joey then makes a circumcision joke, while Erica says she has a UTI and proceeds to pee in the vines. These girls are hideous.
Upon her return, Erica brings up the tension between Ashlee & Joey and off they go ripping into each other. Ashlee is still mad that Joey called her funny looking. Joey thinks she talks out of her ass. Ashlee says Joey is a bad person. Now,
Amanda says that it’s not ok to say that. And it just keeps going. Someone needs to ball gag Ashlee. This is insanity. Not surprisingly, Erica gets busted for lying about showing Joey the texts from Ashlee. Whoops. Now Ashlee has a broken heart. Drama much? Ashlee no longer wants to be part of this situation and decides to bail. On her way out, she says to Joey that her mom was right about her. That’s low. But this is what one can expect from these morons. And now Ashlee is hysterically crying to her mom that everyone is mean to her. How is this chick 30 years old? How? And Chanel, STFU defending her.
Chanel goes to rescue Ashlee. Are you serious? She stormed off. She’s own her own. She’s also fucking insane. For real. Now Chanel calls Casey to tell her how everyone was mean to Ashlee. Casey says she will eff everyone up. Yeah, sure you will. This is nonsense. These girls should be embarrassed by their behavior. With that Erica, Amanda & Joey decide to head for Erica’s dad’s boat without Chanel & Ashlee. Chanel wants to stay with Ashlee out of obligation. But the other girls can’t leave because Ashlee ran off and is now MIA. Leave her. She needs to grow the hell up and figure it out on her own. The rest of the girls leave – as they should have – but Chanel decides to stay and run around the vineyard screaming after Ashlee at the top of her lungs. sigh…
Rachel: We’re back at the winery and they call a car service for Chanel so she can find Ashlee. What an idiot this girl is. Who behaves this way? Chanel says Ashlee had a health scare last year so now she’s scared something bad happened to her. I think I might be dead inside because I really think this girl brought any and all of whatever is going on on herself.
Joey, Erica & Amanda finally arrive at the boat to salvage what is left of the day. Out on the water, the girls tell Erica’s dad about what went down in the vineyard. Needless to say, Ashlee doesn’t fare well. But enough about that drama, time to go swimming. While the girls get some sun, Rob tells dad he hopes to move forward with Erica. Forward meaning live together. How romantic.
Amanda gets a message from Chanel. Ashlee is in the hospital. Somehow Chanel got in touch with Ashlee’s parents who told her that Ashlee was in the hospital. Oh come on. Can you just move past the drama and let us all know that it was a panic attack? I’m willing to bet my shoe collection on it being nothing more than a panic attack. But we have to pretend that it’s serious. Joey feels badly for her and is worried that she’ll get blamed. Erica thinks it might be God punishing Ashlee. LOL… No, it’s just a spoiled brat having a meltdown because she didn’t get her way.
O.M…. G. Ashlee just informed us that because the girls left her, she had a panic attack which forced her to have to hitchhike in order to get to the hospital. You must be joking me. This chick cannot be for real. You ran off on your own volition you little twit! I seriously don’t think I’ve had this violent a reaction to a person in a long long time. I would seriously slap her if she were in my presence.
Amanda & Casey meet for lunch so that Casey can find out why Amanda is on the wrong side of the fight. Why on earth are there sides? Oh right… Ashlee. Casey thinks the way the girls handled the situation was disgusting. Amanda tells her side, but Casey isn’t really interested in hearing it. She’s just interested in defending Ashlee. I would have left at this point. And it kills me that Casey goes on about high school behavior annoying her, yet behaves just as badly. This whole situation smacks of immaturity. But Casey is going to do her and that’s a wrap. Their words, not mine.
Chanel goes to see Ashlee and check on her. Poor Ashlee, she had to get Benadryl at the hospital. BENADRYL! They sell that shit at Walgreens! And you don’t even have to show your driver’s license to get it. This girl is the ultimate victim. But it’s almost Yom Kippur and a time when people ask for forgiveness. Chanel wants the girls to start fresh by coming together and coming together. That’s the only way to move forward. Ashlee won’t apologize for other people doing wrong to her. Chanel says rise above. Ha, good luck. How do you not recognize that you said something hideous to Joey and ran off on your own accord? But she’s going to think about it.
Jeff and Amanda go to the Great Neck train station so they can head to the city. They reminisce about their meeting on the same train. Ah, romance. He tells her that if they are lucky enough to meet each other on the LIRR, then fate means
that they deserve to be together. Uh, ok. He will love her with no end and support her. No one will work harder to make her happy and cherish her more then him. With that, he pulls out a jewelry box. He says it’s a proposal and then calls it a promise ring. Wait, what? He says it’s the same thing but he didn’t want to get on a bended knee. So, if you’re not on one knee, it can’t be an engagement? I’m about all kinds of confused. So it’s not an engagement but it’s a proposal which is just a promise. WTF?
Yom Kippur is upon us, and one by one, the girls show up at the pond to make amends. Chanel asks that they stick together as Jewish women and apologizes to them if she’s ever wronged them. They need to respect each other. Saying hurtful things is like killing people in a way. Amanda tells everyone that she got a promise ring from Jeff which is happy but she has issues with her family. What does that have to do with the girls? Erica knows she hurt people and asks Casey to forgive her. She tells Ashlee that she misses her and she’s sorry. She’s also sorry for her over-drinking. Casey forgives herself for holding it in for so long. Really? She appreciates what they went through. And she’s sorry to Amanda but that’s how
she rolls. Joey feels badly about what went down between she & Ashlee. Not quite and apology but a concession. She wants everyone to be grateful. Ashlee reflects everyday and is so proud and thankful for her life. She got a second chance at life last year after she had a stroke. Jesus. Ok, that makes a little more sense for Chanel to be worried, but even dumber that Ashlee ran off on her own. But she is comfortable removing herself from negative energy. Now Casey is going off on about loyalty. Seriously, Ashlee? You’re still going off on how it’s everyone’s fault that you put yourself in a dangerous situation? GIRL, OWN YOUR SHIT! And good on Amanda for calling her out. Ashlee loves and values Amanda and would like to move forward. They’re both hurt. I think she kind of apologized to Joey who just wants to take it and get moving along. We all want to get moving along. Trust.
Rachel: Shalom, bitches.