One Sentence Summary: Des goes home with the final four hoping not to run into a brother like hers.
Rachel: Not gonna lie. The allure of fro-yo with a friend overruled my need to be by my TV set Monday night to watch the Hometown dates “live”. Look brownie bites and mini m&m’s on a peanut butter and chocolate swirl sometimes just has to happen. The problem is that once it ends up on my DVR along with the 100 other shows on my DVR, it gets harder & harder to watch. Amazingly, no one has managed to spoil the big send home from tonight so at least I have that going for me. I’m team Zak at this point, but I know I’m rooting for the long shot. This horse can’t run. I think Des likes him, but isn’t quite over the moon for him like she is the other guys, especially Brooks. Brooks… Yeah, so don’t get it. He must have some magical lips. And hands.
Melissa: I’m back!! Sadly, my punishment for a week of waffles, fries and wine… a lovely summer cold (worse than the flu if you ask me) that is determined to destroy me. So I’ll drown my sorrows in tea this evening, if you’ll all forgive me. You’ll also need to forgive me as I still haven’t bought into America’s Funny Girl and I can’t hold my tongue any longer. I know, you’re confused because holding my tongue really isn’t my M.O. in the first place. Oh well, let’s see what the Funny Girl has in store for the families shall we? Yeah, I’m thinking I’ll need a nip of brandy for this tea… just a little nip, or two.
Rachel: We start our hometown tour in Dallas with Zak. He’s got some fun things planned. Oofah, she just gave him a kiss on the cheek. Not a great sign. It might be that her minty fresh jacket is a size too small on her and she isn’t feeling frisky, but I’m pretty sure it’s that she’s just not feeling his funk. They start the date by sitting in a park where he tells Des about a dream he had. They were on a beach melting into the sand when snow comes and they start eating it as kids comes running out. Say what? Dude. Dude. No. You’re already getting kissed on the cheek. Don’t get sent home before you even intro the fam.
With that, he runs off and comes back with the family’s sno-cone truck. OK, now the dream is funny. Damn. Gotta trust the funny. My bad. They take the truck to a school and get a bunch of kids hopped up on corn syrup. Awesome. Now Zak is dressed up as a penguin. Seriously, he’s not gonna get the ring, but he should be the next Bachelor. I’d sign up for that. Be a lot more interesting than Ben’s hair and Sean’s abs.
After sending a bunch of kids home in a sugar frenzy, they head off to see Zak’s family. Good looking family. Des tells them that Zak showed up with no shirt. His family is horrified, but amused. Hey, bro is cute. And mom is funny. She put red roses on the table so Des could just give Zak a rose now. Yep, next Bachelor.
Mom gets some alone time with Des and she tells Des that is Zak is what you see is what you get. She thinks that this process must be hard when you don’t spend a lot of time with guys. Des weirdly gets defensive and says she spends a lot of time with the guys and asks them hard questions. Uh, no you don’t. You’ve spent a hot minute with them and not one of those minutes has been based in reality. But go on… Mom still thinks she’s amazing. And she & Zak are amazing together.
Sister’s turn to find out how Des feels about Zak. Des says they started as friends and have moved into something more. She wants someone spontaneous and fun. The sis says that Zak loves life and will love someone forever. Des says she wants the best for Zak and she’s falling hard for him. Yeah, I’m not buying what she’s selling. I just don’t think she’s into him as much he’s into her.
Mom & Zak talk about how awesome Des is and how much he’s into her. She’s a beautiful person and has made him believe in love again. He respects her and is inspired by her. Well, that’s awesome. Mom is happy. Zak is happy. I am worried.
Back inside, Zak, the sister and the brother sing a song for Des. I’m slightly off-put by this, but it hits Des hard and I think this is the first real moment where I see her react to him in an emotional way. Zak takes her outside and gives her a ring that he bought in Atlantic City; not an engagement ring but a symbol of the moment he knew how he felt about her. And he tells her he loves her. Aw, sweet. Probably not enough to keep him around though. Shit, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll date Zak.
Melissa: How awesome would it be if he were related to one of the Big Rich Texas ladies? That would be fantastic!! Sadly, I’m thinking we’re not going to be that lucky. But no, this is going to be fun, because Zak tells us his family is “crazy”. Yeah, I’m thinking if you have to TELL us, you’re sort of forcing the idea on us. So is his thing to be her “funny” counterpart? Wait, what’s with this dream? Did he drop a hit of acid before going to sleep? So he’s a sno-cone king? From a long line of snow cone people? I will say though these kids are adorbs.
So here we are with the “crazy” family. Hey, I kinda like them, and look, they eat!! Mom seems sweet. She tells Des to look for a spark and she’s hoping the spark SHE can see is the same Des has for him. Hey now, I like the sister too, and she’s not completely star-struck over this whole business.
Wait, is the family doing a sing-a-long for real?? Hmmm, I guess so. That’s different now isn’t it? Ah, so it’s the ice breaker for the L-bomb. Oh snap, he’s gone beyond the bomb right to a ring! DAMN!!
Rachel: Time for Drew’s family in Scottsdale. Her arrival is WAY more passionate and excited than Zak’s. Yeah, I’m obsessed, but this is what I see people. Drew tells Des about all the people she will be meeting today and how it’s the first time his dad will have ever been in his mom’s house. Oh boy.
Off they go to pick up his sister, Melissa, who is severely mentally handicapped. She doesn’t communicate and is 100% reliant on others to take care of her. Sweet girl. Des is the first girl to meet Drew’s sister. He’s worried about Melissa’s reaction, but he feels like he’s prepared her. Melissa cries when she sees Drew. I’m a little misty over here myself.
They arrive at the house and begin the family intros. They get a thumbs up from me for serving not one, but four bottles of wine with lunch. That’s ring-worthy on its own. Mom isn’t yet convinced so she takes Drew aside for some hard questions. Drew says being with Des is effortless. She’s his soulmate. Meanwhile, Des is telling dad that Drew’s eyes were what first attracted her to him – the depth and soul. Dad wants to know if she believes in angels. Des says yes, but she’s never met one. Dad says she has actually, and that’s Melissa. Damn, dad, you’re killing me over here. Drew wanted her to know that and that’s why they picked her up together. Drew tells mom that Des has accepted everything about him with no reservations and he’s ready to propose. Mom is all on board with a proposal.
Now dad talks to Drew and says that he will throw a party if he wants to marry Des. He loves his son and is so happy for him. He wants Drew to bring her back to this family. So yeah, whole lotta love happening here. Even Des is swept up in the moment and not wanting to leave. Drew tells her that he loves her and wants her to be part of his life.
Melissa: OK, I have to admit I really don’t know Drew from Adam. Wait, was there an Adam on this season?? Yeah, Drew, to me, has become that “perfect suitor” they look to have on the show. I’m just not feeling his vibe, and I have to question Des’s feelings. So his idea for the hometown is to have Dad come to Mom’s house? A showdown maybe? Unfortunately I doubt it… sadly. Yeah, I’m a little persnickety, what with my coughing and stuffed nose, so I’m hoping for a little something for the effort you know. I want some good old fashioned family meltdowns. Is that too much to ask?
This is a big family now isn’t it? Never fear though, she’ll be so distracted by his declaration of love that she might not even notice. On a side note, how awesome must it be to have people just declaring their love and adoration for you time and time again and you don’t have to even reciprocate. No really, I mean “I love and adore you.” “Thanks, that’s nice of you”. Therein lies the brilliance of this show. I almost want to be on this show now!
Side bar: I don’t know about you all, but I just watched the new Wolverine trailer… Mmmm, Wolverine. Sorry, Hugh as the W-man is just so ridic without a shirt… makes me smile.
So Drew’s family is falling for Des and Drew as a couple, naturally. I seriously can’t wait for Des’s brother to rock his attitude all over the place. Oh man, Dad just tugged my heartstrings with Melissa being an angel. You’re killing me pops, but I love you! Here’s a question though, what do these families think when they watch the hometowns after the fact, you know, the families of the gents that don’t make the cut. Do they feel like they were lied to? Are they thankful they didn’t get caught up in the rest of the drama? I’m curious. Meanwhile, as I’m musing about family, the L-bomb is dropped by Drew and gets a lukewarm response of “aw” – Seriously, this has to be such an ego boost for the bachelor/bachelorettes.
Rachel: Chris’s turn to bring Des to his hometown of McMinnville, Oregon. I wonder if they’ll have a family poetry slam. He shows her where he started playing baseball. They are going to hit some balls today. Hopefully for Chris that’s baseballs only. After some base running (literally and not figuratively), Des & Chris sit on the pitcher’s mound and Des shares some of her sketches with him. Um, stick with the fashion drawing, lady. They leave to meet the family. They also leave the picnic behind for the lowly assistants to clean up after them. Nice.
At lunch (with wine), dad makes a toast that helps us understand where Chris got his poetry chops. Yeah… that was just weird. Chris tells dad, a chiropractor, that Des tweaked her back at the winery and she might need an adjustment. Des very begrudgingly agrees. Yeah, I’d have to have said a straight up no. So down they go to the basement to adjust Des and help her find clarity. Man, has no one learned that any hometown date that includes a basement visit, never ends well? Taxidermy, embalming tables, massage tables… all bad news. Just watching him yanking at her neck freaks me out. Finally, Des gets to talk to dad who thinks Chris is ready for a serious relationship.
Chris goes down to talk to dad who wants to make sure that Des is also into eating right and taking care of herself. LOL. So random. And now dad is shoving shit into his son’s nose to help him “clear his head”. WTF? Why do I need to see this? I have no clue if they even spoke to each other. All I know is that dad thinks ramming a condom on the end of a screwdriver into his son’s brain is somehow helpful. No thank you. Next!
Mom is talking to Des and wants her to know that his last girlfriend really hurt him. She doesn’t want to see that happen again. Inside the sister is telling Chris she didn’t like the last girlfriend, neither did mom…. neither did grandma. Damn. Des tells mom all the wonderful things about Chris and mom gives Des a hug. Time for Chris to get the 411 on how that went. Chris says she’s strong and secure. Mom reminds him he’s not in the real world. But mom, when they hug and kiss and hold hands, it’s real. Listen to your mother, Chris. Mom likes Des because she knows herself and knows what she wants. She’s welcome in the family. Now mom is crying and it doesn’t seem to be stopping even back in the house with Des & the family. Maybe dad should shove something up her nose.
And since I haven’t mentioned Zak in a few paragraphs, let me say that Des is definitely way more into Chris than she is into Zak. He’s def going home tonight.
Melissa: Yes, Chris too has fallen in love with Des and can’t wait for her to meet his family… blah, blah, blah. So far, Zak has won the gift giving award for the ring. Hang on, Chris played professional baseball? How did I miss that? Was I drinking that much those first episodes that I didn’t notice? Meanwhile, Chris in a hat is a hot little bit of business… So, these drawings… methinks chica should stick to dresses because her “people” leave a little to be desired.
First off, I like the wine drinking family! I also like a dad who can adjust my back whenever I need. That’s some quality perk to a family. I question how many glasses of wine pops had before getting down to the neck snapping. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD… WTF IS HE DOING TO HIS SON’S NOSE?! I can’t watch this. Sweet Mary, I’m seriously riddled with goosebumps and chills right now, is it me or did it look like Dad just shoved a screwdriver up there?? Really, I can’t focus.
So mom doesn’t want Chris to get hurt again. None of them do. Don’t they get there’s pretty much a 75% chance of getting hurt at this stage? Ah well, doesn’t matter, they get everyone’s blessing. I really wish they would do an “After The Rose” segment with the families.
Rachel: Finally we have Brooks in the ‘Tah. Yep, Salt Lake City, Utah. Brooks says that when he’s with Des it’s awesome, but the time apart makes him forget a little bit. Really? It’s been like a week at most. I’ve had longer term feelings of love for pieces of cake. Then again, cake is really delicious. Their date starts with running and skipping into each others arms. She loves Brooks and she loves being around him. Is she the only bachelorette to say “love” before the end of the show?
Brooks needs her to meet the family before he can really see a future with her. He doesn’t know entirely how he feels about her. There’s chemistry but that fades if there isn’t time together. He tells her that there’s more to their relationship than what they’ve had so far. He needs more time and he wants to explore that today. This guy is doing my head in. You’re on a TV show to find love over the course of a few weeks via scheduled dates and manufactured situations, but you need time to see if love is real? Yeah, that makes sense. She knows he’s holding back and has been up & down, but she wants him to stay focused. So she has made a list of all their special moments together so Mr. Short-Term Memory will remember why he likes her.
Brooks takes Des out for a canoe ride which is the most comfortable he’s been with her. Very cute and romantic until he almost knocks them both out of the boat.
Time to meet the family, who all hug Des and push Brooks aside. Pretty funny. Holy giant family! Slightly overwhelming. Did they all color coordinate on purpose? Is that mandatory family behavior because that would be a deal breaker for me? Brooks talks about Des and what he likes about her like she’s not in the room. That always weirds me out.
Des & mom get some time alone and mom wants to know if they’ve had enough time to get to know each other. Time is a big concern in this family… not that they’re wrong necessarily. Meanwhile, Brooks talks to his brothers about how unexpected this has been for him. She can hang with him and his spontaneity and sarcasm. One bro wants to know if Des was gone from his life and he had to do anything to get her back, could he live without her? Wait, what? Is that a real question? I guess not since the other bro cuts him off and asks if Brooks can make her happy for the rest of his life? We get a “whew”. Not the hugest vote of confidence there Brooks. Inside, mom says Brooks will be ready “when he meets the right woman.” Cagey, mom. Brooks talks to his sister next and she says that you should always want to be with the person. You should laugh and they should be your best friend.
Brooks is feeling a lot better after today. But he still hasn’t gotten mom’s approval yet. Mom says their conversation went okay, she thinks. Des asked a few surprising questions, like is he ready. Brooks says he’s closer to forever than he’s ever been. It’s been a refreshing and healing process for him. Mom will just love whoever he loves and brings into the family. He’s compatible with Des so she gives her approval, natch.
Melissa: Oh, I like that scarf she’s rocking today for the trip to Utah! Wait, Brooks doesn’t know how he feels about Des? Hang on, how does that happen? Shouldn’t he be declaring his love for her? Dude, you aren’t going to make the cut with that attitude! Hmmm, clearly she hasn’t had time to get a mani as that looks about 2 weeks old. So a canoe… yeah, that’s um… outdoorsy. And not in that “I drink on my deck” way that I fancy myself.
Holy huge family… but with name tags! AWESOME. I think everyone should have to wear name tags daily. It’s sweet too that the family all see Des sharing “love” looks with their boys. Yeah too bad she’s sharing those looks across the board.
I don’t know, name tags aside, this family is kinda losing me. Maybe it’s Brooks who is losing me, but I’m not feeling the love here. OK, there’s a chance I nodded off during the rest of the family time… Maybe I should lay off the nips of brandy in the tea. At what point does it just become tea flavored brandy?
Rachel: Oh Lord, here comes the brother. I know the powers-that-be thought this would make for some awesome drama, but I can say with pretty good certainty that no one is interested in this nonsense. No one. He’s not pleasant to listen to and he’s not pleasant to look at – even though he kinds looks like Bryden, no? Sorry, that may be shallow but it’s really true. I honestly don’t know if I could spend “forever” with Des if that dude was at the family table every Thanksgiving.
Des wants to talk to him before the next family meeting with her final two guys. Apparently, she hasn’t seen him since the Sean debacle and is still kinda pissed. This is amusing to him. Ooh, I want to punch him. It was hard for her because he screwed it up for her. He thinks it was just meant to work out that way. She says things are good with the guys and she has feelings for them all. Bro says that Sean pulled the same thing with him, but thinks someone has to stand out. Come on. Well, one thing bro and I agree on. And we all know it’s Brooks that’s the stand out. She goes through each guy and gives the bio on each of them. He wants to meet them and get in their heads. Des isn’t down with that idea. She wants to make her own decision. He says the only reason he did what he did last time was because he knew Sean wasn’t right for her. Interesting. He’s happy she’s in charge of this situation, which leaves him with no concerns. Well well well… someone gave bro some prozac. She’ll consider letting him meet them. No girl, no. It wasn’t that much prozac.
Melissa: Now the fun starts! It’s our favorite overbearing brother Nate. So she hasn’t seen him since he met Sean? How does that happen? How did he screw it up for her? She now has men chasing after her. I’d say that’s the opposite of screwing it up. I say we make Nate the next Bachelor. I also think we should petition to bring a d-bag back to be a Bachelor. I would love to see the ladies fighting over the douches we’ve seen. I digress, Nate wants to meet the candidates for his sister’s hand, and I really wish she would let him. I’m saying he hooked the girl up with Sean, he can smell the BS a mile away. This is also a strange relationship between these two. Is it just me or can we all see it?
Rachel: Holy skaters on ice dress, Des. Time to chat with Chris H. He wants to know if she wishes one hometown was a disaster so it would make her decision easier. She thinks it wouldn’t have. Chris wants to know if she still loves Brooks, and she says yes. He still hasn’t said he loves her, but she doesn’t put pressure on him because she feels the feelings back. Chris on the other hand has no problem saying it and showing it. Drew says it boldly. She was speechless about the ring from Zak. So three have thrown themselves at her feet and one has not, and that’s the one she’s gaga over. Chris H. is just putting that out there. Foreshadowing? Hinting? She’s hopeful for a proposal… from Brooks. But after Chris’s hometown, she was a little unsure. So, why are we watching this? To see if Brooks accepts her proposal? Let’s just send Zak packing now please. Rip the bandaid off. This is just painful.
Oh and now the shot of the brother lurking in the background as the guys come in for the rose ceremony. Anyone else think that he’s going to like everyone but Brooks, throwing a wrench into Des’s plans, all in the name of drama? We’re all getting played, aren’t we?
Hmmm… Maybe not, here comes Des, but there’s 15 minutes left… OK, I’ll settle down now. See what happens when I don’t drink wine? She’s crying because this is so hard.
Time for the roses:
Gets a rose: Brooks, Chris, Drew
Well, that was a waste of 2 hours since I could have played this from jump. Poor Zak is crushed and shocked. Seriously, you let the only guy with a real personality go. He deserves better anyway. For real. She does the perfunctory “You’re so great. Don’t ever lose that. I’m just not in the same place. You deserve the best.” speech. Blah blah blah. She gives him back the ring. He’s super depressed driving off and tosses the ring out the limo window. Man, I like him. And I hope someone from production found that ring.
Melissa: Hang on, so she admitted she loved Brooks? Dammit, international travel. Yes, see there’s the game… The menfolk who hold out and play hard to get, they make the ladies chase!! Oh, and do we like to chase. Fellas hear me out, the ladies are a sucker for the swagger and attitude. Oh, we’ll say we’re not, but secretly we all still crush on the bad boy.
So where is Nate stalking in the wings as the gents arrive? OH, there he is! I thought I saw that in previews.
See, I told you… The boy who holds out the “I love you” will always have the lady chase after him! BAM, and with the final rose the sno-cone king goes home. BTW, my son told me earlier he would prefer to be the Bachelor so he doesn’t have to chase after the women, they would want to date him… At 8, he gets it. Let’s hope Zak can handle his exit gracefully. Right, the ring. Best to give that back so he has a constant reminder that you don’t love him. Aw, I feel sorry for Zak.
Rachel: Woot! Reunion next week. This should be good. What happened to Drew leaving? Well, someone’s leaving according to the previews.
Melissa: Oh boy, I’m literally wringing my hands for the Men Tell All episode. Please let this cold be gone so I can play along with the drinking game. I’ll be drunk in the first 20 minutes!!