One Sentence Summary: Melissa is a busy girl in the gossip circles thanks to pot-stirrer Kim D.
OK everyone, my travel has gotten the best of me so in an attempt to get caught up I’m giving you the last 2 episodes in 500 or less. But really, let’s face it, I could do it in a sentence: Teresa is still pissed at her brother and screeches at everyone. But no, I’ll try to give you my usual snark, just in a slightly condensed version… snark light if you will.
RHONJ in 500 or Less
Kathy is busy at work in her new kitchen space while the ladies use it as a debrief location. I love these people call drinks “sit downs” (so “mafia”). Rosie debriefs the ladies and the retreat. Jac and Caroline want nothing to do with the retreat (for now).
Teresa is making 800 pounds of sausage with the family (so many jokes… must… fight… ) and her parents while Joey and Rich golf (horribly). Teresa invites Joey to the fall back exercises retreat – I love that’s her sell. Btw, they hang the the sausage from the garage door braces?? Teresa tells Joe about the Rosie meeting and retreat while demanding Juicy fall against her while Gia looks on in annoyance of her fate.
Melissa is off for a girlfriends’ lunch to tell them about her book deal and her ladies seem a little confused about her book concept and exchange puzzled glances at each other.
While shopping with Jac, Kathy gets a call from Teresa inviting them to the retreat, and blaming Jac for her issues with her brother. Jacqueline goes off while the customers and employees stare aghast at the screaming.
Teresa has her own girlfriends’ night to bash Melissa… Again. While an old friend of Melissa’s tells Teresa she had an affair an ex.
A stripping class? Seriously, I can’t watch Joey with his “yeah baby” comments. Ew, Rich fantasizing about Melissa stripping? Apart from being uncool it’s plain icky.
Caroline and Albert have a date night and it seems Albert isn’t really cool with the apartment in Hoboken as a “getaway”. If the kids are all out of the house why isn’t that their alone time?
The crew rolls over for a Gorga brunch visit and Jac gets all wound up again about the conversation with Teresa. Rosie works to persuade them to go to the retreat by telling them it’s in Lake George… up around the Adirondyke Mountains. BAHAHAHA!!
Melissa meets with Teresa’s friend Jennifer and hears the affair accusations.
Melissa debriefs lunch with Jennifer to the crew over drinks. Joey is pissed Teresa is involved. In walks Kim D and Rich lures her to the firing squad. Melissa and Kim D exchange words while Jac rants on about Teresa. Kim doesn’t know why she always gets blamed for everything… um, you’re a pot-stirrer.
Teresa (with bad hair) meets with Jennifer who tells her about the lunch with Melissa and the accusation so she can get Melissa’s listing. She thinks Teresa needs to meet with Kim D – the shit starter.
Apparently this is the calm before next week’s “falling” retreat… Folks are going to be falling but for completely different reasons other than trust exercises.