One Sentence Summary: The exes are back with new hair and new drama.
Rachel: You better check your email! The Hollywood Exes are back, finally! Seriously, they need to roll these puppies out faster. I missed my girls… and by girls I mean Drea. I’m fully stalking her when I’m in LA next time and we’re getting a cocktail. I’ll talk all kinds of shit on Jessica with her. I’m not above it. I mean wouldn’t that just be a great time? I think so. But we’re back for Season 2, which I was starting to think was never coming. I know this isn’t the most exciting of shows, but I honestly think these ladies are the most real. Well, as real as you can be on reality TV. Shall we get started?
And we start with Drea. Good call. My girl is in Chicago where she’s been hanging with her kids. She’s excited to go back to LA to see her true friends…. and Jessica. Apparently, Jessica started a Twitter war with her, but Andrea is too damn grown for a Twitter war. Yes! I love her! Drea isn’t buying into the whole “Oh, that’s just Jessica.” excuse for her bad behavior. Yeah, that doesn’t fly with me either. You’re a grown up behave like one or you’re going to get called out. The rules aren’t special for you because you’re just Jessica. Ack, I haven’t even seen her yet and she’s already annoying me.
Time to catch up with Nicole and the ridiculous home in LA that she and Michael bought and that needs, um, some work. But it’s going to be insane when it’s done. Michael has been working in NY so the construction has fallen on Nicole’s shoulders. But she can handle it. Well, I’m glad to hear that she’ll soon be back in her private planes and in-home movie theater.
Sheree and Jessica’s turn. They meet for a little lunch. Sheree just started an online boutique so she’s showing Jessica some jewelry. It’s Josie’s birthday so she needs a gift. What happened to Sheree’s skincare line? Jessica says that Jose is finally living in LA, but still manages to not be around his daughter much. This guy is such a tool.
And finally, we catch back up with Mayte and her mama out for a walk with the dogs. Seems Mayte’s dating life hasn’t gotten any better since we last met. She was on a date with a man that told her that it’s a deal breaker if she doesn’t go
down on him. Wow, where’d you find that winner and why weren’t the cameras rolling then? But Mayte’s big news is that she was contacted by a woman who is wanting to give her child up for adoption. Mayte is open to it, but mom is not because this is killing her dream of being a grandchild. See, it’s not a blood child so then it’s not family. Ummmm…. That’s fucking terrible. Apparently, Mayte’s child that passed doesn’t somehow count as her being a grandma. SMH.
Nicole, Sheree and Jessica meet do a little shopping. Nicole will be buying her purchases with Michael’s black card and Jessica will be using her boyfriend’s card. Sheree would like to know if Jessica would like to pay for the jewelry she took the other day with said card. Oh yeah sure. Just throw it on there. It seems Jessica’s got a new boyfriend who, after 4 months, has handed over his credit card for shopping. Um, how did I miss that class in college. I guess Sheree missed that day too because no man has handed her a credit card. I mean how does that happen? Someone explain this to me stat!
Drea returns to the west coast for a little nail salon action with Mayte. Drea’s foot is healing from her dance injury, but she still can’t wear heels. That’s terrible. I would be heartbroken without heels. Shallow? Maybe. True? Yes. Both ladies are single and ready to find some love. Drea has opened her search to men outside the “swirl”. Yeah, I’m thinking that’s probably a good idea.
Jose and Jessica take Josie to look at cars for her birthday. I have no idea where the hell they are, but it’s a lot of random cars on a really small lot. She finds a white Mercedes that she loves. Yeah, no doubt. Since he’s trying to be a dad this week, Jose is going to buy her the car… but Jessica has to pay for half. Too bad no one has explained to him that being a good dad isn’t about buying you kid half a Mercedes.
Mayte gets an email saying that the birth mother is 100% sure she wants Mayte to adopt her baby. I really hope this works out for her. No one wants a kid more than she does. She calls her mom in and tells her the news. Mom is still not happy. She wants her to go to a sperm bank, but that’s not what Mayte wants to hear. Mom says she is worried another baby will be taken from her. Wow, mom is being such a Debby Downer. I get the worry, but I don’t get saying you won’t babysit and storming out of the room. I also don’t gut why she’s wearing a fanny pack around the house, or in general. That’s the most confusing part of this whole situation.
Josie has her new white Mercedes out for some driving lessons with mom & dad. They want her to try driving between orange cones. This whole scene is boring the shit out of me and I certainly didn’t need to watch Jose pee in the bushes. Jessica and Jose talk about their toes – literally their toes – and how his long toe means he control relationships. OK, that’s one I’ve never heard. She says it’s obviously true, he controlled her, but they’re past it and in a good place. Zzzz…
Mayte is doing a photo shoot for the cover of Life & Dog Magazine. Yeah, I didn’t know that existed either. Sheree pops by for moral support and talk turns to the fight between Drea and Jessica. Drea isn’t giving an inch so this is going to put a strain on the group, especially since Drea wants to beat Jessica. Don’t blame her. I want to beat Jessica and she hasn’t tweeted boo about me. Sheree recommends prayer to keep from beating on people. Or maybe just having some self-control? Maybe? Time for the shoot and the photographer is using a duck call and shouting in weird voices to get the dogs’ attention. WTF? Sheree thinks he’s crazy and finally we agree on something.
Nicole is having the girls over for brunch so that Mayte can share her big news. Daphne Wayans, Keenan’s ex, has been invited as well. New cast member? Oh no, we’re supposed to be meeting Martin Lawrence’s ex, right? Anyway, Jessica
comes in and Drea barely acknowledges her. She doesn’t know why she’s getting the cold shoulder. Really? You called her out publicly for being fake. How hard is that to figure out? Mayte decides to break the tension by sharing her news about the adoption. Everyone is super excited… Everyone except Sheree. She has questions and feels like it’s so sudden. Sheree, it’s sudden for you. It’s not sudden for Mayte. And it’s none of your damn business. Be a supportive friend. It’s not like she woke up yesterday, decided she wanted a kid and is adopting one 24 hours later. Well, she and Mayte’s mom can give each other a call and worry together.
It’s the next day and Nicole calls Jessica to tell her that her dad just passed away. He was told he had cancer a few months ago and now he’s gone. This is so sad. Fucking cancer. She’s heading to Sacramento to take care of her mom.
And that does it for the Season 2 premiere. Pretty tame.
Bottom line: Glad to have my girls back, but can we kick it up a half a notch next week? Or just put more Drea in to keep me laughing.