One Sentence Summary: Lydia steps into the spotlight left open by the absence of a storyline for Alexis.
Rachel: As most of you know, it is pretty unlike me to do any research about anything that goes on on these shows. If it’s not pumped out of a flatscreen into my brain, I don’t know about it. I have a true appreciation for the blogs out there that take the time to be resourceful and come to you with breaking news and give you history about each of the show’s “characters”. But to me, that’s just time taken away from wine; selecting wine, buying wine, drinking wine… whatever it takes. So, it’s as shocking to me as it will be to you that I actually hit pause and did some research tonight. I was curious to know what exactly was going on with Slade’s kid and I have to tell you, I’m heartbroken over what I’ve read. Seems his son Grayson suffers from Diffuse Fibrillary Astrocytoma which is basically chronic brain tumors. Makes me so sad to read about a child suffering in any way and I wish I could give him & his mom a huge hug. But what I can do, and you can do, is support this sweet child by visiting his website: AmazingGray.org or his Facebook page: Amazing Gray. OK, I should get to the show before I get any weepier and end up with a tear in my wine. Salt, for the record, not a compliment to Pinot Noir. The more you know…
It’s Your Choice
Rachel: Heather, Tamra & Lydia are meeting for champagne and low-carb kobe burgers. Yes, the only allowable carbs are the ones with bubbles. Actually, I’m not mad at that. Anyway, Heather is giving Lydia a shot at her friendship because she gives everyone a shot based on who they are and not who they hang with. Saint. Personally, I’d base the friendshp on that stupid thing Lydia has on her head. What is happening there? Is she going to a reenactment of the Ancient Greek Olympics? And let’s be honest, Heather might… I said might… be there for pure reasons, but Tamra’s presence is to stick it to Alexis by stealing her friend the way she stole Vicki from her.
Lydia bonds with the girls by telling the girls that her mom is a fan of plastic surgery and fairy dust. Apparently, no one can have a bad conversation if they’re covered in said dust. Um, ok. If that’s the case then I suggest someone air drop a ton of that shit all over Orange County. Might as well hit up LA while you’re at it.
And finally, it’s time to talk to about Alexis. This Lydia is pretty quick. She gathers from the party that Tamra doesn’t much like Alexis. Good deduction. Tamra takes the opportunity to list the things that make Alexis a shitty person. Heather says that everyone has to own up to their own crap, which seems impossible for Alexis. Lydia agrees, but Alexis has been super nice to her. And that’s why she is friends with Alexis. Well, you’ll get through today because you didn’t defend Alexis’s behavior. Way to navigate the shark’s tank. Granted, Alexis probably won’t be super thrilled when she sees this and you’ll have to do some fancy footwork then. Oh well, at least you have the Olympics.
Thou Shant Take Any Crap
Speak of the devil, Alexis and Jim get ready for bed while discussing Vicki & Brooks seeing each other this week. Blah blah blah… Let’s get to it. We know we’re here for post-Tamra recap. Here we go. Jim wants to know why Alexis would go to Tamra’s party. I want to know why none of the makeup she’s wiping off of her face is actually coming off. She takes partial responsibility for going in the first place, but she just felt like it seemed easier to make peace since they revole in the same social circle. Well, you revolve in the same show. That’s about it. Alexis tells Jim that Lydia told her to continue to turn the other cheek when it comes to these women. But that’s not what the scripture really means when it comes to the point of taking abuse. The gospel, according to Jim, is: don’t take any crap. I’d love to hear the Ten Commandments in Jim-speak.
Ryan and Vicki are trying to figure out how to put a carseat for Troy in Vicki’s car. Since it’s just the two of them, she takes the opportunity to check in with Ryan and make sure he’s happy in the house. He thinks it’s different living with his mother-in-law, but it’s all good. Vicki, on the other hand, is feeling a bit itchy. Maybe you should talk to your lady doctor about that. But Vicki is going to lay down some law. She knows Ryan & Briana don’t care for Brooks but she would like him to respect her decision if she wants to see him again. He thinks it’s his decision not to respect her decision. This kid sucks. Vicki would like the last part of her life to be about what she wants. She wants the choice. He says then they’re moving out. Swing and a miss. Vicki says, if that’s their decision, then that’s their decision. Go, Vicki! Nice to see you stick up for yourself. Granted, I’m not a fan of Brooks either, but I think the reaction from Briana & Ryan is way off-base. She says it’s a work in progress how this will go and asks Ryan if they’re good… three times. He doesn’t answer. Yeah, I’d be locking his stupid ass out of the house for the night.
Trees Are People Too
We get to meet Lydia and her fairy-dust sprinkling mom. She actually fairy dusts the salesgirl at the clothing store where they’re shopping. I kinda love mom. She’s a kook. She’s a kook that smoked pot Lydia’s whole life. But then there’s also grandpa who gets injections of gold so that he doesn’t get arthritis. Now, this is a Christmas dinner I need to attend. Lydia doesn’t think her mom should have been smoking pot her whole life, but at least she milked it for some good shopping. Besides, things between them are good now. Mom also has issues with shopping bags because bags are trees and she thought she was a tree growing up. Excellent. Give mom a show. I could watch this for hours.
Slade and Gretchen… These two had better not piss me off tonight. Slade is back from New York and the radio station is being cool about him being out of town. Well, I should hope so. Besides, there’s this newfangled technology now that can let you broadcast from a remote studio. But what the hell do I know.
Anyway, Gretchen & Slade ended up staying in New York for about a week & a half because Grayson is still in the ICU. Wait, his son is still in ICU and he left? But he says he’s going back for… 4 days. Gretchen thinks it sucks that Grayson is staying in New York and not coming back to LA yet. He understands that it’s frustrating and that they still have to live their lives and go forward with the things they want to do, but his priority is Grayson. Yeah, but Gretchen wants to have a kid, and she can’t have the conversation with him right now. She feels selfish for being upset that they can’t talk about having kids now. Well, because it kind of is. His kid is gravely ill, not late getting back from Spring Break. Slade says has to focus on his kid getting better. Damn skippy you do.
And guess what, Gretchen, Grayson’s mom doesn’t get a reprieve from her son being sick. She doesn’t get to leave the hospital for a week to host a radio show. She doesn’t get to fly back & forth to see her weepy significant other who is feeling upset that her kid is taking up so much time when you have a life to get to. You got it pretty damn good, so I’d suggest you drink a cup of STFU right about now. But no, she tells us that she can’t think about having a baby right now if he can’t be happy about it. Well, he can’t and it’s rather understandable. Look, I get life goes on for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put this on hold until his kid is out of the woods. And it’s not like Slade has shut you out of his world. Be happy he’s still even acknowledging your feelings exist… trust me. Be thrilled.
Heather and Tamra, the new BFFs apparently, are shopping when Heather gets a phone call from Ben, her agent. He has a role for her on Hot In Cleveland. She doesn’t even have to audition. It’s a straight offer. Heather is super excited about the opportunity and she just knows that Terry will be supportive. Pretty sure that means he won’t be supportive. She’s calling him so let’s find out… And he is actually pretty excited about it. Sorry for doubting you, Terry. Jaded, party of one, over here.
Not My Problem
Now that Vicki’s laid down some law, she can go see Brooks – wearing her fur of course – with the cameras rolling. Vicki got all dressed up for date night, and right now, I want to see her end up happy. Right now. She’ll tick me off soon enough and I won’t care again.
She wants to know what they’re doing. He says, “Having dinner.” Dude. She wants to know if he’s dating other people. After hemming & hawing, he says yes. She says she’ll see other people then too. He tells her that she basically changed the dynamic of their relationship without talking to him, and at the end of the day, he wants to be with someone that wants to be with him completely. Can’t begrudge the guy that. And I can’t begrudge the obvious anger he’s harboring either. Vicki says she won’t kick out Briana. He says then that comes with consequences. It’s not his job to win over Briana. It’s his job to treat Vicki well. Well, it might be your job a little bit. Granted, it would be a giant waste of your time anyway. Vicki loves him but she’s pulled in two directions. Brooks says Briana expected Vicki to accept her choices regardless of whether Vicki approved so why can’t Briana extend the same consideration. Damn, that’s a good argument right there. Well, Vicki, ball’s in your court. Can’t keep playing the net and get anywhere.
No More Dazed & Confused
More kooky mom & Lydia. Yay! They’re out for a bite, which is a celebration of mom being pot-free for 3 months. Lydia is happy that she now doesn’t have to worry about calling her to babysit and her being high. She said she never would smoke around the kids. True mostly because Lydia just never had you babysit.
Lydia thinks that part of what brought her to God was her desire her whole life for a normal family. Religion gave her guidelines. Mom still misses the ganja and the “land of bunnies”. Lydia doesn’t get why you’d want to be in an artificial world. Hey, God made marijuana so it is a natural world. This is mom’s rationale. It’s as much an altered state as taking an aspirin, man. OK, that might be pushing it…. man. I really want mom to start singing the soundtrack to Hair. But mom made a commitment to Lydia, Sterling and Maverick to stay sober for them. I kinda love the relationship these two have. I know it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows… well, maybe for mom… but I like what’s going on now.
I’ve been wondering what ever happened to the Wines By Wives business Tamra & Vicki started. Seems, they are still in business and moving into an office in the OC. Well, Tamra and their partner Chris are. Vicki, on the other hand, is MIA. They’re supposed to have an event in Malibu next week, but it’s anyone’s guess if she’ll show. Um, don’t you have a clause in your contract that can boot her for dereliction of duties? Yeah, I know that’s a military term but it’s fun to say.
In Search Of A Sense Of Humor
Heather, Terry and the kids are out to dinner and Heather wants to talk about how crazy her schedule is. But first their daughter needs help with her math homework. Dad says that’s his domain since he’s the math brain. Mom’s insulted. Change the subject back to Heather, quick, Terry! He does and brings up her Hot In Cleveland shoot. Yes, much calmer now that we’re back focused on her. She says that he’s going to have to step up and do more with the kids. This means changing his work schedule. He makes a joke about just letting the kids stay up late and eat lots of sugar. When he asks the kids if this sounds good to them, she blows a gasket. Somehow this is disrespectful to Heather’s career and not at all helpful. And his apology isn’t of interest to her either. Why so cross, Heather? Is the mere mention of carbs enough to send you reeling? I’d like you please eat a brownie so that we can get back the girl we met last season. I liked her. I don’t like you. And maybe spend less time with Tamra. Just saying.
Rachel: Well, it looks like next week there is going to be fighting at the vineyard in Malibu. Look, that’s my house of worship and I don’t really appreciate you disrespecting the vine twice already this season. Once in Heather’s wine cellar and now the vineyard. Ladies, no. Not good.