Real Housewives of Orange County Season 8, Week 5 – The Party Is Done

One Sentence Summary:  Friendships are renewed, sins are atoned & Vicki makes a shocking statement.

My Thoughts:

They're not paying me enough for this.

They’re not paying me enough for this.

Rachel:  Week 5?  Really?  I would have sworn on a stack of wine kegs that this was Week 3.  How is it already the fifth week?  How much have I been drinking… Never mind that question.  I’m wondering how much of the next hour is going to be dedicated to flipping between Alexis sitting outside Tamra’s party playing the victim and Tamra inside the party spewing like Mt. Vesuvius.  I’m calling a solid 20 minutes.  I’m looking into my crystal ball, which looks a lot like a wine goblet, and that’s what I’m seeing.  I’m also seeing that I’m getting to this late and with tired eyes after my evening of Spanish tapas (and Spanish wines), so we will be doing the abridged version of events tonight.  Well, abridged for me.  I’m not really known for my editing skills.  Alright, bottoms up, everyone!  It’s about to get loud.

You’re Done!

If I can pronounce all the words in the bullying definition, then certainly I understand it.

If I can pronounce all the words in the bullying definition, then certainly I understand it.

Rachel:  And we’re back to Alexis being tossed out on her self-righteous booty & Vicki having to choose a side.  Lydia goes out to check on Alexis who is on a rant about bullying, which she looked up so she knows she’s actually being bullied.  Yeah, just because she looked it up doesn’t mean she understands it.  Words on a page.  Gretchen explains to Vicki why it’s insane that Alexis is playing the victim when she pulled the same stunt in SF.  Everyone gets picked on.  Gretchen got “bullied” about Jeff.  So basically you’re all just a pack of wolves going after the weakest link of the season.  Nice.  But there is truth in the theory that if you don’t want to get hunted down like the slow gazelle in the herd, don’t wander into the lion’s den.

Heather tries to diffuse Tamra’s hysteria, but Tamra doesn’t want to hear it and threatens to throw her out too.  Take it down a notch, Cruella.  Vicki & Gretchen get into a “You’re stupid. No you are.” match.  You’re both stupid.  Game, set, match.  Outside Alexis is now mad that Vicki didn’t come out to defend her.  Lydia fetches Vicki who comes out to find Alexis crying in the car.  She was loyal to Vicki so Vicki has to be loyal to her.  Lydia tries to explain to Alexis that she might not really understand what bullying means, as Tamra, who walked out of her own party, eavesdrops.  She’s just in time to hear Alexis scream that she’s had to go on Xanax because of all this.  So Xanax = bullying.  I’m taking that note to my doctor.  (9 minutes by the way)

Surprise, Tamra’s here!  Upon seeing her, Vicki immediately launches into how Tamra should have compassion when she sees someone crying.  Shaddup.  Tamra just wants to say that if people were telling her things over & over, she might take a long hard look at herself. One rational thought for the evening.  OK, Lydia’s had a few but she’s still periphery for me.  Hasn’t earned full attention status yet.  Alexis says she was crushed.  Tamra thinks then maybe don’t come around.  Ding ding!  Alexis was hoping everyone was grown up.  Tamra has been more than gracious.  Cue bullying card again.  Man, Alexis, sing a new tune.  Tamra suggests Alexis go home & get bullied there.  Ba-zing!  That was cold.  Spot on, but cold.  Tamra can be the queen of mean because Alexis has God on her side.  {{{ massive eye roll }}}  I’m refraining from comment as to not offend actual pious people that might be reading.

Anyone else wanna go?

Anyone else wanna go?

Back inside (and 15 minutes into the show), Tamra shares what she overheard.   Up with Lydia.  Down with Vicki.  And Xanax is just ridiculous.  Vicki & Lydia  come back in to retrieve purses but are pressured to stay.  Vicki doesn’t agree with the term bullying but she does agree that they all have too many opinions.  Pick a team, Vicki.  You aren’t leaving until you pick a team.  She’s team Vicki.  That isn’t going to shut anyone up. Tamra continues to be a full on BEATCH and I’m just wondering why anyone wants to be her friend, let alone fight for it.  And with that, exit Vicki & Lydia to escort Alexis home.

Let’s discuss Xanax some more!  Heather takes offense to being blamed for Alexis’s neuroses.  But she also is done talking about it.  Swear?  Bring on the psychic!  Oh wait, first Vicki has more to say in the limo.  Tamra alienates everyone and she’s going to end up alone.  Gretchen is just stupid.  Well, that’s true.  OK, now bring on the psychic.  BTW, 22 minutes in.

A Short Break From The Screaming

Watch the chin... watch the chin.

Watch the chin… watch the chin.

Briana is exhausted because baby Troy is sick.  This is bad timing because Vicki’s whole family is flying in to meet the baby.  Briana & Vicki bond over the love of children.  This makes Vicki realize that the pettiness of last night is a waste of her time. Agreed.  So stop talking about it.  Ah, a rare loving moment between mommy & daughter.

A Short Break From The Selfish

Mommy has to go pretend to be selfless.

Mommy has to go pretend to be selfless.

Gretchen is flying to New York because Grayson’s surgery didn’t go well.  Oh, that’s sad.  Terribly sad.  I’m glad that Slade didn’t turn around and come home.  I still can’t stand him but at least there’s a modicum of humanity in him.  This makes Gretchen realize how petty last night was.  So much recognition of the petty happening and yet next time they’re all in a room, the same shit is going to go down.

A Short Break From The Planning

When I say you can plan the wedding, I mean all you can do is plan.

When I say you can plan the wedding, I mean all you can do is plan.

Eddie & Tamra head out for some dinner.  Did Tamra just call Eddie a “beaner”?  Did that become OK when I wasn’t paying attention?  Okaaaay… let’s recap last night’s events.  Again.  Vicki is a victim when she’s around Alexis.  She’s tired of Vicki’s shit.  Eddie isn’t interested in this topic.  Let’s talk about weddings and when it’s going to (or not going to) happen.  He says he’s too busy for a wedding right now.  She thinks he’s shirking making the final commitment.  But she can go ahead and plan it… you know, if she really wants to.  Wow, what an offer.  Second thoughts, Eddie?

It’s A Family Affair

Must dull the senses... Must dull the senses.

Must dull the senses… Must dull the senses.

Side bar:  The Jennifer Hudson Weight Watcher commercial where she sings “I Got The Power” actually makes me angry.  Can we please stop with this campaign already?  You’ve ruined J-Hud, many songs and a sensible diet plan for me for life.  What else can you take?

The family has arrived at Casa Vicki and are already missing Donn.  Her brother Billy doesn’t have a problem with Brooks though.  Wow, mom has some serious jumblies.  My goodness.  She also apparently has some serious road rage.

But What About Me

7 x's 70?  You promised there would be no math in this friendship.

7 x’s 70? You promised there would be no math in this friendship.

Lydia pops by Alexis’s and apparently interrupts her afternoon Cher impersonations.  What is happening with that outfit Alexis?  Maybe one less Xanax would be a good idea.  But if a duet with Lydia of “I Got You Babe” will prevent us from hearing another recap of the night from Hell then I say more power to you.  Alas, tis not to be.  Last night was Costa Rica Part 2.  Lydia thinks Alexis shouldn’t have expected to get applause when she walked in the door.  Alexis didn’t but she is owed apologies.  Yeah, you totally thought you were going to get an ovation for showing up & be brought back into the fold for showing up.  Lydia says something about being a bigger person and the 7 x’s 70 rule from the Bible.  Uh what?  Oh, Jesus says people shouldn’t have an end to their forgiveness.  Well, apparently Jesus is far more patient than Alexis.  She doesn’t think she should have to be around these women.  Lydia agrees… and that wasn’t what she was saying.  Come on, Jesus Barbie.  You should know better.

Lydia also thinks that there has to be some reason these women don’t like Alexis.  It can’t just come from nowhere.  Oh, I’m starting to like this chick more… Alexis not so much.  She is confused how Lydia isn’t buying her blame game routine.  Yeah, nothing is Alexis’s fault.  This makes Lydia very aware of why the ladies don’t like her.  She can’t take criticism without getting very emotional.  Yep.  Nail, head, Lydia.

Who House Is It Anyway?

They're dropping napalm out there, man.  You gotta be prepared!

They’re dropping napalm out there, man. You gotta be prepared!

Vicki’s family is obsessed with Donn.  Good lord people, get your girl’s back!  Donn’s gone.  Let him go.  Ryan chimes in with the “I hate Brooks” chorus too.  So it’s Meet Baby Troy AND Bash Vicki Day.  Billy takes Ryan aside and Ryan tells him that he installed cameras all over the house to keep creeps like Brooks away.  He’s not letting anyone in that house with his newborn, baby.  Oh Vicki, you’ve lost all control of your home.  And your life.  But no one wants her to be single.  The guy just has to be someone with morals and character… according to Ryan & Briana.  Look, I am no fan of Brooks but these people are relentless.  Vicki’s an adult.  She can screw up her life however she chooses.  But Ryan has seen Brooks’s sleazy side and Vicki won’t acknowledge it.  Billy says he’ll have to make amends if Brooks is around.  Ryan says no.  I mean it’s his house now.

Later, Vicki & Billy meet Michael out for dinner & a beer.  She can’t visit him at home because she doesn’t have his address.  Say what?  You can’t have his address so you don’t drop in without notice?  This family is beyond screwed up.  Billy brings up the fact that Ryan & Briana have the house on lockdown like they’re living in Baghdad.  He thinks there might need to be an end date to this living arrangement.  It’s not his house and he can’t boss her around.  Billy, you are a wise man.  Michael doesn’t have a problem with Brooks. He keeps it casual with him and can’t understand why everyone is so intense about it.  Billy thinks it’s time to take back the house.  Yeah!  Go Macaulay Culkin on their asses!

Bottom Line:  

Rachel:  OK, so much for the “abridged” version of my review.  Oh well.  So, Lydia can stay.  Billy can stay.  The rest can go.


4 responses to “Real Housewives of Orange County Season 8, Week 5 – The Party Is Done

  1. What did u mean about{{{massive eye roll}}} and pious people that might be reading? What’s wrong that Alexis and Lydia are believers in God and Jesus? I’m a devout Christian. What were you going to say? I think some people don’t understand Jesus’s forgiveness which is 7×70 meaning always forgive. Just bc Alexis talks about God doesn’t mean she won’t miss the mark. I won’t be offended as a devoted Christian, bc I take no offense. I’m not offended at the eye roll I just wanted you to be you and finish your thought and not tippy toe around devout christians. I love this blog, bc I get a kick out of y’all and I agree whole heartedly with 99% of what y’all write. The only thing I disagree with is the bullying of Alexis. If its not bullying what is it? It sure isn’t critisim with love, that is for sure.
    Yes Alexis has her problems, but don’t we all? I know I sure do.
    These three, Tamara, Gretchen and now Heather have turned into the mean girls from high school. You know the ones who always thoguht they were the best and did everything right and were the most popular. That’s what these girls are doing to her and I for sure wouldn’t stand for it either. I do think Vickie put Alexis in a bad place by acting like she needed her by her side to attend this stupid party, but we all no Bravo planned it out this way so they could get the girls all together, otherwise I don’t think Alexis would have gone to this bitch fest. I truly look forward to your post. I want it as fast as five mins after the show ends ,so I can laugh as you two recap this crazy crap. I don’t even know why I watch these shows, but I gues it’s a girl thing deep inside we want to see the fights, clothes, shoes,hair and all the craziness that goes with it. I truly love y’all and keep it it. Don’t get me wrong I’m not griping at you I just wished you had said what you wanted to say instead of worrying about the devout think. If I didn’t like y’all I wouldn’t read it. So write it! Love y’all and can’t wait til the next blog!

    • First of all, you can totally gripe at us. We may not agree with it, but it just gives us an excuse to have more wine. ha ha… But seriously, we welcome all feedback, positive or negative, as long as it’s respectful.

      So, the pious remark… First let me say that Melissa & I have very few rules on this blog for each other. In fact, there are only three. The first being that this is a Kardashian-free zone. Those fame whores don’t need anymore ink wasted on them. The second being no commentary on shows involving children or people truly getting help. So no Honey Boo Boo, Dance Moms, Horders, Biggest Loser, etc. And third, no politics or religion. This is fun blog and we don’t think this is the place for either subject. And it’s not that we don’t want people here with beliefs different than ours. In fact, Melissa and I have different religions, views on religion and politics and we’re the best of friends. So, we are open-minded about how other people see the world. We just don’t think the blog needs that information. Those fights are everywhere so let’s use the escapism of reality TV to really escape! It’s why we watch right? I mean we’re certainly not exercising our brains. ha ha…

      All that being said, this is what I meant… I think Lydia is truly committed to her belief system and her religion. I think it’s truly part of the fabric of who she is as a person. I think Alexis uses it as a weapon to deflect responsibility for her behavior. She didn’t even bother to hear Lydia about the 7×70 which is about forgiving people regardless of right or wrong because she was so focused on being right. I actually think it’s quite a nice philosophy and Alexis would have benefitted from listening to Lydia. I think when Alexis says that she has God on her side, I feel like it comes from a place of arrogance. And I just don’t think religion should be arrogant. I also don’t like someone that says insinuates God has a team. So when I roll my eyes at her, that’s why. And when I don’t say anything else it’s because I truly don’t want to offend anyone. Religion is a very personal subject.

      As for the “bullying”… I just think it’s not the right word. I also think that they were all pretty terrible at that dinner. And it seems like the power shifts every season with someone else being the one picked on. Gretchen got it for years. Vicki and Tamra were the meanest of the mean girls. Alexis did it to Vicki in San Francisco. I mean they’re all such bitches that feed off of the drama so it’ll never end. And the second Alexis stops responding, they’ll find someone else to eat alive. Lydia should start preparing. But my real question is, when will the tables turn on Tamra? She’s really the ringleader and there needs to be a coup!

      So that’s my spiel. Thanks for putting it out there! And thanks for reading our little ol’ blog!

  2. I’m curious. Ya’ll must be drinking some really good wine to get through even one episode of Real Housewives let alone…good heavens 8 seasons. I looked at your featured wines section and didn’t see anything. What’s your self-medicating wine of choice that makes this stuff tolerable?

    • Ha ha, that’s funny… and true. Yeah, we are too lazy/cheap/technologically stunted to figure out how to make featured wine a separate page. So, what you need to do is select “Featured Wines” from the category list. It will then bring all the wines we’ve reviewed thus far to the homepage. Personally, my go-to, not-so-expensive fave is Meiomi Belle Glos Pinot Noir. Under $20.

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