Real Housewives of Atlanta – Reunion Part 1

One Sentence Summary:  The ladies are back and are ready for the show down… ATL style.

My Thoughts:

the calm before the storm... or flapping of Kenya's fan.

the calm before the storm… or flapping of Kenya’s fan.

Melissa:  Oh boy friends, it’s REUNION TIME – aka “Come on wig”!!  I can’t wait to hear what went down after the show wrapped because it seems like the ladies are all sorts of pissed off at each other from what I’ve seen in the previews.  I thought everyone was cool with each other, well with the exception of Kenya and her drama club antics.  Though I’m sure true to Bravo style the drama will be slow to boil over… I’m expecting it to be when Kim (sorry, wig) makes her entrance.  I can’t wait to hear how she hates the cameras in her face and wants to sue producers but justifies how cool she is with the cameras rolling on her 24/7 for Tardy.

The fan?  Why it's how I'm going to annoy everyone until they just agree with what I have to say.

The fan? Why it’s how I’m going to annoy everyone until they just agree with what I have to say.

OK, I’m all of 30 seconds in and already annoyed with Kenya’s drama fan.  I really hope Kandi yanks it from her hand and bops her over the head with it.  I mean if she’s looking for drama I think that would do it don’t you?  HA, love the salt in the wound reminder from Porsha of her Dorothy Dandridge coup to close the season.  Good on you Kandi about not wanting anyone to steal your wedding date… Love it!  Speaking of weddings that’s a hell’a rock on NeNe’s finger!  I wonder if on a sunny day planes flying overhead get distracted by the reflection.  Maybe I should divorce the hubs and let him woo me back with a big ass rock.  Hang on now, Kandi served papers to Kim (using Phaedra as her attorney) requesting royalties for Tardy for the Party.  Really, was it that big of a hit?  Good on you Kandi, make her pay up for your work.  Though seriously, how are people still buying that song?  I really couldn’t even tell you what it sounded like.

I always forget the montage tributes for the reunion.  Andy questions with some of their comments if they knew the cameras were rolling.  Um yes, half of the comments are to the camera.  Do they know how to comment OFF camera anymore?  I am still skeeved about Kandi’s romp in the hot tub on vacation – especially after Phaedra’s doc said it was a no-no.  I kid you not, I will not go into a hot tub again.  Oh no Phaedra, everyone up there is a lady… Well, a woman.  Rocking the digs this early in the show are we?  SO Kenya thinks it was offensive for Phaedra to come out in front of the other ladies’ men in her fishnet cover-up>  Hate to play captain obvious here, but didn’t she wear the same-ish get up to NeNe’s shoe launch party?  I guess when it’s a public spectacle it’s forgivable, but when on vacation… Not so much.  Unfortunately we also get to hear that Phaedra’s mom doesn’t have a problem with the over the top sexuality of her daughter.  Well, some of us would rather she share her penis / vagina thoughts a little less often.  Well, at least without her moaning the words.

Kenya’s Kick-off

Kenya gets the first Housewife montage and I think I’ll skip out and top off my glass of Educated Guess.  Yes, she does like to twirl doesn’t she?  I guess that’s her thing… Everyone should have at least one thing.  THANK YOU BRAVO for the Gone With The Wind fabulous twirl!  I don’t know if there will ever be a day where that isn’t funny to me.  She just loves herself doesn’t she?  Also, I’m not seeing anything close to her resembling Beyonce.  Granted I wear glasses and maybe my prescription is off and I can’t see it, but I’m thinking there are others out there not picking up what she’s trying to put down.  You can say it until you’re blue in the face sweetie, it doesn’t make it so.  Moving along, Kenya is asked if she was trying to have a 3-some with Phaedra and Apollo.  Let’s all call it what it was, she was looking to get her own Apollo landing.  She thinks Kandi would be a better choice if she’s looking to bring in another lady into the scene.  Poor Kandi trying to remove herself from the conversation.  Phaedra says she’s grateful not to be asked to join Kenya.

On a positive note, Kenya is still cancer free (high-five), and that’s the extent of my enthusiasm for you.  However, instead of celebrating her good news, she takes the opportunity to challenge everyone’s character because they did not call her when they heard the news.  Porsha is right in there with the statement that if you want to be supported, you need to also reach out to others and support them.  And here we go with the fan.

BTW:  I seriously can’t stop staring at Cynthia’s boobies every time she’s on.  I don’t even want to think about how much tape is keeping that dress in place.

NeNe Time

let's pretend we're looking at something and twitpic Kenya making that awful face.

let’s pretend we’re looking at something and twitpic Kenya making that awful face.

NeNe gets the next montage and of course they bring up the ladies rolling to NeNe’s dinner party 3 hours late.  Kandi argues that there were still people there and she should have invited them in.  I have to side with NeNe on this one… If you can’t get there even remotely close to on time I wouldn’t have even opened the door for you.  Hey, what does throw shade mean?  Ah, negative talk.  Please ladies the whole cast is throwing shade at each other.  Isn’t that why people watch?  I mean that’s why I watch… so then I can snark on all your shade throwing.  OK, I have no idea if I’m using the term correctly at this point, but what I’m saying is that no one watches to see people getting along… if that’s what we wanted to see we’d watch Friends reruns.  Speaking of shade, NeNe tweeted which housewife is always asking about food and don’t need nothing to eat (Kandi).  Damn woman, that’s a little harsh.  NeNe thinks as long as Kandi can dish it out she should be able to take it.  Kandi doesn’t like the way NeNe talks but Kandi can’t say anything back without riling NeNe.

Cheerleader vs. Beauty Queen

When asked which feud was dumber Kenya's and Porsha's or Kenya's and Phaedra's even Kandi thinks it's a tie.

When asked which feud was dumber Kenya’s and Porsha’s or Kenya’s and Phaedra’s even Kandi thinks it’s a tie.

You know what else won’t get old?  Porsha calling Kenya Miss America.  Oh yeah, and calling her ashy feet.  Thank you Teresa in San Diego suggesting Miss America is more prestigious – HA!  Amen Andy… there’s “talent” in Miss America!!  I almost want to drive to ATL and kiss you right now!!  I need to call it a draw on the age comments back and forth.  It shows lack of respect on both ladies parts and let’s be honest, they certainly don’t respect each other.  Hang on Kenya, Porsha’s existence on the show is Kenya?  Kenya you need to own the shade you threw on Porsha telling her she needed to be Nisi from BAPS.  Hellen Keller could see that snark BS a mile away.  You’re just angry she spun it on you and made you look like an even bigger fool.

Cynthia and her Breasts

Even the ladies can't help wondering if those are real

Even Phaedra can’t help wondering if those are real

It’s Cynthia’s time to montage and unfortunately we’re also seeing her homage to Brooks Brothers with some of those ensembles.  Yeah, I’m also still staring at her boobs… as is the hubs now.  As he was getting up to find another television to watch they flashed to Cynthia and he’s nestled in on the sofa to stare in wonder as I’ve been.  OK, not sure how the conversation spun back to Kenya but thank you Porsha for pointing out Kenya never speaks of Carole Gist who was the first African-American Miss USA.  Yeah, you go on girl!

More Booties 

I knew we couldn’t make it through the first part of the reunion without reference to the workout video that sunk a friendship faster than the titanic.  Seriously I’m so over this argument.  People, you need to move on I can’t tolerate this conversation and Kenya’s attitude.  I also don’t care for Kenya’s attacking Phaedra’s body.  That’s not cool.  Oh Hell Yeah Phaedra with a Whitney “Show me the receipts”.  I’m laughing right there with you NeNe at this whole conversation.  So Kenya tries to argue that she didn’t need a workout video as she produces million dollar films, and challenges the ladies to imdb her.  Well, since she challenged me I went to imdb and here we go… The Confidant (producer) 2009 , Haitian Nights (producer) 2005, Brothers in Arms (co-producer) 2003, Hot Parts (video) (associate producer) 2000, Trois (associate producer) 2000.  Now I’m assuming she means they cost a million dollars to make?  I don’t know any of these… even after following the links to the movies.  Right Phaedra, straight to video titles.  Oh no you didn’t Kenya, you can not say Phaedra wasn’t relevant until you came on the show.  The Winey Bitches have been pleading with the folks at Bravo for several seasons to give her a show of her own.  We certainly didn’t take up that charge for you my dear.  There might have been a letter or two begging for Marlo’s return instead of you.  Wait, Kenya made a Gone With The Wind Fabulous video?  Way to handle yourself Phaedra.

Here we go with Kenya’s interpretation of wearing Phaedra’s “outfit” to the shoe party.  Now, I’m assuming this is the same dress she said was inappropriate to wear on vacation in front of the 5 other couples.  Yes, this is much better suited to a launch party… I’ll agree, that was completely different Kenya.

Bottom Line:

Hmmm… I’m almost excited to see wig next week.  These ladies need to crank up the drama.

 Photos:  Bravo.com
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9 responses to “Real Housewives of Atlanta – Reunion Part 1

  1. LMAO reading this! You do write the best columns on these ladies. Have to pat you on the back for being able to see the humor in Kenya’s actions as I cannot. I can only hope BRAVO doesn’t bring Kenya back. And so disappointed Walter didn’t get the opportunity to corral her at one of those parties when the cameras were rolling. She ran like a deer in headlights out of shear terror that she’d be caught on camera in all her lies and deception.

  2. Thanks for watching so I didn’t have to. This season is so damn dull. I know Kim is a train wreck, but at least a train wreck is exciting.

    • Julia’s Math, we try to take the pain for friends like you!! I think if Kim weren’t perpetually preggers and could drink the season would have been a hell of a lot funnier.

  3. I seriously don’t know how anyone can talk to Kenya without punching her in the face. Nothing she says makes a lick of sense and while I’m all for confidence she really has no good reason to be so full of herself.

    I like Porsha. She makes me laugh with the dumb things she says and I think she hits Kenya with some good one-liners.

    Did you see the video of Triumph the dog roasting the housewives at Bar One? Hilarious watching him insult them.

  4. Funny as usual!!!I too can’t believe Cynthia”s boobs
    but she is BEAUTIFUL!!!! and Porshia is dumb. Finally, does ANYONE in Atlanta use proper grammer!?

  5. The triumph the dog at Bar one really piissed off thr RHOA! Lmao, bc Kenya was really pissed and Cynthis thought she was throwing a party for Conan to be at Bar one and he didnt show up but thr nasty little doggie did and it was grrrreat! U should watch it!

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