One Sentence Summary: The ATL ladies channel their inner divas but manage send us off with a whimper instead of the bang-up fight we were hoping for.
Oh boy, it’s time to play catch up after a long weekend of chilling with my partner in the North Jersey Two Winey Bitches office plotting and planning… our next cocktail that is. Apologies friends, but we have to take advantage of the moments when we can get them. Anyway, this week we have Kenya’s dress up party and I’m hoping we’re due for a phenomenal meltdown – send us out right girl – it’s the season finale! YOU… CAN… DO… IT!
Coming Out Gala
So Kenya is meeting with her party team including Tommy Ford (I didn’t really recall him either, but he’s worked on Martin). Wait a minute, this is now a gala?? So she tells her dream team what she’s looking for, and we get the skinny that the driving force for her planning this event. Porsha’s comments that she’s old and hasn’t accomplished much lately it seems really hit home for Kenya and now she must prove how awesome she is. Well, I guess that’s one way of getting back at her (??). She wants to celebrate iconic black women in film and wants some of the films reenacted during the party. The first movie she mentions is Coming to America. YES!! This is one of my favorite movies – which interestingly enough was watched by the TWB this weekend. Yes, both bitches randomly recite the lines as we go. Tommy realizes this is full-scale production and Kenya explains it’s her coming out party and it needs to be fantastic.
Kandi and Phaedra stop in for a women’s self defense course… Dressed like they’re headed for lunch, but whatever I’ll go with it for now. Oh, never-mind Phaedra has decided to design and push a new line of stun guns. Well, let’s hope her prototypes don’t get mixed up with Kandi’s – yeow!! Whoops, Kandi accidentally stuns her instructor. Yeah, he’s totally thinking that 4 minute plug wasn’t at all worth getting zapped in the leg.
Sweet Mary more therapy/! I’m SO not in the mood for this. Oh yeah Kordell, keep up the control issues in front of the therapist – she’s going to have a field day with you. He thinks the losing of the pregnancy was difficult for him because he lost his father who helped him move on and be the manly man. Porsha tells the therapist that she thinks she can have a baby and a career, but when Kordell grew up the woman was at home taking care of business in the house and wasn’t allowed to work. OK, fine I added that last part, but you know he’s thinking it. Porsha thinks they need to skip to the next chapter because they can’t keep living like this. Sadly we all know what that next chapter looks like for them and Miss Porsha is going to have to live with any of it any longer. The therapist asks Kordell why Porsha can’t have a child and work. He thinks the new modern-day women run off and do what they want to do and become extremely successful and then all of a sudden there’s a divorce. I wonder if he actually thinks before he speaks. Doc lady says it’s a commitment for both of them and challenges why should Porsha give up her career. What is Kordell willing to do to help her make it happen? I’m thinking not much aside from sliding divorce papers in her direction. Porsha declares they will come back, but methinks Kordell has other plans in mind. I wonder when they’ll start calling it the curse of the Housewives. Seems every town has at least one in their midst.
Dress up Time
Things get underway at the Callanwolde Fine Arts Center for Kenya’s gala. Kenya is worried they haven’t rehearsed the chariot arrival and removal because the party needs to be a success… her name is riding on it. Looks like she’s scored 300 guests for the rsvp list and her stomach is in knots. Isn’t this the same woman who is the best producer ever and runs all about LA? Ah, it’s because the party is like her wedding day and she’s been engaged to the event for months. Oh please woman, what the hell does that even mean? HA, so she’s going to try to claim she wasn’t trying to be offensive when suggesting Halle Berry’s BAPS character for Porsha. Hmmm, and if you believe that I have a few really pretty bridges I’ll sell you at rock bottom prices.
I love that Porsha is totally embracing this costume. Even if it is just to stick it to Kenya. No, scratch that I love that she’s embracing just to stick it to her.
Cynthia decides to model a Diana look for her assistants Terrence (Prince) and Carlton (Ike Turner) and Carlton is getting into character by telling her he thinks her dress looks like Dancing With The Stars. High-five for that one Ike!! She’s not sure there’s a contest, but she needs to bring it. Oh I adore this inner competitive nature of I want to be the one everyone talks about.
Meanwhile back at the party prep, Kenya over shares that she needs to lotion up for the evening. Is that really something we need to know? Come on Bravo, we don’t need the intimate details of Kenya’s ashiness. I will say I like Brandon’s choice of King Jaffe Joffer. Though I wonder if Kenya demanded that’s who he should be.
Porsha is really loving her costume choices… Gold tooth and all.
I’m really not grooving on Cynthia’s final choice for her Diana Ross look, but whatever my dear – just be glad I’m not judging that contest. I would prefer Lady Sings the Blues myself, but again I’m not judging… The contest that is.
Porsha worries that she’s being set up by Kenya with the request of Nisi from BAPS… HELLO MENSA! Really Porsha, just put that 2 and 2 together did you? Nothing gets past you! Of course I did catch your girlfriend whispering in your ear you’re getting set up
I love Kandi as Angela / Tina. Kandi asked Todd to come in costume but he opted out which you know Kenya is going to have a rant over. I love that Cynthia thinks Kenya outdid herself with the party, it even has valet parking. Sorry I can’t help but chuckle at that logic. I KNEW Kenya would try to rock Pam Grier’s Foxy Brown (badly). I get your ego totally took charge over that decision but come on woman… you can’t hold a candle.
Oh boy, Porsha pulled a switcheroo with her costume! You might be a clever little minx yet. You know Kenya isn’t please at all that you showed her up and as a side note look fantastic as Halle’s Dorothy Dandridge. At least you kept with the Hale theme. Come on Kenya, you need to take it down a notch with your drama. If you had a reason she needed to be a specific character you should have informed her. Wait a minute, you’re kicking her out?? You are flat-out bat-shit crazy woman, there’s nothing disrespectful going on aside from your attempt at snarkiness when really, you aren’t so good at it. For real, someone’s been sipping the crazy juice tonight. I’m so glad the other ladies rally around Porsha and leave as well. Good luck with your “show” Kenya.
Kenya tries to confront the group and get them to understand her madness / side of the story. She leads with “I wasn’t even invited to her party” and tries to follow-up with “we haven’t gotten along”. Fortunately no one is buying her song and dance until there’s an apology… Nice! Porsha reminds Kenya of her speech to Phaedra about the proper way to apologize to a person.
Back in the party the “scenes” start happening while outside Kordell and Brandon get into words because he won’t fetch Kenya to come back out for a proper apology fast enough for Kordell’s taste. Kenya remains inside being entertained by the production while the ladies dish outside. Thankfully NeNe’s Grace Jones arrives followed by Phaedra’s Eartha Kitt’s cat woman so all the ladies can plan their strategy for dealing with Kenya. Phaedra thinks Porsha should roll in with her stun gun just in case things get a little crazy.
Kenya hits the stage to thank everyone for coming to her gala. NeNe decides to make her entrance and then pulls Kenya to the side for a conversation because NeNe is sick of hearing about the bad behavior and needs to take care of it now. Kenya tries to defend her actions but NeNe reminds her that if she’s going to kick one of them out they all go – that’s how the ATL Housewives roll don’t you know. NeNe reminds her not to burn a bridges and out of respect to NeNe Kenya is going to apologize. NeNe tells her she needs to keep it real, not real f*cking crazy. Which BTW I totally love.
So now Kenya’s going to just go with the flow to keep the peace and makes an apology to Porsha which Miss P isn’t buying. Since when does Kenya want to keep the peace unless she’s worried she won’t get a contract renewal.
Season Wrap Up
- Porsha: Kordell filed for divorce.
- Phaedra: expecting baby #2, and a pregnancy workout is in the works.
- Kandi: keeping the sex toy world in business, officially engaged and not inviting Momma Joyce to move in… yet.
- Cynthia: get your applications in for Miss Renaissance 2013 and she’s helping NeNe plan her re-nuptials.
- NeNe: arrives in her chariot waving her whip and has a 15-carat ring to go along with her re-engagement.
- Kenya: dating an African oil tycoon, still thinks her workout DVD is better than Phaedra’s.
Clearly there’s been some serious goings on since the season end. Yes, the reunion is going to be awesome… until Kim returns. BTW, please tell me that dress is a joke.