Real Housewives of Atlanta – Ep 16: He’s Stalking, I’m Walking.

One Sentence Summary:  Kandi’s housewarming goes cold.

My Thoughts:

The Winey Bitch is back AND I get to piss off Kenya by bringing a date half her age... I'M SO EXCITED!

The Winey Bitch is back AND I get to piss off Kenya by bringing a date half her age… I’M SO EXCITED!

I’m giddy with excitement over seeing the ladies after so much down time… and by down time I mean real world.  No, not the awesome MTV show that launched all that is reality today… I’m talking business trips that keep me from my reality television viewing.  I apologize ladies, know that I really still do adore you even if I spare you snark for a week.  I also hate that my damn DVR didn’t record last week’s episode… Or the hubs “accidentally” erased and isn’t about to fess up.  I really wanted to see Porsha try to explain that her hubs has to grant permission for her to travel.  Yeah, I could have had a whole 30 minute rant on that one.  But I digress, it’s time to catch up with my ATL ladies.

Testing… 1… 2… 3

Please don't touch me with that

Please don’t touch me with that

Here we go starting off with Porsha unpacking from the girls trip and Kordell finding a box of preggers tests.  Ew, she eats pickles and ice cream even when she’s not pregnant??  That’s so many shades of wrong I can’t even think about it.  So she’s scared to take the test, because she knows Kordell thinks she’s not ready for a baby and a career.  Well, I’ll second the vote for not being ready for a baby.  Unless he wants his offspring teething on Twizzlers.  Kordell is all about her taking the test, but she doesn’t understand how she’s going to pee for 2 minutes.  See, it just seems so unfair to snark on someone who just sets herself up all the time.  Come on woman, we know you can’t be that ignorant.  So the test is negative, but Porsha sees the imaginary “sort of a cross”.  OK, so I’ll have a moment of feeling bad… when you really want to see that cross and you don’t, it really is heartbreaking.  That being said, I’m still going to stand behind my thinking that she’s going to need that village to raise a child.


So Kandi is out with her manager Don Juan out for a tour of a building for her new office space.  As they stroll the site, the conversation turns to security doors and she can’t believe the amount of money she’s spending remodeling her home, the office and a house warming party.  Don’s convinced they’ll get everything together.

NeNe in the City

See, there's still room for me and my ego.

See, if I push really hard, there’s room for me and my ego.

NeNe’s hitting the city!  I really wish she’d look a Winey Bitch up when she’s in town.  Fine, tri-state area… I live in suburbia, whatever!  My point is I would LOVE to hang in the city with NeNe and her refound fabulousness.  Oh, on a side note, I’ve seen the New Normal, and it’s not a bad show.  Take that with a grain of salt and a sip of tequila as we all know I loves me some bad tv.  The hubs doesn’t like it, but he rarely likes anything I watch.  OK, sorry I got distracted from NeNe’s prep for Kelly and Michael. I need to travel with a collection of clothing and jewelry.  If only I could remember to pack any whenever I go someplace.  Oh NeNe, yes you do light up like a bulb… You crack me up, and I love those shoes!

Model Bahavior

Don't you look at me like that, at least I've given up on the polka dots.

Don’t you look at me like that, at least I’ve given up on the polka dots.

Oh look is’t our favorite model trying on clothes for Peter’s Men’s Health event.  Ew, I also don’t need to hear about Peter’s libido… I’m skeeved now.  Yes, Walter is invited to the party and Cynthia worries about Kenya’s reaction to seeing Walter.  Here’s an idea…  hang on friends, I’m going outside the box on this one.  If Kenya doesn’t want to see Walter and it will be upsetting, maybe ditch the “Men’s Health” event.  I mean you have a legit out in that you don’t have the same bits and parts.  Go shopping instead.  I get the rub though… No camera time.  Ugh, how do deal!!  Sorry, I just have to laugh at the picture of Cynthia riding the mechanical bull.


Wait, did those women try to tell you that you should be allowed to make your own decisions?  CRAZY TALK!

Wait, did those women try to tell you that you should be allowed to make your own decisions? CRAZY TALK!

Back with the brain trust that is Miss Porsha and her genius idea to tell Kordell what the ladies said about his controlling nature.  Of course he’s controlling, it has nothing to do with respect.  AW LAWD, she’s going to go on defending “her husband let her”.  Woman, you are setting us back decades with that antiquated attitude of yours.  Tell me now why can’t your husband respect what he has and let you make your own choices?  Listen here Kordell, you oaf, don’t make me get my soapbox out and smash you with it.  Your job as a husband is to help if you’re asked, and if your misses wants a baby and a career, try to be a little supportive.  And let her get a damn nanny so your child doesn’t end up with pixie sticks instead of rice cereal.  Don’t be an ass.

Peter’s Black Tie Party

I know I called him a stalker, but I need to make sure he sees me leaving.

I know I called him a stalker, but I need to make sure he sees me leaving.

I love Bravo tells us it’s a Black Tie party, as if that’s the only thing they could think of for the header.  Here’s Walter!!  Oh things are gonna get good I think.  And by good I mean Kenya’s crazy flag is going to be flying.  At least Kenya was able to get herself a date for the night.  Jamal Anderson is clearly looking for a little exposure or she’s got some naughty pics of him because I’m not sure who in their right mind would commit to a dinner with Kenya.  BTW Kenya, that lipstick color is NOT your best choice.  Wait, did Kenya really just say Walter was a groupie trying to hang on?  Um, walking away isn’t really the same as hang on.  Then again, it is Kenya and her ego – don’t apply logic where it doesn’t apply.  When did Apollo become a nutritionist?  Did I miss that?  Whatever, Kenya thinks Peter will try to stir the pot and sit her with Walter.  Come on, don’t be silly, no one cares that much about you.  Oh look, it’s Leon Cynthia’s baby-daddy.  Nice of him to support Peter – though not sure why.  Let me get this straight, Kenya is having a costume party for iconic black women in film but gets to decide who the ladies should be?  OK, again… it’s Kenya.  Cynthia is Diana Ross (saw that coming), Kandi as Tina Turner and… Porsha as Halle Berry from BAPS?  Yeah, it’s her party so she gets to choose.  Oh damn, it seems as the guys break off, Walter claims Kenya is too old at 42 and he doesn’t do anything over 32.  Nice attitude Walter, I liked you once.  You didn’t just say you like your women like your rims… OY!  Anyway Walter thinks Kenya sees Jamal as her lucky #7 to put a ring on it.  Meanwhile she’s off “forgiving” Phaedra for their ups and downs and wants to take baby steps.  Be careful Phaedra… She’s offering you Eartha Kitt, but something tells me she’s thinking ala Boomerang and not cat woman.  So Kenya takes her leave past Walter with no crazy which leaves me terribly disappointed.

Spinning a Thread While Looking for Threads

What do you mean no one is going to shut Walter out because I don't like him?

What do you mean no one is going to shut Walter out because I don’t like him?

So Kenya and Cynthia are off looking for dresses for the costume party.  Kenya is keeping mum on who she intends to be.  Naturally Cynthia needs to check in with Kenya on how she thought the party was and she’s glad she came because of the discomfort it must have been for her and Kenya doesn’t understand why he keep showing up and places where she is.  Um, he was invited before you were my dear.  Cynthia reminds her that Atlanta is smaller than LA and she needs to be ready to be in the same room.  She would prefer not to hear his name.  Cynthia shares what Walter said to the guys about them not having sex because he wasn’t interested.  Kenya declares she’s a playground and he doesn’t want to play.  Maybe he wasn’t interested my dear as we know you asked him to pretend he’s your man for the storyline.  She thinks she would have a better shot with Walter if she had pecs and not breasts.  Or if those breasts were a decade or so younger and perkier.  She’s ready though for Cynthia to find her a man and let the games begin.

Warm The Party House

Wait, do you mean I have to leave ANOTHER party pretending I'm being stalked?

Wait, do you mean I have to leave ANOTHER party pretending I’m being stalked?

Kandi’s house is ready for the housewarming party… In the party house.  Yeah, I’d be find with living in the party house.  HOLY HOUSE, I want Kandi to adope me so I can live in this house.  I’m going to bite my tongue about poles with the “stage” in Riley’s room because I love that little girl, but come on Kandi!!  Of course the main house puts Cynthia into total house envy thinking about her little humble abode… let’s see the battle of the Jones shall we?  You know what would be funny?  If they started playing Jaws music before we get to see Walter.  Just a little intro before we see him surface.  That could add a little fun to the show.  Looks like Walter brought a little arm candy to the party.  Oh, this is going to be good!!  Poor thing though just sitting there on a chair while he’s off schmoozing the boys.  I guess that’s the point of arm candy though right?  Shhh, baby don’t speak.  Heehee.  OK, so Walter is a little pissed about Kenya telling folks he’s gay.  And here we go, Kenya is going to be pissed he’s “following her” to this soiree as well.  This is fantastic, everyone is ready with their front row seats for the mushroom cloud.  I love that everyone is trying to run interference keeping Kenya from Walter and holy shit that’s a downstairs!!  I was expecting a game room, not the Bellagio pool!  Oh no Kandi, why would you go there?  Come on Kenya he’s not a stalker, but go on and storm out.  I’m just sad you’re in pants and didn’t do your twirl.

Bottom Line:

I don’t think there’s anything else to say but DAYUM Kandi, that’s an awesome house you have there!!


4 responses to “Real Housewives of Atlanta – Ep 16: He’s Stalking, I’m Walking.

  1. Sounds like a nightmare being an ex of Kenya’s.

  2. Normally I’m firmly in the Big Girls camp. You know, the camp where grown up ladies get to make their own decisions. However. I’m firmly Team Kordell on this one… Porshca cannot be in charge of another person, particularly if that person cannot feed themselves. Before you go all Jessica Simpson Did It on me, I totally think she has two nannies- one for the baby and one for her. Thanks for recapping. I cannot stand to watch this season.

    • Oh Julia’s Math you did NOT pull a Jessie Simpson clause on me did you?! I got nothing now! 🙂 – Porsha needs all the help she can get.

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