Yep, it’s me again. Melissa is still being held hostage. And I’m forsaking the RHOBH for the twits at Sur. I can’t help it. I go to the DVR and I just have to watch the ridiculousness that is Vanderpump Rules. I haven’t fully built up a intolerance to them yet. It’s like how I was so excited about Gallery Girls. Couldn’t stand the majority of the cast but couldn’t stop watching them either. Same thing here but we’re nearing 100% on the dislike. Well, we know I will always love Lisa… even if she is going to be on DWTS. We can discuss that later. And really other than her, the only person I can say I like… and I use the term loosely… is Peter. You know the poor man’s Thomas (RHONY) who is the poor man’s Johnny Depp. Anywho, let’s go hear this giant secret that Jax is going to announce tonight – though I’m pretty sure it’s going to be that he cheated & knocked up a chick – as we bid farewell to our gang of drink-slinging & food-serving nitwits.
A lot of words…
Stassi & Jax hang at a pet store. Jax is in therapy to prove his love. Stassi is mad about the leash Laura-Leigh bought her dog. She’s giving him nothing. He’s upset. She’s gonna make him sweat in the friend zone. Laura-Leigh quits Sur because she booked a Jen Aniston movie. Talk about good timing. Success is the best revenge. Suck on that Jax. Kristen interrupts Tom’s band practice to whine about Stassi. Tom says confront it… because he’s sick of hearing about it. Kristen takes Stassi outside cries and babbles. Stassi says she broke the rules of BFF-dom. Kristen folds like a cheap lawn chair. Stassi wins. All is happy again. Lisa hosts a photo shoot for Sur at her home. Every time I see Lisa’s closet I’m both jealous & aware of why other countries want to bomb us into the next century. Lisa pulls Stassi aside and tells her she isn’t happy that she brought Frank to Villa Blanca for dinner. Lisa knows Stassi is trying to get busted for attention. Stassi denies. Lisa ain’t buying it. I’m not buying it. But we have an entire staff in their bathing suits drinking & shoving socks in their jocks so to the photo shoot we go. Jax heard about Frank and confronts Stassi. They’re just hanging out. Jax isn’t happy & doesn’t know where he stands. When do you throw in the towel? Um, now. But she gives him hope. He’s a puppy with a bone. Jax tells his therapist about all the lies he’s told to create a persona and how Stassi is a control freak. Oh and his name is Jason. He did knock up a chick in Vegas but it was long before Stassi. Therapist says he’s a people pleaser that can never live up to expectations. She’ll take him as a client but he has to be honest. Her first piece of advice: don’t be something you’re not. That’ll be $150. Day 2 of the photo shoot at Sur is girls-only. Scheana apologizes to Lisa for her tantrum. She doesn’t want to disappoint Lisa. Apology accepted. Stassi & Scheana kiss for a photo. So risque. Eye roll. At the after-party, Jax – er, is it Jason? – tells Lisa that he’s quitting. Lisa wants to make sure he’s serious & tells him to take responsibility for his life. He is serious and he is out. But first he has to talk to Stassi. And the bomb – He did go to Vegas two months before they broke up and cheat on her. I knew it. Dick. Stassi calls him an asshole & a liar. Is he really trying to pull a “we were on a break”? She was alone all summer because of him. Oh the wrath is going to come down hard on him. He loves her. She isn’t interested. He’s promises to disappear. Works for her. On his way out, he tells the staff the truth, grabs a martini & flees outside. The boys follow him & want to know why. Basically, because he’s a liar. He had to come clean so he could change his life. And whoosh, he’s gone. As is the season.
Well, even though I saw that coming a mile away, I was still shocked. How is that possible? I look forward to him squirming in his seat next week at the reunion. And I’m squirming in my seat right now because I actually feel badly for Stassi. Hurry someone open a bottle of something strong!