The Bachelor Season 17, Week 7 – Play on Player

One Sentence Summary: It’s time for the Hometown dates but not everyone left a light on for Sean.

The biggest mouthful of sugar Sean's' gotten all season.

The biggest mouthful of sugar Sean’s gotten all season.

Our Thoughts

Rachel:   Time for the hometown dates and none of them are going to be at Tierra’s.  Can I get an amen?!?!  So we have a two-star general, a duo of unenthusiastic sisters, a pastor and a brother ready to beat Sean down.  I think this is going to be a banner night.  I almost can’t believe it’s taken this long for a sibling to call out a Bachelor for being a player.  This guy’s probably a little bit of a loose cannon from the looks of the previews but I also think he’s saying what a lot of the past “brothers” probably wanted to say too.  Too bad they waited until pure-as-the-driven-snow Sean.  I mean our resident born-again virgin hasn’t done more than kiss the girls while lightly grazing their thighs, arms & backs.  And we all know the fantasy suite isn’t going to getting hotter than a PG rating.  He’s not really a dirty Lothario.  I can think of a few dudes that were more deserving of a bro smackdown.  But I’m still giddy with excitement to watch someone finally call out this process for what it is: ridiculousness.  Well unless you’re Trista & Ryan.

Melissa:  So I’m back and recharged and rested from a delicious week away from Tierra the terrible, and lookie what happened… she’s GONE!!  Woohoo!  I couldn’t believe my eyes when I took a peek at my partner’s brilliant write-up and she was booted – yeah, I cheated.  I could almost start enjoying the show now.  OK, that’s just crazy talk, but at least she’s gone before the Hometown Dates.  Ah the Hometown Date… Make or break time for relationships.  Let’s see who will have their family to blame for being sent home.

The Preacher’s Wife

You're the best.  No, you're the best.  No, you are.  Puke.

You’re the best. No, you’re the best. No, you are. Puke.

Rachel:  We’re in Houston with AshLee to start tonight’s hometown tour.  She had no real clue what true love was before Sean.  Really?  A dating reality show brought you clarity about true love?  M’kay.  But tonight, love starts with a picnic and a dog named Bailey.  She has been dreaming of this day as far back as she can remember.  The day you brought home your boyfriend that has 3 other girlfriends?  Dream big, sweetheart.

AshLee tells Sean that her pastor dad rides motorcycles which makes him less intimidating.  Sean says his dad preaches at his church as well.  Did we know this?  I mean it’s not like it’s a big surprise, but I don’t remember this information.  BTW, did she bring anything along on this picnic other than a blanket and some pillows?  I could use a beverage right about now.  Oh, there’s a bottle.  Can we pass it this way?  You don’t want booze on your breath when you meet the pastor.  I, on the other hand, am cool with it.  You know, overall I like Catherine better than AshLee but I think AshLee is probably the best match for him of the last four contestants… er, I mean ladies.  Well, up until there’s a “no wire hangers” moment.

If you pick our daughter, we'll let you in the house next time.

Pick our daughter, then we’ll let you in the house.

Aw, Mr. & Mrs. Frazier are cute.  Time for some lunch outside and there’s actual eating!  Dad wants to know what she’s been doing for the past few weeks.  She tells them about the Polar Bear Plunge and how it was a deep meaningful experience for her.  She submerged her fears and came out a stronger woman.  I that was just hypothermia.  She tells them about the St. Croix “romance” and her parents look like they’re about to choke on their food.

With that, Mom wants to have a little chat with Sean because she can see her daughter is in danger of being shattered.  She wants to know if Sean intends to break her heart.  No ma’am… it won’t be intentional.  Mom warns that she has a deep fear of abandonment… which is why going on a TV dating show makes sense.  But Mom likes Sean so he passes the first test.

Next up, Dad.  Sean is worried that he’s going to ask if he’s in love with his daughter.  Aaaaand first question is if he’s in love with AshLee.  Love is on the “horizon” says Sean.  It’s Sean’s turn and he wants to know about the first marriage.  Why did dad sign off on it?  Dad says he had reservations, but if he didn’t let her, she would have ended up making worse choices in rebellion.  But he would do it differently if he could do it again.  Time for the big question:  Can Sean propose if he chooses to do so?  Dad says that if he really loves her, he welcomes Sean into the family.  Smooth sailing with the Fraziers.

Back as a group we learn that the Fraziers had been foster parents to about 16 kids before AshLee.  When Dad went to meet AshLee the first time, she was mad and pouting.  He took one look at her and knew that there was a connection.  He loved her immediately.  Aw, dad’s choked up.  I heart him.   As a daddy’s girl, nothing gets me misty like a dad getting misty over his little girl.  He wants the man that falls in love with her to fall in love with her like that.  Well Sean, they started you off easy.  Enjoy it while you can.  There are a few potholes in the road ahead.  But we know how important family is to Sean so it bodes very well that AshLee’s passed with flying colors.

Melissa:  She’s a pastor’s daughter and his pops is a reverend too.  It must be fate!  Oh geez sorry, I think I nodded of there with this snooze-fest ‘I like you’ conversation.  Anyone interested to see how organized her parents’ home is?  I’m sorry but these dinners would never happen with my family… We’d be sipping wine and not pretending to drink iced tea while staring longingly at the food on our plates like we’re too involved in the conversation to eat.  OK, I kinda love Mom.  You can tell below her sweet surface, that if shit hits the fan, she’ll throw down for her little girl.  Pops is pretty cute too, and I think Sean is pretty happy he’ll not have to run into Dad at the gas-n-go if he doesn’t choose AshLee.  But remember Sean, Preacher man’s got Jesus on his side… tread carefully.  Granted if things go south she might pixie dust him right in the eye.

Sleepless In Seattle

Sean finally gets his hands on some fish.

Sean finally gets his hands on some stank.

Rachel:  Next stop, Seattle to see Catherine.  It’s an unusually sunny day in the city and they’re going to spend it catching some fish at Pike’s Place Market.  Sean isn’t afraid to get dirty and Catherine likes that.  Sean gets props from me for rocking the fish pitch.  Catherine gets in on the action and there are a lot of fish jokes that I would like to make right now, but I’ll refrain.  Oh come on, Catherine just said she likes the way he smells.  You’re killing me here.  Did someone tell Sean that jacket looked good with those pants? They lied.

Catherine gives Sean some Philipino secrets for approval so that when he meets grandma, he can make a good impression.  Home we go with Catherine and he pulls of the hand to the forehead maneuver which makes grandma happy.  More eating.  I’m impressed with all the eating in this episode and think I might have to check out some Filipino food soon.  I’m less impressed with him doing push-ups with Catherine on his back in the middle of the living room.  Who does that?

The sisters take Catherine aside and grill her.  Damn, they’re all pretty.  They want to know if she will say yes to a proposal?  Can she see herself with a family?  She says yes but the sisters aren’t sure they’re really buying her story.  Catherine tries to defend herself and her sisters just want to suck the giddy out of her.  She’s pretty sure someone’s going to mess it up for her.  And those people are her sisters…

Oh you don't want to marry our sister.  She's not stable. Now, on the other hand, I am the pillar of stability...

Oh you don’t want to marry our sister. She’s not stable. Now, on the other hand, I am the pillar of stability…

They meet with Sean and pretty much call Catherine moody and too independent to stay with a man.  Way to talk your sister down.  Bitches.  Jealous much?  Sean thinks they were a little hard on Catherine.  Uh, just a tad.  Mom thinks the whole situation is unique and doesn’t want anyone to get hurt.  He thinks the world of her.  Mom says don’t lead her on.  I understand where the parents come from when they say these things, but your kids did sign up for a show where they compete for dates.  Heartbreak and being lead on are guaranteed.  Mom’s open to their relationship but there is no giving of the blessing.  This wasn’t what Sean was expecting and is confused by the evening.  Now he doesn’t know how to move forward.  Her sisters get a big fat F for tonight.  Sean is Mr. Family and if there are cracks in the foundation, he’s out.

Melissa:  Catherine’s turn and the sun is shining – shocking it seems.  I love the crowds who try to pretend they aren’t spying on the show.  Wait, he’s going to keep his jacket on to catch fish at Pikes??  Ew.  Plus he’s going to smell a bit of a funk in a few hours when the fish juice settles in.  Man this date makes me want to go to Seattle and hang for a few days.  Yes! I like this family hitting the booze as soon as they get there… and lumpia!!  A friend of mine is Filipino and makes those… DELISH!  Yeah, the sisters don’t seem like they’re buying the gushing, and not really selling it to Sean for that matter.  Yikes… Tough.  WOW, so is mom for that matter.  On a side note, does anyone else want to just close those kitchen cabinet doors?  Well, AshLee will when she sees this, but I don’t count that.  So no blessing for Sean in this house.  Of course the family is skeptical, Sean… you’re on the Bachelor for Pete’s sake!

Red Badge of Courage

Are you sure the book said to do it like this?

Are you sure the book said to do it like this?

Rachel:  Time to meet Lindsay and her General dad in Fort Leonard Wood, MO.  Never heard of this place ever and it looks like it probably isn’t ever going to be on my list of places to visit.  Lindsay brings the kid out in Sean.  It must be all the baby talk.  Gawd, she drives me bananas.  I hope dad chases Sean down the driveway with a shotgun so he bails on this relationship.  But so far, he’s hooked because this is most like real life for him.  Huh?  Because it’s a military town?  He really just makes such inane statements sometimes.  Lindsay doesn’t know if her father should be addressed as Mr. or General.  How do you not know that?  She goes with mister.  I’m thinking you might want to default to General.  That’s just one girl’s opinion.

Before Sean goes home to meet the Sergeant-Mr-General, he has to get military ready.  She makes him dress up in cargo pants and an army sweatshirt and work out.  This is fucking stupid.  Sorry for being so blunt, but these two as a couple just get on my nerves.  But he’s probably eating it up like those cupcakes they just had.

Do you think putting your hand on my daughter's leg in my house is appropriate... or safe?

Do you think putting your hand on my daughter’s leg in my house is appropriate… or safe?

They go to the family house which is on the military post.  This ups the nerves factor for Sean.  Intros go well even though Sean says “mister”.  Mom & Dad don’t know about the wedding dress incident.  Mom thinks it’s hysterical and I’m pretty sure the entire base can hear her laughing.  Mom takes Sean aside and wants to know if he’s falling in love with Lindsay.  He says he’s not in a position to say that right now.  He feels like it needs to be said to her when the time is right… if it’s right.  He likes Lindsay’s mom and feels like she would make a great mother-in-law.  Ding ding, we have a winner.

Now it’s time for dad.  He just doesn’t want to see his daughter get hurt.  Sean doesn’t want to hurt her because she’s so sweet.  Dad is fine with Sean not being ready to say he’s ready to marry her.  But Sean still wants to know if dad would be ok with a proposal at the end of this.  Dad isn’t so much forthcoming with an approval and doesn’t really have an answer.  He’s a paratrooper and that necessitates managing risk.  So Sean & Lindsay have to figure out their own risk factor.  Therefore, he gives Sean his blessing so that Sean is empowered to ask Lindsay for her hand in marriage.  Yeah, this is not the hard-ass Sean was expecting… I didn’t expect it either.  He’s pretty cool.  I still wouldn’t want to cross him, but he’s cool.

Before they go, Sean is given dog tags as a token of his visit.  The tags tell the Army values.  Learn them, know them, practice them, Sean.  Sean tells Lindsay that he can see himself fitting in with her family, which makes it ok for her to tell him she’s falling in love with him.  Gag.  She’s getting a rose.  No question.

Melissa:  I love that Lindsay lived in her “hometown” for a few months.  Mmmmm, cupcakes.  Wait, she doesn’t know what her father should be called??  Um, I have to agree with Rachel. Go with General, Sean.  You go in with a firm handshake, say “Hello General, it’s an honor to meet you and be able to thank you for your service to our country.”  There, golden.  You won’t listen to me though. I know this.  Sweet Mary this “prep” is the cheesiest thing ever.  I’m so embarrassed for her… the both of them really.  Come on Mom, the words “I love you” aren’t really “sacred” to him.  Didn’t he tell Ems he loved her?  Man, Pops was a Paratrooper too?  Kinda badass General, sir.

LA Stories

What do you mean did I look in the mirror when I put this shirt on with these shorts?

What do you mean did I look in the mirror when I put this shirt on with these shorts?

Rachel:  Last stop is LA to meet Des’s family.  But first, he’s taking him on a hike in those stupid red shorts.  She likes taking him on a date that isn’t so extravagant.  Smart girl.  Don’t get deluded that your life will always be helicopters and beach resorts.  Dude sells insurance.  Sean likes that she brought him on an outdoor date because that’s who he is too.   Yeah, can we get to angry brother now?

And here we go… She shows him her house and the art on the wall that she did.  Mhmm… Art.  Sure.  Seems no one else is home.  First person to show up is a guy claiming to be her ex and professing his love to her.  He’s been texting and calling her for weeks.  Um, this is so fake.  Des says she’s been doing The Bachelor and introduces Sean.  Fake Ex calls Sean a bad actor, which is hilarious because this guy is a terrible actor.  Can we call Ashton Kutcher out now & tell Sean he’s being Punk’d?  Finally, Des lets him in on the joke.  Wamp wamp.

Don't knock this dude out... Don't knock this dude out...

Don’t knock this dude out… Don’t knock this dude out…

Finally, the actual family shows up.  It’s mom, dad and angry brother Nate.  Mom & dad are very down to earth and happy to see their daughter glowing.  Mom is supportive.  Dad is supportive.  Lots of hugs.  Lots of laughing.  Then it’s angry Nate’s turn to talk to Des.  She thinks her relationship is the most solid of all the girls.  He’s not convinced.  He thinks this whole thing is stupid.  Well, there’s that.  Even if she’s the last woman standing, he’s still not going to be convinced any of this is real.  So, he takes Sean aside to get it straight from the horse’s mouth… or to punch the horse’s mouth.  He doesn’t think Sean is really into her.  At all.  There’s no connection that he can see so he knows Sean isn’t really into his sister.  Well, he is into Des, but I mean he’s into a lot of girls.  Sean says that he really does like Des and will know if she’s the last woman standing when the time comes.  And he does a little more tap dancing to try and get angry Nate on his side.  Not getting anywhere.  The more Sean talks, the more Angry Nate clenches his tatted up fists.  Angry Nate thinks he’s a playboy with no integrity.  Sean isn’t really thrilled that his integrity is being questioned and I have to say that I don’t blame him.  And really could he be more far off with the playboy insult?  I really thought I’d be laughing about this, but Nate is a dick.  Straight up.  Your sister signed up for this.  It’s not like the concept wasn’t explained to her.

They go back in and Des can tell Sean’s upset.  Des asks Nate to stop being a dick and he says he will.  He won’t.  It’s so awkward that poor Dad starts talking about the weather.  I feel bad for the parents who have to watch their son act a fool.  Sean wants to not let this affect his feelings but he has to realize that they’re going to be his family if he picks Des.  Yeah, I wouldn’t want to come hang tinsel with that dude either.

Back inside, the family tells Nate he’s an idiot.  Now, he’s being a jackass to his Dad.  Jackass, don’t disrespect your dad.  He didn’t do anything wrong.  But Angry is convinced Sean’s not the one.  She’s done.  Hmm… perchance we’re grooming Des to be the next Bachelorette?  Maybe Angry Nate got a grip of cash from the producers to sabotage this date.  Well played, ABC.  Well played.  I think maybe it will be announced on the Women Tell All…

Melissa:  Aw look, the outdoorsy kids can hang together and be outdoorsy together.  OK, I do like that they are making dinner for her parents.  Oh, hang on now. This ex-boyfriend thing is strange.  Oh, this is totally a joke to get him back for the date, I’m calling it now.  She’s not a good acto.  She didn’t pull it off when she broke the piece of art, and this is just as bad.  Yep, the girl can’t act.  Wait, we didn’t get to see the talk with Dad?  Oh, because the brother brings the drama, that’s right.  Sean isn’t having a good time with the siblings this week.  Um, Des it’s not like your parents know Sean any more than your brother Nathan, chill.  I’m kinda inclined to understand Nate’s perspective.  I mean again it’s the Bachelor.  He’s had his tongue in how many mouths so far?  I’d be just as disbelieving.  High-five.

Deep Thoughts

Well, he did do a lot of push-ups this week.

Well, he did do a lot of push-ups this week.

Rachel:  Soft core Sean!  Made you all wait a long time tonight.  They should give you a double dose for that.  But we have to have deep thoughts at sunset.  He’s confused about Des & Catherine.  So it’s therapy time with Chris Harrison.  Did Sean get answers this week?  Not really.  AshLee & Lindsay are safe.  That much he knows.  Des is on the chopping block because of her brother.  This guy will always be there and get under his skin.  Catherine is a question because he doesn’t know if their lives are aligned.  She’s independent which is why he likes her but does that make her ready to settle down?  Decisions decisions.

Melissa:  Ah, they didn’t disappoint.  We get a topless scene.  I’ve actually made it my own personal drinking game… See a nip, take a sip.  Of course, in the beginning, I was 3 sheets to the wind within the first 20 minutes.  Now I just invent new rules to support my intoxication.  Someone whines… drink.  “Take it to the next level”… drink.  “She different from all the other girls”… drink.  Yeah, I’m one of those people who changes the rules to suit my needs.  That can’t be shocking to anyone.

Rose Ceremony

It's a lonely business this Bachelor thing.

It’s a lonely business this Bachelor thing.

Chris tells the girls that Sean didn’t know what he was going to do tonight.  Sean thanks the girls for welcoming him into their homes.  He still doesn’t know who he’s going to say good-bye to even as he’s standing there.  Everyone knows how important family is to him so this week was really important.  Looking right at you Des.  Before he can give out the first rose, she says that she needs to talk to him.  She takes him aside and apologizes for her brother and his rudeness.  Sean says it’s not her.  She doesn’t have to apologize.  Well, except that it is a reflection on her and she is on the chopping block because of him.  This conversation makes Catherine wonder if she should have pulled him aside too?  Would that make a difference?  Let’s find out.

Roses:  AshLee, Lindsay and….

And Sean has to take a moment.  He leaves the room before the last rose is given out because he is confused.  Chris comes in and tells him to take his time because he doesn’t want to regret his decision.  And time he takes… and takes… and takes.  He says it comes down to which girl he’ll miss more.  Really?  Personally, I want Lindsay to go home so neither choice is going to make me happy.  By the way, love the uber dramatic music.  He’s not about to crack the code to Iran’s nuclear weapons secrets.  Take it down a notch.

Finally he’s back and the final rose goes to…


I really like Catherine but I don’t feel good about this decision.  I think he just made a huge mistake.  But I also am more convinced now that Des is going to be the next Bachelorette and that her brother will have a restraining order.  Or a starring role.  That part I haven’t figured out yet.

He takes Des outside.  He says he’s been battling this and she has every quality he wants in a wife.  And he knows that he may wake up tomorrow and feel like he made a giant mistake.  She thinks he will.  I think he will.  Nate will be polishing his brass knuckles.  He has no clarity but he has to trust that his decision is the best for them both.  You know she’s going to bawl her brother out.  I can honestly say I’ve never seen a goodbye that felt more wrong than this, but I’m also feeling like she’s gonna do way better than Sean.  But off Des goes and now Sean can feel like shit.  I thought for a moment he was going to chase the car.  You know how he loves to chase a car.  But no, he lets her go back home to beat the shit out of her asshole brother.

Melissa:  Really Des, this behavior is soooo Tierra.  Sweet Mary, Sean, with the unnecessary drama tonight.  Now I’m just getting pissed off about yet another 2 hours of this BS tomorrow.  BTW, my SIL shared a spoiler alert with me… so I’m sitting here feeling almost smug knowing his decision.  Well, smug then questioning what gossip mag she read.  Was it a credible source or was the article just above the Bigfoot and Yeti tennis match caught on film?  I mean the way they’re dragging this out I might be able to drive to the CVS and see for myself and get back before the final rose is handed out.  Looks like Des’s play didn’t work and Nate got his way.  MAN, he’s going to get chewed out by the fam when they get this news.  Did she just say she doesn’t know what she’s going to do with her life?  He broke up with you after a few weeks of reality “dating”.  You haven’t dated for 5 years and he’s banging someone on the side while you’re working 2 jobs to support his career as a performance artist.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  If I were Catherine, I’d kinda be insulted.  Who wants to be hung out like that and made to feel like the also-ran?  I might also have told him to shove the rose.  Well, depends where the next travel location is… Bangkok?  Oh yeah, I’m hanging.

Melissa:  Ugh, another second episode this week?  I seriously I might need to get a big old crazy straw and drink straight from the bottle to make it through.


One response to “The Bachelor Season 17, Week 7 – Play on Player

  1. Pingback: The Bachelor Season 17, Finale & After The Final Rose | Two Winey Bitches: Put a cork in it.

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