So Melissa is in Aruba eating fresh seafood and drinking yummy tropical drinks, while the rest of us suffer another week of Stassi, Jax and the rest of the brain trust that is Sur. Somehow I think we all got the short end of this stick. But being the
sucker great friend that I am, I’m taking over her VP duties this week, while she lounges on a sandy white beach. You may send her hate mail. I know I did. Wait, I mean those anonymous letters were from someone else. Not me. I’ve just been sitting here minding my business and blogging away. Anyway, being the more verbose of the Winey Bitches, I most certainly will not get this done under a hundred words. 250 probably won’t suffice either. OK, how about under 1,000? That’s still a stretch for me, but I accept it as a challenge.
A lot of words…
Kristen “acts”, Scheana “sings”, Tom “strums” & Jax models (that one is actually legit) as our aspiring stars show us they’re just passing through Sur on their way to greatness. Stassi also has other pursuits & is a blogger for Lisa & Pandora… Sorry she’s a writer. There’s a difference. Bloggers don’t reread what they write. Well, this one certainly isn’t going to now. Lisa & her publicist want to talk happy hour press opportunities, but Ken would rather discuss the happy hour Jax & Laura-Leigh spent on the floor of a Sur bathroom. Stassi & Scheana bond over salads, but Kristen rats them out because Stassi should be “working”. Jax & Laura-Leigh continue their bathroom games. L-L is falling hard & Jax is just hard. This doesn’t bode well for L-L & her babytalk. Kristen & Katie spin and talk about missing Stassi. Lisa calls L-L & Jax into a meeting to talk about their escapades. They play dumb. Well, they’re not playing, but they’re denying… and lying. Lisa warns Jax about playing with L-L’s heart and with her restaurant. Katie & Stassi meet. They talk and cry and cry and talk… then hug. Frank bawled out a customer by threatening an “atomic melvin”, which is genius if you ask me. Lisa is less amused & Frank is 86’d. That’s restaurant talk for out. Frank’s laughing about getting fired. Stassi is not because now she gets to introduce her unemployed boyfriend to her parents (who apparently found the Fountain of Youth at the bottom of a vodka bottle). Frank tells them he’s in commercial real estate so losing his job was a blessing. Because you couldn’t just quit? This dude is so Shady Von Shifty-Eyes. Stassi was a goth nerd in high school until she got a chin implant and transformed into a model. But “Meet The Parents” goes well because Franks isn’t a Democrat… today. Ken buys Lisa a hot pink Sur car with a rumble seat. The Toms & The Ks have lunch & discuss Frank’s firing. Tom Schwartz has the dumbest douchiest pair of sunglasses ever. Most important part of that scene. Frank regales Stassi with tales of his real estate successes & how he planned to get fired. Then he insults her & her parents. I think Frank might be a serial killer. Fight ensues. Stassi cries. Frank calls her selfish and bails. The sun has set on this couple. God is apparently trying to kill Stassi. Pretty sure God has much better things to do with his time.
Frank, if that is really his name, might actually be one of the scariest people I’ve seen in a long time. I mean, yes, most of these reality fools falls into the shallow and selfish pool, but I think he might actually be a sociopath. I’m sure someone’s going to come along and tell me why he’s clinically not, but this is my story and I’m sticking to it. Period. And of course Stassi is going to take back Jax next week, because clearly she can’t be alone.