The Bachelor Season 17, Week 5.2 – Love Is A Battlefield

One Sentence Summary: The girls prove their love by getting frostbite.

We Interrupt Your Weekly Show For Another Important Announcement

Why you no believe me?

Why you no believe me?

Rachel:  We’re going to bypass this week’s usual opening thoughts to talk about Tierra’s confession Monday night.  It’s really no big loss since we were just going to bitch and moan about having to watch 4 hours of this nonsense this week.  So, consider yourselves lucky.  

After watching Tierra tell Sean that she is scared to give her heart away because she lost her boyfriend and best friend to a drug overdose, both Melissa & I were pretty convinced this story was not true.  Who loses their “best friend” and doesn’t get remotely emotional over it?  Apparently, Tierra does.  While one classmate of hers told us that the person that died from an overdose in 2009 in Vegas had no connection to Tierra, another wrote us the opposite.  A gentleman identifying himself only as Jim wrote us:

I know Tierra from school. And her bf of a very long time did die not to [sic] long ago from accidental over dose.  He was a classmate of mine as well.

So who to believe?  Well, we did a little digging of our own.  The young man that died was named David “Casey” Reese, son of champion poker player David “Chip” Reese, who passed 16 months to the day before his son.  Very sad.  Casey’s obituary is listed online, but his guestbook is no longer available.  However, if you Google both Casey’s name & Tierra’s name together, you find this:

Screen shot 2013-02-06 at 8.10.19 AM

As well, Tierra’s bio from several sources references that she has a dog named Reese.  Probably not a coincidence.

While I don’t think you could win a court case proving they were in a 5-year relationship with the evidence above, I think we can all agree that Tierra did, at the very least, know Casey Reese.  So, I’m about to do something that rarely happens on Two Winey Bitches… apologize.  We, and I am speaking for Melissa here, are sorry for calling Tierra a liar about losing someone she cared about.  We are not, however, sorry for being disgusted that she used it in a ploy to get sympathy from Sean.  She’s still evil.

OK, now we can move on to the additional two hours of torture this week.   You didn’t think you’d get away without hearing us bitch a little, did you?

Covered-Up In Canada

This would be amazing shirtless.

This would be amazing shirtless.

Rachel:  Damn girls, you had better hope that the next stop on this trip is somewhere warm, because until then, you’re not going to be getting any ab shots.  From Montana, Sean has traveled even further north to Alberta, Canada.  Also a stunning venue, but one where he will be forced to keep his clothes on during deep thoughts.  He’s still lamenting the last rose ceremony and the drama that went down.  He’s going to have to turn things around and get this wife search back on track.

Meanwhile, the girls are being welcomed to Lake Louise by Chris, who tells them this the “most romantic place in the Canadian Rockies.”  Well, of course it is.  The Bachelor & Bachelorette never go anywhere that isn’t “the most”.  Three dates this week:  2 one-on-ones and 1 group date.  And in case they hadn’t figured it out by now, if they don’t get a rose on the one-on-ones they’ll be going home.  As well, they will find out what the dates are when the date cards arrive.  You know Chris, I think they got that part down. I mean even with my level of drinking, I can still sort that out, but thanks.

Melissa:  OK, so I could hang with a second episode of Bachelor this week if I could get a little nekked man business.  GIMME SOME EYE CANDY.  Damn, nothing… Where’s my glass?  So the ladies are up in Canada, eh… sigh, don’t really care.  OK, I’ll give it to Lake Louise for some pretty amazing scenery.  

Ice Castles

Ah, real life dating.

Ah, real life dating.

Rachel:  As the girls settle into their new digs, the first date card arrives and it’s for Catherine.  Yay!  I like her.  But it’s a lot of pressure to be the first girl back in the line of fire after that ugly cocktail party.  Go bravely into the date, young warrior!

Sweet Mary that scenery looks cold!  And what do they do in the middle of this tundra?  They leave Catherine standing outside alone.  Visions of Kasey dance in my head. But finally, there is movement off in the distance and Sean comes driving up in a snowbus.  I did not know this vehicle existed.  Off they go to play on a glacier in their onesie snowsuits.  They are basically running around in a blizzard on the top of a mountain.  No thank you.  The hot chocolate, yes.  The brutal cold, no.  But Catherine passes “the blizzard test” with no problem.

Sean picks Catherine up for the evening part of their date.  I thought Catherine might be serving them dinner tonight seeing as how she is dressed like a waitress at a bad steakhouse.  What is that outfit?  You can’t just throw black tights on under a frilly white summer dress and make it winter.  Sorry.  But I still like her.  Back outside they go to enjoy a horse & carriage ride.  It drops them off at an ice castle that was built just for them, which is most cool.   Inside is a fire and an amazing fur (I’m sure it’s faux people) blanket.  Now, this part of the date I can get down with.  And let’s get to the serious conversation… Catherine wants to share the serious side of her.  At twelve, she was at summer camp and saw a girl get killed by a falling tree.  It made her aware that things can be taken from you very quickly, which made her realize that her biggest goal in life is to get married & have a family.  That is why she is on the show because she knows that is what Sean wants too.  So, I guess that supersedes talk of her family because she wins the rose with the story.  And with that, sappy moony Sean is back.  He can see a future with Catherine!  This process will work for him!  He will find a wife!  Someone ring some church bells!

Melissa:  Oh no, it’s another glacier!!  Run Catherine!  I have visions of Kacey being abandoned on a glacier too… OK, maybe not… but it’s cold and there’s snow… watch it now.  Wait, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a snow bus in my life.  That thing is awesome!  I’ll bet it doesn’t get very good gas mileage though.  OH NO… they’re going to a glacier!  You better bring it Catherine or it’s going to be a COLD night.  OK, really an ice castle?  Built just for them??  OK, I wouldn’t mind Catherine taking this whole thing.  She’s SO normal!  Wait, maybe not… She watched a girl being killed by a falling tree??  OMG, that’s insane.  Yeah, she gets a rose.  OMG!!  I just saw it.  His kissing.  There’s been discussion, and I have to agree, doesn’t look like he’s going to rock a world with that kiss.  Maybe I’m wrong, but there’s not a lot of passion there.  

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Remember cold causes shrinkage!

Remember cold causes shrinkage!

Rachel:  The group date card arrives and Daniella is hoping not to hear her name seeing as she’s not had a one-on-one date with Sean.  And the card says:   Tierra, Sarah, AshLee, Lindsay, Selma, Lesley and…. Daniella.  That means Des gets the other one-on-one date, which we can all assume is because she really sent Sean reeling the other night with her doubts & half stories about Tierra.  Once again, this brings Daniella to tears.  Woman, you’re picking up where Leslie left off with the leaky faucet routine.

The girls meet Sean at Lake Louise for more canoeing.  Did you not watch what went down last week?  You’re really putting them back in canoes?  There are 3 canoes – two with three girls each and one with Sean and one of the women.  Lesley makes sure that person is her.  And off they go into the ridiculously blue waters.

The canoes pull-up on shore and there is a tent with what looks like robes waiting for them.  They will be doing the Lake Louise Polar Bear Plunge.  Yes, they are going to have to plunge themselves into the freezing cold water in order to join the club and, of course, prove to Sean that they are willing to do anything for love.  Selma channels Meatloaf and tells us that she would do anything for love, but she won’t do that; especially after the EMTs tell the girls that the water is just above freezing so they have to get out of the water as quickly as possible. OK, I get he’s an adventurous guy, but this is ridiculous.  I mean if you have to have EMTs on-set as more than an insurance guarantee, then maybe rethink it.  Wait, so now Selma, who bitched about the heat on her date, is saying she can’t do this because she is from Baghdad, which is the desert, and therefore a warm weather person?  Well, lady, at least you admit you’re a princess.  Sit back and apply your lip gloss while the other girls do something they so don’t want to do all in the name of love… and by love, I mean reality TV ratings.

The girls strip down to bikinis and the robes prepared to battle hypothermia.  Personally, I prefer my robes in spas.  I sure hope Sean has something along those lines waiting for these girls after they turn themselves into human popsicles for him.  AshLee starts to question whether she should do it, but she wants to do it for Sean.  He makes her that emotionally vulnerable.  SMH.

Look my hands are shaking.  That means I have hypothermia.

Look my hands are shaking. That means I have hypothermia.

And it’s time for the plunge… and your weekly gratuitous ab shot!  While everyone on-screen is tingly from the cold, your tingly is coming from another place.  Enjoy it while you can, because it’s about to get way less sexy up in here.  And off they go into the water, squealing and squeaking the whole way.  As they come running out of the water, the girls are exhilarated and thrilled that they did it.  Everyone except Tierra who can’t breathe.  The EMTs wrap her up and rush her back to the lodge.  An ambulance might have been good to have waiting being that you had EMTs at the ready.  As Tierra starts to show signs of life, she says she’s sad that she missed time with Sean.  Yes, that’s what’s important here.

The other girls come back to the hotel excited to tell their stories to Catherine & Des while Tierra eats room service and gets her hair blown dry.  Say what you want, but that doesn’t sound too bad to me.  That’s working it big time.  And of course, resident hero Sean comes to visit her.  She’s in bed with her oxygen tank and full make-up.  He was very worried about her, but is glad to see her doing ok… and impressed that she finds ways to get one-on-one time with him.  This impresses you?  I’m going to need one of those EMTs to fit me for a neck brace after all the head shaking I’m doing tonight.

Time for the after-party to celebrate their brave plunge into the arctic waters.  Lesley gets the first alone time and she loves love.  She’s excited to feel the feelings she has for him.  He appreciates her so much.  Kissing.  Sarah is next and she brings him pics of her family.  Her talk of her family is a reality check but there is potential with Sarah.  Kissing.

I'm heeeeerrre!

I’m heeeeerrre!

Meanwhile, back at Crazytown, Tierra is not having fun anymore so she gets dressed, douses herself in a gallon of perfume and heads off to the party.  She walks in as the girls are full-throttle Tierra-bashing.  Needless to say, they’re stunned silent.  Sean, on the other hand, walks back in the room, is thrilled she made it out and immediately whisks her away for alone time.  He’s a douche.  Seriously, now I’m mad.  The other girls shouldn’t be put off every time this dumb bitch has a drama.  I want to push her back in the water.  There’s about to be a riot in the other room.  There’s about to be one-woman riot in this room too.

As Tierra tells Sean that walking through the door at the end of the day to his smile would be the most important thing to her, Lindsay steals him away.  And more kissing.  But is that make-out session hot enough to trump the sympathy card that is once again being played by Tierra?  The answer is no, but it’s also no for the hypothermia.  Tonight, it’s the love of love that wins the rose.  Sean thinks he & Lesley turned a corner and that takes the night.  I like her too, but someone needs to work on that make-up of hers.

Melissa:  What’s with the “how are you feeling” question for Daniella?  I don’t need to see these women crying this early.  So there’s another challenge of canoeing across a lake… fun (eye roll).  Side bar:  Selma has a crazy ass laugh.  Here we go… Polar bear plunge.  Here I was thinking Tierra got herself lost looking for a hot spring to try to put her moves on Sean.  I’m gonna agree with Selma that this business isn’t necessary – I’d be the one sitting on the shore enjoying a glass of wine as these dumb asses plunge themselves.  Go on, enjoy.  I’m going to ask how this proves their love to him?  I mean all these tasks are to prove their dedication and love, but I might actually consider repelling down a building instead of this insanity.  Here we go with the drama… Tierra knows how to work this.  I love how all the other girls are completely fine except for her.  Listen, I know hypothermia isn’t BS, but I’m just calling her reaction to a polar bear plunge BS.  Come on girl, there are like 90-year-olds who rock this out and you are going to go all bijiggity? Shenanigans.  I called it.  This girl has had more drama than a Dynasty marathon.  I love that the camera focused in on her and the only reaction she has is “I missed time with him”… not I feel like I’m going to die, but I need my time with Sean.  UGH, she is BEYOND transparent!

So Lindsay is going to go for the cheese factor.  Hey, I have to give it to her, someone has to combat that Tierra factor who, according to previews will return like a bad penny to score her rose.  I love Sarah’s pictures and really still like her.  I thought that bloom would fade but it hasn’t yet for her.  So meanwhile Tierra needs a cannula to breathe and can’t walk, but will put on heels to make her way to the party to see Sean.  She’s managing pretty well don’t you think?  HA, a Tierraist… LOVE it.  I notice Sean comments how warm she feels.  Odd no?  HA, brilliant that Lesley gets the rose right out from under Tierra’s plotting.  Bring on the drama.

It’s Not You, It’s Me

There's no place like home.  There's no place like home.

There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.

Rachel:  Later that night, Sean is back in his hotel room and he can’t help but feel like there is something he still needs to address.  There was a girl that told him she can’t wait to meet her family, but he doesn’t feel a forever with her so he has to cut her loose.  Aw, poor Sarah is getting sent home tonight.  Well, at least there’s a cute little French bulldog waiting for her at home.

He steals her away from the girls and takes her down to his room.  He wants to talk out how he’s feeling.  He really is glad she was the first date because she is so sweet, but lately he’s been trying to force it.  Oh please don’t drag this out.  Just cut her loose.  Spare her some dignity.  But no he has to tell her first that kissing her tonight felt like he was reaching.  Damn boy, why you gotta go there?  She says she’s shocked & hurt.  He goes on again about the rose ceremony & not wanting her to go through it.  Girl, just get up and leave.  But she says it’s ok and it’s how love goes.  He leaves her to collect her things… and cry.  She feels really embarrassed and blindsided.  She’s tired of hearing the same excuse for why a guy doesn’t to be with her.  Honey, you’re young.  You’ll find someone.  If this guy thinks Tierra is special and you’re not, you don’t want him.  Trust.

Melissa:   Ruh-Ro… Sarah is going gone… Sean doesn’t want to meet her family.  That’s going to suck getting sent home early.  Yeah, btw I called that before he even said he was sending her home.  You know she wants to just stab him, or club him with a candlestick.  Sweet Mary, he’s the worst at this break-up thing.  Here’s the thing, I wish these women would just take the bitch of the crew out with them.  You have nothing to lose.  Plus Sean, you just need to let her walk away from you. Give the girl a little privacy, you asshat.


There had better be some serious champagne at the bottom of this rope.

There had better be some serious champagne at the bottom of this rope.

Rachel:  OK, before we go on the date with Des & Sean, I need to ask why all the girls have the same luggage?  Did they have to leave most of their clothes in LA so the producers gave them tiny suitcases?  Splain me!  

Sean takes Des to Banff National Park for a picnic.  Of course, it’s Sean we’re talking about so there will be no easy treats to be had.  That’s right, they have to rappel down the side of the mountain in order to enjoy the picnic.  You see a relationship is stepping outside your comfort zone and if you commit to something, you can make it work, so says Sean.  Um, I think it’s an emotional comfort zone to which the expression refers.  And maybe it should be committing to each other and not risking life & death.  But hey, what the hell do I know?

They make it to the bottom, needless to say, and Sean wants to know what happened with her in Montana.  She says she doesn’t even know.  They have something special and she doesn’t want to give up on them.  He doesn’t want her to give up them either.  Kissing.  And off they go tree climbing.

Next up, a roaring fire in a teepee.  Personally, I prefer a yurt.  Actually, I don’t, but I like saying yurt.  The conversation turns to her always wanting to be strong, which she gets from her parents.  She tells Sean that she didn’t grow up with money and there were periods where they lived in a tent.  So, this is why she’s so humble.  OK, side bar here… I like Des, but I can’t help but notice that when Sean compliments her she says “I know” instead of “thank you”.  And with her just calling herself “humble”, I’m starting to think this girl might be rather full of herself.  I don’t know, but my red flag is up.  There’s a lot of talk about how they have the same views about what they want, but I’m looking online for a shoe repair guy right now and kinda over hearing the same convo over and over.  It’s getting redundant.  Oh, she gets the rose and he can see a future with her.

Melissa:   Anyone catch the eye roll from Tierra when Sean came to pick up Des?  Again, why must these women perform acts like rappelling or jumping out of planes etc to prove their love?  For real, I want a Bachelorette one of these seasons to have her dates start at a Bergdorf sample sale or something equally as treacherous.  Ok, living in a tent and trailer kept her humble because her parents loved each other and their children so they made the best of it.  Yeah, Des is up there on my list too.  She’s an awesome girl, granted half my snark would be completely lost on her with that positive attitude… well, I mean all the snark not geared towards Tierra.

Cocktail Party

With this blindfold on, I can totally pretend you're Channing Tatum.

With this blindfold on, I can totally pretend you’re Channing Tatum.

Rachel:  Everyone is hoping tonight is the night Tierra gets sent home.  It’s not.  He’s not going to figure it out yet.  He’s high on life right now and back to where he needs to be to find his wife.  So, the scent of Tierra’s drama still smells sweet to him.  

Selma is first up and she wants to show Sean that, even though she didn’t do the Polar Plunge, she is willing to take risks for him.  So, she gives him a kiss on the lips.  Very G-rated.  I hope mom & dad are still breathing after seeing this.  Next is Lindsay and it drives me crazy that she drapes herself on him every time they talk.  She’s like a chihuahua that can’t get enough treats.  Yeah, everyone is annoying me tonight.  She sleeps naked, by the way.  You know, in case you needed that imagery.  AshLee admits to him that she has trouble relinquishing control so she gives him a scarf with which to blindfold her and lead her wherever she wants.  It’s a metaphor, people.  I told you this girl was wrapped tight.  But I do like her with Sean.  He likes her too.  More kissing.

Melissa:   God these women are dumb thinking Sean is going to see past Tierra’s drama.  He’s lapping it up much like I lap up a nice Pinot Noir.  He can’t help himself.  Oh boy, Selma is going to stand up to tradition and kiss him.  I love that she’s willing to bring shame on her family for a smooch with a guy who has a thing for the likes of Tierra.  I totally don’t get this whole blindfold thing with AshLee, but hey, it scored her a smooch so I’m thinking that was part of her end-game.  I still like this one, but as my partner says, there’s still the potential for a “no more wire hangers EVER” moment.

Rose Ceremony


Time for the Rose Ceremony…

Have roses:  Lesley, Catherine & Desiree

Got Roses:  Lindsay, AshLee & Tierra

Booted:  Sarah, Daniella & Selma

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Damn, he let Selma get herself into a world of hurt with her family just to send her home?  You knew the kiss was coming, you couldn’t have spared her the way you spared Sarah?  Dick move.  I’m mad at everyone tonight.  PS – I really want to give Daniella a make-over.

Melissa:  So much for that shame on your family.  At least you managed better than Daniella, who didn’t bring shame to her family but still bawled like a kid whose ice cream fell on the ground.

Really Tierra gets to go to St. Croix?  UGH, so about done with these moronic choices by Sean.  I want to flick his ear and tell him to stop being an ass.


4 responses to “The Bachelor Season 17, Week 5.2 – Love Is A Battlefield

  1. I read that all the women get a gift package upon their arrival, and luggage (along with make up, bikinis, etc.) is part of goodie bag, hence the matching suitcases among the ladies.
    Sean is a dick. I was a fan before this episode, but the way he treated Sarah, and the way he sent her home was just plain wrong. I’m sure the producers told him to handle it in this manner, and of course he signed a contract, but still. He looked so sheepish and guilty walking away, while she gets to go into a room of her (for lack of a better word) friends, and tell them she’s going home, aka dumped. IMO, lack of a rose at the ceremony would have been a more dignified way of letting her go.
    When Tierra gave her confession re: her ex boyfriend, I seriously thought she was going to tell him about a horrible accident, and as a result of numerous surgeries she was left partially paralyzed on the right side of her face, which would explain the indentations on her forehead, and her assymetrical eyebrows.

    Catherine and Lesley are my two favorites.

    • So with you on this one. Sean really is just flailing these last few weeks. I had such high hopes when he sent Kacie packing for being drama. But the way he spoke to Sarah when he let her go was so pathetic. Why do you ever need to tell a girl that kissing her was “a reach”? She can do so much better. The rose ceremony would definitely have been a better way so she wouldn’t feel so singled out. You know, pretend it was a difficult decision.

      And thank you for the insight on the goodie bags. You’d think I could have figured that one out on my own.

      Catherine is my fave. I really like AshLee too, but am scared she’s going to unravel at any moment.

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