Real Housewives of Atlanta – Ep 12: Battle of the Booty

One Sentence Summary:  It’s all about the booty tonight.

Melissa’s Thoughts:

If we stand here like Kenickie and ChaCha we'll look tough.

If we stand here like Kenickie and Cha Cha we’ll look tough.

That’s right everyone, in an attempt to get back at Phaedra dissing her work for the Donkey Booty workout, Kenya decides her assets are just as worthy of a video.  She’s going to go after the Stallion market – you know because they have better asses.  I can’t even begin to explain the silliness that ensues when sides are taken in the battle of the booties.  Are you a Donkey or a Stallion?

Bronner Brothers in the HOUSE!

Any plug I can give the agency I'll take, and I loves me some hair.

Any plug I can give the agency I’ll take, and I loves me some hair.

Oh!!  It’s the Bronner Brothers International Hair Show!  This is come crazy shit right here my friends.  I discovered this gem in Chris Rock’s “Good Hair”.  If you haven’t seen, it’s a genius piece of work.  Anywho, of course Cynthia has her hand in this.  She’s judging a hair competition.  In rolls Kenya with her Miss USA wave on the escalator (eye roll).  I love that she came with Miss Lawrence.  I loves me some Lawrence… AND Derek J!  What shocks me is that someone at the Hair Show doesn’t try to fix Kenya’s hair.  Seriously, you know she’s getting the stink eye walking around there.  Here we go, Kenya’s got her own Booty video in the works.  Seems the crew prefers Kenya’s Stallion booty to Phaedra’s Donkey Booty.  Let the video off begin!  This really would be so much cooler if it really was like a dance off between these two ladies but with working out.  I swear, I’d pay money to see a booty off!

Handy Work

Who loves NeNe?  I DO!

Who loves NeNe? I DO!

NeNe is back from LA!!  So over comes Bri’Asia for some glam-mom time… little cutie peanut!  Oh, I love Gregg and NeNe trying to put the crib together.  I’ll tell you what, NeNe will be forever my hero if she manages getting that thing together!  I still have no idea how to put the pack and play together we had for my son and all our friends use when they visit with their little ones.  That stuff is ridiculous!!

Salon Gossip

Guuuurl, I got some gossip at Derek J's and you're not going to be happy about it.

Just getting a blow out and gossip.

Kandi visits Derek for a hair fix up for Kandi Coated Nights.  He tells her of the Bronner Brothers show where Kenya tried to recruit Derek for her video.  Of course she’s quick to pull out her phone and call Phaedra and fill her in.  In true Phaedra fashion she calls Kenya’s a Six Flags Scream Machine booty with lumps and umps everywhere.  HA, then goes on with Kenya’s going to hit the bath salts and do something really weird.  Kandi can’t believe Kenya would take the idea from Phaedra.  Derek isn’t sure how he could have misunderstood Kenya’s plans, but they agree no to talk to Kenya about any of their future ventures… Neither wants to see Kenya J salon, Kenya Coated Nights and Bedroom Kenya.

Calling All Kiddies

What's that smell - my upper lip or little man's backside?

What’s that smell – my upper lip or little man’s backside?

Is Cynthia having a casting at the Y?  Why not at the Agency?  She’s casting runway red to benefit children with HIV.  Oh, good on you Cynthia.  You scored points with that one girl.  Phaedra stops by with Ayden, but Phaedra isn’t sure he’ll walk anyway and Cynthia already knows it’s not going to work… Regardless that Phaedra thinks he’ll be a star.  Hey, the gang’s all here as Porsha stops by as well.  Porsha is impressed by what Cynthia does.  Poor Ayden isn’t a fan of doing anything but pushing his car along.  The conversation turns to the video and Cynthia asks who is working on it now that Kenya is out.  Porsha asks about the stallion video, and Phaedra admits she knew nothing about it until Kandi told her.  Hold the phone… Cynthia, Kim and NeNe are all in the wine business?  Say what?  How do I not know this?  I mean we saw Cynthia’s party, but the others I’m clearly in the dark about.  The Winey Bitches really need to get into the wine business.  Porsha gets to go all “I told you so” on Phaedra now that Kenya has turned.  Phaedra then decides to stir the pot saying Kenya has a chemical imbalance.  I mean I do too when my glass dips too close to empty… that’s a sad imbalance.

Big Ass

Wait, is that a giant ass behind me?  How did that get there?  Well, since we're talking about giant asses...

Wait, is that a giant ass behind me? How did that get there? Well, since we’re talking about giant asses…

Kandi and Kenya go to Kenya’s production designer Tim’s place to help her with Riley’s room.  Unfortunately Kandi feels the need to stir the pot with Kenya by bringing up the video.  Kenya fills Kandi in on the situation with Phaedra and the distribution deal.  Kandi tells her that now that the Stallion video is in the works it’s a bit like going right at Phaedra.  Kenya of course goes into denial mode claiming she had something in the works for her company around distribution for a booty dvd.  Meanwhile, poor Tim had to just stand there like a deer in headlights trying to think of a way to escape.  Thankfully he finally thinks up “I’ll get some drawings” to turn tail and run as far away from the crazy conversation as he can get.  Kenya still thinks it’s an original idea and she has every right after busting her ass for 4 weeks, and doesn’t want to deal with Phaedra.  OK, I need to be honest here folks, I can barely comprehend what they were discussing knowing there was a huge ass behind them.

Booty Call, Round 2

Wave your hands in the air like you don't care Glide by the people as they start to look and stare

Wave your hands in the air like you don’t care… Glide by the people as they start to look and stare

Staying one step ahead of Kenya’s video Phaedra heads to the “Watch it Now” Office to meet with Will and Darren to discuss their video.  Hey, looks like they’ve worked with Jane Fonda.  As Phaedra talks about her post-baby shape change the men seem to look like they want to run in the corner and weep.  Dear Apollo, you need to stop talking about the video “moves” because those are some cringe-worthy glances from these men.  Looks like things are a go and Phaedra has found herself a company to produce her video.

Drinks Anyone?

Wait, the Cynthia and NeNe are at a chocolate bar?  Come again, how is it I don’t know these places exist??  I’m with you NeNe, curves are awesome and sexy.  Yes, it’s my official stance as waif-like has never been used to describe me.  Those drinks look ridiculous!!

New Alliance 

I can't believe you thought you could pull off coral like I can.

I can’t believe you thought you could pull off coral like I can.

I love that Porsha and Phaedra are in matching shirts.  Now that Kenya is out of the picture, Porsha decides it’s time to let Phaedra get to know her.  Porsha is excited she can finally start to try to get preggers again.  Phaedra shares her pregnancy issues (she had issues??) with Porsha, and she thinks it will be easier since she’s just a housewife now and doesn’t have to worry about juggling work and pregnancy.  They discuss their years being married and that Porsha and Kordell had a rough first year resulting in her going to counseling to make sure she could take care of his needs… Um what?  Why aren’t you taking care of your own needs?  Whatever, I don’t have the time to get the soapbox.  Porsha is an advocate for counseling, and thinks Kenya would benefit from a little counseling.  Porsha thinks she’s going to go around and burn the rest of the ladies one by one.  Since Porsha shares Phaedra’s dislike of Kenya they’re going to be fast friends.  HA, according to Phaedra she’s just the devil’s little sister.  OK, I swear, I need to move to ATL or at least spend some time there so I can pick up little one liners like Phaedra.

Runway Red

Next RHOA Diva in the making

Next RHOA Diva in the making

It’s the Runway Red show, and Cynthia is ready to roll and make a mark with the Bailey Agency.  Looks like all the ladies might show to support Cynthia’s be day.  Porsha is there, Phaedra and family are there and hoping Ayden will make the runway walk.  Conversation turns into a spelling bee as Phaedra tries to explain to Cynthia all the words that can she shouldn’t be used around the little one.  Ah, the days of spelling to get one over on your offspring.  NeNe rolls in as well to support her girl who she’s been with since the idea of the Bailey Agency was first conceived.  Miss USA shows as well ready to support too.  OH MY GOODNESS these kids are the cutest!  Of course Ayden can’t walk and Apollo needs to carry him.  Kenya spies the new Phaedra / Kenya alliance and has her own two cents that shady Phae Phae is playing Porsha like a fiddle.

After the show NeNe tells Kenya and Porsha she didn’t think she gave enough for her first week at work because of her stress.  She hopes her next episode she’ll be more prepared.  Kenya decides she needs to fill NeNe in on the drama she missed while in LA and proceeds to discuss the work she was doing with Phaedra for her video and that she didn’t appreciate how she was treated and she’s going to make her own video.  NeNe agrees there’s a bit of shadiness to Phaedra’s work and Kenya is in line to go at her own video and she doesn’t think donkey booty is cute.  Yeah, so up strolls Phaedra asking what she missed.  Clearly by the awkward silence she knows something is up, but Kenya finally steps up and tells her about her video.  Since she brokered the distribution deal and it fell through the company she was working with said she was crazy not to do her own video.  She thought why not…  The donkey thing was cute, but would rather be identified with a strong, graceful creature like a stallion.  NeNe tries to crack a joke to lighten the mood by claiming she’ll try both and let them know which is better.  Kenya takes her opportunity to tell Phaedra since she didn’t like the deal and she didn’t want to work with her, she can just be on her way and leave Kenya’s project alone.

Bottom Line:

Melissa:  Was it me, or was that more like a whole lot on nothing?  We all knew the day she did the twirl in the parking garage with her producer Kenya was going to make her own video.  Hell, I want to make a video now!!  My workout video will be punctuated with sips of wine.


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