Vanderpump Rules – Episode 1 Meet the SUR Staff – in 100 or less

What kind of f*ckery have I signed up for??

What kind of f*ckery have I signed up for??

Melissa’s Thoughts:

I want to like this show.  We all know I adore me some Lisa V.  Unfortunately I don’t know that can even save this for me.  I can’t help but be instantly annoyed with this crew of vapid pretty-somethings.  While the relationships could be Dynasty worthy, I just can’t seem to get past Stassi’s bitchy ways.  Trust me folks, I know from whence I speak… I knew a TON of Stassis in my life.  Hell, I’m sure I WAS her at one point in my life (yeah, don’t all jump up to agree with me friends), but I don’t understand how she rose through the ranks to queen bee.  Anyway, adoring Lisa the way I do I’ll give this “passionate, volatile and hot-and-bothered-staff at Lisa Vanderpump’s West Hollywood mainstay SUR” a few of my thoughts – 100 of them at most.

Here’s the Staff:

Oh, there's more love here than you can shake a cocktail stirrer at.

There’s more self-absorption here than you can shake a stick at… or at least a cocktail stirrer.

Jax Taylor:  Stassi’s boyfriend (poor guy) and model who bartends at SUR.

Katie Maloney:  waitress dating Kristen’s friend Tom Schwartz who will get stepped on more than a scale in the month of January.

Kristen Doute:  actress / model waiting tables at SUR, dates Tom Sandoval.

Scheana Marie: the newbie, aka the girl Eddie Cibrian cheated on Brandi Glanville with before he met LeAnn Rimes.

Stassi Schroeder:  Alpha Bitch of the crew who hates Scheana because she’s a “home wrecker”… and because she’s prettier.  OK, I just made that up, but it could be true.

Tom Sandoval:  model / actor / musician who bartends at SUR and dates Kristen.

Tom Schwartz:  dude who dates Katie and is friends with Jax and Tom.

In 100 or less:

The “family” are all friends because they’re all transplants in LA.  Stassi is queen bitch (not sure why).  Scheana want’s to lose the “home wrecker” title through her singing… like a porn star.  Lisa considers sushi at SUR… How hard can it be?  Tom is actually a bigger diva than Stassi.  Scheana gets Stassi’s bitchy backhairs up by wearing “her color” dress to work… duhn-duhn-duhhhhnnnn.  Everyone hangs out for lunch so we get treated with more of Stassi’s charming personality.  How someone hasn’t shaved her head while she’s sleeping is beyond me.

Bottom Line:  Let’s see how long my love of all things Lisa keeps me coming back.

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2 responses to “Vanderpump Rules – Episode 1 Meet the SUR Staff – in 100 or less

  1. I love Lisa too, but I only needed to see one episode of this crap before I vowed never again. Perhaps because I’m in my forties that I can’t be bothered by what the staff thinks is sturm und drang. There are more serious issues in life than hairspray or dress color. And maybe I’m bitter because I spent time, money, dedication, and hard work at professional rock and roll and opera singing lessons. You mean all I really had to do was moan and masturbate into a microphone in front of men who I’ve deluded myself into believing they believe in me? Not that they’ve heard Scheana is easy or anything. Seriously Staasi knows she has Lisa in the palm of her hand because Stassi is besty buds with Pandora. Lisa, please you are far too clever to be manipulated by these morons. Or perhaps you are clever enough to dress idiotic… read, too self-absorbed and immature to be harmful staff in pocket squares, parade their heaving hormones
    around and sell a great deal of sushi and
    vodka. But besides predicting interesting train wrecks in the offing, I’m so not giving a shit about what happens to any of them. I’ll still read the obituaries here on your blog however ; )

    • I think Lisa is a genius for her handy work in all of this. She’s getting bank for showing us what a train wreck her staff is, and now everyone will want to go to SUR in hopes of being on camera one night… GENIUS!
      So I will continue to take one for the team and save you the nightmare 😉

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