One Sentence Summary: While one Housewife heads off for new adventures another just beats her head against a wall.
Melissa: Well, you’re stuck with me this week my friends. My fabulous partner is off in the big city working her day job. I’ll try to keep up the sass and snark, but I have to be honest… I’m completely distracted by my new ipad addiction… SpellTower. Yes, sitting next to me on the table is my ipad waiting with my latest drug…. mocking me as I sit and try to focus on the ATL ladies. But seriously, try it my friends… you can thank me later when you lose 3 hours a day trying to find words. Yeah, that’s right… I’m the word pusher, now you go out there and spend that $1.99 for hours of frustration. OK, I’ll try to focus for yet another Kenya / Walter conversation about their “problems”. We all know their problems are a.) she’s bananas, and b.) he’s got a chippie on the side. Simple enough if you think about it. Yeah, that and I’m still scarred by the strippers and Phaedra and Apollo licking each other up and down last week. I don’t even want to tell you the sickness that whole episode put me through!!
What job is NeNe talking about? I’m so lost here. It’s sad I have no idea these acting gigs that she speaks of. Anywho, Bryson stops by with her little grand-daughter Bri’Asia. NeNe hopes that her son is careful with the baby and is ready to step up as she wasn’t ready when she had him at the same age. She hopes it helps him settle down and focus. That’s right NeNe is a glam-mother! OY, let’s hope that name doesn’t stick. Just accept it and move on and spoil the hell out of the little one. NeNe thinks it will be hard to be away from her son and her glam-baby while she’s in LA working, and they try to take the good parent route and ask about his working and supporting the child and not needing to have another until he’s married. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I see this conversation falling on completely deaf ears. Clearly he didn’t feel the need to be married for the first little tyke – not that I judge, just stating a fact.
LOL, I love that Kandi is working with Riley, it is so nice to see her involved with her daughter’s school work. I hope I’m able to do the same with my don, but I gotta tell you friends, second grade math isn’t like it was in my day… all sorts of new names and rules. Craziness! Anyway, it just is another reason to adore Kandi. Wow, Kandi and Todd have been living together for a few months now – didn’t they just move in? Ah the magic of editing. I’m glad she wants to make sure her daughter is OK with Todd in their lives. For real, how cute are they all?
Auntie Knows Best
Oh boy, here we go again with Miss America – yes, out of spite I still refuse to acknowledge her title. At least Aunt Lori is there to buffer things for me. I swear, I love her family but can’t stand her. Why is that? We need to have a special edition of Housewives with all the family members I love. Here we go again with Kenya’s Walter drama. You know, I really don’t need to hear about them in the shower. That is not a mental picture I care to have. Um, listen to your Auntie here Kenya. When the men folk aren’t interested, there’s a reason… and odds are it’s a chippie on the side.
Lovely, it’s a shopping spree with Porsha. Oh dear Porsha, the idea of pick what you like for your dream home really only works is your hubs is an ex footballer. I mean, in the real world most folks have to look at the price tags. OH SNAP, no prenup?? Go on girl! Yeah, the bible says you’re one after marriage, but honey it doesn’t always work out that way. I love this whole conversation is happening over swatches at the furniture store. Yeah, I’ve found that the best marriage conversations happen at Restoration Hardware. Anyway, you know it had to happen, here we go with the Kenya talk. No kidding you don’t mesh sweetie… It’s the Real Housewives! Wait, there’s a going away for NeNe? She’s leaving?? Say it ain’t so, I’m just starting to like that bitch again!
Girls Just Wanna Shop
So Cynthia and NeNe are catching up with little Bri’Asia and getting some wardrobe options for the little princess. I must admit, we don’t have a single girl in our family and I would totally go all out as well. How can you not? As the clerk goes off to dance a jig in the back over her ‘cha-ching’ Cynthia asks if there’s going to be a Sip and See (this is a thing?) so the ladies can all meet little Bri’Asia, but NeNe thinks that’s for the parents to do, not her. She also confides to Cynthia that she thought about a DNA test for the baby… you know, just to make sure. Oh please Cynthia, don’t look so shocked. Well, there was one and it’s all good… it’s a Leakes!
Ready For A Fight
I’m so confused with this scene. Oh, it’s a shoot for KRAVE magazine. Yes Kenya, there are so many men who want to look at your hot ass, it’s hard to believe your own man doesn’t. Well, truth be told it’s hard to believe anyone who spends more than 10 minutes with you wants to, but I’ll let you live in your fantasy. Go on, enjoy. What the hell is that hair? Oh, at least Kandi is there to take the edge off. Thank you producers for sparing me full on Kenya this week. Oh, what did she bring from Bedroom Kandi? NO, NO Wait… DON’T… UGH, really that’s how we’re going to segue to your lack of sex life? Sweet Mary woman! I don’t understand how she still doesn’t understand where she stands with Walter. He’s not that in to you – tada! You need to listen to Kandi and your Auntie for that matter and reevaluate your relationship. Kenya wonders why things aren’t clear with the two of them and all I can think is woman, YOU were very clear. He was very (purposely) unclear because he doesn’t want you to start boiling bunnies while he’s out on a job.
I love Gregg. I’ve always liked him and I like NeNe with him. While the crew claims they are all ready to head off to LA, NeNe insists she’s still a Georgia peach and is stressed about leaving. Well I would be too if I needed a house and school for my child, etc. How long is she going out to the West coast if she needs a house and tutors for Brentt? NeNe tells Gregg he needs to help out with everything but all he really wants to do is take the dog for a walk in the park. Well, not if NeNe has her way because she’s worried about coyotes, and that little snip of a dog would never survive an encounter like that. Oh no she does not have a big old blinged out headset for her mobile phone – that she carries in her purse no less. Oh NeNe! Well, at least she has a house in Hollywood Hills with Tyler Perry as a neighbor.
Here I was starting to worry I wasn’t going to see any Phaedra this week. At least we have a little Pastor Mamma Regina giving Ayden a tubbie. OMG, that’s a stinking cute little boy! Wait, what was it?? I’m feeling robbed. Then again maybe she’s still trying to recover from last week’s strippers.
So Long NeNe
So at the house, Cynthia is taking things out of the oven with her bare hands? Um, staged a bit are you Cynthia? We don’t buy it. Hello Kandi with your sparkle booby shorts!! I love those shorts. Speaking of love, I know I’ve said this before, but I love that gray birkin of NeNe’s. Discussion turns to NeNe’s taping schedule as Kenya strolls in with her patchwork ombre hair and without Walter. At least Porsha is quick to follow and bounce through the room greeting everyone. As a way for NeNe to take a little bit of home with her, Phaedra brings a beautiful frame with a picture of the whole group from their vacation. Of course Phaedra notices the absence of Walter at the party as the men reture to the other room for a little Don Julio.
Back on the ladies side of the party Kenya tries to sell the ladies that she was and always is mistaken for Beyoncé. This must be like how I’m constantly mistaken for Marisa Miller. I can’t tell you how many times it happens! Just go with it friends… it’s my happy place. Of course Porsha has to jump in and on the side to Kandi suggests she’s told she looks like Solange Knowles but will emancipate herself from the family now that Kenya is Beyoncé. Meanwhile Cynthia takes the dig that if she looks so much like Beyoncé why won’t Walter put a ring on it. Oh ladies, behave yourselves… no good can come of trying to disagree.
Wait a minute, Peter dated Nia Long? Shut The Front Door!! How did I not know that? Right, because beyond this very second I don’t care. Moving on… Oh boy, the Don is flowing and I think Gregg needs to slow the pace before he passes out in a corner.
Cynthia raises a toast to NeNe to send her off to LA and congratulate her success. Ew, clearly Cynthia and Peter decided to take a page from Phaedra and Apollo’s book and start licking each other’s faces, which I don’t really feel like seeing.
Fishing for a Relationship
Here we go, it’s the fishing trip from hell for poor Walter. Of course she doesn’t know how to cast so her hook gets stuck on something but Walter isn’t even going to consider going in to fetch it for her. Kenya declares he’s not man enough for her, but of course she’s going to fight it out determined as all hell to get him to agree to marry her. Talk turns to work… but only as a distraction so she can ask what’s happening with them. She claims her problem is that she never gets good answers from him, to which he responds with a chuckle. Oh I like the dancing happening here my friends. Dance about in those Gucci high tops my friend… you’re going to have to be the Lord of the Dance today!! She brings up Anguilla and that they don’t take opportunities to get closer and she’s not sure why. She then pulls the classic has she done something to upset him. UGH, I hate when women get all wishy-washy “did I do something wrong”. Stand your ground. He tells her he felt a lot of pressure to propose, and she quickly tries to tell him she doesn’t want him to propose if he doesn’t want to. Um, that’s a lie my dear, but go on. Oh here we go with the shower story that he blew her off and went to sleep. Here’s a question, with all this chitter-chatter back and forth, how the hell do they think they’re going to catch any fish? Sorry, I had to state the obvious because it seems like neither of them are making that connection.
OMG, I swear, if I were having this same conversation and he was acting this way toward me I’d chuck that rod at his head… aiming for his ass of course… and be on my way. Anyway, Walter is not feeling something in the relationship and isn’t sure what it is but he’s feeling rushed and pressured. She thinks he’s not making any sense and he doesn’t seem to be interested in her. He thinks things haven’t been straight since Anguilla. She tells him it’s not working and he agrees. Again, I’d be chucking that rod and be off with my fabulous self. I also can’t believe I had to sit through that insane conversation.
Melissa: Does anyone think Kenya might have finally gotten a clue that Walter isn’t interested?