Real Housewives of Atlanta – Season 5, Week 2

One Sentence Summary:  Nene continues to rise above the drama, at least for one more week.

I believe in world peace, puppies and rainbows.

Our Thoughts:

Rachel:   Well, I don’t know about you out there but that Kenya wore me out in one episode.  Is this woman for real?  Don’t answer.  I know.  My real question is why they didn’t just give Marlo the gig if they were looking to add a shallow uppity cast member?  I mean she had just enough shades of crazy for it to be entertaining.  I guess the producers were afraid that those 7 arrests would come back to haunt them when she was filmed during arrest #8.  But hey, I’m just gonna go with the flow and let Kenya have her moment in the spotlight… Even though she’s apparently been in the spotlight for years.  Sorry lady, never heard of ya.  Then again, I don’t watch too many pageants.  I wonder if Porsha is going to show up tonight.  What was with her not being introduced last week?  Was she a last minute casting decision? I don’t know, but being as huge a Steelers fan as I am, it will be interesting to see what Kordell Stewart has been up to since his days as “Slash”…

Nene’s New Normal

Nene meets some real divas.

Well, my DVR is too busy doing other things to tape the first 2 minutes of tonight’s show, so I’m coming in on a lot of shirtless men dancing on a fire engine.  Employing my super duper detective skills, I’m going to assume it’s Gay Pride in West Hollywood… not that there aren’t shirtless men in West Hollywood on any given day.  Oh and now they’re screaming for Nene.  Yep, it’s the LA Pride parade & Ms. Leakes is riding through the streets among the real queens.  I actually was there this year, but somehow missed Nene.  I did, however, catch Johnny Weir in some spectacularly short shorts.  I gotta find that picture… Anywho, I love Nene working her fierceness with the LGBT community.  And she loves them for giving the world nail polish, weaves and teaching women how to walk.  Well, now we know where that fierce switch came from.  Sashay, shantay!  The outpouring of love from the crowd moves Nene to tears, as she realizes how far she’s come and what she’s achieved.  I kinda can’t help but be totally into this moment for her.  Gregg arrives at the end of the parade to congratulate Nene and celebrate with her.  It’s a warm welcome for Gregg from Nene, mostly because she’s just happy to see a straight guy.

Revisionist History

You can stay, but you cannot take my “donkey booty” title.

Phaedra & Kandi meet for lunch.  I’m just about to sit back and enjoy my two favorite girls when Kandi mentions that she invited Kenya.  Bye bye warm & fuzzies.  Here comes trouble in a red dress.  Phaedra is wowed by Kenya’s donkey booty.  Girl, you’re gonna be less wowed when she opens her mouth.  But right now, Phaedra is all up in Miss Kenya’s pageantry.  Kandi asks about her recent judging duties with Cynthia.  Oh boy… Kenya tells the girls that JET asked her to be there, but she wasn’t trying to see women in bathing suits that showed off their crack.  So when one of Cynthia’s “minions” tried to quiet her down, she had him thrown out by her security.  Really?  That’s all you did?  Make one comment?   You do know that it was all caught on tape, right?  I mean you’re a movie producer so you should know how it works.  Meanwhile, Phaedra is as amused as the rest of us that this crazy lady thinks she needs security in the first place.  Kenya felt like she was in the Wizard of Oz with Cynthia because she clearly needs a brain.  Ha!  OK, still don’t like Kenya, but that’s an awesome line.  Duly noted and thrown into my file for future use.

Kenya tells the girls that she is ready to be engaged and to have kids.  Phaedra & Kandi are also feeling the stirrings of more babies and thinking there might be a group pregnancy pact forming at this table, though Kandi maintains that she’s getting a ring first.   Uh Phaedra, I’d maybe hold on a beat before you start aligning your menses with Miss Thang across the table.  If the previews are correct, she might be looking to share more than a due date.  She might be looking to share the baby daddy too.  And that baby daddy is named Apollo.  Let me tell you now, Kenya, you best not mess with my girl Phaedra’s family.  I won’t say I’m gonna come after you because we all know I’m far too lazy for that.  But I will definitely think about it!

But, it looks like Kenya managed to get through the meal without offending anyone… this time.

What’s a Budget

I do too know how to change a diaper. I just changed one last week!

That little KJ looks just like Kroy.  Pretty cute.  But the cute moment doesn’t last long because… Here comes Sweetie.  She & Kim go to her office to figure out what to do about the impending eviction.  We learn, yet again, that the house appraised for $1MM+ less than the asking price.  Kim doesn’t like any of the options her real estate agent sent her.  She doesn’t want to live on a houseboat because she doesn’t want the baby over water.  Wait, how was a houseboat the second item on the list of options?  Kim’s thinking perhaps the penthouse at the W for a month…  Sweetie recommends they go back to her townhouse for the time being.  That seems a more reasonable choice than a houseboat or a hotel penthouse for a month.  Sweetie, you just earned your paycheck for the day.  Kim says it’s too cramped.  More cramped than a hotel?  Oh sorry, the real concern is that KJ doesn’t have a pool or a basketball court at the townhouse.  He’s a minute old.  He won’t even remember that horrible month he had to spend without his pool floaties when he’s older and in therapy talking about how his parents screwed up his life.  How does one actually become this shallow and out of touch with reality?  Well, we won’t find out tonight.  She has to nap now because she doesn’t feel like dealing.  She gives me a headache.

Crocodile Tears

I am a real person… I can cry on command. See!

Kenya’s Aunt Lori comes to visit and brings her flowers, which Kenya immediately insults as cheap & from WalMart.  Bitch, be happy someone brought you flowers at all.  Kenya shows her aunt around her new home and brings her to her office where she’s planning to hang all her movie posters & cover photos.  Aunt Lori calls her narcissistic faster than I can type the word and becomes my new favorite person.  Call it like it is, Aunt Lori.  She is also bothered by the fact that Kenya has been with Walter for two years and she has not introduced him to her.  She thinks that means something’s wrong with him.  I guess Aunt Lori prefers Kenya’s ex “Eric”.  And Kenya prefers that she doesn’t scare Walter away.  Guess Aunt Lori is rather vocal about her feelings about Kenya’s boyfriends.  So, she wants to wait until Walter puts a ring on it before Aunt Lori can get her claws in.  Kenya starts crying because she really respects her Aunt’s opinion and it’s hard for her when she has feelings for a man that she doesn’t like.  Aunt Lori softens and promises that if Walter is nice to Kenya, then she will love Walter too.  Problem solved.  Man, that Kenya is a good actress after all.

Training Day

I know you aren’t trying to tell me that you actually like Kenya.

Time for a group training session with Cynthia, Phaedra & Nene.  Nene has no time for negativity so she & Phaedra are now all good.  She’s just happy to be there with the ladies.  I am liking this new Nene!  I hope she sticks around.

After a few trips around the weight machines, Cynthia tells Phaedra that she would like to host a party to congratulate Nene and all her achievements.  Nene prefers it not be about her.  She’d rather it be about successful women in general.  Wait, did Nene really just back out of being the center of attention?  And say it’s ok for Kim to be invited?  It really is a brave new world!  You don’t often see people come back after they’ve suffered a fame aneurysm.  I think Nene is the first ever to survive!  Congrats, Nene.  You have achieved real fame and become a nicer person for it.  It’s a rare accomplishment and I salute you.  Now, don’t go and prove me wrong with some “I’m rich, bitch” tirade.

Nene asks Phaedra about her lunch with Kenya.  Seems someone at her salon saw them together.  That is quite the grapevine those Georgia peaches have.  Phaedra says she thought she was really funny.  Cynthia tells a less hilarious version of the Kenya story.  Then she asks what Kenya had to say about her.  Phaedra leaves it as Kenya had some mixed feelings about what happened.  Cynthia is going to keep Kenya in the “no” column for disrespecting her & her business but will allow her to attend the successful women party.  It’s time for the ladies to act like… ladies.  Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.

Wings & Bling

I’m just saying that after all this chili and wings, you might want to sleep in another room.

Kroy takes Kim to a birthday dinner of all her favorite things on the deck of a boat.  That’s a pretty cute idea.  As she downs her meal of wings, egg rolls and chili, Kroy brings up the living situation.  He says whatever they find that works, is what they’re doing.  She knows she has to sacrifice “some stuff” but isn’t going to just settle.  He thinks going back to the townhouse is the best idea for now.  She’s stressed and upset by that idea… and just wants to see her present already.  How does he deal with her?  The present she just demanded from Kroy is the bracelet she wore down the aisle that was her “something borrowed”. That’s actually really sweet and she admits that she’s lucky to have him.  Yeah you are.  And we’re about to exit on that note when Kim says it’s time to leave so she can end her birthday with a “bang”.  Keeping it classy as always… Oh sorry, klassy.

Poor Walter

Walter realizes what it’s going to be like having Kenya in the same city as him every day.

We finally get to meet Kenya’s boyfriend, Walter.  She tells him over lunch that she was hiking and saw a black snake along the path, which her aunt says symbolizes “change”.  I think it symbolizes the need to stay indoors.  But hey, we all glean what we want from the “signs” we’re given.  This also leads her into a conversation about being 40+, unwed and childless.  And now that she’s in Atlanta, closer to Walter, it’s time to take the relationship to the next level.  Yes, a change is gonna come.  She also tells him that she recently went to the doctor to see what her fertility status is looking like.  Turns out the doctor said her eggs are as old as she is.  And you paid someone for that information?  So, Walter dear, the pressure is on.  And judging from the triple shot he just did, it seems like he’s feeling it.

Kenya asks Walter if he has anything he wants to share with her.  In the spirit of full disclosure, he admits that he asked Kandi out once upon a time.  He also admits that she shot him down.  Kenya’s not thrilled about that because now Kandi has something on her.  Oh please, lady.  Check your ego.  She get even more upset because Kandi has a big booty and Walter likes big booties.  So, she’s gonna get her food to go because she’s lost her appetite.  Walter doesn’t get the drama and tells her to “pump the brakes”. I’m thinking she might want to listen to that advice.  I mean is she really having a tantrum over this?  She’s just mad that someone in her circle might not be jealous of something she has.  So ridiculous and childish.  AKA – So Kenya.

Down Fido… Six Feet or So

You want to do what with my dog?

Phaedra stops by to visit Kandi & her boyfriend Todd in their new home.  She did not realize there would be a dog attending this visit as well.  Seems Phaedra only likes dogs that have already passed on.  You know, so she can plan their funerals.  Live dogs… not so much.  They’re just one sideways glance from making her a chew toy.  Phaedra did, however, get the memo on the neighborhood being fabulous.  She should pass it along to Sweetie & Kim.

Phaedra mentions that she worked out with Nene & Cynthia.  Kandi needs to hear about this since she was pretty sure Nene didn’t have any time for the likes of Phaedra.  When she goes on to let Kandi know that she was actually sent to invite Kim & her to a party for powerful women, Kandi about falls over.  Phaedra thinks the attitude improvement is real.  Kandi is less convinced but agrees to go to the party.  I mean she is a woman in power…

Thank You For Coming… 

This is how I address the little people.

Time for the Successful Women party where they are serving a “success martini”. That’s the best name you could come up with?  At least do the abbreviation thing… You know, successtini or… no, that works well enough.  Phaedra is impressed with some of the ladies there.  The highbrow ladies.  Not the pedestrian ladies.  Guess a few “less than successful” woman snuck in when no one was looking.  Wonder if they’re allowed to sip from the successtini fountain?

Kim, shocked at the invitation, showed up because she’s not an asshole.  That one’s too easy.  Let’s just move along to Kenya’s arrival.  She announces to us that people are hearing she’s in town and the invitations are just pouring in.  Are you sure?  I’m thinking that you are actually at that party because Phaedra asked that you be invited and Cynthia didn’t feel like arguing about it.  That does not put you on VIP status.

We’re two hours in and Kim is over the event that she didn’t want to come to in the first place.  Nene is having issues with her dress so she hasn’t made it down to the party yet, which Kim think is rude.  Sweetie says Nene is rude in general as they make their way out.  Why did you even bother to show up?  Sweet fancy Moses, Kim has done nothing but bitch and moan for two weeks now.  Seriously, I ask again, wasn’t she supposed to not be on that much this season?  Can we get to that now?  Ugh, she’s awful.

Kim almost makes it out the door undetected when she runs into Nene in the hall.  Nene asks that she stay 5 more minutes.  Kim says Nene is two hours late, making her 40 minutes late for Kroy, so she’s out.  Nene thinks she convinces Kim to stay 5 more minutes, but really Kim just used having to use the bathroom to keep walking out the door.  I mean Nene can’t really expect Kim to kowtow to her at this point, but I don’t know why you bother coming if you don’t like the hosts and you don’t have the time.  I guess we can just look at it as an olive branch that both sides reluctantly accept even though they don’t really want to.  It is better than listening to them scream at each other.

Back at the party, Cynthia gathers the ladies around the pool and thanks everyone for coming to the event.  She tells everyone how much she admires Nene while Kenya makes fun of her to Phaedra & Kandi.  Again, why come to a party hosted by someone you don’t like just to disrespect them?  Am I the only one that prefers to stay home and miss out on a free cocktail than suffer through being fake for a few hours?  I mean the wine tastes just as good at home… usually better since they rarely serve the good stuff.

Oh my… Looks like Kenya has watched Bridesmaids one too many times.  She can’t let Cynthia have all the attention so she grabs her own mic and makes a speech to the crowd.  She knows it’s Cynthia’s event, but she wants to make sure everyone is properly inspired by the notion of successful women.  I’m actually surprised that she doesn’t start singing “I believe the children are our future…”  After her “look at me” moment, she pulls Nene aside to ensure that her rocky start with Cynthia doesn’t affect their potential for friendship.  We don’t know what Nene thinks about that because Cynthia rolls up and decides to answer for her.  As the two of them bicker, Nene keeps quiet.  When the two bickersons come up for air, Nene says that she’s her own woman and will make her own decisions.  You’d think that might stop the drama, but no.  Cynthia asks Kenya when she won her crown.  Kenya thinks that’s like asking her age and the beauty queens are off again.

Nene’s had enough and addresses the crowd on her own.  She says women need to lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. Hint hint…  Well, that is now that she’s turned a new page.  Keep turning, girl.  Keep turning.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Well, looks like we’ll have to wait another week to meet Porsha.  And from the looks of it, she is as big of a fan of Kenya’s as I am.

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