Real Housewives of Miami – Season 2 Episode 8: Bras and Brawls pt. 2

One Sentence Summary:  Boobs are aplenty at Lisa’s party, and there’s even a nip slip or ten.

Our Thoughts: 

THIS IS A CLASSY EVENT!! That’s why I called it a lingerie party and not an undies party!

Rachel:  Oh joy, a special Sunday episode of RHOM.  Does Bravo think they have left such a giant hole in our hearts with the NJ ladies gone, that we’ll be happy to watch the Miami ladies on two nights?  Or are they trying to convert the NJ crowd over to Miami?  Either way, I’m not thrilled to have to watch these women twice in one week.  I can barely stomach once a week, especially when it’s an entire hour spent bitching about Karent.  I mean I’m no great fan of hers, but I’m pretty sure her behavior doesn’t warrant this level of obsession.  Then again, we should consider the source.  All I know is that we were supposed to see the slap heard round the Housewives world last week, but as usual, we were played.  Kinda like the Joe c-bomb phone call in Napa.  Your trickery is getting old Bravo.  So, there had better be a slap and it had better be hard.  Then I hope they have Real World rules and kick Adriana off the show.  That would make me happy.  And she can take Lea with her.  And Alexia.

Melissa:  It’s not like the start to the party was that outrageous that I didn’t think I would survive the whole week until I could see what all happens.  Honestly, I thought my DVR was mocking me when I saw this in the to-be-recorded queue.  Surely it’s a joke, I thought.  But no, Bravo feels the need to kick me while I’m down.  I’m almost praying Sandy hits earlier and I lose power before I have to deal with this nonsense.

Confession

Yeah, I hit that.  AND if I drink enough I’m going to give him another go if I can.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Marta admits to sleeping with Joe… Shocking!  I don’t understand why Joanna is going to get all crazy over her sister’s poor decisions.  Wow, then to call her a whore-bag.  That’s just not cool Joanna. I’m sure there a few suspect romantic decisions in YOUR past.  Joanna tells Marta that maybe if Joe looked like George Clooney she wouldn’t have an issue being associated with him in the biblical sense.  Yeah, for the record here, I’m going to throw out a who cares.  It’s out there.  Maybe Joanna you shouldn’t go running around screaming at everyone, but quietly say he’s a complete liar and look like you’re above his lies.  Your ranting is a little methinks the lady doth protest too much.  Follow me, sweetie?  Joanna, no one is going to have your back when you act like a loon.  Lea, always one to get into the business, tells the ladies she’s sorry that Karent calling out Joe happened in front of Romain.  It seems Joanna doesn’t care and is so easily distracted that she has doubled back to ranting about Marysol’s fur (or feather as it looks to me) jacket.  Maybe you just need to put the cocktail down and quietly excuse yourself before you cause yourself further embarrassment.

Rachel:  Ew, there are very few people in this world that I’d less rather sleep with than Joe Francis.   I find him to be repulsive.  He’s not doing much to improve that image tonight.  And why can Joanna not just drop it and move on?  You made your point.  Let it go.  I feel badly for Romain.  I wonder if he ever gets to have a good time.  OMG, is she really coming unhinged about Marysol’s feather (not fur btw) coat again?  STFU!  Someone push her in the pool.  And take Karent with her.  Actually just take them all with her.  Seriously, would someone please point out to Joanna that leather is actually an animal product?  You know like that clutch that she’s hysterically waving around.  That’s a poor defenseless cow you’re manhandling.  So, I guess you’ll be hanging with Marysol in Hell.  Just please don’t sit at my table.

Carrier Pigeon

Just keep these crazy bitches away from me.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Here we go with Karent looking for attention.  She’s telling her bestie Beau that she’s sick of people getting into the middle when she’s just trying to defend her friends.  She doesn’t deserve anything that’s coming at her from the other ladies.  Lisa in her confessional tells us Beau has a big personality, so you either love him or hate him.  Seems Lea snubbed him at a party so he’s got a bit of a chip on his shoulder, and if Lea didn’t have her husband she’d be “dead” already.  Lovely.  Joanna is still on her vodka-induced rant about the fur and thinks Marysol needs confronting.  Um, don’t get me started on the whole fur rant you’ve got going on right now.  Pipe down and stop being a ginormic hypocrite.  Yes, you made me create a new word for your insanity!

Adriana’s Arrival

If I smile enough no one will notice me with my fingers up my ass.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Lisa still isn’t happy scenes are being made so early in the party.  Maybe don’t invite the cray-crays then, my dear.  I’m still missing the connection with lingerie and breast cancer, but if that’s what makes you happy and the money goes to a good cause then so be it.  Meanwhile Adriana strolls in with a visible censor blur over her boob but she’s decided to not be slutty.  Yeah, missing the mark by a mile there, sweetie.  HA, I do love that Marysol and Adriana go full-on talking about Joanna in Spanish.  Man, do I really also need to side with Adriana that it’s a free country and people can wear whatever they want and Joanna can’t be a dictator?  Sweet Mary I CANNOT stand when people are all high and mighty about fur.  Don’t make me start stalking you to catch you horking down a lamb chop when you think no one is looking!!  I love that Romain is trying to be the voice of reason telling Joanna to tone it down.  Of course Joe Francis is ready to spill to Adriana what went down, you know, since we need to rehash everything every 15 minutes.  Marysol is hoping Karent never comes around here ever again and Adriana thinks Karent is acting like the devil.  How is her behavior a reflection of you Adriana?  Are you related to her?

Rachel:  Nothing says classy like your nipples hanging out Adriana.  Talk about making an entrance.  Oh these girls are all so catty.  Poor Romain.  He needs to run for the hills.  Fast.  Don’t look back.  And by hills, I mean about an hour north.    I may not look like Joanna… or have the body… but hey, I don’t lose my shit at every party!  That’s got to count for something, right?  And now, I have to ask Adriana to also let the Karent shit go.  Everyone needs to handle their own shit and not worry about what everyone else is doing.  Oh, and take a page from the New York ladies and do it at a lovely restaurant over champagne and flatbread pizzas.  They really do love a flatbread pizza.

Time to Rehash… AGAIN

No one out divas me!

Melissa’s What Happened:  Now that Ana arrives we get to hear the story YET AGAIN!!  I’m glad to see Ana has dressed appropriately, I’m loving the jump-suit.  Wait, now this Beau is getting all up in Lea’s face too because he saw her at a party and she ignored him?  Sheesh, need to tone it down here kids.  Quick to her rescue, James is there demanding Lea be treated with respect.  I swear, I would have paid money to hear a “Baby in the corner” reference!  Oh, I do loves me two gay men fighting.  Windmill snaps and rolling eyes!  We’re good until the drinks fly as only a proper diva can muster.  Then we have a full on push into the pool from James.  Nice try, Lisa, with the “no fighting in my house”.  Just kick their asses out and be done with it.  I would full on slap a bitch.  Meanwhile, the water splashed onto the DJ booth and knocked out the music… Lisa is UN-thrilled and  the blame is all being placed on James for pushing Beau into the water.  Well, I don’t often agree with Lisa, but I do have to side with Slim on this one.  I’d be tossing both parties out the front door.  WOW, I’m thrilled with Lisa’s taking it to James.  I kinda like that backbone there, chica!  You just scored some major points with me.  Also color me wow that Lea feels bad about her part in the brawl by bringing James.

Rachel:  Ah Lawd, now this dude Beau is going to start with Lea because she didn’t remember him.  These people are a big bunch of bananas.  Overripe bananas.  Did someone drop some crazy sauce in the party punch?  Now we’ve got a bitch fight between two guys.  One ends up in the pool.  Lisa’s screaming with her nipples popping out everywhere.  Quelle mess!  Lisa should have just kicked them out.  And as much as it kills me, I will have to give Lea credit for accepting the blame for bringing the fools that are partially responsible for ruining her party and for giving Lisa props for sticking up for herself.   Finally, an adult.

Wait For It… 

I’ll just wave my feather jacket like a matador to keep Joanna in a frenzy.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Ana asks Marta about living at Lisa’s and how Joanna must be dealing with it all.  Marta asks Karent where Jo is and Karent dumbly thinks she’s talking about Joe Francis.  Finally, Lenny makes an appearance and you can almost sense his fighting the eye roll with Lisa.  I’m thinking old Lenny boy was against such silliness from the start.  So while Lisa gives James yet another talking to (not that he doesn’t deserve it), Adriana tells Karent she wants to finish their conversation from the other night.  While Karent tries to wriggle out of it, Adriana goes into overdrive and even pulls out the interview where Karent called the Botox Brains.  Where on earth were you hiding that?

Uncle Druncle – aka Joanna – decides she needs to butt in and tell Adriana that she can’t trust journalists and that she doesn’t care for her friend Karent being bullied.  Um, that’s not bullying dear.  That’s an argument.  Plain and simple.  Thankfully, Romain tries to step in to diffuse the situation before Joanna goes on her anti-fur / anti-Joe / anti-anything she doesn’t agree with tirade.  As Adriana excuses herself from the squawking in her ear, Joanna gets all in a twist and tries to go after her.  Fearing black eyes of their own, Romain, Marta & Karent give up and let Joanna loose.  Romain has had enough and leaves.  I have to ask… who outside of a frat party behaves this way at a party??

Rachel:  Seriously Adriana, did you not just hear Lisa say there is no more fighting in her house?  And did you really bring the article with you?  Oh and it’s “butt out” not “butt off”.  And here we go… Joanna is a lunatic.  A complete lunatic.  She is so disrespectful to her sister and to her boyfriend and now to her hosts.  Considering that she just manhandled her sister, I’m a little less sympathetic to the fact that she’s about to get bitch slapped.  And too bad Romain already left your ass.

Elsa’s Musings 

I’ll just have my own pajama party.

Melissa’s What Happened:  I love the flash to Elsa all alone in her house talking to herself.  I’m thinking that’s the most sanity we’re going to see from the Miami ladies this evening.

Rachel:  As for Elsa… {{{ insert raised eyebrows }}}

Throw Down in the Hall

Straight up cray cray happening here.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Oh and there it is… the slap!!  I’m thinking I might have been pushed to a slap as well after all that pointing and in your face business from Joanna.  Man, these bitches are crazy!  Where the hell did the guy with the broom come from?  No good can come of that, I’m going to say.  Both those nut jobs would be out be out on their asses if that were my house.

I agree with Marta, Joanna you are being crazy.  No Joanna, Romain didn’t leave you… He was smart and got the hell out of there before things went completely ass over end nuts.  Thankfully, Lisa remembers why everyone is there and quickly makes nice-nice with Lea when she gets the chance.  The ladies try to debrief and diffuse the situation while Daysy tries to diffuse Marta’s drunken rant as well.  I also appreciate Lea telling Adriana to let it go and take the high road.  We all know none of these ladies are capable of that.  Ready to help ease the ladies tension, Joe is there with hugs and kisses as Adriana shows him the scratches on her arm from Joanna.  I’m just saying, you might want to scrub that a bit with ammonia and bleach after his kiss, Adriana.

Rachel:  Damn, that slap was no joke.  So Adriana is saying that Joanna grabbed her first and that’s why she hit her.  Hmmm…  All I know is that they were both on a psychotic tear.  And now Marta’s crying?  For what?  Yeah, I officially can’t stand Joanna.  Poor Marta needs to break free of her sister’s rule.  Seriously, she treats her like her slave, not that Marta hasn’t allowed it.

But hey, there is a love story tonight!  Lea & Lisa are now friends.  And good luck, Ana, trying to reason with Joanna.  She’s irrational.  Completely irrational.  And now having to make up with her boyfriend yet again.  Man, he is the most patient dude ever.  And now Lea is trying to rationalize with Adriana and telling her to take the high road.  Yeah, it’s too late for that.  But nice effort.  Wait, does Adriana realize that she actually hauled off and bitch slapped Joanna?  I mean maybe take down the hysteria about being scratched.

And Then There Was Joe

That’s right. I started all this mess and there’s not a scratch on me.

Melissa’s What Happened:  Lea decides a double donation is necessary because of Joe’s behavior.  Yes, and Marta comes back to get a little leftover Joe action.  Doesn’t anyone feel the need to step in there and help get Marta away from Joe?  Ew.  Lisa thinks nothing like that would ever happen at a Black Gala.  Once again girlfriend is talking the truth, mostly because people aren’t half-naked and full drunk at the Gala.  Nor are they poolside, but instead safely away from all bodies of water, so no one gets shoved in.

Rachel:  Oh Marta, no.  No no no.  Please don’t go there.  Please.  You will so not respect yourself in the morning.  Or any morning quite frankly.

Bottom Line:

Rachel:  Well, well, well, the bitches brought the drama.  How about that?  And I’m walking away from this episode with a new found respect for Lea & Lisa.  That’s unexpected.  I say give it a week.

Melissa:  I’m with my bitch on this one.  Who would have thought we’d toss a little respect Lea’s way let alone Lisa’s.

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8 responses to “Real Housewives of Miami – Season 2 Episode 8: Bras and Brawls pt. 2

  1. Ugh, these women. I find myself reading magazines and cleaning when I have my DVR playing this show. Side note- I’m pretty sure Bravo’s little Sunday treat bullcrap made my DVR have too many shows recording so it didn’t record The Walking Dead, which was kind of embarrassing, as my cousin and his girlfriend come over every week to watch it and I didn’t have it. Sigh. Thanks, Bravo. Other than that, Joanna should have been slapped harder, she’s absolutely stupid. And I really wish I could get pics of Elsa and Marysol when they were kids so I could see what they looked like before they made best friends with Michael and Janet Jackson’s plastic surgeon.

  2. Adrianna De Mauro is a skanky 3rd world country sleeze bag! Joanna Krupa is a whiney wine-o…
    But Adrianna is by far a manipulative cunt
    Lea.. Nasty fire starter. Gently light the match and throws it into the fire pit and calmly walks away!
    Karent… She has issues, period.
    Lisa – cool chick
    Marta – get a fricking job!
    Chick with kid in car accident…. MEAN nasty drama queen!
    Lawyer chick… Id respect u more if u werent such an instigater!

    • I think Joanna, Marta and Adrianna need to take an acting class. I find Miami to be such a big snoozefest even with all the “fights”.

      • well, let’s be honest… it’s helping us all with our chronic insomnia. I’m still trying to figure why Bravo brought them back.

    • it’s sad that Lisa is starting to grow on me because the rest are so cray cray I can’t stand it!!

  3. I will gladly take romain off of any woman’s hands. He is so appealing.

    • of course this is when I’m finished with him right? 😉 He is so easy on the eyes… thankfully Bravo gets they need eye candy to help these ladies.

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