One Sentence Summary: The girls pack up all their drama & head to Miami for Art Basel.
Rachel: Tonight the girls head to sunny Miami and I’m suddenly thankful that I was out of town during last year’s Art Basel. I can only imagine running into these twits (and a camera crew) at some art gallery. Although I think I might have to make it this year knowing what I know and assuming they’re coming back. That could be a lot of fun. Hmmm… food for thought. Wait no, wine for thought. Yes, that’s better.
Tonight we start with Liz meeting up with mom for some sushi and cocktails. This girl drinks a lot for someone that’s sober. I’m not saying she can’t handle it or is out of control. I’m saying that you can’t be preaching all over town while you
wave a martini glass around. That is all. Anyway, she tells her mom that she’s going to Art Basel in Miami and knows her dad is going to treat her being there like it’s an inconvenience. Mom says that’s just how successful men are. Say what? Don’t excuse his behavior that way. You can’t expect your dad to pay any attention to you because he has money to make? Uh, no. Thankfully, Liz rejects that notion and calls her mom out. And yet, mom continues to make excuses for dad. I get that she might feel badly for choosing to have a child with this terrible person, but pretending that his behavior isn’t impacting your kid isn’t going to make the situation better.
Oh goody, time for Sharon to confront Amy about her delegating her duties to Kerri. Amy says that her time working for Sharon has been nothing but a positive experience. Great. Well, then Sharon would like to know why is Kerri getting handed her work? Amy pretends she has no memory of what she told Kerri to do. Come on, no one’s buying that BS. Sharon tells her there’s no hierarchy in her office and she’s disappointed in Amy’s behavior. Now, Amy goes to excuse number 2: It was just a joke. But Sharon isn’t having it. It’s not funny. It’s unprofessional and unprofessional doesn’t fly. So, bye bye Amy. This is confusing to Amy. How can you get fired from a free internship? Uh, I think the way it just happened. Free doesn’t mean you get to act a fool. Well, this is only happening because Sharon didn’t take the time to get to know Amy. Perhaps if you showed up on time to work or to meetings, she might have had the time. Just a thought…
Eli Klein is having a pre-Basel party at his apartment which Liz thinks is just to show off his art. Well, it is what he does. And Art Basel is about.. art. So yeah, that makes sense. I just hope no one leans against the secret wall and exposes his torture dungeon. Angela attends the party because as an “emerging artist” she needs to socialize. And by socialize she means ask people about her work because she loves to hear good things about herself. Then I would suggest she stay away from most of the blogs out there where she’s just an emerging asshole. Enter the End of Century girls who walk right past Liz & Maggie without so much as a hello. Liz says it’s rude and it is. It’s rude, especially since they both work for the man whose apartment you’re in. But Liz gets her jab in by inviting Angela to a breakfast at her father’s warehouse in Miami. She makes sure to do it in front of Chantal & Claudia who get no invite. No hello, no breakfast. Liz tells us she thinks there is a connection with Angela since they both like photography. Honey, do you think we don’t know you’re playing her against the Brooklyn-ites? Please. We are smarter than that. Claudia & Chantal are too. But if you were trying to get to them, it worked. So, um congrats? You win at tonight’s reindeer games!
Wow, thanks for sharing Amy in a bra. That’s totally what this night needed. Anyway, she’s getting her tatas in gear to meet Jane Holzer who is taking her to see a new artist. Amy invites Angela and Claudia along because she has a business idea for them. The three of them in business together is more Three Stooges than Three Musketeers, but let’s hear this big plan. And what an interesting turn of events being that Jane is one of Liz’s connections, but I don’t seem to see Liz anywhere. The conversation turns to Eli whom Jane defends. Angela says she could never imagine dating him. That’s great. Jane cares I’m sure. Amy lets us in on the secret that she went out on a date with Eli and made out with him. Ick.
Amy asks where the girls are staying in Miami. They say on Brickell but they don’t have a car. Uh, how do you plan on getting around then? Oh, Amy is going to drive you around. Got it. Amy is happy to do it and she’s also happy to help them do a pop-up art gallery…. which I hate to say is a good idea. Angela says she’ll bring her photography down for it. What a giver that Angela is. Claudia likes the idea of a pop-up but not so much the idea of a pop-up with Amy. Well darling, then I guess you should have had the idea first.
They arrive at the Brant Foundation in Connecticut which is a foundation set up to promote actual emerging artists. Amy thinks that looking at all this art has helped her bond with Claudia & Angela. Well, they might not have bonded, but Claudia has warmed a bit and agrees to let Amy do their pop-up. She thinks her enthusiasm is enough to warrant giving her a chance. I wonder how quickly she’s going to regret that decision.
And speaking of regretful decisions, she heads back to meet up with her business
partner, Chantal, who is looking up Michelin Star restaurants in Miami. Question: If you can’t pay your electric bills, how can you afford Michelin Star caliber dinners? Claudia presents the idea of a pop-up gallery but Chantal isn’t into it. She doesn’t want them to just bring beachy things to sell. Who said anything about bringing beachy things? And exactly what in your store would qualify anyway? Seems Chantal is more interested in belittling her friend than helping figure out a way to make the pop-up work. She thinks it’s too hard. She says that she and Laura were really the ones that set up the store, so clearly she knows more about what it takes than Claudia. Seriously, she is possibly the most condescending person I have ever seen. I give Claudia credit for taking the high road and just moving forward with her plans. Chantal wants no part of it. You want no part of something that might make you money? That’s confusing to me… and to Claudia who would like some explanation as to why she’s against the idea. Chantal responds by crying and hunching over her computer. Seems she thinks that this is Claudia not working as a team and needing to have more focus. She also thinks Claudia needs to get off the Adderall. Jaw drop over here. Holy nasty bitch moment! And just so I’m clear, if Claudia can’t focus wouldn’t you want her ON the Adderall?
Kerri heads to Long Island to spend some time with her family. It helps her feel less overwhelmed. She tells them she is producing an event at Art Basel with her boss Tony and Sharon will be there too. She just wants to do a good job for everybody. So that happened….
Come on, that wasn’t enough Kerri time before you sprung Chantal and her bitchiness back on me. She is upset that no one will be with her to carry her suitcase and that Claudia is trying to ruin her good time with making money. What a twit. Cue montage of everyone packing.
And New York descends on Miami… First up, the Brooklyn girls. They head to the beach with Angela dressed like a Real Housewife of Transylvania. Chantal is loving it and never wants to leave. No, you need to leave. I refuse to share a state with you. She’s also still bitching about having to work. Forgive me the logic here, but you own an art gallery that is struggling to make ends meet and you’re in Miami for an art convention. Wouldn’t this be the most opportune time to actually do some work? Call me crazy. Angela says it’s already out that they’re doing it so it would look really bad to cancel it. Logic from Angela. Who knew.
Sharon takes Kerri around the art exhibit in Miami and tells her that she let Amy go. She seems to be concerned that Amy might behave badly toward Kerri and recommends she just stay out of the situation. Pretty sure Kerri is more than happy to stay out of Amy’s trajectory. I’m also pretty sure Amy is too passive to cause a scene.
And back to the annoying chicks. Angela & Claudia are getting ready and discussing what Angela calls LAM-Ds, aka Look At Me Devices. Angela’s LAM-D is usually a hat. This apparently will help cover the fact that they only have a few outfits with them. Well, you learn something new every day.
Amy & Liz end up at the same party and Liz has decided to be nice to Amy because she’s not totally evil. How generous of you. Kerri shows up and Amy goes out of her way to be overly nice to her. See. Kerri’s confused by that but just goes with it. So the theme of the evening is just go with Amy. Then there’s Chantal who is also being generous by agreeing to do the pop-up gallery with the understanding that when it all goes badly, she will blame it on Claudia. They run into Eli who asks them about their pop-up. They make sure to bring up Amy as some juvenile attempt at drama… or gossip… or lord knows what. He’s smart enough to bail on the conversation.
First Amy’s breasts and now Liz getting her chooch waxed… and we have 20 minutes left of this show. Killing me here.
Amy invites Angela, Claudia & Chantal over to her parents’ house for breakfast. Chantal asks for soy milk because everyone knows hipsters don’t drink real dairy. She’s such a cliche and the fact that she thinks she’s the anti-cliche is what makes it even more hilarious. So as Claudia struggles to light a cigar (seriously?) & Chantal drinks her non-soy coffee, Amy tells them that she has found two possible locations for them in Wynwood, the Arts District, for their pop-up. Suddenly, Chantal is warming up to idea because she realizes Amy is doing all the work. But first she needs “real coffee” because whatever shit Amy is serving her tastes like Folgers. Every time I think my disdain for this idiot can’t grow, she opens her pie hole, and voila, the disdain deepens. And by the way, who wears tights in Miami?
Liz & Maggie show up at the convention to work for Eli, which means more sitting around looking bored. That’s some job they have. Eli tells Liz that her dad was there earlier with friends and was clearly proud of Liz. He was telling his friends and Eli overheard it. This was a touching moment for him (a sign of humanity from our Eli) but less so for Liz who would like to hear it said to her instead of to his friends. She’s pretty done with the tough silent love.
Amy takes the girls to Rosario Bond’s studio as a possible location for the pop-up. It’s quite a, um, space. I’m thinking the girls are going to like Cafeina much better. And they do. However, the outside space requires them to bring their own lighting and easels. These things cost money and money is not something they have. And with that, Chantal is back to hating on Claudia for coming up with an idea that clearly wasn’t going to work out. I really want to throttle her.
The next morning is Liz’s breakfast at her father’s warehouse. It’s massive and
holds quite the installations. Liz sees her dad and would like to have dinner with him before Bobby leaves. Maybe. We’ll see. They’ll talk again. Way to be noncommittal, dad. Meanwhile, the breakfast begins and Maggie is there with her boyfriend. She tells him (and us) that her dad was responsible for creating the chemical reaction that creates neon light. For real? Now, that’s impressive right there. Less impressive is Angela bringing Chantal & Claudia to an event to which they were clearly not invited. Tsk tsk Angela, your tacky is showing. Well, and it doesn’t help that you’re wearing a do-rag and Claudia is wearing a beach hat. Are you trying to do an imitation of the Golden Girls? Angela says that Liz, Claudia & Chantal all have too much pride to say hello to each other. Here’s the problem with that statement. Claudia & Chantal walked into a party where they knew they weren’t welcome and then blew off one of the hosts. That’s just not cool. In fact, it’s incredibly lame. When they do come over with their disingenuous hellos, they’re shocked that Liz isn’t jumping for joy at the gesture. You know what girls, just leave. To walk in with attitudes and then stand there insulting the gallery owner’s daughter just makes you look petty and foolish… not that that’s a new look on you.
Oh it looks like we have to wait another week for the pop-up fall-out.
Bottom Line: Chantal is insufferable. I want to squash her like a grape. I’ll be interested to see how it all goes down next week… and how Amy will find her way in Manhattan with no job and no free apartment.