Gallery Girls Season 1, Episode 5 – I’m Set Free

One Sentence Summary:  The time has come for Angela to emerge as the next “it” girl… in her own mind.

I’m so bored that even my boredom is boring me.

My Thoughts:

Rachel:   Oh yippee!  It’s Angela’s photo exhibit tonight!  I sure hope she becomes the new “it” girl because she, like, totally deserves it… Not.  This girl needs a swift kick in her reality.  It’s rare to see someone gulp down their own Kool-Aid with such gusto the way Angela does.  One of our readers thinks that in a few years, our Miss Angels will be back in the OC driving a mini-van full of kids.  Just the thought makes me laugh.  I just hope that when it does happen, someone is there to record it.

And we start tonight with Angela who is feeling guilty about being so mean to Alex after the original venue fell through.  I think it’s more fear that he’s not going to be your bitch anymore than guilt, but let’s go with it.  And with that, the phone rings… er, I mean the iPhone rings and Alex has good news.   He got a venue to agree to host her event.  More like he found a venue that wouldn’t mind getting their name on Bravo.  Can’t say as I blame them.  And all is well with Angela & Alex again.  She says that she is no longer mad at him as he has redeemed himself.  So much for that guilt.  But the show is Saturday so she has to cram so her reputation isn’t ruined.  Honey, you don’t even have a reputation yet.

Still no art has sold at End of Century (btw, it drives me crazy that it’s not End of The Century… ) so Chantal is sending Claudia to meet an artist by the name of Sucklord.  Yes, Sucklord.  And if you watched last season’s Next Great Artist on Bravo, you are familiar with this guy.  And if you’re like me, you’re not all that interested in becoming any more familiar than you already are.  Poor Claudia is about to find out why.  Claudia arrives at his studio and is immediately struck by the douchebaggery that is Sucklord.  She thinks their customer might not want action figures or $25 rolls of toilet paper.  He thinks she needs sales and his stuff sells.  He’s willing to create a more “feminine” item for their store and do a one-

I’m just saying… My shit sells and your shit doesn’t. You do the math.

night show.  As Claudia is trying to wriggle out of working with him, Chantal shows up.  She wonders if he would do Barbies.  No.  My Little Pony?  Only if it’s an evil pony.  Or he can make Wall St guys into Decepticons (I don’t hate that idea) and an Occupy Your Asshole toilet paper… Classy.  Claudia hates him.  Chantal loves him.  He gets a show.  Claudia is going to realize sooner or later that this is Chantal’s gig, and she’s just the conduit to mommy & daddy’s money.

Why do every one of these girls have shattered iPhones?  Have they never heard of phone protectors?  Anyway, Maggie is going to Amy’s party tonight and then home to visit her mom.  She requests green bean casserole and Proseco.  I request that the producers tell me why that scene was necessary.

Amy is having a dinner party tonight with her brother at her apartment.  She has invited Liz because she felt like it was the right thing to do.  Uh, no.  Well, unless you serve only foods with gluten just to piss her off.  Then I say invite away!  Chantal calls and pretends to be too sick to make it.  Why was she invited in the first place?  Oh right, because they’re contractually obligated to each other.  Then Claudia calls 30 seconds later and says she’s too sick to make it.  Smooth.  So, it’s a party of 4 with zero conversation until Kerri & Maggie show up.  They’re not surprised to see how Amy lives, being that Daddy is paying for the apartment.  It is rather massive for a 20-something girl barely making it in Manhattan.  People finally start trickling in including Angela who apparently didn’t get the memo that there was a Brooklyn boycott going on.  But it wouldn’t matter anyhow, she’s got recruiting to do.  Gotta invite the girls with enough money to buy her photos, natch.  Amy is the hostess with the mostess, but is disappointed Liz didn’t come.  Oh sweetie, you didn’t really think she’d show up, did you?

Amy is late for work… again… which puts her boss in an awkward situation with a client.  And she’s not a little late.  She’s embarrassingly late.  When she does show up, she says that it’s hard to get from the Upper East Side to Chelsea in such a short time.  Yeah, that “short time” is because you overslept, not because of some previous appointment that you had.  You might as well have told them your time machine was broken or you would have been there 10 minutes early.  I do love that the client tells Amy that it was nice that she could make it.  Ha.  After the meeting, Sharon makes it clear to Amy that showing up late is not acceptable.  Anyone think that’s going change her behavior?  Yeah, me either.

Aren’t “it girls” supposed to have someone carry their art for them?

Angela is getting her photos retouched so she is ready for her show Saturday.  The theme of her show is solitude and moroseness.  Alrighty then.  Though as much as I can’t stand her, I do like the photo of the woman in St. Germain in Paris.  I have to give her props for that… even though it pains me.

Time for Maggie & Ryan to head to her mom’s house.  Why does it seem like the smallest act of movement or breath is 1,000 times harder on her than on any other human on the planet?  It’s like she is so disinterested in everything that even simple speech is a Herculean task.  At home, Maggie’s mom does the traditional “let me show you Maggie’s baby pictures” with Ryan and says they’re from before Maggie got pretty.  Yeah, that one’s too easy.  Maggie’s mom asks about work and Maggie doesn’t want to talk about it… shocking.  She says she can always move home, which is much more appealing to mom than Maggie.  At dinner, conversation turns to Eli and how Maggie should handle the situation.  There’s a lot of talk around her, but she doesn’t have much to say, of course.  Then suddenly out of nowhere, signs of life… Maggie cracks a joke!  It’s a Pennsylvania miracle!

At End of Century, the bills are outweighing the sales so Claudia begrudgingly agrees to give Sucklord a show.  He brings over his art for the show.  He made his signature action figures and even made a limited edition one with End of Century’s logo on it.  Claudia is worried about her customers not understanding the show.  Um, see here’s the thing, you don’t actually have customers so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.  Maybe worry a little more about the faux protest that the Sucklord is going to be organizing at your little gallery.  While I kinda like the idea, I just have a bad feeling that it’s not going to go well.

Inspired by her trip home, Maggie decides to try once again to escape from the clutches of the Eli Klein gallery and snags herself a few interviews.  She is asked who her favorite artist is right now and she says Banksy.  Now, I love Bansky too, but the fact that I know who he is might mean you should have dug a little deeper on that one…. but I could be totally wrong & that was totally right.  But the response from fingerless gloves over here didn’t sound too positive.  She shows Maggie two pieces in her gallery to test her.  She thinks the first piece is “interesting” and the second piece is apparently a vagina made out of adding machine paper.  Maggie doesn’t see the vagina.  Really?  Maybe spend a few minutes with a hand mirror in your bathroom.  It doesn’t get better when Maggie looks at the current photography exhibit and admits she doesn’t have much experience in that medium.  So, Brenda tells Maggie that perhaps they should both think about it.  Awesome out.  I’ll need to remember that one.

Time for the Occupy Cybertron event.  Claudia still has a stick up her ass about the clientele.  I guess she is uncomfortable with people buying things as their almost already sold out.  And in come the protestors.  They’re loud and the girls

Let me state for the record that I told these girls that The Sucklord sells!

don’t think the building tenants are going to enjoy the performance art as much as … well, I’m not sure who’s enjoying it.  But they make enough cash for Claudia to actually smile for the first time since they started filming the show.  Chantal hopes that this inspires Claudia to step up her game and she tells us this with the camera about 2 inches from her face.  I was not ready for that close-up, Mr. DeMille.

Wow, it’s apparently the big red vagina episode tonight.  First, one made out of adding machine paper and then Chantal’s post-waxing red bumpy vagina that she showed Spencer a picture of.  Hey maybe text that picture to Maggie so can put both visuals together.

Oh goodie, Angela’s show is coming.  Wait, she’s charging $500 for a photo?  Someone out there tell me if that is as outrageous as I think it is for someone that’s never sold a photo ever.   And I gotta tell you, that cluttered wall of uneven photos looks terrible.  So not an “it girl” wall.

I feel like this is the longest episode ever… Well, I mean it’s only taken me 3 days to watch it.  But anyway, Kerri & Amy meet up for coffee and condescension.  Seems Amy has taken it upon herself to pass along some of her assigned tasks to Kerri since she’s the “new intern”.  This frees up more of Amy’s time, which is clearly she needs what with hosting dinner parties and getting her hair done 4 times a week.  Hey Amy, this means you’ll be able to get to work on time now too, right?

Interview number two for Miss Maggie who feels more prepared than she was for the last one.  This is at a gallery that features the finest in contemporary realism.  Yeah, I got nothing.  Does Maggie speak another language?  Not fluently.  Does she have experience in this medium? Not really.  Is she getting this job?  Not so much.

Aw lawd, another montage of Angela getting dressed.  I’m not sure how many times I have to watch her take off her shirt?  But this is a fast run-through and we’re off to her show entitled “Totally Not Depressed.”  Sigh… Just when I thought she couldn’t push the pretension card any further, these words come out

Hold on, I’m finding just the right amount of pretension to explain my vision.

of her mouth:  It’s just teetering on the precipice of neurosis.  Yeah, and you’re just teetering on the precipice of my nerves.  Chantal’s boyfriend seems to be enjoying Angela’s show a little too much for her liking so she takes the high road and insults photography.  It’s her least favorite medium because it’s so easy to manipulate.  Ouch.  Careful Chantal, your fangs are showing.  Eli Klein shows up looking for his next victim… er, I mean artist.  Oh hey, there’s Liz.  I almost forgot she’s on the show.  Eli’s friend likes one of Angela’s photos and considers buying it, which gave an air of legitimacy to the whole event.  So someone thinking about buying a photo is all it takes?  I had no idea.  And now that she’s established herself as a photographer, she can move on to the next thing since this is clearly already headed toward boring.  You know, that is an impressive amount of self-aggrandizing coming out of one person.

Kerri pops into Sharon’s office to get clarity on some of the tasks that Amy handed off to her.  Or as we like to call it over here at TWB, rat her out. Sharon has no idea what she’s talking about as she didn’t hand anything off to Amy and she really isn’t interested in this “noise”.  She doesn’t want to deal with this but she’s going to have to.  I believe that’s called being a boss.

Bottom Line:  Oh great, the girls invade my state next week.  Yeah, I know this was months ago, but still.  However, the clash of the two boroughs is heating up and that makes me giddy.

Sorry again for being so late!  It won’t happen again!  Well, it might but let’s pretend.



4 responses to “Gallery Girls Season 1, Episode 5 – I’m Set Free

  1. Haha! I’ve only been reading your blog for a few weeks, but somehow I knew the shattered cell phones were going to make it on here after I saw that episode. 😉

  2. Funny! What shocked me in this episode was Angela’s comment about wanting to make her parents proud with respect to her photography exhibit. REALLY? Wow. Somewhere between her getting naked for viewers and the Bravo camera crew, and her proclamation of a life (thus far) sans an orgasm, I never would have thought parental approval would be high on her “it girl” list of priorities. It’s hard to believe that Claudia had never heard of Sucklord. Classic Bravo set up. I doubt Chantel came up with that idea. What Amy attempted to do to Kerri was beyond horrible. Amy is not only needy and desperate, but stupid. She really thought she could get away with that? I am looking forward to the confrontation between Sharon and Amy. How can Amy defend herself? Sharon seems to be hanging on a thread regarding Amy. .

    • I think that just goes to prove how clueless Angela is about what would make a parent proud. She’s so concerned with making provocative statements & rebelling against her nerdy teenage years, that she misses the entire point. I’m sure Bravo was all over the Sucklord thing. As for Amy, I too can’t wait for her to get her comeuppance from Sharon. Her spoiled entitled view of the world is so gross.

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