Rachel: OK, I finally figured out that the show is now on Fridays. I’m not sure how the CW thinks that’s a better night for rating, but who am I to say. I mean the CW has made so many great programming decisions in the past… oh yeah. I also did something rare and looked at the actual website to see how the fan voting goes. Well kids, guess what? That’s right, I think they screwed that up too. They had pictures from all eleven weeks of the show already posted… First of all, why would you reveal the entire season’s photos now? How is that any fun? Second, how is it even possible that all the photo shoots are done already? Am I missing something? Can someone else go to the site and help me please? Click here.
Anyway, let’s get back to the models and see if Victoria’s separation anxiety has subsided or if she’s the girl that “wants out.” Back at the house and Leila is so happy she’s crying. She and her new BFF Laura retire to the Tyra Suite. Laura is happy to have access to the shoes but Leila shouldn’t expect any advice from her. Yeah, you realize Leila is the one that got best photo, not you, right? Methinks she’s not all that interested in that advice you’re being stingy with, Scrooge.
But who cares because it’s makeover time! Oh yes, weaves and pixie cuts, tears
and drama – These are a few of my favorite things. Everyone’s already scared about who’s getting the short hair. Hopefully it’s whoever is going to behave the most badly about it. Maria refuses to have her haircut before they even get to the salon. So, first you’re a pain in the ass in panel and now you’re going to be a pain in the ass about makeovers. For a smart Harvard girl, she’s pretty damn stupid.
Off they go to Christophe Salon where they meet Johnny & Kelly. Kelly tells them that they will each get an envelope telling them about their makeover, and this year, they will get to choose whether or not they do it. Oh not so fast, you
don’t get to actually see what’s in the envelope first. Let’s see who’s dumb enough to say no after Kelly tells them that this is what Tyra chose for them. Well, clearly Maria is dumb enough. Who else? Victoria. That one is less than surprising. I’m pretty sure she’s going to end up in tears at some point about the decision. Tyra shows up and sits down with Victoria & Maria. Didn’t think that was coming, did you girls? Victoria uses her Native American & Jewish heritage as her excuse. Tyra ain’t buying it. And this Jew here ain’t buying it either. Tyra says hair is temporary and this is the industry you’re choosing. She questions if you’re really right for it. What say you, Victoria? Sorry, I can’t understand you through the sobs.
Speaking of sobbing, Destiny is upset that she is going to look like a lesbian, which is interesting since she like girls… and boys. Her sexuality doesn’t define her. Well, and neither does your hair, sweetie. Kelly is now asking Maria why she chose not to do the makeover. Her deep Havard-like answer is that she didn’t want to cut her hair. Kelly explains that no agency wants to represent a girl that isn’t flexible. Well, Maria is already represented by an agency. Oh don’t try and one-up Ms. Kelly Cutrone. That never works out well for anyone. Kelly offers her $10k for every national shoot this so-called pissant agency has gotten her. Maria banks exactly $0, but does walk away with an earful of Kelly telling her that she’s committed to defending mediocrity. Ha, amazing. Too bad Maria is so high on her Ivy League status that she smirks at the camera as if to say, “What does this woman know about fashion?” Hint: A lot.
Ah lawd, here comes P’Trique. I can’t handle this shtick for an entire season. Cannot. He has Tyra Mail and which has a lot of words about being exposed. So everyone expects to be naked tomorrow. Everyone also expects Maria to go home this week. See here’s another nit I have with this voting shtick. People have already voted on the photos, but wouldn’t seeing this episode affect their votes? Probably. Look Ty Ty Baby, you either have to leave out the at-home BS or have the elimination be on another night a la Idol and every other viewer-participant reality show.
Back at home Kiara doesn’t like Darian’s loudness and Darian doesn’t like Kiara’s… personality. Aaaand a fight ensues about who is the real bitch. You’re all real bitches, now go to bed. I do love that Victoria is confused by the fight and wonders what the point of it is. Yeah, there is no point, really. All I know is that they can all be real bitches, but that’s nothing compared to being a Winey Bitch. Ya heard?!?!
Time to shoot some photos. They meet up with Johnny and photographer Tommy Duran. Ooh, one more Duran and I’d have been very happy. Turns out they are indeed going to be naked… and that nakedness is going happen with Rob. Ain’t mad at that. As the models get ready, Maria calls Kelly a c-word to Destiny & Alyssa. Wow, this girl is awful. Dare I say a twat? You know if we’re using derogatory words for the womanly flower. Meanwhile, back at the naked
shoot, I love that Rob gets to see all the girls’ boobs. Judging has its privileges. The girls are doing a great job until Darian, who struggled much to Kiara’s enjoyment. Granted, she didn’t exactly light the set on fire, either. But the biggest bomb is Maria, who doesn’t want the haircut, her boobs exposed or to be a model. Great, don’t let the door hit you on your smug ass on the way back to Harvard Yard. On the flip side, the other hold out, Victoria, does her hair curly like Tyra wanted and killed the shoot.
Even though Johnny was positive about Victoria’s shoot, she still has doubts about her place in the competition because she refused the makeover. Cue hysterical call home. The “oh mama” thing is just so weird. The whole thing is weird. Does anyone else wonder if she & her mom share a bed? No, not in a sexual way, you sicko… In a really bizarrely codependent “I can’t be apart from you” way. I’m saying yes.
Finally, panel. Laura is first up and Rob says she looks like a Greek goddess and he looks like a Greek god if he doesn’t mind saying so himself. Darian doesn’t fare as well. Kiara doesn’t do any better with the social media, Rob, or Kelly, but Tyra gives her a 9. Victoria is up next and apologizes for not doing the makeover. Tyra appreciates it and the photo is two snaps in a circle. Tyra’s words, not mine. Brittany gets love too. Tyra doesn’t like Destiny’s hair or photo. You see fear in her shots. Rob tells Kristin that she’s difficult to work with. Hee hee. Leila gets Tyra & Rob love but Kelly wanted more woman. Yvonne doesn’t want to be known for her booty. Why not? It works for J-Lo and Kim K. Nastasia gets ok reviews. Yvonne hits the high note and Tyra loves that she’s inhaling… Mostly because it’s totally the thing Tyra has been doing lately, so you know it’s way cool… and another chance for her to talk about herself.
Top Score: Victoria
Staying: Brittany, Alyssa, Leila, Laura, Nastasia, Kristin, Destiny, Kiara
Bottom Two: Yvonne & Darian. They have tie scores from the judges which means the fan vote decides it. Yvonne slides through by .03 points and Darian goes off to the second-chance competition.
So wait, does this make Darian the real bitch now? Or is that still Kiara?
Bottom Line: I was about to say something about how Kristin was pretty mellow this week and then I saw the preview for next week. Guess the mean girl couldn’t stay locked up too long.
PS – I really am not a fan of the social media voting. I just don’t get how you can vote before seeing the episode.